fanzio

hey SanctiaV, you are not alone! your story is somehow reflecting mine with games. An event, - or a combinaison of events in my case- made us shift from a more or less balanced life to a Maelstorm. Forgive yourself. Was very hard for me when I looked at myself, but it was probably the most important step for me. Then get rid of these gaming things that took control over us. It seems that relapsing is a common step, but it works in the end. And just trash your game/account. Selling it will just make you feel like a drug dealer not bothering destroying his customers' lives... Welcome here! It's a nice place!

hey! i had a year in my life like that and it's possible to move to a great life! i still have some disorders, but the thing for me was to stop feeling guilty. the small step by small step is a good starting point. speaking to people and taking pleasure with social things was key. people are nice :-) and helpful. watching Cam video is a big help. even if the style is a bit too much american for me, he is sincere and the style goes to a very secoundary plan (btw, thanks again Cam! and success to your project!) also maybe you could get some help from your university? am sure some of your teachers would understand and support you. anyway you are young! i changed my life completely at 34years old, you are younger than that! hold on!

hey Colin, power naps work well for me. put your alarm clock 20 minutes later and go to bed. when the clock ring, you will just be an atomic battery! i know that longer naps have opposite effect,letting me in the fog for hours. but we are all different, try! also these 10 minutes of meditation by headspace.com give very good energy in the end, but if you are really tired, you may fall asleep. enjoy naps!

Welcome Zack !

Been reading gamequitters forum and watching Cam's video, and feel better. Cravings back to nearly zero.

Congrats with 90 days detox ! Big support for your anti depress. Took those pills 3 years ago for 6 months. Lot of people go through that once in their life (I discovered that there were many people around me who took that and never spoke about that, and I would have never thought they would). It's just a phase for most. Most important is not to feel guilty. Don't talk about it to people who may judge you, but talk to the others. You should feel better and better day after day, and the fact that you do a lot of sport will help a lot to create additional serotonine. And remember that the best time of this anti-depress is after you stop it ! One side effect on me has been on my libido to go down and changing the pills did not help much. But don't worry, it's coming back on tracks after you stop, and I am even happier than ever sexually. One anectode that still make me smile today is that a girl with whom I could not be very efficient by using my male attribute told be in the end after being very satisfied: you are a very good lesbian ! Of course it was a bit sad, but overall it helped me master other very useful skills ;-) Congrats again for your detox, big respect !

Welcome Carlos !

Back from no-computers-lands ! I see there are many new members, happy to see more quitters ! These weeks without computers have been great, hiked a lot in mountains, read many good books (1 Murakami and 1 R.Gary), swam a lot, my relation everyday more great with my girlfriend. Right now every thing seem to be great, I have for onces exciting plans for the next months. BUT there are still some stressful situations I hate and never successfully manage to convert into stable situations because they do not depend on me. And then game craving rises. I am even planning to relapse. Just for few hours, although I know this will lead to hard core gaming. I have been on gaming forums today. I am scared.

Welcome Niels ! This is the best thing to do ! We are all with you !

Hey Maddog, I did not understand what you were after (am not English native) but it sounds important, so all my thoughts with you as long as it keeps you away from that sh.. games !

I will soon live for some weeks of vacations (far from computers !) I will probably not write much in July as I would like to keep my phone shut as often as possible. But no relaps possible. Let's see how the cravings will harass me... Wish you all a peaceful month ! Will read you when coming back !

Thanks WIP and Piotr ! Cravings were quite easy to identity this time: 1- Stress on some administrative stuff that I though had no solution as it has been in the past. Finally found a solution with few emails and phone calls. 2- Felt I deserved it as I did a good concert and was completely dead and I anyway had to have a break. I think most of my cravings very well fit to the 4 categories Cam mentioned. But Stress is number 1. Piotr, your last port in your journal made me want to write a bit more about the lost time. As it was not really directly relevant for your journal, I erased it from your journal and I put it here. I NEED to write these things and not letting them as unfinished thoughts. So sorry if you (anyone reading this) find that boring... understand that I need to write it and just skip it ! Reacting to "I've looked back at my life and realised, that the worst kind of pain I've known, is lost time." I had another life with a non artsy job for more many years, and I was sad that it took me so long to have the courage to do what I always wanted to do, and anger because the main gates were now close because of my age. All people around me told me that they were thinking it's cool to have made the shift, but it did not help me feel better, I was raging more and more. It could actually have been one of the reason why I sunk into hard core gaming 3-4 years ago when I wanted to be sure I would fail (which hopefully did not arrive :-) ). I never accepted to think that they could be anything positive in these lost years. But in fact I found out some things I learned during this past life are super useful (not only super-mainstream-boring) and sometimes saved my ass when organisation concerts/rehearsal. So in these moments I am glad that I got at least these capabilities, because I see so many of my fellow struggling. I know it's very difficult to imagine anything good coming from these years of gaming, but it's maybe the ultim act of auto-destruction that triggered the act of deciding to change something deep in us. At least, it was for me. ----- Piotr, I don't want to finish alcoholic ;-) But you are very right. I was completely unable to do that during my gaming years, not even answering phone. Am getting back on tracks ! Partying is not to be under-considered.

This has also been the main cause of my pain and anger for years, not only the gaming years. I know it's very difficult to imagine anything good coming from these years of gaming, but it's maybe the ultim act of auto-destruction that triggered the act of deciding to change something deep in us. At least, it was for me.

Bravi !

3 weeks clean now ! Had big cravings last friday, started to go to gaming forums, and was then saved by friends calling to go for a beer. Had no time to be alone in front of my computer. Some more risky hours and then I will not be alone for some weeks and anyway far from my gaming computer for most of the summer.

Concerts only (classical)! But I don't want to mix my former games life that I am ashame with my job...

Thanks for all your supports ! That's really something ! In fact there not much new things I have been adding, but rather not be scared of doing things, and them doing them. It's mainly my music, my job with rehearsals with wonderful people and concerts (was one yesterday night). So this I can not avoid going to one, whatever reason, as no one can replace me during rehearsals & concerts. But I can always delay or reduce to next to nothing my alone-work to prepare. That's why it has been so easy to jump to video games whenever I was tired. And I really did a lot (gaming) It's also not freaking out organizing things. Again, I can spend my life waiting that somethings happen, and that's really what I have suddenly been doing these last 3-4 years when I started hard-core gaming. Now I try to stay with other musicians I respect (and discover that they are also happy to do things with me) and refuse music / contexts which are hurting my sensitivity. As it's all very subjective, it's easy to break in-depth genuine rules which you can not really describe with words. Feeling that ok maybe it's a small compromise, and anyway I have nothing else at the moment... And so, it's easy to be desapointed , and so to shift to gaming. Now I recently had good discussions with people I secretly wanted to work with for years, and we started designing short and mid terms projects and actions plans (i can be super efficient doing that when I want, even though all these organisational things are boring to me, would rather delegate but... never found someone). That's also this last point : having to do too much of organisational stuff sometimes killed me. It's not the effort to do it, but the fact that my concentration suffered during rehearsals and concerts, and my role is that I should make no compromise with my concentration. So when I sometimes felt overwhelmed, I could also easily shit to gaming. And I also go out more often with my friends. As I wrote before, only my best friend and my girlfriend know I have been gaming. The other ones just thought I was busy. I go running, but I was already doing that. So it's not much completely new things, but rather "do more often", or do again things that had vanished from my life, and doing them in a more peaceful mood. That's where this meditation helps me a lot. Am not yet practicing meditation daily, but nearly. And yes that's something new to me. I even bought the full app. And am now going to do some ;-)

Another happy day without that sh.. game.

2 weeks clean !

Just discovering your journal, great ! Seems many of us need many relapse for getting out of that thing... and as you said, same feeling not to have progressed really. Am just a week ahead of you, but i am cheating, am very often in places with no gaming computers or no computers at all. Am anyway too much surfing internet right now ! Have a good one Hitaru !

Completely agree. I don't know why many people want us to fail ( bla bla bla ... it proves it was a wrong decision... bla bla bla) and then shut up when we succeed. And that can be as closed as girlfriend, closed friend, supposed to be mentor. But we can always manage with efforts over years. I sometimes thing that I have been hard core gaming to prove them that it's was not my will and capacity which were wrong, but this gaming addiction. Like if I were to afraid to succeed and really had to find a way to fail. That would have been an acceptable answer to stress if this f...ing gaming addiction was not becoming a bigger problem by itself.

Thanks ! Today I have had cravings for 10-15 minutes, even watched a game streaming. Hopefully had a rehearsal at home and musicians arrived to cut that... saved by the bell ! Now no cravings anymore since...

i dreamt i was playing last night. but no craving now

your day and desperate mood sounds very familiar to me. maybe try to find the book of poems of Houellebecq. his poems are a bit depressiv but the introduction is super powerfull and inspiring. And you need to get out to find it! hold on!

day 11, no cravings at all