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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. I agree. It is very important. But I still think meaningful goals are good as well. So the question is, like you said: What is a meaningful goal? And how far should I go to reach it? Think about Ronnie Colman, the former bodybuilder, who pursuit his sport up to the point, where he is today so severly injured that he is even having trouble to stand up. Several operations! Is it worth it? I don't know. For me personally, it would'nt. This sounds like an amazing guy. Where did you find him? I would say that someone like that can be a gamechanger. But up until we have found someone like that, we should find a solution for ourselves. What happens, when noone else is listening and talking? I can be quite orderly and productive, when people are watching. But what happens, when I am alone? This is, where those meaningful goals or identities can become very useful. The cool part about the internet is that we can have several "virtual" mentors at once. I certainly had some "mentor" for my fitness journey. Same for diet, procrastination or psychology. Think about the impact, a guy like Jordan Peterson on many people! I would certainly call him a mentor as well. But having a mentor really talking to you is so much more valuable. I admire you for that. Same for you man. And isn't it beautiful that even a small action by someone else can create a spark of motivation in someone else, which then grows into a life altering experience? So you certainly helped me as well. For instance, you made me realize that my hookup with this random person was a bad idea and in some way changed my beliefs about relationships to some degree. To the better I think. ^^
  2. It's gonna be alright pal. You are a meaningful and important person. Everyone is important. Even your parents. Well, maybe not Hitler. xD But if your parents are completely self centered, you have the chance to be better than that. Do you really think, they never loved you? I don't know. But keep having an impact on people's lives. I see you constantly helping me and others in this forum during difficult times. And it is well appreciated. But then we should realize that this is not only about taking, but also about giving. If you keep giving, you will get something back. And you are already giving more than enough. For instance your amazing animations. They might be for you a strategy to get some appraisal. But for me, they are more than that, because they show me, what is possible with hard training and effort. And how new passions can develop over time. They motivate me. Maybe eventually, they will motivate me to try painting again and take it a little bit more serious. It is one of those things, I always wanted to learn. But I am not there yet. But you are a role model for sure. And I also think that your friends would understand. I used to believe, I could never tell some good friends of mine, how shitty I am and that I am having social anxiety. But once I shared it with a good friend of mine, we were almost immediately closer together, because she was very helpful and understanding. So keep in mind, you are not alone in this world. You are a very vital part of it. 🙂
  3. I couldn't agree more with this, what Marek said. I recently was listening to a Jordan Peterson lecture about the growing dragon. It was basically a kids story about a young boy, who has an invisible dragon at home. After time, the dragon grows. But no one else is seeing it or wants to ignore it on purpose. Eventually, the dragon grows and becomes a threat. Rooms fall apart, the house gets destroyed due to the sheer size of the dragon. I think this is an amazing metaphor, because this happens, when we ignore things: The dragon grows. The bill becomes a bigger problem, when unpaid. Problems grow, when not dealt with. I used to not make important phone calls, because I was too afraid. But in my stomach there was always this nagging feeling of not doing it. And there were serious consequences, which grew exponantionally with time. The dragon grew as well. Not going to the lectures, because I was too afraid let it grew as well. But when we start looking the dragon into the eye, it will get smaller almost immediately. Then you see that you were stronger than your fear and that those situations are now not as much a problem anymore. Ofc he always says that the situation may still be as fearful, but you are now stronger. Little difference and boils down to the same thing. That is also the reason, why dragons always guard the gold, according to Peterson: Facing the dragon will make you rich and a hero.
  4. That is the most important thing, I would say. Videogames were just a strategy, you used to get there. You identified with it, you liked it. It fulfilled you. Nothing wrong with that. Now the interesting thing is that this is not the case anymore. But that is the beauty of it: Try to look out, what will give you this feeling again. The feeling of fulfillment and happiness. Start to experiment with different things. If so far, trying to badly end it, maybe now you could therefore try to start something new. Something better. That is a fundamental difference imo. Therefore, I actually disagree with what Cam says that all you need to do is just trying to do someting else. I agree that you should do something else, something more meaningful. But not as a strategy for "not gaming". The fear of relapse is the biggest reason, while people fail with recovery. That would be like eating salad for the sole reason of trying to not eat chocolate. The result will be that you want the chocolate even more and you perceive the salad not nearly as fulfilling. I see this stuff all the time in the forum - that those "replacement activities" are not perceived as gaming was fulfilling. But once you fall in love with the salad, chocolate will become meaningless. Start to love other activities and you are not a gamer anymore. Cam himself relapsed after years. The only reason was, because he was still a gamer. Once you are not a gamer anymore, it is inevitably that you are not "addicted" anymore. I am therefore more curious to hear more about your pursuit of these things. That all sounds amazing!
  5. Problems and solutions Claimer: This is mainly for myself as a memo.) However, as I was thinking that so many problems are now solving themselves, I did a little meditation on problem solving. Keep in mind that a meditation can also be a short time of intense thinking about something. When Descartes came up with his "cogito ergo sum", he called that meditation. Meditari is latin for thinking about something. So then, I was considering problem solving. Why are there so many problems? I think, because we have this fundamental idea, to conceptualize a very big, insurmountable problem, by splitting it into smaller problems. The biggest problem, I can think of, is probably the problem of death. We don't like it very much. Huuuge challenge! But death itself, as threatening as it may be, it is not really something that can be solved, as it will happen regardless. So this leads me to the next thing, I can think of as the biggest problem imaginable: Which is life! Life is a huge problem, a challenge, filled with several little problems, which create the gigantic whole, we call challenge of life. So then. you cannot solve the problem of life, such like that. Therefore, we split it into several little problems: The problem of health, the problem of politics, the problem of geography, the problem of passions, all in the sense that they provide challenges. And I can see that every "problem" can be split up once again. The problem of health may consist of the problems, sleep, eating, fitness, exposure to sunlight, relaxation, whatever. But I am not done. It can be split up even further. Let's think about sleep: It may be split into the problem of falling asleep, the problem of sleeping through and the problem of awakening. Because some people have trouble to fall asleep. So, can I split that even further to find the issue at stake? I mean, I can see the problem of putting my head on the pillow and my leg on the bed, or closing my eyes which might be a challenge for some people, for instance older people. But then I struggle to split it up even more. I would reach a point, where involuntary actions like the fibers of my nerves would be a problem. So instead, we focus on other things: Like checking the smartphone in the evening. But that is not a part of "falling asleep" is it? It only postbones it. Because falling asleep involves closing my eyes, which I am not doing, when checking out the smartphone. So, it is not a part of the problem. It is just a problem itself that interferes with another thing, we just called a problem as well. So why doing it? Why acting out all the problems? Like smartphone stuff? Useless browsing or useless eating? This is inevitably the point, where we start coming up with reasons. And then we start to imply causality: I check out the smartphone, because I am bored. I check out the smartphone, because I want to have some fun or whatever. So let's summarize: I have a problem, because another activity, which I also call a problem, interferes with it. But this problem itself is also done, because there is another third problem. That does not make sense. I cannot call everything a problem. This is, when I start calling something a solution. The smartphone is a solution for my boredom. So I reached a point, where there is no difference between the terms problem and solution. They are identical. Or different sides of the same coin. I see that every single problem is also a solution for something else: The solution called falling asleep solves the sleep problem The solution sleep solves the health problem (at least partially) and the health problem solves the "life problem" (once again only partially). And what about the problem of life? Is it also just a solution? What about death? Is death just a solution for life? Because without death, there would be no conceputalization of life. You cannot draw a painting of a face, without the background. It is the black and white, the dance of shadows and brightness that creates an object. So we have to stop calling something a problem, because it is also just a solution. The problem of gaming is a solution. There were reasons, why we did it. In that sense, we have decided to switch our problems or solutions. Instead of the solution of gaming, we are now focusing on the solution of painting, going to the gym or studying. This leads to the idea that problems only exist, when we see them as problems. But that is also the case for solutions. The best example of this happened, when a couple of weeks ago, I was constantly busy looking into the mirror and seeing my fat tissues. I remember, how unhappy I was with the still existing fat tissues and how miserable it made me - up to the point, where I had the idea that there is no difference between now and one year ago, when I was quite obese. But then accidentally, I stumbled accross some old pictures of me. And I was shocked: The difference was huge. I was unable to see this before. All the sudden, the problem stopped to exist and was a solution. In that sense, being in a bad place can be a motivation for change. But it can also be a depressive fact that pulls you down into the darkness. Couting the number of days of not gaming, is a solution and a problem. It can motivate you and it can be the reason to give up! I was doing a little google search to see, it other people have come to the same realization. I found an interesting article that deals with it: https://code101.net/code-101/solutions-are-problems-and-problems-are-solutions What I like about it, is that it comes to slightly different conclusion: Choose your solutions/problems. I liked this quote especially: "How can you use the concept of solution-problem equivalence in your daily life? Simple. Stop trying to solve problems, and start choosing which problems you’d rather have. Or, if you like, which solutions you’d rather have." Amazing. It boils down to what I always say: We should not try to not game, but instead focus on something else. In a way, we have just decided to focus on another problem. Or should I call it solution?
  6. Alright. I have some sleeping troubles. Awakening in the middle of the night two times. But that is fine. It will go away probably, once this thesis stuff is gone. So really nothing to worry. I also moderated my noodles once again today. I am happy about that. I have enough for an additional meal as a result. I also made important phone goals today, which I usually postbone. Right now, it feels that everything is going perfect. I am also figuring stuff out for my thesis and can almost send my results part to my tutor. Life is awesome!
  7. Well that is the point: If you feel like a gym rat, motivation is not even necessary anymore. Thus, there is no need to impress girls. Thus, it is all a matter of what you want. And then you adjust your strategy. Everyone can get ripped. 90 percent of it is your diet. If you have too much fat, you are eating too much bad stuff or just too much. If you are too thin, you may not eat enough. Muscles don't grow or don't show. Fat people might actually be ripped. There is just a huge layer than hides it. ^^
  8. back in my gaming times I would dig those games a lot. The games actually brought me to real basketball and nba stuff. ^^ Unfortunately, the games became more and more pay to win, which was super annoying. It is tryhard for sure. You have to be in order to become pro. But there is a lot to learn regarding discipline from people like Kobe Bryant, who sadly passed away this year. I mean, I am not sure yet, what will happen, if I try this. But the funny part: It is the opposite for me: I rush my food when watching stuff. I really enjoy it and it is a ritual. But I would like to notice that I am eating. That is not always the case when watching stuff. So yeah, exactly the opposite. xD It really is more about noticing the food. Eating slower and spending more time with it. Is is quite mechanical, when I watch something. So maybe an alternative would be to still watch something, but pay more attention to the food. But I have not thought about strategies to do this yet. That made me laugh a bit. But there is some truth to it. A person like me, who is quite an agreable person could definitely bear a bit more provocation and "conflict" to be less "shy". You are a Peterson listener, so I guess you are familiar with the ocean model. While thinking about it, that is an interesting point. Maybe slowly being a bit more "self centered" maybe the anxiety will go away. Ofc without becoming a jerk. Just becoming someone with a spine.
  9. Can you describe that? Is it just something daily that will vanish or is it more?
  10. Alright. Today I did it: I have my usual portion of noodles, and I split it into two meals. I am very proud of this achievement. I have to say that I thought, this moderation stuff regarding food would be harder at first. So maybe I could be even more relaxed. But the thing is of course that I don't want to. ^^ I still want to look ripped and be a badass. So I have no intentions to put too much junk food into my mouth. Maybe I try milk the next couple of days. I would also drink a complete litre of milk at once and feel horrible afterwards. Also I could order pizza and see, if I can split the pizza in two pieces and eat the next slice another time. Many things to try. You have no idea, how addicted I was. I remember the all star weekend 2016 of the nba. It was the saturday stuff, three point contest and dunk contest. While watching Aaron Gordon and Zach Lavine battle it out, I had ordered six little pizzas. It was at 3 am in the morning. And I ate them all. You have no idea, how this binge eating shit feels. ^^ So it is nice that I this might be another part of my life that is slowly coming to an end. Another long term strategy that I would like to finally achieve is to eat without watching something. But I know that I am not ready for this. I would only force it for now. I guess this involves some kind of enjoayble ritual I do, where I am not missing something. But again, just another long term goal. For now, I keep experimenting. Today, I was quite successful with my statistics. I think I have figured some stuff out. Now I will learn some philosophy and then I will go to bed. Maybe some strong by zumba as well. I am not motivated for weights right now. I was also walking outside. I still see myself not trusting other people. I feel like an alien outside. I feel judged by every person passing by. I guess, I will continue this for a while. Going out and being judged, until I am not judged anymore. That is just basic behavioral therapy.
  11. So let's thing about absense. How can you stay absent from something? You can force it: Count the number of days. Force yourself day by day. Try all sorts of things to fight the urge, like installing programs to block something or even destroy it. The other strategy is to change yourself!!!! This, I think, is way more effective than the first strategy. You think about, who you would like to be. If continuing to play games should be a part of that. If it will be helpful in that sense. Understand that when games are not important anymore, you are not the same person. You have changed. A couchpotato will never go to the gym regularly. A gym rat will. A junk food lover will not eat vegetables. A healthy eater will. So instead of trying to go to the gym as a couchpotato, try to become a gymrat. After a while you see, that it does not control you anymore. That you don't need it anymore. You have become some different person, who is not relying on it anymore. As long as you are a gamer, you will always crave games. No matter what you do. No matter how many days you stay absent. You can count the days as long as you want. If you are still a gamer after 90 days, you will still crave them. But if you become someone else just one day later, you have beaten it. I don't buy in the premise that it needs a certain amount of time to overcome something. The only way, that games don't control you anymore, is by becoming a different person. Become a non gamer. Maybe become a gym rat. Maybe become a studious person. Become, who you like to be. So, that would be the "absense strategy". Let's not think about the term "absense" as something time based or geographical. Become absent from yourself. Have new goals, new thought patterns, new beliefs, new hobbies, new passions, new friends, maybe a new environment. All of it. This kind of universal absense is by far the best strategy to gain control over something. Nothing comes close. The next step will be moderation. I think however that absense it the fundament for that. I am just starting to understand this. But that is not important for this journal for now. Just tell us the story, how you changed into someone else. One year from now, look back and see, who this other person was and be proud. Don't bother about relapses or something. It is all fine. 🙂
  12. I am completely relaxed today. My ethics meeting went fine today. I did not care really much about the other girl, which annoyed me the other day. It was alright. Now I will start working on my statistics stuff again. I will today set a limit of one hour in which I will decide, which cutoff score to use. I have to keep going. I will get feedback from my tutor, so if something is wrong with it, he will tell me. I also have other stuff to do. So no more pondering about that. I will also cook some noodles later with thuna, eggs and joghurt and fry it all. I like that a lot. Today, I expect from myself to not eat everything at once, but have enough left for the evening. I am not talking about some pathetic rest, which is only existing, because it was absolutely impossible to eat it, but because I consciously decided to stop after an appropriate amount. Nothing else is planned, I will just see, how it goes. Maybe working out a bit and maybe learning for my upcoming philosophy exam. And I think, I should go outside at least once. That would be all.
  13. @BooksandTrees I am nothing but impressed. I feel in the last couple of weeks you made a huge jump. Not only am I impressed by your skill level of 3d modelling - those animations are pretty much as good as they can get, but also by your abilitiy to act during states of relaxation. The next step will probably be not only to moderate yourself even more (same for me), but also to become this "effective" during days of more stress. Because there will be many more days of stress. Not only, when talking to your parents, but when not getting a thank you at work or whatever. It is the same for me, when I enter a lecture hall or when I would have to go to a party: It is like I am born again and I have to learn everything from scratch. Like, all the things, which are working fine and perfect in one condition are not working anymore in another condition. That will be probably the next step. But for now, I guess we focus on the one condition first. I expect to see many more pokemon. Can't wait to see a longer animation. 🙂
  14. Absolutely a nailbiter. I tend to forget to drink, when I am working on statistics. I also tend to forget to eat and at some point have to stop, because I cannot deal with the hunger anymore. I agree. We are getting there. I was actually stressed. Stressed about not being successful enough. There is a method, I am pondering right now. There is no scientific evidence, which is the right cutoff score to remove an item from the analysis. I probably spend 8 hours yesterday thinking about that. This makes me stressed. But at the same time, I feel good that I am working that hard. And I was smart enough to stop in the evening and go to bed at a proper time. But I also recognized that I was sitting way to long at my desk and watching at a screen for too long. Absolutely similar to gaming. Of course it is necessary to work hard to get this right, but I feel I coould be more balanced.
  15. You are fine man. You are not lazy. You just felt that it is important to watch some videos. What do you mean with the only thing? When I was gaming back in the days. Doing 20 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of an online course would have been an amazing accomplishment for me. Be proud of yourself Be also proud of this!
  16. The way of celibacy is an interesting one. I am doing it for sugar for instance. Haven't eaten stuff like chocolate etc. for a long time. I don't know anymore, how chocolate tastes. I think that sugar is bad. It is a demon. It kills people. It is worse than cigarettes and alcohol combined. It was controlling me. Guess what, with this mindset, it was easy for me to stay away from it. For you, it is the same thing with your semen. One strategy is the absence of a substance release, the other is the absence of a substance intake. Both boil down to the same idea: Absence. Absense is the ultimate way, to gain control over something. This control will make you free and gives you the abilitity to see, what else is out there. I found that I like to work, I like the gym and like studying. I like to draw sometimes. There are many more things to explore. This makes the way of celibacy quite remarkable. However, we are both wrong in some way. Sugar does not kill you. Eating way too much of it makes you overweight and this can cause serious diseases. Feeling shame because of overeating makes depressive. Masturbation doesn't waste energy. Doing too much might cause a strange fixation on it, less self confidence and dependence on porn or some objectification of women and therefore losing quite some time doing it, thinking about it, feeling bad about it and THAN feeling less energetic. Neither of the both are good or bad. Gaming is not bad either. But gaming so much that you neglect other areas of your life is bad. I know people, who play a couple of matches and than they do something else. Just like that. Truly fascinating. That is my ultimate goal. Check out my journal. Right now, I really think a lot about moderation. But I spent probably 15 months in celibacy with sugar. I am still doing that. So I understand your strategy to the fullest! This is, why I will not argue with you about the no fap stuff. I think that it is a pseudoscience and a huge placebo. But I want to rephrase your sperm/blood analogy so that you understand, why despite of my scientific concerns, I agree with your strategy: One drop of your semen is not equal to 40 drops of your own blood. There is not scientific evidence for that. But check this out: One drop of your semen is equal to 40 drops of your own blood TO YOU! So if your semen is that precious for you like the absence of sugar is for me than ride this bandwagon. Keep going, get self confidence of it. Become the ultimate master and see, what happens to you. 🙂 This is the path of happiness. Self fulfillment. Here are your goals to focus on. You wrote them down by yourself. One by one, you can adress them. 🙂
  17. I can relate. I feel that I am in this pondering phase the last seven months. ^^
  18. Spend pretty much the whole day working on statistics. Like I would almost do nothing else, except short breaks to eat something. But I have to figure this stuff out. I was reading so much literature about the right cut-off scores and what to do. Man, this is tough. I am happy, when it is done. But thats a thesis. It requires some effort. Moderation was pretty ok, I would say. I feel quite empowered now. I am quite convinced that if I keep this up, I will eventually move to a condition without rules at all. But one step at a time.
  19. @Erik2.0 I mean, a caloric deficit makes sense regarding a sixpack to have it visible. Because a layer of fat will be counter productive. But you said you were quite thin right? So instead, maybe the opposite would be the right thing to do, would'nt it? And yeah, abs are awesome. I have never felt more like a real man. ^^ I am not even doing this anymore to impress girls. I just like to watch myself in the mirror. I think there is nothing wrong with it, as long as I don't become a stupid gorilla or something. xD
  20. Alexanderle


    Whatever feels right for you is the right decision. Don't force it. 🙂
  21. How can you know that? What about the rest of the people, who are not "most"? I mean I am also umfomfortable around certain people, but there are so many people out there, who are just like you and me: They want to be loved, have fun, passions and a good life. I am quite sure, there are many people, once you knew them a bit better, you would like as well. 🙂
  22. A very nice post full of interesting things. I understand your point. If it is really that bad than maybe you need to stay away a bit. Whatever might be helpful. Or the opposite. Who knows. I don't. But I know that even my father, who I love dearly, is quite the talker. Sometimes it is just 10 minutes listening to him and about his things. And I am fine with that. The older I become, the more I will be responsible for him. So I deal with that. It is not always about me. But I think there should be some kind of balance. Interesting that you measure all of that. Isn't this quite time consuming and requires a lot of effort? That nails it. I don't want to work 24/7 and then be completely tired. I also want some fun in between. I don't want to have the perfect diet without any exeption. I just want to feel good about my body and not feel controlled by bad food. And when I have some fun, I want to be able to just continue to work, when I feel it is needed, without being pulled back by the "fun activity".
  23. Yeah that really is it. And I think we both made the next next really. Going from one extreme to the next. And now we balance it out.
  24. You mean that you don't know how to get it or that you are not interested? Because in order to get it, you just need to to a series of weight lifting exercises of a variation of it. Cardio will not get the job done. In general, it is just too boring for me. I see those people in the gym all the time. Mostly newbies, they just run for one hour and when I am done, they are still running. Or people who are READING, while being on the bike in the gym. It is crazy, you can see on their faces that they are not enjoying it, because it is too repetitive. What has worked for me, to change it up nicely is strong by zumba or other courses. Check them out. It is super fun and you are training quite nicely.