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Alexanderle

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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. Welcome to the forum. Good to have you here and good luck with your journey. 🙂
  2. So here is the thing: They still see in you the gaming comerade. The person to have fun with via games. It seems that you don't like that. So tell them that this person (you, the gamer) is not existing anymore. You don't like games. You hate them. They are annoying. They are a waste of time. Well of course this also depends on your brothers' age. But I did something like that with almost everyone: My family, friends (even the non gamers) and of course my gaming friends. I would tell everyone, how my life has been deeply and negatively influenced by games and that I want to change that. Everyone understood. No one forced me to play. Of course those people are all a little bit older and were very understanding. I image that it could be harder at a younger age. But here is the main thing: While they might see you in some way - how do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a gamer? Why would you be sorry to not play with them, if you are not a gamer? That is your goal right? This whole thing is not about trying to just not play. This is to become a non gamer. To act like a non gamer. To behave, eat and shit like a non gamer. You get the point. xD Eventually, you are turning into a whole different person with a new identity. This is bigger than some bullshit kids game. Become, whoever you want to become. I turned into a very muscular ripped gym rat and industrious student. If I think back at my past, I laugh about this loser.
  3. That is a difficult question to ponder. Because I am in a similar situation, where I just went with the strategy to admit that it has power over my life and just completely ignore it. I did this with gaming as well as with sugar. I saw it a couple of days ago, when my father celebrated his birthday. We had some cake. Now, I don't eat that stuff ever, but for this occasion, my family almost forced me to have at least a little piece of it. Immediately, when eating it, there was this feeling that I could always have more. Without even being hungry or anything, I could have easily eat a couple of more pieces. So, despite pretty much avoiding it all the time at all cost, sugar still has power. I think, it would be similar with gaming. And when I look around, no former drug addict, may it be of alcohol, cigarettes or harder drugs seemed to be successful with moderate consumption. I have this feeling that even without eating sugar for years, I would still have the same feeling - How tasty it is, how good it makes me feel. So I have no idea. I just can't answer this question. I am actually afraid, if I would ever fall back into the trap of sweets, sugary drinks or cookies, everything would crumble. My whole confidence in myself started with my "control" over sugar. So I am too afraid to go back. And don't get me started with gaming. xD
  4. I think that this is very important. Relapses do happen. And that is not so much about the end result of not playing for a particular amount of days as it is about the things, which you will learn on the way. Very important step! Not only because it makes it harder to go back, but also as a proof for yourself that you are not a gamer anymore. Because people without gaming accounts are not gamers. So now you can build that up and not only show yourself that you are not a gamer anymore, but also show yourself, who you are instead or more important: Who you want to become instead. Keep it up!
  5. @BooksandTrees I think your two methods are a good description of something, of which I was aware of, but I never phrased that way. Makes a lot of sense. I think I have examples for both of them. Right now, I think psychology, what I studying as well as working out are huge passions. And I think, I always felt that if there is something, which I kinda have to force myself to do in order to see, if it is a passion, if was not really a passion. But then I also slowly build up my habit for working out and it was not always easy or something I enjoy. Probably once again has to do with our mindset, our identity and belief systems, but yeah, I guess your message is to just be patient and keep going. Will do so. Thanks!
  6. I think that this is the perfect explanation, why I still struggle with pornogrophy. It worked to avoid it, when I had a short thing going on for a couple of days. But there is just no replacement. Straight on point!
  7. Passion vs multipotentialitism So, this is a very important thing, I have been thinking for quite a while. And I still have not come to an agreement with myself. Gaming has always been my "passion". So that I would do it as often as possible. I surely was a professional in that sense - I can only guess the number of hours. And something, which is very honourable in our society is the idea that someone finds his passion, or that sometimes, the passion finds you by heart. Guys like Lang Lang, a genius piano player, Lebron James, probably the best basketball player of the 2000s so far or Charles Darwin. He has spend more than 20 years on his main project regarding evolution theory. So, it seems that some people are quite able to find this one passion. For me, besides my "passion" or better addiction of gaming, this has always been a struggle. Recently, I read something about multipotentiates - people who accept the fact that not a single passion passed by and therefore engage in several of them. I kinda see myself in this ideal. I always was a person, who started a netflix series and would quit after one season. Even my most beloved series of all time, Game of thrones and breaking bad - I quit them both in between at first. The same with studies, courses or "hobbies". I tried quite a lot of things whether it is music, art, bottle gardens, programming, language learning, running, ... this list is longer than you could ever imagine. So why I always had this sense of failing and incapability to finish something, the concept of multipotentialite gives me a way out in the sense that I might not only have failed: A multipotentialite is not someone, who finishes the book for the sake of finishing the book, but rather to read the book UNTIL he has found, what he was looking for, from entertainment, knowledge to meaning. While I don't see myself as a multipotentialite in the long run, it is an interesting worldview as a contrasting pole to the idea that you need to have a passion. I think we don't like to be mediocre. Being mediocre scares us. It is fine to be very bad at it, so that we can say with certainty that we dislike it. Or we are very good and feel like a champion. Being neither nor is not very alluring. But that is just an idea. I have no proof for that. Now here is the deal: the concept of multipotentialitism seems to ignore that we sometimes are not finishing something, just because we are not capable, or we are not strong enough regarding will power. But maybe this could also be put into the same category with being bored. So I just leave it at that. But here is someone, who would totally disagree with the idea of multipotentialites: Bill Gates. He is known to read many books. And he finishes every single book, even if he does not like it and disagrees with it. So while this seems admirable or even a bit insane, it might reflect his character, his wisdom and a reason, why he is so successful. He is very smart in many different areas and really suggests that we should adept the habit of finishing things, something I always have failed to establish properly. I tend to agree with him intuitively, but I also like the comforting message of the multipotentialites that I should do, whatever I am seeking without really focus on finishing things. It is a tricky pony and in a sense I think that Bill Gates should be more trusted, since he in some way is a morph between the dimensions of passion and multipotentiatism, because he has a variety of passions, not just superficially, but quite elaborated, as far as I am aware of. I really don't know, what it the right way to go here. Maybe it is totally subjective. What works for Bill Gates, might not work for another person. Anyways, for now, I am more focusing on the Gates way of finishing things. If I am successful with that, maybe I will be able to evaluate this topic at a later point in time. Maybe I then try to go for the multipotentialite way, which is certainly comforting, but for now not attractive enough for me. That's it for now.
  8. Why not change it up a bit and start with some of your university work before some of the other routines? Sometimes, starting is all there is. But that is a difficult thing to discuss, since I know, how valuable those kind of mourning routines can be, which you are talking about. Regarding university and learning, I really have understood something important: If you are in this mode, where you kinda have to do it and you are checking out the amount of pages, you are trying to reach for this day or you try to get it done as fast as possible or where you are only doing it to kinda get it done because of your grades... those minutes or hours are a complete waste of time. While four subjects sound VERY HARD, try to focus on this: What is the book or the article or the subject contributing to my life? How can it change my identity and belief systems? This is the ultimate aim of university, not grades or just doing the courses. Trying to find out, who you want to become. Therefore you have to start asking questions while reading: What is the intention of the author? What is his stance? Do I agree with that? Are there other ideas as well? Is it helping me to get better in my profession? Since, I have adopted this kind of mindset, procrastination is really not a problem. I am doing this with intention and curiousity. Good grades are not really a problem. They just pass by as a nice consequence. I am not here to brag about that. Just that the right mindset might help your with your work. 🙂
  9. Isn't talking about the idea to do something in moderation already giving something power? Power in the sense that we somehow have to be careful and look out, otherwise it will take over? So that we are admitting that it IS a problem! Ofc we could also say that not doing it at all and trying to avoid it at all cost also gives it some power and the image of a monster lurking in the shadows. So regardless, if we are trying to be in control, which I think is your goal here, in order to enjoy the pleasure of games and their varieties of arts, we are in dangerous territory. Because no matter if done in moderation or not at all (like the detox), we are admitting that it has power to control our behavior. Why go into this fight, if the chance that we lose is high? The only "proof" that we might win the fight, is actually the absense of a fight: We don't care about moderation or not doing something or relapses. We just do something, but than we have no problem to stop it anytime and do something else. Like maybe someone, who decides to read a bit, but that quits after 20 minutes, because he has to go back to work. All without internal struggle, because it is just his hobby to read and a way to relax and come down. Nothing more, nothing less. But then, it we are in that stage, we have no problem to begin with...
  10. But aren't we ultimately than make distinctions again about right and wrong? If something is compulsory, we make distictions about what is "right" to drink and what is not? Or if something is voluntary, we only voluntarily do that thing, which seems to be "right" in that moment? Abraham Maslow does the same with his hierarchy of needs. I think sex is as important for us as breathing, eating or drinking. An evolutionist would argue that we want to spread our genes as an innate need. But I think, it is even more complicated than that. There is a reason, why pornography is so successfull, why dating apps are popular and why a movement such as no fap is so successfull, because trying to control such a powerful need seems to be tempting.
  11. That is an interesting point whether those categories are more gradual or "black and white". The thing is that there is not a right answer I fear. It depends on your belief system. For me, drinking two liters of soda is not fine, because it contains so much sugar. I litterally never drink it ever. I only drink water, tea and coffee. Now two litres of coffee are fine for me. Another person might argue that this is a bad thing. Or I say that masturbation is fine, while it is not fine for some people, because they what to achieve something with that abstinence. In the same notion, we could say that two hours of gaming is fine, while two hours of reading a book might be better. It is impossible to come up with categories, which are "right or wrong". 100 percent agree with this.
  12. I can't help it. xD As future psychologist it is kind of my job to try to look for meaning and make as much expressable as possible. The fascinating thing that I have observed in myself and also in others is the fact that the stories and narratives, we tell ourselves and belive in are very important to our success. In this journal, I am just collecting my ideas and thoughts. I cannot be sure and would be arrogant to say that everything is true. That is an awesome mindset. But I have have seen in myself that this thing has two aspects. One the one hand, I never managed to sustain staying "strong" for longer periods of time. Eventually, I would fall back into my "standard". Getting stronger in relation "to my standard" is my current goal. A bit more balanced than before. I think I made some mistakes in that regard. One the other hand, staying strong showed me that sometimes, what I thought is my limitation, is not actually the limit and that I can go further, which helped me grow. So it is a bit of a tricky pony. How much can or should I go in order to "grow and become better"? When am I going too far so that it will backfire? I think this is what I am trying to understand now for me personally.
  13. In my opinion, the reason for our fascination with gaming is only partly due to the Sure, games have mechanisms, which are trying to bring us into a state of flow. But our composition and attitude is also related to this issue: We are competetive, for us gaming is just fun. We enjoy the things, games give us. We are adventure seeking. Games are offering this adventure. But I think, once we are able to see the magic and adventure in other things than we don't need the games anymore. I see this magic in working out as well as psychology. My body is the character, the gym is the daily mission or quest and my muscles are the reward. I also highly agree to the fact than staying busy can be helpful, as long as it is not too much and not exceeding our limitations. Than it becomes annyingly hard work and often results in failure or relapse. Therefore ask yourself. What do these exams mean to you? Are they just a necessary evil? That will make it hard for you. Are they part of a chain of goals, which are in line with your identity and you desperately want to fulfill? Than they are meaningful. In that case: Go and work your ass off. Work harder than anyone else without destroying yourself. Stimulation instead of annihilation. No matter how much time is left. There is no difference, whether the exam is in one month or next week. Just keep going. If you are not able to do that properly, this means one of two things: Either those exams are not in line with your current identity or there are other things, which are just MORE in line with your current identity like gaming or chilling on your couch. Than you should ask yourself, what you want in life, what your current identity of yourself is and if you are satisfied with that.
  14. I agree regarding that. @Amphibian220 But I see a difference between pushing yourself and pushing yourself. If I push myself regarding a thing, which is not part of my natural routines, some kind of illusion, what I like to do that is a waste of energy. I think even in those situations, where you have a lot of tasks, it is still within your capabilities and limitations. I think that is the sweet spot: We are committed, but at the same time, have enough energy to get shit done. We don't overdo it. That is the thing, I am aiming at. But before, I often aimed for illusion and ridiculous schedules, which were just not representing myself. Example: I would wake up at 5 work for hours in the mourning, basically eat and sleep and then around 5 pm, which is my personal low point of the day, I would still force myself. This is pushing myself. Is it smart pushing? No Another example: I wake up around 7, feel quite awake due to enough sleep, then work for hours, have a good break and do other stuff in between. Around 5 pm, I don't work, because it is a waste of my energy, but then at 8 pm, I have another burst and push me a bit to read some more stuff. That is also pushing. Is it smarter pushing, which will lead to more results and longer sustainability? Hell yeah.
  15. Self- control Lately, I have been thinking a lot abou the idea of self- control and control in general. I think that it is something, which is very relevant for people like me, who had and have struggling with addiction. It is not only a very nice skill people in our society like to have and show to others, it is one of the main themes in many journals here at GQ, at least in mine: Diet, working out, procrastination, gaming, going out and being social a lot of that has some kind of topic wrapped around the idea to self control. If we would have perfect self control, we would just do it. But there are many things, which are quite tempting, so tempting that it gets hard for us. If we happen to have the right narrative, mindset or identity, however you want to frame it, you can let go. For instance, in my mind, games are not tempting whatsover. I never think about them, they don't mean anything to me. I just don't care. They add nothing to my life. So that is easy. But if there is a chance that there are things, which are somehow tempting to us, but we want to resist them and practice our self-control there is only one thing that results: A conflict inside of us. And I think that this is a huge problem. This conflict will not just resolve itself. It will grow, it will get bigger and bigger. Until it eventually explodes and will cause some kind of relapse regarding our diet, gaming, working behavior, procrastination and watching videos or porn. So I have never seem an alternative to this path. As long as this conflict exists, we will fail. Everytime. There is only one scenario, where we don't fail or don't relapse - if there is no conflict. I could look at a piece of muffin for hours, nothing really happens. I am not conflicted. With porn, it is different. As long as masturbation or pornography are in some way "meaningful" to us, we can try this no fap pseudoscience all day long, it will not work. As long as watching gaming videos or youtube videos gives us a good feeling and creates a certain mood inside of us, forcing us not to do it will almost certainly create an emptiness inside of us, which eventually needs to be filled. I think that this can be a great observation, because it indicates that certain attempts to tackle addictions. If it is something, we enjoy, trying not to do it will not work. Instead, I started to accept those things. My porn addiction? Whatever man. Sometimes eating too much? I don't care. I have started to spend my energy to running against brick walls, I just do, whatever I am capable to do. My work ethic is amazing. It is easy for me. I could work all day long. But the moment, where I get tired, I just stop. Why bother, if I know that me forcing myself to work through this tiredness will make me relapse into procrastination the next day? Eventually, it is all about just doing, what I am capable at this specific moment. It is crazy, how much more energy I have by not forcing myself to do things. Just letting it happen. This is very different from opinions, I had months ago, where I would work diehard through certain periods of being tired. And it burned a whole in me. Now I just do, what I can do. Fuck those Elon Musks and self development coaches, who have no solid scientific background (Elon does I think), and who only want your money and use neuroscience bullshit as "proofs" for their claims. Ofc, there are obviosuly exceptions. But many of them do that and some of their advices made my life more miserable. Making a list of all my goals and deadlines, when to do them? Terrible. Waking up every morning at 5 and ignore sleep, because I can sleep, when I am dead? Bullshit. I certainly benefit when I wake up a little earlier, have some structure in my routines and get some shit done. But why spend energy to "force" myself out of bed and start the day like that, when I can also start it with some relaxed mindset. Crazy, how different my ideas are now. I am more at peace with myself. Self acceptance is coming to mind. But I still have a long way to go. Let's see, how I can use this stuff regarding my social life, once Corona is over.
  16. @Pandaren I think it is interesting that you come to a gamequitter forum only to say that you are fine with games and "healed". 😄 Why even register?
  17. And now the question is: What to do about that? I always like the positive approach. Instead of focusing on not doing something, try to focus on something else. Something, that you consider meaningful. That also has to do with your identity, what you want in life, your goals etc. What do you think?
  18. I don't know. It seems that you care for that title, isn't it? I can't tell you, if this is considered gaming. I don't want to be the external "standard" that tells you if it is ok or not. It has a lot to do with what your own standards are.
  19. Hello, welcome to the forum. Good that you started your journey to an awesome life. I recommend that you start your own journal in the journal session. At first I did not believe it, but it is actually quite helpful and a great way for other people to "get to know you" a bit better and therefore support you. Impossible to generally say that. If gaming is just a thing to do here and then, it is not a problem. But if you feel that it is controlling you than it is a problem. Do you feel that you are in control? Then you should not do it for now. We only should do things that are resonating with us. 🙂 Maybe in the future.
  20. Hello good to see you back on it. Might it be helpful to maybe rephrase your words regarding the addiction, so that it is not some external force that controls you, but rather that it is you actively deciding to play games? Because I think, while this does sound like a bad idea, it is a way to start taking responsibility for your actions and therefore taking responsibility (and power) away from the addiction.
  21. Seems to be that this is not the case right now. If it would be than you would do it. So with this reasoning, I define capability as what you are actually capable TO DO RIGHT NOW. If we start thinking of what we would be actually capable at 100 percent (our actualy mental and physical abilities); would that be so good? Maybe we could do it for a couple of days, but eventually, we might burn out. Take a bodybuilder for example. We think that they go 110 percent all the time. And what happens after that? They have to take a break, otherwise they would do more harm to their muscles than good. Sure, we can apply this to ourselves and go beyond what we are capable of. But I think, the next day, we would be quite tired and unmotivated and lie on the bed all day. The reality is actually a bit different. Most professional athletes slowly build it up. They start at 50 % and then day by day and week by week increase it. Eventually, they are at the absolute maximum, which happens to be the point, where they are actually competing with other athletes. After that, they slow down again. That is the case for every professional athlete. But we think that they are at their maximum all the time - it is tempting and we would like to apply this to our own life. But it is not the reality. So yeah, like you said - maybe slowly build it up. Go at the pace that is suiting for you at this very moment. It is not demotivating and creates an upward spiral. In addition, those role models are not at 100 percent all the time.
  22. I have a thing to consider: Maybe those things, you are planning for yourself, are not resonating with you and your identity/ belief system/ perspectives or however you want to phrase it. So instead of looking for the things that you feel you want/have or like to do, but are not doing, what if you would focus on the things, you can do right now? Those things, which you can do right now? Myself as an example: A year ago, not gaming was not an option to me. But starting to work out and change my diet kinda resonated with me. I really wanted it so bad that there was no way around it. The things I do right now, a year ago - they would have been impossible. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to implement duolingo and daily drawing in my routines. It did not really work out and was way too much. So I stopped. Maybe this is something, I feel capable and implementable in one year. Who knows. Maybe never... So what is it that you can do right now?
  23. Who are you as a person? Can you describe yourself? Are you a gamer? I seems that right now, you are a gamer, who is not playing games. That must be a terrible situation. Ask yourself this: Who do you want to be? Not who you think, you should be or is socially desired of you. No. You decided to quit gaming, because it was not a valuable part of your life anymore. You spotted an inconsistency in your lifestyle. Why is that? Why is there something inside of you that has decided that gaming is not the "right thing" to do?
  24. Maybe. The question is, what does it mean for you to play for 15 minutes? Enjoyment? A way to relax? Will you be able to stop after those 15 minutes and go back to work? Or will it be hard and a struggle for you and you won't be able to focus on your work again? Answer that for yourself and you know, whether you can do it.
  25. I decided to continue my journal in the old way. So I will continue to put my ideas in that one instead of here.
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