BooksandTrees

That's a great quote. I think most people place their significant other on a pedestal.

It seems to me that over the past year you've built and developed a lot of self respect for yourself and life has become more beautiful for you now. Good shit.

Today I'm 83 weeks free from gaming and 85 weeks free from social media. Getting close to the 100 weeks mark. I toured two apartments today. I'm going to apply and see if I get one. I am excited by both and I am guaranteed one of them. Hopefully I get the less expensive one. I feel very motivated after visiting the homes. Both are beautiful and up to date. My place now has beautiful property, but the house is in shambles and has lots of mice. It's annoying. I visited my friends today and we had a social distanced sit down in the back yard. No drinking or eating. It was annoying. I feel like this group of friends is so boring to talk to. They just summarize work, brag about talking to contractors or different projects at work. I don't wanna talk about work. It's so annoying. I always come back home so depressed after talking to them because it's a solid 3-6 hours of talking about shit I'm not interested in. I'm just annoyed with it. I think I've made a connection to my creative hobby issues. After work I'm mentally drained because I'm doing difficult work all day. This leads to two possible routes: Exercise and do mindless yoga to clear my mind, take a shower, eat dinner, watch a tv show, and then I get my energy back to 3d model or write. Watch porn, lay down, take a nap, eat like shit, and stay up late and then I'm tired the next day It's so stupid that I don't follow option 1. But most nights I follow option 2. This leads to depression and lack of fulfillment. The other thing is I then put all this pressure on myself to be productive on Saturday, but after working so hard during the week and being depressed, I have so much planned for Saturday and I cripple under the pressure and avoid my hobbies. I then get depressed and watch porn and then do nothing. It's like I'm so unhappy during the days and I just want to be creative and feel something. Here's the new plan. I'm doing Option 1 each day because fuck off that's why. I'm fucking tired of being this lethargic fuck. I want to write/model/animate for at least 1 hour each day. Relax for 1 hour before bed. Sleep 7 hours, work 4 hours, eat lunch, work 4 hours or so, repeat. I want to be creative. My mind is teeming with ideas and the only way to deal with it is through creative outlets. I'm afraid to be creative because I don't want to fail. I day dream about how great life would be by creating beautiful art and I just give up because I dislike myself so much and just want to be miserable. FUCK OFF Seriously, fuck off dude. This is bull shit. Whoever created this notion in my head that I deserve and need to feel miserable is a cunt. I'm gonna write cool shit and do cool shit because go fuck yourself that's why. I want to enjoy life. I want energy and I'm gonna give myself energy. Fuck this porn crap. God damn dude. If I can quit social media and video games I can fucking quit porn. Jesus christ I can fucking do it. I also wanted to thank people for reading and posting on here. I've eclipsed 50,000 views and 1,500 replies. I have appreciated everyone's support over the past 2 years and am surprised how popular my posts have gotten. I could not have gotten this far without all of you.

I like rock climbing and support you doing it once the virus ends. The community is very friendly and it's actually majority female. So you don't have to worry about toxic guys around. Even the guys who look like they'd be bros are just muscular and friendly. My friend group at my rock gym is a group of maybe 15 people and I'm one of 4 men. Video games it's 95% men and a little toxic in my opinion. I rock climb because it's 100% social, which was why I gamed. I want attention and community. But I also enjoy physically exerting myself, setting goals, tracking my progress, and not having a mentally exhausting hobby. I can just zone out and climb and not think of creating something like my cartoons or a book. It's not a consuming hobby. It's an exerting hobby that is still fun. As for the boyfriend situation, I haven't been following your diary much. I'm not sure how old you two are, but if he's not supporting you quitting games then he's a problem and you need to move on. I know I'm sounding harsh, but it's the truth. Most gamers who attack you for quitting games are getting offended that you're quitting. They have their own issues like regret about not spending their time properly, lacking responsibilities and neglecting things in life, etc. They escape all of their pain in gaming and just want others with them because misery loves company. You're making all of these life changes with eating habits, lifestyle habits, and hobbies and if you're not with someone who supports and also thrives in this lifestyle choice you're making then they're going to hold hostility towards you and try to hurt your progress. If he is causing relapses or talking about games then just move on. It's not worth listening to because they're being selfish. Also, I noticed you were trying to quit a lot of other things. I don't recommend quitting a lot of things at once. Picture cleaning your home for a moment. Once you start cleaning your bedroom you become in the mood to clean EVERYTHING. So you start cleaning the living room, dining room, kitchen, bathrooms. Now your whole house is clean and it took 1 day. That's not how your mind works. Quitting games takes 6-12 months before you stop craving things full time. That's only if you're avoiding triggers and dealing with stress properly. So if you try to quit eating sugar, watching porn, smoking, playing games, doing drugs, drinking, social media, etc. all at once then you're going to utterly collapse and relapse on almost all of them. I suggest reading my post about quitting games for over 500 days in the celebration threads. Treat your addictions like the legs of a chair. If you break one leg of the chair (gaming) then replace it with the reason you gamed. If you game for social reasons, replace it with a social activity. Now you have 4 legs to sit on again. Once you trust the new leg, break another chair (drugs) and replace it with something that soothes the reason you do drugs and so on. Good luck.

Video games are like any other addictive substance. Some people can do it a few times and some people depend on it for their emotional needs because they don't know how to deal with stress. That's why escapism is such a big word. I can drink 1 beer and not want another one again. It's because I didn't form a connection in my head that alcohol makes me feel better when I'm in a bad mood. However, if I play 1 video game or watch 1 porn video I will become hooked because my body and mind will always remember how I depend on it to feel better. In that sense, I had to quit cold turkey. I'm 83 weeks without gaming and 85 weeks without social media. I still can't quit porn. You're on the right path and I hope you stick with it. I wrote a post in the celebration forum detailing how I was able to quit games for over 500 days (i'm closing in on 600 now) and I did it without Respawn because I was too afraid to even buy Respawn out of shame admitting I had an addiction. So you should be proud of yourself for getting Respawn. That's a brave thing to do. Many of us quit for different reasons. Many of us have different ways of quitting. I wrote down exactly how I quit and the solutions I took in that post. The funny thing is, that doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't even work for the same person. You can have the right steps in place, but lack the drive to quit. I still lack the drive to quit porn because I prioritize seeing naked women over my own health. Until I reverse that decision I'll be addicted to porn. I did make the mind change with gaming and social media. I realized how angry both of them made me. The side effects I dealt with and their negative impacts on my lief crippled me. "That's all I can stands and I can't stands no more!" is when you quit something.

I wondered about this. Like, I don't think Pokemon Go compares to WoW, LoL, RuneScape, Overwatch, CSGO, etc. I just don't know if it would give the same lethargy that other headline games give.

Lol thanks. Now get to those hobbies!

I found that my short term memory was non existent with gaming and it made me less productive at work, more forgetful with responsibilities like bills, and lacking effort in human relationships, which contributed to having no friends.

Thank you. We'll see how it goes.

Glad you're enjoying respawn and making progress here. Welcome to the forums and I hope this makes a difference in your life. I found that within the first week of quitting games my mind became more clear and I was less irritable in general. It's a very taxing lifestyle to be a gamer.

If my new apartment is good I'm going to get an electric drum set. I was hesitant to buy them in April because I knew I'd have to move.

I'm taking credit for helping lead to this lol. I'm glad you found it though in all seriousness.

Why are you quitting video games and do you have a potential job lined up or a degree or anything? Just curious about your background with gaming. Welcome to the forums.

Welcome to the forums. Feel free to immerse yourself a bit and read some introduction stories. I have a decent one you can find on the first post of my diary. I also have a guide on how I was able to go over 500 days without gaming in the celebration part of the forums that I'd recommend reading first. Good luck.

It sounds like you need to get some stress and frustration out. Sometimes you have so much on your mind that you avoid other things in life because you're already bogged down. It's avoidance procrastination and anxiety. When you're feeling down and want to hide, do the opposite. Listen to an aggressive song, do some jumping jacks and then get pumped up. Get your stress out and then attack your tasks by accomplishing small checkpoints on large tasks. You'll feel relieved after and start doing your normal activities again.

I saw Foals live 4 years ago. They're pretty good. I enjoy the song. Sometimes I depend on adrenaline and powerful music to push me in the direction I want to go.

When did you get drums?

Blender 2.83 is free and a professional software. You can also use Google sketchup or Autodesk visual studio 360 for free.

Update: I found an apartment to tour this weekend. It's 900 sq ft for $1,600/mo. It is brand new and located in a town I love. Hopefully I like it this weekend so I can move in. It would be so nice to know I'll be home for longer than 4 months. After the good news I calmed down and finished all the work I intended on doing today. So now I feel double the relief that I've found an apartment and finished my work. Something I'd like to work on is my action oriented mindset. It's a huge benefit because I'm a highly responsible problem solver who doesn't procrastinate or sit on things. The issue is I prioritize issues like my apartment over issues at work because technically it's way more important. But sometimes this gets me distracted from work and I'd like to be better at realizing things can wait. I didn't have to panic search today, but maybe it was the right thing to do. I could have been a lot kinder to myself during the ordeal at least. It's something to think about. If I can get this apartment I'd save over $5,000/yr in rent and that's huge.

I would be so afraid to sit in a store for 1 hour lol. Is anyone staring at you?

I got over 6 hours of sleep last night for the first time in 2 weeks. I'm somewhat torn regarding rent and it is stressing me out. I'm trying to find roommates and it's not working. The only places I can find at the moment are asking for almost $2,000 per month. Jesus christ. If I can just do this for a year I'll be certain I'll pass my exam and then be hellbent on getting a home afterwards when the market crashes this fall. I've been stressed by the fact that I'm moving for the 4th time in 15 months. This is so stressful and depressing. I've just been so unfocused on work and I have a lot to work on. It's stressing me out and compounding a bit. I can't stop thinking about it. It's so annoying. I'm trying not to get wrapped up with porn to escape it. Idk. Today I'm grateful for my job, my friends, my family, and myself for sleeping a little more.

I'd kill myself if I moved home again so that's not a possibility. We'll see. I need a miracle.

That's true. I had 2 roommates for years, but I am kind of tired of roommates now that I'm almost 30. It gets a little old after a while. Plus, most of my friends are getting married.

Welcome to the community. I noticed you like climbing. I got really into rock climbing this year before the quarantine and I love it. It's my favorite activity to do now and I love the community.

I feel better after venting. A couple things I must adhere to over the next year: Rent, not buy. I say this because we'll be in a depression next year and making a major purchase is not smart during this time. I'll save more money for a potential down payment. My car payments will conclude in the winter, saving me $5,000 per year. I have my large exam in October. If I pass the exam I get a substantial raise and bonus to increase my savings. I'll have an additional 6+ months to research a home to buy and feel comfortable about the location, commute, amenities, house style, etc. instead of trying to panic buy. Study for this exam like a motherfucker from June til October so I can answer any question like a lightning bolt striking a tree. I got lucky the exam was canceled because I doubt I would have been ready to pass that exam in only 2 months of studying. Who knows. I have 5 months now. Continue my health kick. I love the way I feel now compared to the past 3 years. Put more effort into dating after the exam. It's clear my heart is aching for love and I want to put some effort into it. Keep 3d modeling and blogging Really love these hobbies Today I'm grateful for my job, my friends, the community, my family, and myself for not going much more insane than I did this morning.