TheNewMe2.0

Positive: I'm still posting I have 7 minutes and 7% battery to make this post happen. I'm living life on the edge. I only have a little time in the morning to do my morning routine and go to work. It's pretty nuts just working all day then going to sleep. But today I have some time to chill after work. Like 2 hours. But depending on scheduling I'll only have 40 minutes to eat dinner after work on tues thurs. It's getting pretty tight with the time. Well. I gotta keep going and doing the best I can because that's all I can do. I may have to drop a client because his cbd smoking is too triggering for me to be around. It's making me crave cbd and want to smoke the substance, which would count as a relapse for my 2 years sobriety from substances. So I don't want that to happen we'll see if the client agrees to stop smoking around me. I smiled at my power strip I accomplished getting ready for work I am grateful for my blanket, power strip, work, money, and my moms potted plants all around the house. It's nice having them here to look at and keep me company as I sit here on my couch using the computer or tv. yeah. They're worth smiling at. I'm trying to write a few sentences about something I'm grateful for instead of just a list of ten because I figure it might make me more grateful. I don't know maybe the list is better. We'll see which one prevails. God bless Erik

Sending you love. And I hope we find joy too. Life is a struggle and it's trying. But, it's good and it is a beautiful life we live even despite all the struggles. I hope everyone can find something good to inspire them to keep on living. For me it's my mom. Her love inspires me to keep living.

Great job with your exams. And yes, haha, I have stopped using my name on here. Renewed my anonymity so I can talk about everything a little more.

Thank you for saying that. I'll try my best to keep posting. I've been consistently posting everyday. But lately I've been working 8+ hours and sleeping 13 hours a day. So that only leaves a tiny bit of time to feed myself and post. So I'm sorry if I don't make daily posts anymore, but I'll still post as often as I can. At least every week for sure as I have a day off.

@DaBest Here's the link. Food network has a ton of great cooking videos on their channel. I have an interview today. Although I haven't been feeling this job all that much. They seem a little too serious about the job. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3u7uhLyA-A&t=8s @BooksandTrees Yeah it's not worth relapsing to get hours in. I'm gonna tell him no gaming. He smokes CBD though which is also triggering. He's like relapse temptation client. Positive: I got through a 2 hour meeting. That meeting felt like it went on forever. Oh my gosh I don't like being in those meetings at all. I've got a second interview with a company. I'm not really looking to work there though even if I get the job. I'm still waiting on Li to get back to me about the job with her. Li's job pays more and possibly will give me more hours to start than Jam's job. I could really use to pay increase. That'd be great. Plus working in an office would mean about an hour less commute time per day which would translate to an hour more of getting paid per day = +6 hours a week. That's a big difference in pay +6 hours and +$25%/hour. Li's taking a while to get back to me though. My mom said not to pester her and to just wait for it to come to me. So I'm waiting patiently and not pestering Li. If she doesn't get back to me in another week though I think I might try to check in with her. Well. Hope she gets back to me before then. I smiled at long work hours each day. I accomplished sleeping 13 hours. I am grateful for my mom who tries to provide just about everything I ask for. And does so on a budget too I might add. I didn't have time to make dinner last night and thankfully she came home in time to cook for me. I was really grateful for the food as I'd have to do microwaveable food if she didn't. God bless Erik

It doesn’t seem to cause me to crave for now. But if I can watch him game then I can get like six hours more work per week

My client is wanting me to watch him play video games. I feel kind of bad like I’m cheating on my gaming sobriety or something as I know a lot of people don’t watch videos of games. Is this bad for my sobriety? Do I need to tell him that I won’t watch him game anymore? I seem to be able to watch and be okay.

Good luck in your treatments and everything. Sending prayers your way.

Good job on your test and good luck on the rest of them.

Positive: My cooking skill is improving. So my cooking is improving via the food network videos on YouTube. I made a turkey chili that turned out good although it's not that filling probably because it's turkey. So that's good. I'll probably hit up more videos and cook more dishes. I'm cataloging all the recipes in my phone so I can pull them up and remake them later if I want to. I've got to do some long tedious paperwork for my job. I'll get paid minimum wage to do it, but I'm not looking forward to typing in all this information into the computer right now. I'm still applying for new jobs and hoping on the ones I'm involved in. Watching new shows is not working so far for me. I've tried out a dozen shows and not one of them have I been able to watch due to my tv disorder. It sucks. But at least I've got a handful of shows I can watch with people so I'm not totally unable to watch shows with others. I'll keep searching for a new show to add to my roster. We had a party last night. It was alright. I liked eating with a bunch of people. There wasn't enough food and my mom's friend got mad at her for not making enough. My mom was in denial and said there was enough (but really there wasn't imho). Yeah. What're you gonna do? Some guy at the party was talking to me and he talked too much. I just went to bed eventually though. I still have dreams of sleeping less than 13 hours a night, but I don't think they'll be realized unless they come out with a new version of risperdal that's non-drowsy. I smiled at my rug I accomplished making chili I am grateful for my rug, chili, risperdal which makes me non-suicidal, the food we had, company, potential new shows to add to roster, my job even though it's tough sometimes, my roster of shows, hands and veins. God bless Erik

Positive: Tv is slowly becoming my salvation. So I'm not really supposed to watch tv with clients at work. But it's basically one of the only things I can do with them that doesn't cause me major anxiety. Even the tv shows mostly cause me anxiety so we have to watch from an approved list of things that I can watch on my Netflix. Still I'm grateful for this because if I didn't have these shows to watch then I'd have nothing to do at work. I had to make this choice because board games caused me too much anxiety to do which was pretty much the only other option. They caused me so much anxiety it was making me lose sleep and wake up feeling angry and irritated. I just got through that experience and it was not pleasant. So yeah, I realize I'm not the only one who does this as another co worker said she watched a lot of anime with a client who didn't want to do much else. I guess it's breaking a small rule to avoid losing my mind or having nothing to do. I don't like breaking rules, but I think I have to do this to like just to get by. If I get the new job I'm hoping for I won't have this predicament to deal with. I'll just be able to see clients and do talk therapy for 45 minute sessions multiple times a day. Thus eliminating the need to kill 3 hours of time together like I do at my current job. Then I can be more honest like I like being. squeaky clean. It's kind of odd that I'm so obsessed with cleanliness and honesty now. When before I used to get money from my parents and use it on marijuana by the hundreds of dollars. Lie and say I was buying books for school. Cheat on my class assignments. And just be doing bad things all the time. Sitting around smoking and gaming all day. It was no good. Maybe this is balance for now. I smiled at the 100 tv show that I'm trying out I accomplished getting up 15 minutes early, feels okay but I'm not optimistic about sleeping less than 13 hours I am grateful for plants, trees, fence, house, stand, lap desk, water bottle, journal, poetry journal and shorts. I wear my shorts everyday in the summer. Now that it's fall I'll probably go get some pants from goodwill. Khakis and jeans. But we can't wear jeans at work. So lots of khakis from goodwill, yeah. God bless Erik

You have a posture enhancing chair? Sounds cool.

Yeah good advice. Thanks. The job is a bit tough for now, but I'm doing my best to soften it up. Hopefully Li gets back to me about the new job soon. I'm just waiting on her. Good stuff applying for jobs, exercising and golfing. It's motivating me to apply for jobs too. Although I won't today because it's my day off, yay. Good luck in all your endeavors. Just keep at it you'll get job applications in I'm sure.

Welcome to the forums. It's good to see you're taking steps to get off games. It may be possible to install those games as separate programs on your desktop so you can keep them. I don't know how though. Good luck.

That's amazing you're able to run that far barefoot. It must be good for your health. Do your best to work with your colleagues and let the rest go. Sounds like you know what you're doing.

Positive: I'm getting more clients. More work has begun to come my way at my current job. The interview went okay at the Jam job. That's what I'll call this other person who interviewed me. I felt like I was dealing with some kind of intense feeling in the interview. Like I was being grilled or something. A single drop of sweat poured forth from my left armpit. It made me wonder if this was a good job for me or not. They sounded real serious about the profession and the work they do. A little too serious if you ask me. I like people to be somewhat lax about what they're doing so there's room for error. If it's all super anal and intense all the time it'll break down from being too tightly wound. I don't deal well with tightly wound. Anyways now my hours are up to what approximately 12 and I'll try to get back 9 and maybe 9 more so up to 30 potentially at my current job. I'd probably stay here if I didn't have to like watch tv with clients thus breaking the rules. But I go over there and the client won't stop watching tv while I'm there. So it's not like I can force them off the tv and even if they agreed there'd be nothing else for us to do anyways. So I guess I'll just keep watching tv with them until I get a new job in an office setting where I can be more legitimate and just do talk therapy. I smiled at my client smoking CBD, that's nuts and somewhat triggering, but whatever. It's just part of the job for now. I accomplished making breakfast rice I am grateful for my client, CBD?, Jam job, Li job, current job, lax organizations, 30 hours of work a week, hiking, socks and toenails. CBD because it's helping my client with his back pain. Although it's kind of like, maybe that's just a good excuse to smoke this thing that's like weed. Oh well. At least it's legal completely. God bless Erik

That's a noble intention to accept all peoples. I think that's good. And wonderful that your teachers are all nice. That helps a lot.

I'm looking at outpatient therapy jobs. Currently I do intensive in home. Which means I drive to people's houses and work with their kids for 1-3 hours at a time. I often meet with a ton of resistance and end up riding bikes or just talking with the clients. The hardest part is dealing with their parents freaking out that their children aren't behaving and expecting me to fix everything when I can only do so much to make children listen to their parents. At a certain point more drastic measures than a well meaning social worker need to be employed. The new job would be in an office setting. I'd just show up to work and have clients come to my office throughout the day. Like a more standard therapist would do. Of course it'd be all via Telehealth due to covid. I think the new type work would be better because we'd just sit and talk for 45 minute sessions 5-7 times a day. No more board games, biking around or running around. Don't get me wrong the exercise is great for me. I'm kind of just tired of the client I currently work with. He's always saying something mean to me. It's not nice to be around. I wouldn't be surprised if some of my clients are the same way at the new job. But at least I would be getting paid more and getting to work full time hours which I'm not being offered at my current job.

Hm, there are some Jung audiobooks on hoopla. I haven't figured out how to use my local libraries online cataloging system unfortunately. That's epic you read so many of the psychology works. I went to a school for trans personal psychology. It was originally called the institute of transpersonal psychology. They were totally into how the spirit can be involved in psychotherapy. It was a pretty chill school albeit a little disorganized at times. The clients I work with will most likely be suffering from personality disorders. Anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, maybe some autism, addiction, etc. I'm already kind of used to this population base so I think it'll be alright. Especially if they're a little older and more together than the kids I see now. Career and relationship counseling would be cool. Those seem rewarding and like more professional, not as casual as normal counseling. I may be slowly getting used to the more standard counseling myself. I like being like a friend to people and loving them as they heal. Then I teach them mindfulness and some therapy worksheets and call it a day.

@BooksandTrees Yeah I did, drawing was giving me too much anxiety so I stopped. There were some fun and good ones back in the day though. Now I just write poems that mostly just help me get out my struggles in life. I really only like to share the nice ones, not the ones I write about my suffering. Thanks for the luck, I hope one of my jobs pans out for me too. Positive: Everything's pretty good in my life. Yeah my clients are giving me a hard time right now. But, all in all I'm doing okay. My life is pretty good. I've figured out a system to watch and test new Netflix shows and it's going well. I have a workout routine that I'm keeping up with decently (just deadlifted 165lbs x 5). I drink my 80oz of water a day, sleep 13 hours, do my daily routines. My constipation has cleared up. And I'm looking at two new potential jobs. Both of which would be outpatient work which would (I think) be a lot better for me. Just sitting and talking with people 45 minutes at a time would be way less intense than what I do now. Driving to people's houses, hanging out with their kids for 3 hours at a time trying to find something we can do to pass the time. Dealing with all kinds of frustrating behavior. Kids attacking me, calling me names, saying things that are upsetting to me. Hopefully the work is less upsetting at my new job. Li made it sound like I didn't even have to interview for the job. She'd just set me up and I'd train and start. But nothing has happened yet aside from her texting me 'I haven't forgotten you at all. I'm working on something.' So we'll see. I really hope she comes through and believe she will. This other job I'm interviewing for today is also outpatient work. So if I get it and I can do full time there then that would be a possible option too. The job with Li pays better than my current job so we'll see how much the other job pays. I smiled at bananas I accomplished cleaning my water bottle like I always do in the morning yeah go me I am grateful for bananas, water bottle cleaning, hiking, biking, current job, potential new jobs, Li, deadlifting, and the outdoors. God bless Erik

Good luck studying. Keep trying it's important for you.

Finding activities to replace gaming is very important to recovery. Keep searching and hopefully you'll find some good things to do instead. Rewards are good to look for too.

like gargamel said, it's easy when you're focusing on others to forget what you need to do. Make sure you're passing your classes and taking care of your health etc. You're in a place with a lot of opportunity go to a good college and do well in your major. Good luck.

Hey, it's good to see you're doing well. I'm sorry the job is tough for you right now. I hope your search for a new job goes well. Good for you being proactive and searching for a job. My mom says there's a Chinese saying called, "Riding on a horse looking for a horse." To mean it's good to search for a job while you have a job. I'm doing that right now actually and am looking at two possible new jobs. I've grown tired and uncomfortable with the work that I have to do after a year and some months. I hope to find a new type of therapist job. Are you looking for a new kind of job or just a different company? That's great you're still doing your best at your current job, I like that work ethic. Keep it up.

I got my masters in psychology and am on the path to becoming a therapist. I'm proof that you don't need to know all that much to do it. I don't do well with reading and studying so I only did enough to pass classes pretty much. Plus I was addicted to drugs part of the time I was in school which didn't help my studying. Still I passed and am going forward. Sounds like you know a lot about psychology. That's cool. What was your favorite topic or books? Writing with credibility would be great. Recognition in your field is awesome and can lead to a lot of opportunities too.