Ikar

11th April - 18th April: My girlfriend and I went to a puppet theatre last week. It was an adaptation of Orwell's Animal Farm. We enjoyed it a lot 😄 We spent Friday evening with friends. At the weekend, we also visited both my and her parents. I also had to change the wheels with winter tires for summer ones that are at my parents' house. We also cycled a bit and went to the cinema to watch a documentary. My PC table arrived on Monday, though I can't assemble it fully without a drill. I had the CELTA interview on Tuesday and it went well. That means I should spend July trying to become a better teacher 🙂 Worked on my taxes on Wednesday. I also visited the speakers' club and attended a birthday party, so it was a good day. I fixed charging troubles I had been having with my phone yesterday. Busy week overall, but nice.

Sending a CV is the first (and out of necessity formal) step in applying for a job. Building rapport is for the interview itself and for the trial period. It's not personal that company X doesn't reply to your CV. Maybe their HR is overloaded. Maybe the job offer isn't current. Maybe there are some hidden conditions they don't mention. Maybe some people applied before you and they're having interviews with them before (and if) they get to you. You can't know, so there's no reason to worry about it. What I did in the past (some 3-4 years ago) was to find companies that I felt were relevant to me as a potential employer (that is, even without them explicitly offering a job). I jammed every email adress I could find into Bcc, wrote something short, attached my CV. I did that maybe twice or thrice. I'm sure I sent out hundreds of emails this way. From all those emails, I was at around 30 interviews. Maybe 5 turned out to be profitable (gave me courses at some point) and maybe 5 others came back to me later. But before I started that, I was also hung up on getting a response/interview/job from "that one company". Now I can turn them down, because I don't need them anymore and I have better paid courses. - As for the dicussion about authenticity that @wheatbiscuit @Pochatok and @Vee expanded on: I found out that honesty and authenticity works great in my life. But (and this is a big BUT), there's also a lot of "catching up" to do with others, at least at first. We've rebuilt ourselves since admitting the gaming issue. Some more, some less. Depending on how much we still identify with our "gaming past/gaming trouble", it will influence the conversations we have and the relationships we have. We all here joined this forum, because we understood we had a serious problem. Gaming is/was our drug of choice. Even being among addicts is often troublesome on its own. Some people will damn us for that outright just out of their strange principle that we're not "normal". And even if we never had a gaming problem, people are people and some people don't like others just because.

8th April - 10th April: Worked on some important projects in the last few days. The new PC chairs for my brother and me arrived on Tuesday and I helped my brother to transport it and assemble it. I also ordered a new adaptable PC table, so I'll be able to stand while I work when I feel like it. I'm currently working on a few projects - CELTA certification for English teachers and finishing the furnishing of our new flat.

First thing that came to my mind reading your entry was your commitment to introspection and your wish to figure yourself out. It's a tough job. What has worked for me was to find out what I don't want (to do, make or meet), gradually progress to things I want, plan ahead a little and establish a few routines (sleep, work, hygiene). And to prioritize stuff that has the biggest impact. Reading daily is nice, but it's not the biggest priority when you can't provide for yourself or don't have a sleep schedule. Good luck with your reform 🙂

I'm trying, that's true 😄 Jokes aside, it seems to me you do have more of a "stream-of-thoughts" writing style. That makes it harder for me to react to something in particular - without taking in the totality of the matter and spending a bigger chunk of time on my reaction. I tend to write/journal very concretely and specifically these days. But anyhow, it's your journal and you can write it any way you like 🙂

2nd April - 7th April: First week of living together with my girlfriend and I can say I am happy. A lot of the things are much easier and also smoother. As for the events, nothing extraordinary happened. We worked on unpacking and most of the boxes are now finished. We also had to shop a bit for some smaller things for the flat. We also walked a lot. I had some time to read through the newsletters and educate myself a little. I need to get some other more urgent projects done on time though, otherwise I can't go forward.

I'll just react to this bit. Take the following for what it is: my experience. I was on/off on dating apps between ages 19-22. I even managed to start a relationship over them. Though sometimes, I easily spent more time on them than a hobby or two. Overall, I don't think it's a useful tool for people who have (or try to have) a balanced life. I think these social outlets give you better chances to meet (and date) someone organically and with less effort.

Given all the medical handicaps you have, I think it's just to give yourself a minute and recognize the fact that you've made it so far. Maybe you have bad genes, but you are still willing to fight the odds. That's courage. I think it's great that you decided on the social outlets and I hope you'll continue them even during your period of unemployment. Being alone is no good, especially during vulnerable and life-changing moments. As for the practical things, I'd definitely check the work contract to find out more about the severance. If you think there's anything shady, you can consult a lawyer. I had doubts about the interpretation of a Czech legal document. I looked up some pro bono online lawyer consulting and they helped me out. All I paid was 4€ to check whether I needed to pay over 1000€ or not. Pretty good ROI if you ask me 😄 As for unemployment, there are the unemployment benefits, sure, but consider checking for other sources of welfare too. Czechia has a system, that if the expenses for housing exceed 1/3 of your total monthly income, the state covers some of the exceeding amount. I'm sure Canada will have something similar too. Don't give up! Good luck.

Thanks for bringing it up. Myself, I don't have ADHD, but I do have several autistic traits.

It's beautiful that you care about your wife and child so much. I can't imagine how exhausting and extremely stressful it must be. I hope you can recover some energy, so you can give it to your family further. Respect to you for navigating so well this far!

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm gonna put some time into taking care of myself now. Wrote more about the situation below. 28th March - 1st April: My girlfriend and I went for a trip for a few days. We visited a few towns and nature around them. The issue was that the day before we left, I started feeling ill and had stomach problems. It wasn't nearly enough to take me out completely and to cancel the trip, but I felt tired and weak for the whole trip. With all that, I also had to deal with my girlfriend being active; active in the way of using her time during holidays. We went on hikes and I think we managed everything as planned, although I couldn't exactly keep up with her 100. She had a tough time waiting for me sometimes and I had a tough time keeping up with her too. Regardless, it led us to a dicussion of spending bigger blocks of free time together. I'd say I'm active in my free time as well, just in a different way than she is. If I had a free day tomorrow, I'd spend it on catching up on errands in the morning, reading, spending some time on my work and hobbies and meeting with a friend in the evening. If she had it, she'd probably go for a morning-evening trip to the mountains. I just feel like she often rushes off for holidays to escape the reality of her unfulfilling job, while my holidays are more balanced in nature and I don't need big shifts of activities too often.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 2/3/24 - 27/3/24 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period. Books/Reading articles/Learning: L: Back to reading the business book, although I haven't read for over a week, as I was just so busy. T: Still reading the business book. Not daily, but enough to get a new idea or two from it every week. Some newsletters too, but not many. Possible direction/goals: (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report. Family: L: I met with my father for lunch a few days ago. My brother helped me assemble a new computer a few weeks ago. I'm also receiving some tips regarding the new flat and the stuff in it (Internet, furniture etc.) T: Had a few family meetings, a lunch outside too. NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family. Possible direction/goals: Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma. Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Business/English: L: My work has been going well. I've had some good initial lessons with my students in the last couple of weeks. The uptick in my own courses has been significant. I'm likely going to cancel two agency courses. I was a bit bored after finishing the university, however the last two weeks I'm overwhelmed. I feel like I need to do a better job managing my time and prioritizing again. Maybe I could cancel all agency courses in E, but that'd probably be excessive and needlessly imbalancing. I might want to create some list of milestones I've already achieved, in the type of "past projects" below to have a better overview over the work I've done over the years, but I'll leave that for the next report. T: Canceled the two agency courses. I also changed the format of some of my 60minute lessons to 55 minutes, so I won't need to jump from one meeting to another instantly. Things are still going fairly well. - An example for 23 hours last week: Category A 71% (66); B 3% (4); C 9% (0); D 11% (12); E 6% (18). Brackets are % values from previous month. - I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses: a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group) c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day) d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality - NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid. Possible direction/goals: With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly. Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week. Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students. Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. Create a learning plan for myself. Go through "lecturer academy" materials. Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them: Networking and business events. Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan. Check out business vouchers for equipment. Past projects: Questionnaire. Fixed logos on my website for better visuals. Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August). Got minor pay raises from language schools. Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required. Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar. Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls". Lecturer academy. Sample business contract on my website. Google sheets system for students. Questionnaire part 2. Exercise/Movement: L: Went for walks and a cycling trip with my girlfriend. T: Went for walks and hiking trips with my girlfriend. NOT: I don't want to become fat. Possible direction/goals: I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change. Keep in shape. Blogging: L: Now, blogging has a reminder in my calendar now, however it's not really an activity I could care for now. We'll see. T: - Possible direction/goals: Find a suitable UI/web template. Set up emailing for subs. Post two articles a month. Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones. Finish articles in concepts. --- What to do if I am bored? Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging --- Additional thoughts/activities: My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography. This month, I did these cool activities: playing at the table football tournament, starting lessons with new students, furnishing a new flat, going for hikes, reading the business book, spending time with my family for lunch/at the weekend, spending time with friends. --- Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024: Main must-have plans for 2024: Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course. Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this. Move in with my girlfriend in April. Set up the new kitchen for my grandma. Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024: Re-start my financial blog in February. Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard. Habits: Stop watching porn (again). Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room. Establish flossing at least once a week. Exercise regularly. Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance. It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.

22nd March - 26th March: The last few days have been tough on me mentally. I think the main reason has been the stress induced by the whole moving process. My girlfriend is capable in these things, but I feel like I am not performing well enough, which is frustrating, because I'd like to be able to help her out more. Tomorrow I will sleep in the new apartment for the first time at last.

18th March - 21st March: The workweek has been going well. We got new furniture for our flat on Tuesday. I went to the speaking club on Wednesday and also had lunch with mom and brother. I haven't found time to read, but I want to read a bit later today. Gonna visit my family tomorrow and assemble new furniture on Sunday.

15th March - 17th March: On Friday, I had lessons as usual and after that my girlfriend and I went to get mattresses for our new flat. After that, we hung out with her sister and had a good time. I spent yesterday mostly by myself; preparing for the next week, reading and working on my business. Today, my girlfriend and I went for a trip to another town and I spent some time on myself too. I also got tickets for Dire Straits, as they'll have a show in my city in about a month. I'm fairly excited about that 😄