FDRx7

Thanks! I read your journal every day you post.

Day 51 - Thursday (yesterday) Summary: Okay, I've made the changes I discussed in yesterday's entry. I think they are already helping. Cleaning feels more manageable when my goal is only one thing per day. I still didn't do my journaling last night even after what I wrote, but not because I didn't intend to. I keep falling asleep on the couch while reading! It's not the same as falling asleep in the basement watching YouTube, some I'm grateful for that. However, I really do want to be in bed. Maybe I've just got to sit up more, and when I feel myself getting tired, stand up rather than give into it. Getting ready before sitting down to read was a good move though. I will continue to do that. Gratitude: For feeling more in control of my work and a peace about whatever happens with the job opportunity. For the nice weather we've been having, giving me the chance to walk my dog a little more before it gets too cold. PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 65) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 16) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 74) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Did not complete. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Set your timer to remind you. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Walked the dog Reading: read a novel. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed 9 pomodoros. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Well, I fell asleep again reading... but I did try getting ready for bed before sitting down to read! I think it was a great move and something I'll continue to do. Plan: Begin getting ready for bed before you sit down to read. Be in bed by 11. This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up and polished many of the appliances in the kitchen. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-4 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 5 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: No scoring Description: Had a decent breakfast and a good dinner with some light snacks in between. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Another question for you: when you say you are doing pomodoros, what kinds of activities are you doing? When I set my pomodoros, I only do so during the workday but wondering if I should expand that. Do you set them when you are cooking, etc.?

My greatest weakness 😄 . Nice though, this is very comprehensive!

Day 50 - Wednesday (yesterday) Summary: Today is a little better; the average returned to 4 and the moving average is roughly 4.35. It could simply be a bad week, but I feel I'm slipping or losing some level of momentum. Looking at the scores and charts, the two really dragging down the numbers are bedtime and journaling. They are linked and, in fact, I believe the cornerstone habit is not bedtime. It's journaling. The reason is that when I sit down to journal, I shift from the activities of the evening to preparation for sleep. Without this transition, it makes it difficult to move from one to the other. Thus, I'm convinced I must prioritize journaling in order to adhere to my bedtime routine. Even if the timing is off, it's better that I be in bed and get a complete, restorative slumber rather than periodically waking on a piece of furniture made mostly for sitting. Regarding fatigue, most likely there are two possibilities: 1.) I'm simply tired, especially since I haven't been going to bed on time. This, combined with feeling like I'm missing certain habits, is creating a cycle of mild defeat. I even felt unmotivated to exercise this week and cited feeling "burned out", which isn't like me. 2.) Too many habits are changing at once with too strict of a guideline, making a good score difficult to achieve and decreasing momentum. After writing them, odds are that it is a mix of the two. I will feel more motivated to do - well, everything - if I've been rejuvenated by sufficient sleep. A cycle of defeat can be replaced by a cycle of success. Additionally, it's possible that my prescriptive guidelines for sleep and cleaning up are too rigid. I want to provide myself with the opportunity for behavior change, but also need to allow room to ramp up to gradual success. I will think about how to change these, but right now my mind is gravitating toward: change getting ready for bed from a specific time to a range and make the key to success getting up at the same time every day (as waking up at the right time is really the more important thing for resetting sleep); and, 5 stars for cleaning up will constitute tidying up and cleaning one thing, as the effort varies from day to day. I'll try implementing these today and will update tomorrow how I feel. Gratitude: For another good, productive day at work. For the chance to reset my trajectory and chart a new course for success PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 64) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 15) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 73) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Did not complete. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Reading: read a novel. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed 8 pomodoros. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★☆☆☆☆ Description: Fell asleep again on the couch. Wife was out working again. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Tidied up, but did not clean any items on my list. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Had a good breakfast again, another protein shake, some snacks in the afternoon, and a light dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Day 49 - Tuesday Summary: Starting to drift down towards the 3.5 mark where I was when I started this journey. I'll have more to say in the next entry. Gratitude: For a fairly productive day at work For the joy that reading is bringing me, and that I look forward to it now PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 63) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 14) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 72) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Did not journal. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Filling it out very late this time. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Walked the dog Reading: read a novel. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Completed 7 pomodoros. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★☆☆☆☆ Description: Fell asleep probably about on time, but on the couch again. My wife has been on nights the past few evenings, so I think that doesn't help me get up to bed like normal. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Tidied up, but that's all... Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Had a decent breakfast, a shake during the day, and a small dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Thanks! I'm trying. I had a lot of false starts over the last few years, so I'm really determined this time.

Sorry you are feeling so ill, but sounds like you've made great progress otherwise! If you miss the deadline for the story this month, can you submit next month?

This is great and, if I’m reading correctly, it sounds like your marriage is doing better. If so, that makes me very happy and happy for you. Sorry you didn’t pass the 2nd board, but your mindset about it is quite healthy. Nice work!!

Day 48 - Monday (yesterday) Summary: Better day today. Still not quite getting up to bed the last couple of nights (my wife and I both fell asleep on the couch together). However, I was able to be quite productive at work with my pomodoros, did a lot of cooking with my wife, and read my novel for a very long time. I have only 19 days left of no alcohol, which is incredible. It feels like just yesterday I started that. I forgot to mention how I was very proud during the Murder Mystery Night to be able to serve alcohol, low-alcohol, and non-alcoholic drinks. I felt like a much better host being able to provide fancy drinks at all levels so that everyone could continue to have a nice time and enjoy something complex without feeling the need to drink more alcohol. Huge hit and has really changed the way I view hosting. Now, I will always have something at each level available. Gratitude: For my productivity at work For the time spent with my wife cooking and reading PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 62) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 13) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 71) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Made a familiar mocktail with dinner. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Completed a shorter entry this morning instead of in the evening. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Walked the dog Cooking: My wife and I cooked New England clam chowder and buttermilk biscuits together for dinner. I also made a bunch of waffle batter to make breakfast a bit easier. Mocktails: Made one I've had before and had ingredients on hand, one for me and one for her. Reading: Read my novel by the fire. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed 8 pomodoros. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: My wife and I both fell asleep on the couch together. Strangely, we both got a relatively good night's sleep. I think we were just exhausted, and with the fire and books, it was a recipe for nodding off. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, reorganized the fridge, and cleaned the dog's bowls. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Most of the day's calories came from dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Day 47 - Sunday (yesterday) Summary: Not a super day for habits. Didn't engage in the bad habits but was not consistent with the good ones. Not a ton to say about the day, especially since I'm filling this in kinda late. Just was out of sorts for some reason. I did get out of the house for a while, which was good for me and did a bunch of juicing. I'm starting to drink a little bit of beet, beet leaf, and spinach juice each day for a little health boost. Gratitude: For getting my task list weekly review finished PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 61) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 12) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 70) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Did not journal. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Filling it out late... Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Went out during the day and managed my task list as well as had some general time out. After my wife went to work, I did a bunch of juicing (beets, carrots, spinach) and called my parents. I did listen to a story on audio on the couch, but then after I just kinda wasted the evening doing nothing productive and went to bed super late. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: No data Description: Nothing to track today. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★☆☆☆☆ Description: Went to bed way too late, didn't do my nightly routine. Did manage to sleep in my own bed though, which is why there is one star. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Did some tidying but nothing major. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate light meals today for breakfast and dinner. No lunch. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Love this so much! Legos are amazing. I had a bunch of Star Wars ones as a kid - still have them, just in the basement at the moment waiting to be resurrected when I finally have my own kid. Not that I can't use them now... I was big into Bionicles, too. Sounds like an awesome activity to replace gaming!

Day 46 - Saturday (yesterday) Summary: We had a wonderful day hosting the Murder Mystery night. There were 5 of us all together. My wife and I enjoy hosting. It's a lot of work but you feel great during and afterwards. We spent the afternoon cooking and preparing ingredients for drinks. I tried a new mulled cider recipe that included baked apples. It was quite good! We all had a lovely time together. I provided myself some flexibility on a few of the habits due to the nature of the day. Gratitude: For the fun time with friends and the ability for my wife and I host PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 60) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 11) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 69) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: No data Description: Giving myself some slack on this one because of the party. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Hosted the Murder Mystery night. We made dinner and drinks. Mocktails: Made a few syrups in preparation for the night as well as a new mulled apple cider recipe. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: No data Description: Nothing to track today due to the party. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Bedtime was naturally later because of the party. My wife and I cleaned everything up so that it appeared there was no party at all. It took a while but was nice to wake up to. I completed part of my nighttime routine but didn't fall asleep right away. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Due to the party, there was a lot of cooking, cleaning, etc. to do so giving 5 here because there was much effort involved, cleaning as we went. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Not much to describe here. Lighter morning for food with the majority in the afternoon/evening because of the party. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Sorry in advance for the long response but I'd been thinking about this and what ambiguity and structure mean for me. It was a good thought-provoking comment, I appreciate it. Yes, it's somewhat of a mix. Right now, the journal is very rigid because I feel it's important for me to track and maintain these new habits throughout the 90 days to really get them established and fill the void of old activities. There is some flexibility within each habit of what constitutes success, but I'm always ready to more clearly define a goal if it is possible. I also really enjoy data so for me it's fun to track the progress over time. I may drop some of the extra tracking info after the 90 days, we'll see. I do think keeping track of the individual habits though forces me to do my best to complete them, since I am posting publicly about whether or not they are complete. I may just change those eventually to a simple habit tracker with streaks. The job I'm in has a lot of ambiguity due to the nature of the work, but I also know from my own experiences as well as others that this company has a real problem with understanding how to staff properly and manage their resources. This creates project assignments which are not ideal, sometimes considered "stretch assignments" which usually equates to "work above your level for the same pay and possibly no backup". I have actually been successful here though much of that is because I've had to do a lot of figuring things out on my own. I am proud of that, but it can be very stressful at times. There are certain people I can trust to help me if I really need it and others who are supposed to be experienced that talk in circles when asked for advice; I have to be selective about who I ask for aid. My opinion is that ambiguous situations are ones which require the skillful deployment of structure. There may not be a "right" answer to start, but as you begin taking actions and attempting to apply structure, the situation becomes less nebulous and more manageable. I think Monday and Tuesday I was especially overwhelmed and part of that was venting a bit in my journal. Still, you are correct in that I require a certain level of structure, one I expect from my employer. I expect to know why I'm on a project and what's expected of me, not simply that the person before me couldn't do it and, as I heard from one director, "Let me know what xyz division is like, I'd like to learn more about that." That last one means I'm really in the jungle alone. I am figuring it out and building relationships, but it's difficult. So, the way I see it there are two considerations. The first is to find another job that has better internal structure and processes. I am indeed hoping that if I get this other job, it will be better. It is a long-established company, though sometimes these can be behemoths that cannot get out of their own way. There is no guarantee that any company will have a better procedure, so I'll have to take a risk. The second is to learn better how to deal with the ambiguity because while it isn't necessarily wrong of me to expect an employer to have this figured out, it's clear they are having their own trouble getting that done. I will not get it right now and I don't know when, so it's up to me to define it. I don't care for that, but I also think it's a good opportunity for me to grow. Every job will have some level of ambiguity. If I can figure out how to master it here, I can do it anywhere. An additional thing I've noticed lately... once I started therapy and found a correct medication to manage my anxiety and depression, I have found I've become much more open to taking healthy risks. This includes searching for new jobs and, if given the opportunity, the initiative to them. An older part of me might not because security and familiarity were better than the unknown. My comfort level for this is increasing and requires work still. Each new good risk I take will encourage me to be courageous and handle the fogginess of the future with greater confidence. Thus, I think I will be okay no matter what happens with the job I've been interviewing for. I will learn to make it work. Though, sometimes I'm going to have to vent about it... 😄

I think I'll be alright if it doesn't work out. I'll be disappointed, but there isn't much I can do. I actually think if it doesn't work out again, it will be very telling about the company because, as I mentioned before, this manager has tried to get me in a couple times and various HR issues prevented it. So, if it is prevented by them again, it might be for the best that I don't get in. I think the rigid structure is important for me to establish the habits. Afterwards, I can be more flexible about what happens when. I don't really use the pomodoros outside of work as I'm freer flowing concerning my hobbies. It's really when I need to get things done and must sit down for blocks of time. I do think I should try some form of what you do though because I will write many things in my task list for me to do outside of work and then I forget to check it sometimes which, is the whole point of a list 🙂

Day 45 - Friday (yesterday) Summary: @BooksandTrees @Ikar I would like to respond to you both, just running a little short on time this morning but will when I can! Quick celebration: yesterday was DAY 45! Halfway there. Short summary because we are hosting a Murder Mystery Night this evening and I need to prepare things. Decent day yesterday, though my bedtime is slipping a little bit. I might try getting ready earlier and then reading so that when I'm really tired, I can just get in bed. The pomodoros were a great switch. I felt so much better at work, so much more productive and focused. I'll continue tracking these. Gratitude: For the fun outing with my wife yesterday For better focus and productivity at work PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 59) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 10) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 68) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Didn't complete. Fell asleep early again... Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent a nice afternoon with my wife at the tea shop and grabbing some candy for the party tonight. Reading: Read more spooky stories from M.R. James. Mocktails: Prepared orange oleo saccharum for the party. Purchased pineapple as I need to make more pineapple syrup today. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got 7 done. This was an amazing shift. I felt so much better about my work and what I was getting done simply by ensuring I was truly focused during each of those blocks. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Fell asleep on the couch again reading... again, not the worst thing in the world but it keeps me from a consistent bedtime and nightly routine. I'll try to do better with setting a timer. The other option is to get ready for bed earlier and then read, so that if I'm really tired, I can just get up and go to bed. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Did a bunch of tidying up and decorating with my wife but didn't get a chance to clean anything specifically off my list. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, a snack during the day, a very good lunch, and a good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Day 44 - Thursday (yesterday) Summary: Yesterday was a pretty good day. I built another good fire which encouraged me to read for a while. I did have a creeping thought yesterday that perhaps I have taken away some happiness in life. I was thinking back on some of the podcasts I used to listen to and wondering, am I being to hard on myself? Is this too strict? However, last night I read close to 60 pages in a novel, completely uninterrupted and not distracted. It's the first time I've done that in years. It felt so good and I was totally engrossed in the story. I think I can feel my imagination growing stronger again; reading was initially frustrating because my imagination had atrophied from lack of use. So no, I'm not being too strict. Every time I make one of these choices, my life gets better. The doubt comes knocking every now and then but that's the old habits trying to steal away the joyful life I'm rebuilding. I really don't need YouTube, and now I've realized how little I actually needed those podcasts. Life feels simpler with less noise (excluding music as I've said before, I love music and there are many ways to enjoy it). I will not stop now. I will keep clawing back my attention, my focus, my life. Gratitude: For the peace of a life less complicated by excessive noise and outside influences For my sustained reading last night For a new way to track next actions (pomodoros) and regain my ability to sustain focus PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 58 ) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 9) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 67) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed. Very long entry. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted. Reading: Read a novel for a very long time on the couch. Exercise: Lower Body B. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: This was okay. Could have been better, but I think a lot of it had to do with focus. I am changing this one to pomodoros now, as performing next actions appears to be more of a lag measure rather than a lead; focusing intently leads to the right actions being taken. Plan: In tomorrow's entry (but starting to track today), will change this to pomodoros. I will start by setting a goal of 8. The stars correspond as follows (star - pomodoros complete): 1 - 0; 2 - 2; 3 - 4; 4 - 6; 5 - 8. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I may choose to count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. I'll start by not counting meetings and see how it goes. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Stayed up too late, but at least it was because i was reading. Completed only a part of my nightly routine. Did go to bed and put my head on the pillow to try and get used to falling asleep right away. Didn't take to long to fall asleep. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, finished cleaning the bathroom counter and accompanying items. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, a snack during the day, not much for lunch, and ate another good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

I read the last two instances of you dealing with these people at the examiner's office. It's very unprofessional behavior, I cannot imagine that happening when I took my test. Can you look for a different place to take the exam? There's usually a number of places that can do it. Maybe you can find one that acts more professional.

Just a thought, but double check to see if you've made any dietary changes before or close to bed. A friend of mine told me to take glycine before bed for a more restful sleep but I swear every night I took it, I had the strangest, most vivid nightmares. Normally, I can think of the last time I remembered a dream, let alone a nightmare. Stopped taking it and it went away. Mine is more obvious but look back to see if there's a pattern. Cheese can do it to you, and I've heard some people say wine as well. Everyone's different.

Day 43 - Wednesday (yesterday) Summary: Quick entry for yesterday because it's late again... at least I've been staying up too late doing healthy activities like reading. I looked up how to build a better fire in my fireplace to let it burn longer with less tending. After a relative success, it burned for a while. I was so happy with it that I stayed watching it all night with my book and fell asleep. While I didn't do my nightly routine, it definitely was a cozy evening. Gratitude: For building a really nice fire that lasted a long time A relaxing evening with my wife Temperate Fall weather that made for a pleasant walk with my wife and the dog PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 57) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 8 ) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 66) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Missed journaling yesterday because I fell asleep on the couch. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted. Reading: Read another M.R. James story on the couch. Took the dog for a walk. Exercise: Upper Body A. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Same as Tuesday, not a bad day working on things. This habit is hard to quantify though. I think I'm going to make a change starting Friday to track pomodoros instead, as the real culprit seems to be making sure I'm focused and working. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★☆☆☆☆ Description: Fell asleep on the couch near the fire. Didn't do my nightly routine. Falling asleep near the fire isn't the worst thing in the world though, hence my 1 star. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, cleaned most of the bathroom counter and accompanying items. Counting as two items because it was a lot more work than I thought. In the future, I may need to split up that task into pieces on the list. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, peanut butter protein balls as a snack, had a protein shake, and ate another good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

While I don't fully know the circumstances for you, I understand to some extent. People may not understand everything you are trying to do, or they may have some ties to the old things you are trying to cut away. When that person is not just a gaming buddy, but a friend in general (or family member), it's more complicated than just cutting out the relationship. There is maintenance required while sticking to your values and goal of being game-free. A friend and I used to do a podcast together - and still kind of do - but I've been slowly distancing myself from it. I don't feel it's a passion of mine and is a pretty big time commitment for what I perceive to be little gain. I told him the other day that I don't listen to any podcasts right now and he said, "You would if you had an hour commute each way." I told him actually, I drive to and from my hometown which is an hour and am driving in silence, that I needed to reduce noise in life. He said he understood, but I could tell he really didn't fully. I'm unable to relate to other friends when they share YouTube links, but we have other things in common. It's okay for me to say, "Yeah, I don't do that right now." Glad you are looking to get this sorted, and that you aren't going to just stop taking it cold turkey. I did that in the past and trust me, one of my worst ideas. Getting the right medication has been a huge help to me. It doesn't solve everything of course, but it really can change things for the better if you are someone who needs it. It can take a couple tries to find the right one. I was in denial for a while that I needed it and was influenced a little too much by unqualified people saying unfounded claims about its effects on you. When I set that aside and got the right one, I was kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Keep after it, your psychiatrist will help you. No, it's not. Maybe according to biological "maturity", yes. However, you have the capacity for great change at all times throughout your life. Even if the brain has matured, that doesn't mean you cannot literally rewire it. It takes time, but you can see it happening to people all over this site. Our brain creates established pathways and it can take time to reduce those and establish new ones. 29 is no place to stop. I'm also 29 and I have made some of the greatest strides of my life this year. I've altered (and as you can see in my journal, am still altering) behaviors and habits which have long plagued me. It seems like you have made some incredible progress. Don't listen to that side of you that quietly tries to take it away from you! There is in each of us an advocate and an accuser. Recognize their voices and know that your advocate is in there with your best interests in mind. Ignore the accuser; he doesn't know what he's talking about. Wishing you continued success on this journey. I read your journal every day🙂

Day 42 - Tuesday (yesterday) Summary: Another tough day during the latter half. I think I'm feeling very directionless at work. I've been put on this project by myself and over the course of my time at this company, have received very little oversight from management. I'm usually left to just figure it out on my own and, even if I do reach out for help, half the time I spend is just explaining context because the person isn't on the ground with me. I'm growing tired of it and really in need of a change. I hope to hear back from the job I applied to soon. The waiting is killing me... it is still within the window of their 1–to-2-week response time, so I'll just need to continue being patient. It has certainly been distracting, even just in the back of my mind. I need to be better about leaving my phone downstairs so I don't incessantly refresh my email, looking for that response. Once work was over, things were a little better. I'm always cheered up by my wife, and taking the dog for a walk together was good for my spirits. Still, even on that walk I had trouble shutting out my anxiety about work. I have this impending sense of doom that I'm not doing something right or I'm missing something, and it will suddenly come back to bite me out of nowhere. I suppose I'm caring a little too much. At the very least, my work ethic is enough to push me to care about doing a good job, but the lack of clarity on my role and responsibilities is making me increasingly trepidatious. I'll endeavor today to return to the basic frameworks I have at my disposal to try to progress on a few fronts. Gratitude: Yet another day to begin again; each day provides new opportunities for me to change things for the better. For my wife, my dog, and my cozy home providing me with a sense of safety and comfort. For pushing to sustain my habits despite what feels like a downturn in my mental outlook lately. PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 56) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 7) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 65) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Made another new mocktail last night. Very simple but quite good. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted. Mocktails: Made another new mocktail. Reading: Read another M.R. James story on the couch. Took the dog for a walk. Exercise: Lower Body A. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Had a better time focusing and spent most of the day working on a task I've needed to complete for a while. Still had some difficulty staying on task due to feelings about purpose. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got ready for bed starting around 11 because I wrote an extra-long journal entry. Completed my nighttime routine and read in bed, though I read for a long time. I may need to try to start timing how long I read for and then wean myself off until I lay in bed and go to sleep. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, washed a bunch of the dog's bedding, and steam cleaned the bench she sits on. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, made some peanut butter protein balls for an easy snack, had a protein shake, and ate a good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Oh no, that wasn’t me. Someone else must have suggested that one. I don’t really go on bodybuilding.com much.

Day 41 - Monday (yesterday) Summary: Yesterday was not a good day, though most of it looks okay on paper. I was tired for some reason the entire day, and very irritable. I had this feeling that nothing I did at work mattered, that I don't provide any value to my client... just a miasma of doubt, anger, and exhaustion. I couldn't focus at all. Even 30-minute stints were at the very brink of what I could manage. I wanted to chalk this up to it being a Monday, but I don't experience this at the start of every week. I haven't felt this way in a while. It was utterly debilitating. The longer I stayed in the fog, the worse it got and the worse it made me feel about myself. I tried to rectify it by pushing through but that only got me so far. I suppose I should be thankful that most of my habits remained intact. I had a very strong urge to listen to a podcast to relieve stress but chose not to. I did look at some articles on the internet to dissipate that stress, but they weren't super helpful. I could have done better managing that stress in other ways, but I think there was something going on in my head that was difficult to wrangle. I seem to be feeling better today. I have no idea what it was. Perhaps I didn't get a good rest. Maybe it was because I switched my alarm wake interval from 5:45-6:15 wakeup to 6:00-6:30. It could have been starting my day with the frustrating news I wrote about yesterday. Not sure, but I'm hoping today will be much better, that I'll carry some momentum forward and have a successful day today. Gratitude: For a new day and a chance to start over For my wife who lifted my spirits yesterday when she returned home, despite her also having a stressful day Most of my habits remained intact despite the day I had PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 55) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 6) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 64) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Made another new mocktail last night and it was awesome. Marking it as a winner! Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted Mocktails: Tried another new recipe and really liked it! Reading: Read an M.R. James story on the couch. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Did not do well on this today. Had a very hard time focusing and putting forth a consistent effort. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got ready for bed starting around 10:15. Completed my nighttime routine. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Tidied up but did not specifically clean any items. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Scoring soon. Description: Barely ate anything until dinnertime, which was definitely not good for me. Plan: Will begin scoring in a couple days once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise

Give yourself time to learn the job before deciding if it truly isn't for you. I fell into the passion trap early in my career, thinking I needed to have a pre-existing love for something to choose it as a profession. It made me much less open to good careers simply because I thought, "I don't have a passion for that, why would I even consider doing it?" You can't have a passion for something you've never done before... seems obvious in hindsight but it's a message often taught to us from an early age, especially in the U.S.A. Passion is good, but give yourself the chance to try something for a while. Most people who are passionate about their jobs may think that it was because they've always wanted that career, but if you dig down, it's often because they got good at it and then became passionate because of that. We tend to like things we are good at. Chances are when you think about the things you love and are passionate about, you've probably developed some level of skill at them and have overtime just felt you've always loved those things (there are things in life we aren't the greatest at that bring us happiness, but I digress). It's a story we start to tell ourselves. It's also okay to leave some of your hobbies as hobbies. There are times when making a hobby a career is a quick way to kill it. Other times it works out. I have plenty of things now I like to do outside of work that I would not want to be a career because their current state brings me joy. To try to monetize them would ruin them for me. I'm not saying to not pursue something you might think you like - that's also a very important consideration. What I am saying is, don't think you need to have this all-consuming driving force for one thing in life. It will stymie your efforts to find a career and leads to greater dissatisfaction because you'll always be thinking the "right" one is out there somewhere. Trust me, I have gone through this, so I speak from experience.