TheNewMe2.0

Sounds like things are going well. I wish I enjoyed work more. I enjoy my work with clients but not the time I spend getting supervised which is like 1/4 of it right now. Getting supervised is rough. They're all up on my case about everything and it's really difficult to bear. But I'm doing it and doing the best I can to work with what they're telling me to do.

Day 275 NP 237 Np 228 Med 213 NF 113 Positive: I remembered to meditate. I got up this morning stressed out about work and talked with my mom about it. We came to a good conclusion and I feel better about work going forward. After breakfast and laundry I realized I forgot to meditate. So I went ahead and did it. It was more difficult to meditate after doing things. The earlier I do it the easier it is because my mind is more clear I think. So I'm glad I didn't miss it and have to reset my timer. My clients are gone on vacation so that means I'm out of hours for now. They're riding me hard about getting my documentation and way I work to change. So I've got to shape up now. I have 4 hours of supervision a week. It's nuts. I get supervised like 1/3 as much as I work. Still I'm willing to try my best to work my job and keep my job. I want to keep going. I've been here a year. I might get another job on top of my current one so I'd be working two part time jobs. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do it, but maybe it is. I'd have a lot more work hours and money coming in. Also at the other job I would be able to just come into an office and work instead of having to drive all over town to different clients houses for each individual session. That might be nice. I smiled at getting our Comcast line buried finally I accomplished making a tomato breakfast sandwich I am grateful for Comcast even though they're clearly flawed, tomatoes, breakfast, breakfast sandwich, mom, God, leg rest, backpack, lap table, and water bottle. God bless Erik Also I'm thinking about ditching my timers on here and maybe keeping track of them just with some dates that I record in my page 1 first post. I dunno though these counters have worked well for me so far and I would be upset if I relapsed on any of them due to trying out a change in my methods of record keeping. I guess I could try it and if I feel like I'm tempted to do those things again I could reinstate the counter.

Yeah I get insomnia too. I get it mostly from stress during the day. More stressful day worse sleep at night.

mm fancy butter sounds good. Good luck at your golf group. Sounds like you're growing from your happiness course.

yeah good luck doing more with your generation than the last one. Being fat sucks. I'm thinking about stopping eating desert soon.

Congrats on two weeks.

@DaBest Yeah I have a skincare routine. Every morning and night I apply dermatologist prescribed creams and face wash. It's still not enough to keep my skin clear. They tried prescribing me accutane but it was causing too many side effects. This is like, as good as it gets basically. I think I have to stop watching new shows as often to try to prevent acne. Day 274 NP 236 Np 227 Med 212 NF 112 Positive: I am getting supervised Okay, it's great that I'm getting supervised for my RIC hours. But, my supervisor is a total witch. She's ridiculously strict and on my case about every little thing. I need someone a lot more laid back than her. So I'm going to try to email the masses and ask for supervision from a random therapist. I don't know if I'll find anyone in my 35/hour price range, but I'm going to try. And if I get no responses I'll increase to 50/hour. I don't think I'll go higher than that. Wish me luck everyone. Life: I'm planning on testing a new show every other day now to try to decrease my acne. I'm sure it'll help but probably won't eradicate the problem. This is the price I pay for watching television apparently. I smiled at my water I accomplished getting up despite wicked insomnia from stress after my supervision session I am grateful for my water, getting up, what little money I have, being an RIC, getting supervised for my hours finally, the shows I can watch, moderation, my job, blankets and thermos. God bless Erik

You hit the nail on the head. Tv really is tempting. I just wish I could watch it without side effects. I get acned and stress from watching tv sometimes. I hear gratitude is good for you. Maybe it's true.

That's good to know about German drivers. I'm glad their country enforces stricter laws on protecting pedestrians. I remember in China it was like cars had the right of way and peds just tried to survive. It was even worse than the US. That's too bad you have to drive so far to go hiking. There are definitely trails nearby for me. If I can manage to get up earlier one of these days I'll enjoy going for a hike in the morning before it gets hot. Congrats on being game/porn free that's a big step in the right direction.

@Marek Hey good to see you. Hope everything is going well. I hope so too with the meds. It would make sense that lowering them will allow for less sleep and still feeling well rested. Maybe it'll just take a while to take effect I don't know. I try like one show per day and almost always I'm 'allergic' to the show. That's just what I call it when I can't watch shows because I feel uncomfortable. So far the only new show I've found that I can watch is She-Ra on Netflix. It's a pretty good show too so I'm glad I found it. Day 273 NP 235 Np 226 Med 211 NF 111 Positive: my mom made stew Last night I came home from work and had nothing to eat but a turkey sandwich. I'm glad I at least had that much, but I have gotten used to having a real dinner to eat every night. So I was pleasantly surprised to find my mom had made stew this morning. She doesn't really follow recipes that much. She just throws stuff together. But it usually turns out alright. I've gotten used to cleaning my water bottle first thing in the morning which is nice. Before it was a big chore for me. But now it's not so bad to clean it out and then I get a clean water source all day. I've been getting acne from watching shows and playing board games. But I don't want to stop doing those two things. I'm hoping my acne will improve from lowering meds and I'll be able to do shows and board games. I feel like I can't quit board games because it's the main source of entertainment at my job. They don't want us watching tv with the clients anymore. So board games and taking walks is pretty much it. Yikes. I might just have to deal with having some acne so I can play board games. Life is hard sometimes like this... I smiled at my skin I accomplished eating stew I am grateful for home, work, turkey sandwich, apple, peanut butter, skin, stew, board games, shows and making due. God bless Erik

I have habit trackers for not popping pimples, not masturbating and to meditate. I get bad reactions to watching most tv shows so I watch like one episode of a ton of shows trying to find one that I can watch without distress. I'm like this with everything: hobbies, church, people, dating, books etc. It's a long and arduous process and I wonder if it's even worth it. But I'm doing it lately so we'll see what happens. I also have to sleep on my side, sleeping on my back makes my leg tense up and I can't sleep. That's about all the weird stuff about me I can think of. I hope you can get over your ice addiction and others. I heard ice chewing is bad for your teeth. Maybe you could just get into drinking a bunch of water instead.

Welcome to the forums. I hope GQ helps.

Yeah I'm open to try new hobbies as long as I can afford them I suppose. I hear you on working to replace the habit. I watch tv and it isn't exactly that great for me. But I don't know what else to do with my time so. That's that. I do journal, exercise, write poetry and learn a foreign language though which take up some time. Lately though I haven't been as on top of those things because I want to get right to the tv watching after I read bible and do my GQ post. Ah we'll see I suppose. I may need to change and watch less tv.

Enjoy your kalimba. That's quite the unique choice of instrument. It's cool. Congrats to the Dutch kung fu champ. Honestly I'll probably just get back into walking now that the weather's better. I'd like to get out to the trails more often as they're a lot safer than walking on the street or in neighborhoods. Cars often don't obey the crosswalk rules and will nearly hit you with their cars sometimes. It's dangerous to be a pedestrian going for a walk.

Day 272 NP 234 Np 225 Med 210 NF 110 Positive: I lowered my meds. So I'm now on 2mg risperdal. In four weeks if all goes well I'll be on 0mg risperdal. It's a sleepy road to 0 for now. I'm still sleeping 13 hours a night. I hope that in the next few days I'll lower back to 11 hours a night. That would be awesome and mean that I could get up early enough to go for walks in the morning with my mom which would be great. There aren't a lot of good places to walk for us unfortunately. There's just this park nearby where people play basketball and soccer. But I kind of don't like to be reminded of those sports that I can't play anymore. So it's not the nicest experience for me. I really hope that my sleep goes down now that I've lowered my dose by 1mg. Also I hope that my acne gets better from lowering it. I felt like my skin was worse due to the increase in medication. It's strange that decreasing the meds isn't putting me back to where I was in terms of sleep. It's like the meds semi permanently altered my ability to sleep less than 13 hours. We'll see. I figure my sleep will most likely improve once I've gotten completely off the mood stabilizer. And hopefully my mood stays stable too. Life: I still get acne from trying out tv shows. Just from testing shows to see if they'll work for me I get acne from it. It sucks, but I guess it's the price I pay to watch television. I'm reading a poetry book called Aphrodite Made me Do it. It's really good. I like finding poetry books to read even though they're short. Other than that I can kind of read self help books or mindfulness books (kind of the same thing). I dunno maybe I could transition off of tv and into books. Forget about tv completely. Might be better for my skin. Or lowering risperdal could fix my skin up well enough that I don't get acne anymore from tv and can watch it. That'd be cool. I was hoping the same would happen with basketball which also caused me acne and I'd be able to play again. But I feel like it's a long shot and highly unlikely. It's more likely things will just continue as they are even after the med change. Probably the only change will be a slight improvement in my skin and sleep schedule. I smiled at my mom I accomplished sending a work summary to a colleague I am grateful for risperdal, getting off risperdal, psychiatrist, mom, bupropion, sleeping less, having better skin, tv?, books, and myself for enduring life. God bless Erik

Thank you for your well wishes. I hope I help people. My results are always less dramatic than I'd hoped. Getting used to that and not expecting too much. Good luck with your priestly initiation. I do not want to go vegetarian. I tried before and it didn't work at all for me. I'm sure your family will be okay with your decision and realize that you're chill about it. That's exciting that you're going in for priesthood in hinduism. I'm sure it'll be rewarding.

Yeah maybe I could do kung fu or something, that'd be cool.

Day 271 NP 233 Np 224 Med 209 NF 109 Positive: I tried out a church. I tried out a ton of churches back at my old city. Realized I just didn't fit anywhere and gave up. Now I'm trying a couple churches again. Yeah, we'll see how it goes. I'm still doubtful that I'll find anywhere that I fit to attend. Still in some ways it was nice to attend a service. They gave me a free bible which is cool. My mom will come back around two today and I'll hopefully find something to do with her. Maybe go thrift shopping. I'm watching shows again. The only show I've found that I fit with is She-Ra so far since I started searching again. I have a few shows qued up to try but I'm not too hopeful honestly. I'd say I hit at like a 1/20 rate with shows if that. So I'm used to not finding a fit, it's like a miracle happens when I find a show that fits. I cooked dinner since the girls left. Which is nice. The house is so nice and quiet now and I don't have to deal with the discomfort of them walking in and out of the kitchen. Yeah it's bliss. I smiled at she ra I accomplished going to church I am grateful for church, new city, old city, she ra, trying places, trying shows, beef broccoli, girls leaving and Sunday. God bless Erik

I was thinking about running and cycling. I usually don't have energy to run though. Also we have seasons here so it's like, I could only go outside for those activities half of the year. Summer and winter are too extreme to go outside. But then cardio machines at the gym suck too. So I'm kind of screwed on cardio. Yep.

Good job not gaming.

Yeah I hope I get off meds too. They make me sleep too much and have no energy. Ascetic monk scholar time eh? Well if that's what's in the cards for you go for it. I'm doing my own work for about 3 years I'll be working in homes helping teens feel better and get better mentally. Then I'll get to be a licensed therapist hopefully. It's a big hill you're looking to climb and it seems bigger while you're at the bottom of it. But, once you start climbing you'll get used to it and maybe even feel like you can do it. Or find a way to do it.

It might be worth a try to go hit some balls. New hobbies workout so seldom for me I've kind of given up on them though. And this would cost money every time I want to play which is probably too expensive for me. I appreciate the advice though . I barely get 25 hours a week of work at my job and I'm always in jeopardy of losing more hours. So if not for living at my mom's house I would probably barely have money for rent. I'm pretty low income. Spending time off the computer is good. Are you trying to replace that habit with reading or something else?

Day 270 NP 232 Np 223 Med 208 NF 108 Positive: Yeah. You can see me celebrating 9 months clean there. In other news. Even though I'm down to 3mg risperdal I'm still sleeping 13+ hours a day and feeling lethargic all the time. In testing out tv shows I've developed acne from doing it. Which is highly discouraging for me in my search to find new shows to watch. The shows are causing acne. If I stop watching though, I'll have nothing to do. There is a small chance I can find shows that I can watch without acne though and that small chance keeps me going. I've applied for a weekend job at Aldi. It would be good to have something to do on the weekends and I could use the extra money too. I'm not completely sure I want to follow through with this idea. But, I really don't have much to do with my time otherwise. I just sit around rewatching tv shows on Netflix. Hopefully I figure something out. I smiled at my yoga mat I accomplished getting up I am grateful for yoga, my yoga mat, getting up, 9 months clean, lowering risperdal, chopsticks on sale, Aldi, new job possibility and mom fixing car windshield. God bless Erik

I've been off games for 9 months now. Great. I think games have become a thing of the past for me to some extent. They aren't even among my top three concerns in daily life anymore. Games have faded into the background of life as I don't much think about them anymore. It's a good thing. Sure sometimes I'll have thoughts about them, but I seem to be better at resisting thinking about gaming. I just think about other things instead. I have a lot of other problems that I deal with. But gaming isn't one of them. This site has helped me put gaming in the rearview mirror and drive off safely into my new life. Thank you all for helping me in my journey. I doubt I could have done it without all of your support and the inspiration I draw from you all. I hope everyone keeps quitting alongside each other. God bless Erik

Yeah, we can't game.