BooksandTrees

Today I'm 125 weeks free from gaming. I've got a great weekend planned and hope to study a bit as well. I didn't study as much as I'd have liked last week but I did keep up with exercise and other things. Work is beginning to frustrate me and demotivate me greatly. I'm probably just in a wave right now. We'll see. I don't want to talk about it really. I'm just writing it down for my own sake.

I did the same tonight. I just laid in bed and had some water. My girlfriend cheered me up and I feel a lot better. She's so incredible. Congrats on the cup win. I'm a Bruins fan. You guys have our number. Yzerman really built a great team down there. I was happy you guys finally won a cup. Also happy you got rid of Paquette lol. I didn't like him.

I'm extremely frustrated today. I started having stomach issues at lunch and was sick all day. I had to cancel seeing my girlfriend tonight and that angers me although she understands and wished me better. I can't eat, which has been my stress crutch lately, and I don't have any way to deal with stress at the moment. I don't enjoy porn anymore and I hate video games. I guess I'm happy I've reached this point, but maybe I can listen to music or something. I'd lift weights but I have no energy after being sick. I tried watching hockey but my team is horrible and we got scored on when I watched. I turned it off and we scored a goal. It's a sign to not watch the games. I'll listen to some heavy music and study or something. I don't know.

I think you're falling into the process that most people quitting addictions falls into. You start noticing what your behaviors and safe spots are, etc. The places you go to escape. The issue I'd like you to explore, if you are so inclined, is to study your behavior BEFORE you start listening to music. What is making you anxious? Why is it making you anxious? Write every step down. An example could be avoiding a homework assignment. Why is starting homework tough? Afraid of not knowing the answer, afraid of the time commitment, afraid of being confused or wrong, etc. Start analyzing everything that's leading to these issues. This is important because you'll start to realize you're about to go down an anxiety path. If you can recognize the path then you can halt the thoughts and behaviors. These behaviors are second nature to you so you aren't even noticing when you do them because they're so natural by years of repetition. It's time to notice the cycle. Then you can change the cycle. Music might not be the reason you're pulling your hair out. It might just be the way your body deals with waves of anxiety due to the waves of music. If you start discovering why you're anxious, you can tackle the problem head on. Going back to the homework example I provided. You can attempt the homework and if you're confused you can write the questions down and ask the teacher. You can look at the homework before you leave school and see if there are any potential questions you might have so you can ask the teacher, etc. Maybe just by starting it you're not as stressed and can be more comfortable overall. Start investigating.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm feeling a lot better tonight.

I didn't study as much as I wanted last night because I watched a hockey game. They lost and I was upset that I "wasted time". I'm going to study tonight and not watch the hockey game this time. I can always watch highlights but I can't always study. I am still 6 weeks ahead of last year with this exam but I need to take advantage of that time available and study properly. I ordered my girlfriend a birthday present that I designed and I am excited about it. It's still a month away from now, but I wanted to be prepared for it lol. I think I was just excited for it. I enjoy doing creative things for her and with her. She does the same with me and it's a nice feeling that I will never take for granted after all of these years of being alone. I exercised today and will have therapy soon. Overall a good day.

Great to hear you're doing well! Keep up the great work and thanks for checking in. Congrats on 1 year free and I'm happy I could be a positive influence on your life. Thanks for your kind words and advice during your time here too.

Careful with this. A lot of people start getting antsy near 90 days. If you're only in it for 90 days then I guess you can start thinking about it, but it won't do you any good. If it's a lifestyle you want to get rid of forever, then I advise not ever thinking about it again and quickly thinking about something else. Keep going.

Today I'm 124 weeks free from gaming. I had a much better week. My strategy to get stuff done at work wasn't to have a list of things to accomplish, but rather a list of things I'd like to work on. If I worked on it, regardless of how much time I spent on it, at the end of the day I checked it off my list. This actually lead to me being more productive and I accomplished a lot of work during the week. I also studied a bit during the week and will continue to study this weekend. One thing that's getting in my way is a lot of coworkers keep hosting virtual events for us to attend and I feel extremely guilty not attending them. I did two this week and it ate up about 4 hours of my time. I didn't feel a social or mental benefit for attending so I'm going to stay strong and not attend anymore until after my exam is over. Those 4 hours could have been very valuable for studying. But I'm not going to beat myself up. I still exercised and cleaned a bit today so i can stay on top of things. I was going to study this morning but I ended up just preparing my stuff so I can travel to my girlfriend's house with the study materials. I'll study for about 3 or 4 hours tomorrow.

When did you start climbing? I got to v4s before the pandemic

Can you give some examples of conversations you've had? I can help you out. It's just hard to pinpoint what's wrong if I can't see what is happening.

I don't think this section of the website will get you many responses. Maybe making a journal and keeping up with others there might be a better place? I'm just thinking we're not as popular as nofap, etc.

I'm not feeling well today/tonight. I was having a great day and then got very tired at lunch and then started having stomach issues. I rested a bit after work (still a productive day) and then studied more. I still think I'm on good pace to finish studying before May.

Last weekend I hit 123 weeks free from video games. I've been posting less because of work, studying, and spending more time away from the computer. I feel confident in my study plan and am finally studying every night. 1.75 months from my exam. I like my progress more than last year. I'm doing better with work than I have over the past few months. I think I go through a burnout phase every winter. I was reading the past few winters in my diary and found a trend lol. My relationship is going well and I'm very grateful for it. I have developed minor, minor cold symptoms and panicked about it being covid. I was told I'd know if it was covid because of it's severity. I'm praying it's not covid. The symptoms don't really match it so I'm probably just anxious. I woke up tonight sweating like crazy but no fever. My stomach and midsection were sweating but not my head. I think that's more digestion related. I've been working out every day and feel great. It's really beneficial to me now. I also have been doing puzzles on my kitchen table thanks to my girlfriend. I thought they'd be boring but they're stimulating without the mind fog of video games.

I do puzzles in person and they are incredibly satisfying even though I thought they'd be boring. I lift weights, read, join book clubs virtually, I do dungeons and dragons on discord, and I go for walks with people. Shopping also helps.

Thanks, I appreciate it! That was great to read this morning.

Last weekend I hit 122 weeks without gaming. I had a wonderful weekend with my girlfriend and am eternally grateful for her. I panicked at work because of stress from people asking me to do stuff and not being able to do my own work. I vented to my therapist and boss about it and then decided to stop signing on to the work message system so I can just do my work. I then worked out for an hour and studied for an hour today.

It is a mix of work, my exam again, and just the pandemic life kind of closing in on me after a year. I had a great weekend though and feel better. I work from home so I don't even go to a workplace.

I'm a little annoyed with myself because I've been stress eating. I feel like I've gone from game addiction to porn addiction to eating and sleeping. I wish I would find balance. I think I'm just going to return to portion control tomorrow that I used last year to lose 30 lbs. No more ice cream sadness meals.

This past weekend I hit 121 weeks free from gaming. I have felt very good about my relationship and am very fortunate to be in it. I am pretty burnt out from work though. I've been more motivated when I exercise and balance everything etc. I think I need a vacation again or something. I have 2 projects left to finish and hopefully things improve after. I got a lot of smaller projects done this past week and feel better. I was pretty overwhelmed watching them pile up.

Thank you! I planned the whole thing for it to happen on valentine's day 🙂

This past weekend I reached 120 weeks without gaming. I officially became a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. This is one of the happiest moments of my life and I'm so proud. I'm very proud of the woman I'm in a relationship and also proud of myself for staying true to myself and not settling for someone out of desperation or loneliness. We're such a good match for each other and I'm just eternally grateful. I can't put it into words. I've also gotten out of my work rut and become much more productive this week. I feel very good about this. I'd like to study a bit. I might study tonight actually. I'm a little bored tonight and don't have to work late because of my productivity. I just don't really want to lol. But I have to and it is good for me.

That's a better way to put it. Thanks. Maybe that's a better mindset. I want to be more fit and I'm on my way to that now. I enjoy that a lot.

For breakfast I have oatmeal with peanut butter, honey, and pumpkin pie spice. Or 2 eggs 2 toast, or a bagel with cream cheese. Lunch I eat leftovers from dinner. I make 2 servings. I meal prep twice a week so when I'm lazy I can just heat foods up. For quitting soda I did seltzer water for a bit then just water.

I'm disappointed in myself. I started doing that specific masturbation that made me feel bad to see if I could make it work and I feel worse. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm angry and let down. Tomorrow is a new day. I need to heal.