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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 231: I think I was in my bed for about 10 hours, which is a fairly long time for me, but it's hard to get up and start the day with a stuffed nose. I have been watching Twitch here and there the past couple of days while eating. I thought of this and figured I'd probably be better off watching some "motivational kick" from Peterson, Willink or not watching anything at all in the mornings. At home, I'd just turn on the radio in the kitchen and sat there until I finished my oats, no matter how long it took, so I'll have to think of something similar here. I did Duolingo, wrote a bit and then went to attend a guided tour, organized by a student organization. It turned out only me and the guide showed up, so we talked a bit and we went to check out the residues of the coal mining activity in the nearby area. He was knowledgeable about biology and chemistry in general, though I admitted to him that my strengths lie elsewhere, so later on we got talking about more general topics. In the end, we were surprised nobody else showed up, but it was an interesting walk around the surroundings regardless. I also set up my FB feed in a way to show me potentially interesting seminars, debates and other things in the area. No Ejaculation: 5 days
  2. Never had the idea you were such a lucid dreamer! I can hardly ever remember my dreams and if I do, they are vague enough to be described in a few sentences. I think you can be a great leader (if you've already lead big clans) and a great achiever (if you were the best in NHL) IRL, just because you've achieved both of these in the virtual world. You might hate both these achievements nowadays, but I think if you can transmute these achievements into reality, you will fulfill your ambitions and rightfully garner the respect of men and the love of women.
  3. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 230: I wanted to go out after the classes at school, but while I don't feel horrible, I have a runny nose and I have to blow it every couple of minutes, so I decided I would not go out. I read for about an hour and just stayed indoors and warm.
  4. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I caught a cold at the start of the week and I'm still under its influence. I will go out for a beer tonight and see who I can find to chat with though.
  5. There's a great book on that called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. The comparison I'd make would be that if one is addicted to gaming, they'll go out of their way and subordinate everything to it. Nice guy is a man who does the same, except the fact he substitutes gaming for a woman. It'd explain why @BooksandTrees or I ended up with fairly manipulative, controlling and even dominant women in the past. They couldn't help to manipulate us and we couldn't help not being manipulated. I think the counter to that is simply having options. You have the option to play games, but you don't have to (and you'll be fine). You have the option to date the woman you've had sex with, but you don't have to (and you'll be fine - although this one is a bit trickier, as we have to deal with our sexuality somehow). I believe as long as one has options he can conceive of and realistically carry out, then he's good to go. Welcome to the forum!
  6. When I wrote "no real benefits", I meant the additional job worries that seem to pervade into your free time. I didn't mean it in the way that you should quit it and live off of welfare or get a shittier job. Good thing you are improving and that you are aware!
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 229: I spent about 7 hours total yesterday and today finishing my uni homework. It was a chore, but it's done. I had an intro English class with one girl in the department store. By a chance, we managed to run into my mom! It was funny, but it didn't derail me. The girl seemed somewhat introverted and shy, I'm used to more talkative women.
  8. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I'm new to this concept, but I am likely correct to say that this is not about age. It's about getting started and never stopping until death. In this specific example, I think I like to be in control of my environment too much, so I need to create opportunities for myself to escape my safe spaces and just let things happen.
  9. I'd say that you give too much of a damn about your job, without getting any real benefit out of it. I currently work about a dozen of hours per week and it still makes me feel important, validated (both socially and knowledge-based) and even successful. It's my opinion, but I think your job safely got into the #1 spot of your life, influencing everything else, and if you aren't enthusiastic about that, then your relationship towards it likely needs a change.
  10. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I'm 22. What made you ask that?
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 228: I've officially moved to the uni dorms. No more excuses about not being able to attend a seminar, a party or whatever else, because it's too far away and it wouldn't pay off.
  12. I respect your ability to be honest if you think things are shitty. Just make sure you don't use your anger too much too consistently, otherwise the stress will kill you.
  13. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    It's hard to trick the body to really ejaculate every day and enjoy it at the same time, at least for me. From my experience, it takes at least 5 days from ejaculation to ejaculation for me to truly enjoy it again. I think I could compare ejaculation to consummatory reward/behavior and whatever I do to get to it as approach reward/behavior. Consummatory reward is nice, but once I get it, it's gone. It's drinking water, having a nice hot bath or getting a diploma at school. Approach reward is better in the grander scheme of things. It is becoming good at something or progressing. It's approaching a woman and the sweet moments anticipation, whether it's the last time I'm talking to her or whether it's the beginning of a beautiful relationship. It's becoming better in English and being able to describe my life with even more colorfulness than before. I also feel more energetic and outgoing after not ejaculating as much. I think I could also add my expanded knowledge about relationship dynamics and sex in the past month to that. Thanks for sharing yourself!
  14. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 227: The few next following rows might be interesting for @BooksandTrees , @DaBest and other people on the forum who currently deal with their sexuality on their down. Even though I never watched porn as most people understand it, I was at some point dependent on other visual stimuli when masturbating, even when I was having sex with my ex-gf. Over time and after a bit of back-and-forth, I figured it if I used my own imagination, I could let it produce something novel every time. Yesterday, so after about 18 days when I was free of intentional ejaculation (and before or after one of the most suggestive sensual/sexual dreams I've had in a long time), I decided to just focus on what makes me feel good. I didn't watch anything or imagine anything. I was in the present moment and I simply jerked off. Finishing "No More Mr Nice Guy" yesterday made me think about shifting my perspective. Be it imaginary or real, I think I focused on pleasing the woman rather than myself and perhaps even boasted about it. I'll try to put myself first the next time in sexual matters. As for other news, teaching went well today and I am moving tomorrow to the uni dorms.
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 226: I was teaching today. I was a bit anxious, but also somewhat enthusiastic. I read a bit during the day and pulled out some interesting quotes that resonated with me:
  16. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 225: Feeling a bit under the weather today, as I have a sore throat. I read more "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, did a bit of paperwork and put together my schedule for the next week. No Ejaculation: 7 days It's kinda weird to admit that, but I have troubles getting out of bed because of this. I do have more energy throughout the day overall though and I think that's an improvement overall.
  17. My observations and opinions are mostly based on the fact that most women decide to HAVE children. I'd rather take the stab in the dark and put you in the approx. 85% of the women who want to have/have children and take the 15% of making myself a fool by doing so, rather than to write something 100% ubiquitous without any real depth to it. Back to your case, I hope you've made it known to your SO about your intention of not having children. When I wrote "leader-less man", I meant a man who is out of touch about the realities of living a balanced life. If your SO has a job, gaming and the relationship with you as all there is to his life, his balance is (as you can already feel, because you seem to actively encourage him to do other things) fairly volatile. I don't think you are out there to "consume" him. What I'm thinking about is that I was in a relationship with a woman myself, where I let it define me from a large part, and whether there might be a chance your SO is doing the same with your relationship. Finishing the loop again, women who have children at least like to have the feeling that they can lean on men who have their backs, especially when taking care of the infants, in case they need the support. I've never heard, seen or read about a woman whose life goal was to be a single mom. I want to have a family eventually and a LOT of my worldview revolves around that, as you can see above. You decided to not have a family. We all have different worldviews and those create friction. I hope you can understand mine better now!
  18. I don't think you necessarily need a lot of shared interests, though it's good to have a couple of them. I think what attracts a woman to a man is that she thinks the man's life is able to incorporate both her and the possible offspring into his life WITHOUT losing his baseline identity that made the woman attracted to him in the first place. One could say women are by and large attracted to security and trust. If he's ambition-less, unwilling to make any changes on his own and malleable (i.e. he will do everything to not lose you, but nothing to gain you), it's a rare woman who is willing to stay in a relationship with a leader-less man, who has no other options than to be with her. They call these men henpecked. Don't worry too much about your age. Yes, women are on a tighter biological clock, but I think it's not up until after 40 when they might start having issues having kids. It sucks to write that, but if you're already questioning whether to blow a couple of dollars on Reclaim, then you probably got your answer whether or not to stay in the relationship. I don't write this easily, but I think I was in the same relationship, just on the side of the male and despite the flaws of my ex, I believe she made the right decision when she broke up with me for both of us. If you're interested, a compact version of my story comparing the months before and after I quit gaming is here, to give you a hint about how I slowly began to turn my life around in a more meaningful direction. I'm content my insights have helped you so far ?
  19. What makes you think that?
  20. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 224: I spent the most of my day in an English class, ran by my friend. I had a good chat with him afterwards as well. I spent about an hour on Twitch, while I was eating. Good day overall.
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 222: I did a ton of errands yesterday. Emails, setting up a small car repair and paperwork. I exercised for a while too. I had to go to a bank and I listened to a podcast. I also visited my brother and talked with him for a while. I went outside afterwards, but I found out I got myself into a sports bar rather than a club. I chatted with a few guys and watched football on the TV. The ratio of guys/girls was about 5 to 1, so I spent about three hours there and then decided to go home. Day 223: I went to school today. The classes were quite nice. No Ejaculation: 5 days
  22. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    They did call me before about it, but I was in the middle of watching Blackadder, so they caught me unawares. I wrote them to write me in the email what they told me in the call after about an hour, to double-check if I understood correctly. It was "just" pay for two hours of classes, but I'm not sure if it's ever reasonable to discuss money matters over phone, no matter how negligible they are. I believe they should be sent by (e)mail or personally by signing something. I enjoy lecturing and I think I could only find that out by quitting gaming. I do it for 10 hours a week, I could've had 15, but I thought I wouldn't want to overstretch myself. I always thought I was introverted, because I spent so much time at home by the computer (even though I streamed daily), but it seems I was wrong. Besides, I find the beginner classes fairly boring as I am basically just a translator for exercises in the book. But being skilled enough to create and cooperate in a situation like on Day 219... it's amazing. My main focus now is to put myself out there, do some networking and see what/who sticks. As for sex, I'm willing to consciously wait even several weeks before I get down to it. I think for most people, having sex implies relationship commitment, especially on the side of the woman. I don't have any hard numbers and nor do I think having sex is wrong, but I don't think it's very wise to commit to someone you've known for a few hours. I guess I could think up some elaborate reason that women can look good even without what I'd consider "too much skin showing", but I think it's just that deep down in the unconscious I feel terrified of my biology, so I think I just try to shove the responsibility away from me by resenting these very attractive-looking girls. I'll try to be more present the next time and force myself to at least approach them. I know I can't fight my biology. I'm not even afraid by rejection as a result, because the (unspoken) rejection is there by default if I don't act at all. I do not think I am experienced enough to really gauge the club environment yet. I plan to go there about once a week, perhaps later on with some friends I meet.
  23. It'd seem like moving is a good idea, but do what makes you happier. Humans are bad at making objective comparisons anyway ?
  24. I think a good idea is to think about what attracted you to him in the first place. What did he do to attract you to be with him? Did he always play 50+ hours a week? There ought be "Reclaim" program for loved ones for a couple dozen of bucks as well to help you out as well.
  25. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 221: In the morning, I had a Skype lesson and got the groceries. I also did a few tasks regarding my move, as a week from now, I will be in my new place. I got an email from one of the companies I work. Some other company refused to pay the company I work for (under their name), so my company said they wouldn't pay me for the classes I had. I promptly sent them an email that I will not stand for this bullshit and that they better sort it out. I'm not sure if this was some kind of a shit test, but I always check my pay on my bank account. When I talk to my company's representatives in person, I'll mention this, as I think they fucked up. I visited my grandma afterwards. I then decided I want to go out, as I felt somewhat lonely and restless. I remembered there would be a small self-help seminar in the area, so I decided to go there. It was called "Switch Off the Saboteurs in Your Head". A lot of the concepts I've heard today were already familiar and they resembled a bunch of the principles I already try to abide by. I felt a bit anxious to ask too much to not be too distracting, but I asked about half the questions/made the observations I wanted to and reacted when it was appropriate. After the seminar was over, I was approached by a woman in her 40s who was there with her daughter who was about 15. It seemed that she was impressed by my knowledge of books/historical events/psychology. I was equally surprised someone would walk up to me and express their interest in my statements/knowledge, outside of my English classes. I'm still a rookie in this! XXXXX I wrote the above statement in @Avnat Netzer 's journal this morning. For whatever reason, the "she looks too good to not be a slut" part seemed like the perfect example I could give, because it was based on my experience from last week's visit to the club. I was shocked by that actually being the case, so I wrote my friend about it in the evening and tried to understand this weird belief of mine. Here I have very attractive women and here me thinking they are "this kind of girls", without even talking to them. I'm happy I managed to detect this pathological pattern within me. The general implication of the above is this: Don't underestimate the ability of people to hate others, because they do better/are better/have success in something. It's a very solid excuse to not try and get better, as it takes the responsibility away from them. It's very appealing. They can't get rid of a pathological belief before they actually make themselves aware of them. I guess nobody can. I also noticed my disobedience levels are raising, for better or worse. It makes it easier to be spontaneous, but harder to stick to plans.
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