Pochatok

Thank you! Self-reflection is perhaps the most significant tool out of all that led me to where I am today. Sharing on GQ is a way for me to give back to this community- it elevated me so much. I'll try to keep it up 🙂

A small thing, but I always keep reminding myself when this thought comes up: there will be more, and there will be better. No missed opportunity prevents me from stumbling across a (better) opportunity later down the line. And, no opportunity is truly "missed"- I simply ended up spending my time in a different way. I know it's a difficult (and highly privileged) mindset to internalize, but I attempt to look at all of the experiences in my life with a spark of gratitude/affirmation for simply having lived through something that brought me to where I am today.

Darn, every message from you is a waterfall of inspiration! Thanks for sharing this ❤️

I know that some situations won't let you take a proper break and require some fidgeting to stay in control in the moment; but I do agree with other folks to strive to use other techniques when possible. "The Charisma Myth" offers a few very good techniques for better coping!

Hi! Hope you'll find something useful in this entry ❤️ Gaming Installed a couple games, but struggle to find time to play. It's ridiculous: I am doing game audio work every single day, but am literally not playing games at all. If I actually end up joining the indie side of the industry after graduation, i will certainly stand out just for that one reason lol. Recap of the week: I've managed to work through this quite a bit! Limiting my work sessions to 30-60 minutes has been super helpful, as I'm much more focused on being efficient within a more definite, precise timeframe. Other than that, I've done a lot of things at my jobs, and will be starting my other job next week (which i'm super excited for!). My partner just arrived, excited to no longer be long-distance. How am I feeling right now Good but also a bit nervous- the 2nd half of the day (around now) is when I tend to lose motivation and slow down. I hope to stay productive and excited for the rest of the day. Effectiveness Something I want to keep in mind more! My stress management is much better, and now I'm moving onto being more efficient throughout the entire day, rather than just the first half and the couple hours before bed. I want to learn to accumulate more energy throughout the day instead of it dissipating by late afternoon. Relationships Today I had a long dream where I hang out with my ex. Yesterday I was curious about how they were doing and stumbled upon her Instagram. It seems that they're enjoying college! I'm happy for them, but wish that they did not disconnect from me. Dating wasn't the best, but I value them a lot as a friend 😞 Glad to still have a few more friends from high school around, though! Moving Forward I hope to continue become a more zealous learner and learn to contain that extreme excitement I go to bed with (and wake up with) for all of the day. I feel like I'm on the brink of making another incredible breakthrough, but I'll continue to be patient and grateful for what I already have (and remember how deeply my past affects the present). Thank you for reading! Po

Ahh love that! Having a panic button certainly helps, and your seems to be a very sustainable and positive one (I used to fall into stress-eating... -_-)

haha, it kind of is like that! But, eventually you'll run out of new addictions to pick up... For me, my social media usage (and YouTube) got a lot worse for the first couple of weeks, but as I was gaining more distance from my gaining addiction, I was able to get more under control. However, attempting to do all at the same time from the get go was too overwhelming every time. Ohh, all i mean is continuing to get more resources and enter more communities! It very much depends on your circumstances. For me, I was keeping a daily journal here, let some of my friends know about the fact that I was quitting as a tool of accountability, and also wrote in my physical journal every now and then. There was more than that, but that's what I remember. Basically, it is quite easy for me to over-rely on my own discipline rather than support systems. For a long time I thought that gaining more discipline meant taking the most difficult path and forcing myself through it, but (after reading Atomic Habits) I began finding the easiest routes instead. It works so much better!

Hahah yes, I did the same and it never worked out. I had to let myself not worry about reaching perfection and go for one thing at a time, even if the other got worse. Maybe you can do it (and I'm rooting for you 🙂), but I hope that you won't be too hard on yourself for not succeeding- the task is so difficult! I do not know what your circumstances and possibilities are, but I hope that you're able to seek help with this! I had a similar set of issues, and as much as I wished to have the strength and discipline to resolve self-hatred and doubt on my own, it simply was not possible. Once I believed that I very much deserved, like anyone else, to feel and do better, it was a bit easier to seek more help than I thought was needed (I ended up getting too much help, even- but that's good, right?). Hope this helps! I'm only trying to speak for myself because I feel like your circumstances are so different and I don't want to make assumptions. Po

Hey! Have you read the book "Atomic Habits" (or something similar)? I feel like you're making this journey a bit more stressful and complicated than it could be. There is a lot of benefits to doing things "the hard way", but when it comes to quitting gaming, picking the easiest route has led me to most progress. All that is to say that I recommend you make posting here a daily habit, and make other things you value a daily habit (studying??). What helped me set down daily habits was putting certain activities around things I already do daily anyways (such as eating, waking up, showering, coming back from work, etc.). For example, before breakfast I always water the plant, clean up the room, and write down my goals, and right after breakfast I check my emails, do music composition, and complete most urgent tasks. Before, I'd time those tasks more like "At the end of the day", but that was far too vague and I would either forget about it or not give it enough time. By attaching an activity to something I'll already get done no matter what, it was much easier to make that commitment. Peace! Good luck on your journey, and congrats on simply making so much effort- even if you don't pass, there are so many benefits/gains in simply trying. Po

Something that helped me very much was simply getting away more from the environments that I associated with gaming! Moving to a different room in my house, working from a library, or just going for a walk every few hours helped a lot with relaxing the urges. Good luck, you're doing so well already!

Some news! As always, this is simply a place for me to share some updates that you might find useful/inspiring/motivational. Gaming I am indeed continuing to have not enough time to play any games, but that is primarily due to the fact that there are so many other things I'm feeling passionate about- learning coding, reading, watching amazing animation, etc. . It is hard to prioritize video games any more than I do now, and I sort of understand why, but am continuing to look for more opportunities to change this situation. Recap of the week: A great week! I've been ridiculously productive, but still want to make strides forward with improving my efficiency. I have a tendency of immersing myself to the point of inversion, focusing so intensely that it becomes stressful and exhausting. I've applied for a huge scholarship, designed a website, did well at work, had an interview (didn't do too hot, but fingers crossed), hang out with many friends, attended a few rallies, and made strides forward in both visual and aural creative fields. There is a lot to improve in terms of prioritization, but I'm feeling good and will do everything to prevent and mitigate str How am I feeling right now Okay- being at home is both recharging and taxing, but I'm glad to spend the holiday weekend with my family members. It's hard to not let my mind wonder around a lot when I'm home, but I feel better than during the previous visit. Each time I am home, I learn so much about myself. Effectiveness Doing a bit better with pushing stress to the exterior instead of accumulating it within, but still not where I want to be. I hope to be able to take breaks as soon as I need them, not when they become necessary. Feeling exhausted is not enjoyable, but I understand that there is a long history of unsustainable practices that will take time to unpack. Keeping my expectations realistic will help with smoothly cutting through the difficulties. Relationships Been doing very well with both friends and my partner- it's nice to be seeing people so often; something I could not imagine doing before... Last year, I only saw three people during the entirety of summer. I'm in a good place, and want to keep learning more! Moving Forward I am very grateful for everything in my life- both things I understand and am puzzled by, what I enjoy and avoid, and what gets me out of bed and puts me into slumber. I hope to remain in the present moment as much as possible for the remainer of the day. Cheers, Po

Glad we're on the same page, and I totally agree with you 🙂 Thanks for coming by and giving your opinion, I appreciate it a lot!

Hell yes! So happy for you, that is a skill so many people don't prioritize or have so much trouble improving. Glad you're doing better 🙂

Without going into too much detail, it's not that I'm close, but how I experience that closeness with my friends- I very much enjoy physical contact (hugging, leaning against each other, and I love holding hands with others). While I only see my friends as friends, my partner has some reasonable worries I think. With us being (temporarily) long distance, I think it's hard for my partner to feel secure, and for me to validate them. We did settle on talking more about this once we're together again, but until then I just settled for respecting the boundaries, which is limited physical contact with friends who are single. Idk, how do you see this?

Some Updates 🙂 As always, this is simply a place for me to share some updates that you might find useful/inspiring/motivational. Gaming While I am not experiencing any unwanted urges, the issue comes in the form of not playing enough... Given that I want to be making sound/composition for video games, I most certainly should study more source material, so to say. I hope to find a healthy balance as I'm going into the weekend. Recap of the week: Been a fine week so far. If counting from last Thursday, I had a restful time at my family's house, and then began my summer jobs... Those have been keeping me crazy busy (and I managed to get sick for a day), but I'm starting to find a rhythm in all the chaos. Yesterday I was able to finally catch up with art, and the weekend will fit in 6 hours worth of Sound Design and Composition training, wohoo! Excited to begin learning C++, too. How am I feeling right now: Not too great- I spent 20 minutes browsing through gameplay videos, which quickly made me feel sad. I thought that it would be a nice way to get back into playing video games responsibly, but they're unneded- I get an overview of the game super quickly just through browsing a couple reviews. Gameplay vids are addictive for me, and I'll stay away from them from now on. I am also not feeling a bit melancholic due to having so much work to complete before I am able to get into things I am passionate about. Hmm, it's almost that watching gameplay videos was a poor coping behaviour to deal with that feeling. Well, the sooner I get the work off the table, the more I will immerse myself into passions, yay! Effectiveness Been staying very focused overall, but can do better with noticing when I'm stressed and taking breaks to resolve that stress. There is quite a bit of frustration at the moment from pushing through stress instead of feeling it through. Best solution so far has been staying hydrated, exteriorizing my feelings/emotions (i.e. laughing, growling, talking to myself) and keeping a timer going. Will try to make those as consistent of a habit as possible in the coming days. Relationships Been doing alright with my partner, since we are long distance- there is some trust issues coming from them, unfortunately. I have very few friends, but all of them are super close, and that closeness crosses boundaries that my partner is comfortable with at times. We have settled on simply me respecting the boundaries, but also a re-visiting of the boundaries in the future. I like being close to my friends, but understand and validate my partner's negative past experiences with trust.\ Moving Forward I hope to be more positive about my day- I am feeling a bit of melancholy throughout the day nearly non-stop, or so it seems. The breaks I take are long, my effectiveness isn't at the peak because of that. But that's okay, and I'm being patient. I'm very grateful for all the things I currently have in my life, and the struggles I am facing are being actively addressed. Cheers, Po

Hey! Loved that when I was much younger, but stopped reading after the "Power of Three"... Which Arc are you on, currently?

Hey! Just wanted to stop by and wish you luck on your journey, sounds like you're off to an optimistic start 🙂

Starting over? How has it been so far?

Ended up completely redoing my daily tracker even more! This turned out to be far too time-consuming, so I changed it to simple Check-Box system.

This post will be valuable to you if... you are using (or want to) a personal tracker system of some sort! Finished my finals! Now that my daily life will be quite a bit different, I think that I'll use this journal as a way of "weekly summary" of my daily tracker- this way I will be able to reflect fully on my goals and set clear next steps. 1st, let's re-organize my daily evaluation to make sure it clearly fits my personal and professional goals: Active Motion Current Tracker: Points for quantity + Quality Issues: Qality is undefined, and Quantity is too broad New Tracker: .1 per each non-dedicated exercise (as in, running to class, doing some stretches in my room, etc) .2 per >15 min workout .5 per >25 min workout + .2 if the exercise aligns with my Body Reconnection goals Separation of Work and Rest Current Tracker: subtract points for any distraction while working Issues: there is so much more to this, and the goal isn't so much separation rather than efficient focus! New Tracker: Focus Efficiency .1 for using a Time Tracker once (for work + break separator) .5 for using a Time Tracker for 3+ hours in a day -.5 for eating outside of set hours -.1 per distraction during a work period (checking socials, browsing YouTube, etc.) Prioritizing Relationships Current Tracker: subtract points for any unresponded messages and avoidance of "social opportunities" Issues: too vague and broad; my social goals are much more than this! Proposition: I want to be more consistent in my social interactions- do something every day, remember my friends and family, and be in the present moment New Tracker: Social Engagement Quality 1 for every 3 random message of kindness (RMK) -.5 for sending < 3 or > 6 RMK/week .5 for scheduling 1-2 hangouts 1 for attending a hangout .5 for sending a letter (either virtual/physical, as long as it is lengthy and hearty) -.1 for non-filtering speech during a hangout -.1 for not expressing what I am feeling (especially if anxious!) -.5 for not responding to friends' messages within 24hrs -.5 for attending over 5 hours of social activities outside of eating hours Balance of Work/Rest Current Tracker: Subtract points for imbalance Issues: Non-definitive; Proposition: The goal is to not overwork myself, but also to only rest as much as needed instead of being stagnant New Tracker: Unneeded, I will cover this issue by performing well on the other trackers! Proactivity Current Tracker: subtract points for being inactive Issues: too vague Proposition: I want to track how much my addictive habits affect my life (as they are literally the only time in the day when I act un-proactively) New Tracker: Unwanted Habits -x for instances of unwanted habit if total instances >2 (x defined by habit type) 1 for a day with ❤️ bad habit occurences! Full Resting Current Tracker: subtract points for not doing full resting (mindful activities) daily Issues: Too vague, and a bit too harsh Proposition: measure a variety of full resting activities, and subtract points for improper resting rather than lack of full resting New Tracker: -.5 for not doing any mindfullness activities daily -.5 for going on social media outside of scheduled breaks .5 for exercising doing breaks .5 for completing at least one mindfullness session Sleep Current Tracker: subtract/add points based on sleep quantity Issues: There is more to sleep than quantity! New Tracker: .5 for not using screen .5 hours before bedtime 1 for not using screen 1 hour before bedtime .5 for sleeping 8-9hrs -.5 for taking >.5hrs to fall asleep -.5 for waking up >1.5 hrs away from usual time -.5 for sleeping <8 or >9 hrs Stress Management Current Tracker: subtract time for "unmanaged stress" Issues: Stress Management includes not only addressing stress in a timely manner, but completing daily exercises to prevent build-up of stress New Tracker: .5 per journaling on Fortify .5 for journaling on paper 1 for journaling on GQ -.5 for not journaling at all -.5 for not journaling on GQ per 10 days Continuous Learning Current Tracker: points subtracted for not learning new things every day Issues: vague- what do I want to learn, and how do I measure whether it is enough learning? New Tracker: .5 for spending .25-.5hrs on my reading list .5 for completing a reflection! .5 for using a tutorial of sort to advance my personal learning goals AND applying it 1 for doing above for >1 hr -.5 for not learning anything new Task Prioritization Current Tracker: points subtracted for lack of prioritization or lack of following priorities Issues: Prioritization is complex and I want to break it down into more specific steps so that it's not all-or-nothing New Tracker: .1 for using Notion once during the day -.5 for not using Notion at all .5 for relying on Notion for majority of daily tasks .5 for updating Notion at end of the day -.5 for not doing that Whew, this is it! Again, this is mostly for myself, but I hope that you'll be able to find some value if you're using some sort of tracker too! Po

Ohh me too! Let's keep each other accountable hehe. I want to improve my posture as well 🙂

Hi all those who read my journal! I'm doing okay!!! It's the end of the year and things are crazy busy for me, but I hope to post a larger update soon and hope that you're doing ok! Wherever you are, I wish you a stressless weekend 🙂 Po

Hey! Saw you're working to improve your drawing skills, and just wanted to recommend a community to join- learning is always faster/better when together! Look up "ArtProf", they have weekly streams and an amazing discord community. Also, Ethan Becker's discord channel is also highly active (though much more industry-oriented...). Cheers!

Welcome! Even though you mught feel to be different from others here, I hope that you will find your own purpose in being a part of this community. I felt similarly when I first joined; I would rarely play for more than a couple hours per week. But, I still had trouble quitting for good, and GQ has been super helpful; it was also there when I decided to quit pornohraphy and social media, too 🙂 Good luck!

Day 303. I'm not thinking of these as milestones anymore, but it's exciting to be beating my previous score so easily. If I continue to develop my passions at this pace, I will never look back at video games the same way. The amount of internal progress I've made over the last couple of weeks is unbelievable- I'm not super happy because it's a very different, new kind of pleasure and satisfaction, but I'm feeling extremely accomplished and grateful. -- Actually, Day 0... and I won't keep a counter anymore. I've just played an incredible visual novel that taught me so much new in just ten minutes. I don't feel like playing more for today, but it felt very much like reading a good book. From now on, I will very carefully re-introduce gaming to my life. There will be a number of rules:1 1. No more than 20 minutes a day, and no more than 10 minutes without a break. No more than 2hrs/week. 2. Games must be either a) non-addictive [no AAA titles for certain] or b) no more than 30 hours to complete. This way, I will move through games at a rate of 1 game per 2-3 months. 3. Reflect on every gaming experience in a journal right after playing. This will allow me to use games to grow artistically and professionally rather than be simply for entertainment purposes. 4. Only play between 9-9:30PM. Failing to follow this rule= 2-week detox. I will think of more rules as I go on, but for now this sounds good. Recap of the week: And, somehow I've turned everything upside down again! Realizing that I don't need to have my summer be completely packed up with events to make good lemonade out of lemons was helpful. It's my summer, after all, and I can work towards my goals on my own just like I am now. But also, I got all my gigs confirmed and a couple more so that's great 🙂 Feeling better. I've been focusing on enjoying what I'm doing as much as keeping the final product in mind. There is more balancing to do, but I'm much more positive about my workflow. I've been noticing more lately how hard I'm actually working. It's never enough for me, of course, but I waste barely any time at all. Every activity is purposeful and thought-out, and I love it. -- Lots of stressful things happened this week, but none of them override my ability to breathe deeply and be greateful for my life. I hope that next week will be less hurtful, but I'm still happy with where I am. Anxiety has been getting more under control as I am able to practice stress-reducing routines better. Gaming Well, let's talk about today's experience more. The game I played was "Butterfly Soup", and I wanted to approach it specifically in order to learn more about experiences of Queer Asian Americans. Even in the 1st ten minutes, there were so many new things for me to experience. My mindsets and beliefs are already being challenged, and I love that. There was certainly some nostalgic tingling across my body, but I did not experience any sort of flashbacks that made me feel insecure or that the past was impending on me... Overall, it was a short and relaxing experience- the kind of I want to have moving forward. Perhaps, more active self-reflection and patience; despite this being a visual novel, I lost myself in it here and there. Effectiveness [formerly Concentration] Enjoying a comeback of my previous sustainable routines. I still want to balance things out a bit more- I wish I'd spend more time reading and writing... There are also some habits still unstable- I am not using my calendar and daily schedules... daily. It would be helpful to make goals for effectiveness and organization too- they're quite important. Keeping all my tasklists in my head is not a great strategy, and neither is looking at them only once a day. Relationships After some therapy earlier this week, I'm feeling even better. Confirmed a couple hangouts in the coming weeks, and have been seeing people here and there. Interactions with my partner have been extremely meaningful too. Passion 100% true. Last week, however, I was not enjoying the process- composing was especially out of hand, as I struggled to not experience great deal of anxiety everytime I'd open the software up. Been enjoying the process more by shifting my focus from getting to the final product ASAP to focusing on enjoying the process first and then picking up the tempo. Good experiences must come from a positive foundation, imo. I've been much more consistent with everything, even practicing my instrument. I can't believe I wrote that entry only a few days ago... maybe I'm imagining all this progress lol. That's all! Thank you for reading, and good luck on your own journey! Love, Po