dandielionous

I like your food pictures.

Day 51 gj

So sorry. I'm just learning how old some of these posts are. Glad to hear you are doing better

I don't know how active this web site is. I can see you have put a real effort into this. I am grateful to find this web site. I am grateful you are here. If I am the only person on this website and only Cam or a few people come and give me a like once in a while that's okay. At least I feel as though I am not going through this all alone. I am holding onto this website with both hands. I am going to work it as hard as I can. I don't believe the world is aware of how destructive Video gaming can be. I think we are in uncharted territory here. So I don't care about the doctor's reports that say it's dopamine related. All the proof of brain activity scans or whatever. That is an odd sort of comfort to me. But what I know is I am in trouble. I was in more trouble. And it helps to not be all alone. I know from my old hippie days of drugs, from drinking days, from days of watching brothers and sisters dying from those addictions, from the paths it took me down and where the games have taken me that there is not much difference. I sincerely believe some type of regulation needs to be done of the gaming industry.

Well the first step is you have to be willing to stop.

Very nice and helpful

Wow! Cool! Thanks for the info! I am checking out the website I wonder what you wrote about....

Thank you for your post Ben W. It helps me to know that someone else is struggling like I am also.

When I turned 30 my sister sent me a sympathy card in the mail! hahahahha The next day I got the birthday card. Happy 30! Huge Birthday! By now you may have your 90 days. I hope so I too had a fantasy of starting a game from focus beta stage. There are better goals in my life. How many years would I have wasted on that! lol

@CD WOOOT!!!! You go! Gratz on 2 weeks!

I have great plans for today! Today I will take a shower! looolololololololol Gees I hate to think how long since I have washed my hair. Yep really was not living in this world... Rats in my house. I have rats in my house. Today I will start sitting traps. I may not have won the game but I gave it a good shot! lol AGE I started back to school when I was thirty. That was 1980. I studied Computer Engineering. I have a different skill set than most people, any age. Granted my skill set is somewhat out dated now. Some of the things. I have kept up and studied quite a bit also. I use Linux as my Operating System. I started a Linux users group that used to meet here in town. (Got to take that notice out of the newspaper) I wonder if the average 7 year old has any more understanding of the dynamics involved in these games than I do. Probably better. It's a different world than what I was raised in. Maybe that gives me a better chance of recovery. I have frame of references that someone who has played all their lives has. I know people who couldn't wait to retire so they could drink as much as they wanted to. Same thing. The interesting thing is I started telling my friends some months back I was having trouble. I was trying to quit then. But they told me playing a game didn't seem that bad. So back I went to the game. I'd say my generation has a insufficient understanding of what these games can do to you. For me gaming isn't just addicting because of the game but also because of the computers. I have sufficient understanding of computers I can make it do a lot of things in the game. The social interaction is the big lure for me. My family is gone. I am a loner. Funny I was a loner in the game too. My family moved 42 times by the time I was fifteen years old. All in the state of Iowa. All small towns. I have always been the outsider. Maybe this is something God/Destiny means for me. A life lesson to help me grow. My mother used to say I never meant a stranger. I am a friendly person. My mother took me around to the chicken coop one time and had me stand and watch the chickens. She said, "Name, people are just like chickens. They have a pecking order. If you throw a new chicken in with the others they will peck on it until it has established it's place in the pecking order. Maybe we just moved too often to ever establish that pecking order. I just kept getting pecked on. I guarantee you though they didn't do it to my face more than once. Which is one of the main things that frustrates me gaming. I didn't have the fancy enough computer, fast enough internet, large enough guild behind me to totally destroy them the way I wanted to. I sure gave it a shot though One thing I know about real life. People wouldn't dare do to me what they did in that game. I would knock the holy living shit right out of them. So this is a benefit of quitting gaming.

I know the feeling Ben. I also know even if I downloaded a new game and spent hours and months and years to develop my character, it would not be any different than the last one. I feel kind of sorry for the people who are left in the game. But then maybe they don't have the problems that I do with it. I seem to have a very addictive personality. Maybe you can handle going back and playing for an hour at a time. I know I can't. From the first hour I got in the morning to the last moment I went to sleep I was involved in the game. Maybe sleep three hours and back to the game. I lived in the game. Yes I miss my friends. I miss the world I lived in. I know I am going through a grieving processes because it is like all my family died. This is something I need to go through though. In order to have a better life.

6 days!

I don't know how many times a day I am supposed to post to this. I will do as I do in my personal journal, write in it when I feel like it. I played Medievia off and on for ten years. I played Ultima Online before that. Well of Souls before that. The last year and a half I have played Ryzom. Currently I have two subbed accounts that I have unsubscribed from. (ha ha ha this dictionary don't recognize the word unsubscribe) I have maybe twenty alts on Ryzom. 6 on subbed accounts. The others are free to play. I grind out my heroes and/or masters as quickly as I can. I almost killed myself on Ryzom. lol The game has far too much grind. I feel as though if I had money I would sue this game. It is made purposefully to be as addictive as possible. Yet because of the grind it can take two years just to where you can take care of yourself. The game as ripped me off from money. Treated me with utter disrespect. (I"m talking Customer Service Reps), suspended my accounts over and over, banned me from the game. A third of the time I payed I was not able to play. Allowed other players to publicly call me names. Most of this I feel was totally unjustified. I never have this kind of problem with people in real life. That's nothing to what the community did to me. For a year and a half I tried every way possible way to fit in. The last six months were on a new character because I felt surely I wasn't such a horrible person. I honestly felt it was more the faction I had chose. I was proven right to a certain extent. By not using the forums, no pvp, digging and crafting all the time, and in general not playing like I wanted to the community thought I was acceptable then. What I have gone over and over in my mind is, "What the hell did I do?" I think some of these older MMORPGs are cruel. The owner, the players, apparently everyone but me knows that! It seems as though people who have played since they were 7, boys, men have an understanding of these games that I don't. I wonder how much of the hostility I experienced was because of my age. I seem to be the only old lady on this site too lol Over and over I said I was quitting. Back I would go and pay to be mistreated. I envision my life ten years from now if Ryzom was still around. What would I have done with anything else in my life? I think even if I would eventually become the most utterly awesome player the world has ever seen... what would I gain? I feel like I've had a meal of eating cardboard. Each time I got really close to being one of the top players the community would do everything they could to drive me out. I have to let it go. I have had my email, paypal, amazon, and more accounts hacked. My computer attacked. *sigh Surely there is a better way to live life. Yet at the same time there is nothing I would like better than to try one more time. I find myself crying today at odd times for no reason. But I am more rested. I am starting to get a sleep pattern back. I took out the trash. Took some things I didn't want over to my neighbors. Time takes time. I am eating.

This would be helpful to me if I could pop out the chat window. I like to look at the forums or other websites or type etc lol. It would be nice to pop out the chat window while I am surfing.

@SuperSaiyanGod Wow, never have fun again in life! You're taking this too far into the future. Take it one minute at a time. I can play games. Just not online MMORPG. And you can have sex. Just not spend twenty-four seven with penis in one hand and mouse in the other. Here's an idea get out and meet a woman and start a relationship! Oooo real life sex Flirtation is a very fun game to play! Also you're making this huge list for yourself every day. God I would quit as soon as I saw that list! Okay! I"m tired now! lol Make a list if you want. It's a good tool! The thing to remember though... Did you make it through the day without gaming online? If you did then you've had a successful day. And that's all you have to do today. Things I am currently doing: Drinking water.EatingSleepingNot playing my game.Not checking the forums or mail on my game.I've had a successful day.

rofl

I looked at this website. Space Engine and looked at the video Stellardrone. I noticed when I googled Space Engine one of the links further down the page said something about "Gameplay" but I had already clicked on the one for Space Engine. I explored the site some and checked out the forums. This is an awesome program. Very pretty. But I think it's a game because of this post in the forums. Gameplay Concept I also looked at the trailer for it. I see how I could lose hours there. I wonder if you are interested in meditation. There is a book by Mary Summer Rain who said she flew in the body of a crow. I wonder if you could explore space through meditation?... Also another idea.. maybe volunteer work at a Planetarium? Oh, oh before checking out the site, I had in my mind to say that it's important for me to check my motivation and how I feel about it. For Example: If someone is quitting drinking and goes into a liquor store to buy a pack of cigarettes... Couldn't they buy that pack just as easy somewhere other than a liquor store? Maybe that's all it was they were just used to buying their cigarettes there. But we have to change our habits.

This is very helpful to me in the book I am working on. Thank you for the link.

Mmmmm Maybe buy yourself a little treat I like candles. But it could be any small item that you like. A stick of incense, flowers for the table, an ice cream cone. Reward yourself! You deserve it! You didn't buy a game!

I am glad I found this website. Okay maybe this is another addiction but maybe it's a healthier one. Thank you Cam for starting this website. I am not alone. I have a journal on my computer. I am also working on a story The Gamer. So I am working out some of my thoughts in that venue. I've been going through the different forums here. I started crying. I feel like such a failure. I wanted to kill everyone in the game! lol Oh well.. I'm sure there is something more constructive I can do with my life than generating hate from a large group of people I will never meet Today is better. I found this site. 5 days so far!

That may not sound like much to some of you. But each day I have to tell myself I will just make it through today without playing Ryzom or checking ingame mail or looking at the forums. I am so angry. I want to go back and tell them the most perfect hateful thing I can to hurt them like they have hurt me. Sometimes I think I am using that for an excuse. "Surely I should be allowed to go back and have the perfect last word!" lol I have to let go of this hate. I picked a class called marauder to play and announced when I first started the game that I wanted to pvp. Every faction and Customer Service rep eventually turned on me. Not because I was doing such horrible things. Mainly I was just grinding. No they turned on me because they don't want anyone to talk in chat, use the forums, use the rp, have any voice at all and you must be a guild slave. Too much distance between the old players and the new ones. And pvp is considered socially unacceptable in a mainly crafting game. I feel so angry that they would misrepresent this game on their website sitting me up for all the pain and misery I have known in the last year and a half. I have seriously considered finding a class action law suit to join to file against them and their poor business practices. But then I look at it. I have to let it go. In real life I have friends. I am not thought to be a bad person. And what have a really accomplished by getting ten more levels today? I can walk away from this game and never see any of my friends or enemies again. They will never come to my house and tell me what a failure I am. I have to let it go. It is not friends that draw me back to the game. It's paying back every unfair, elitest in the game that makes me want to go back. I have to let it go. I would so love to meet some of these people in real life and just slap them really hard. I watched a movie today. I will work on my yard. I want to work on my book. I should take a walk and check my mail. Really should sweep this floor... lol

HI I'm from Rockport, TX. I'm not sure how far Garland is from here. I don't have a car. I'm a 62 year old woman. I played Ryzom, Medievia, Well of Souls, Ultima Online.

My nic here is dandielionous. I am 62 years old. I am from South Texas in a small town down by Corpus Christi. I am quitting gaming for more than one reason. The other members of the game drove me out.I am so filled with hate.I game between 18 to 72 hours at a stretch.I"m not eating right.My house looks like shit as well as my yard.I have distanced myself from most of my friends and all family.I have retired on $344 a month SS so I could sit and play all day.I see no future for myself irl.I see no future for myself ingame.I want to be a writer and do more with my life.I find myself sitting and crying for no reason at all. I am so angry. I haven't played Ryzom for 5 days. I am going to make it through today so I will have six days hopefully.