BooksandTrees

Things will get better the more you hang out with like minded people. It worked for me with my cartoon. Glad you're meeting similar people. Your dnd night reminds me of my board game night. Good crew, good fun, healthy social life balance. I'm proud of you.

One of the things you're going to experience with quitting games is the fact that painful events in life will make recurring flashbacks until you learn to deal with them. I noticed I used to escape from my problems through gaming for 12 hours a day and watching porn. I've been seeing a therapist for 2 years now because of how depressed I was. This journey is going to have you realize you might have lots of bad habits. Gaming is a skewed behavior because it makes you crave dopamine and serotonin at unrealistic levels. When you quit you'll immediately go to other things like porn, drugs, drinking, social media, sugary foods, sex with only the intentions of orgasm vs healthy relationship sex, binge watching a tv show in a while day or two, and more. If you notice you start doing this just be calm and don't freak out. Everyone does this and they start to criticize themselves for being a failure in many categories. Then they try to quit everything cold Turkey without developing a daily routine or understanding why they have addictive behaviors. My advice: - see if your cravings are immediate needs for hunger, thirst, anger, loneliness, or tiredness. If you're experiencing longterm anger or loneliness then it's time to explore deeper, but learn to separate short term anger (getting cut off in a car while driving) vs long term anger (your parent abused you and said you'd never amount to anything in life for years). - if it's long term then go deeper. Are your friends in real life not good people? Is your family life not what you require? Have there been traumatic and stressful things you have been hiding from? These might not come to the top of your mind right away. I'm still discovering them over 3 years into my journey from repressed abuse and bullying. I note them in my journal but I don't recommend you read all 11 pages of mine lol - start coming up with a daily routine to eliminate the need to satisfy the immediate cravings that I mentioned in bullet point 1. Keep the same sleep schedule and learn how many hours you need by doing 7 for a week up to 9 for a week. Keep this on weekends as well. Maybe eat 5 or 6 smaller meals during the day to make the day more rewarding for food and healthier digestion along with eating healthier food in general if you're not already. - come up with a few short term and long term goals that you'd like to try such as graduation from university, learning an instrument, drawing, photography, working out, etc. These goals will change and you'll beat yourself up for not being good right away and if you just hate them after a while. I tried so many hobbies before realizing which ones I wanted. Also, hobbies are not jobs. Video games and addictive habits like I mentioned before control your mind. You want to do them all of the time. Even if you want to read a book or go to class or sleep, you need to play video games and it ruins what you want to do. Be patient. If you want to read one day, sing the next, do nothing and watch a movie the next, cook the next, that's fine. Hobbies are interests meant to enjoy. You don't even need to do them all day. Gaming makes you think you need to do them all the time. Patience with yourself and accepting boredom is important because you're not actually bored. You're craving stimulus. Activities that you learn to enjoy get your mind out of the past and occupy your time so you won't be bored and get that dopamine rush to load a game. Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps.

@TwoSidedLife did you also abstain from normal masturbation during the 1 year of no porn? I see two people online. One group says never do it again and one says wait 30 to 90 days and then you can do it again so it's not a trigger for you to watch porn again.

Thank you. That's interesting and I don't mean to sound like a strange person but I've actually never heard of a woman doing nofap. I'm really supportive of the movement. I just think porn has kept me from naturally going out and dating. I'm a social butterfly and have no issues meeting or talking to people, but when it came to dating I'd lose the natural energy to continue to flirt and I just awkwardly kept the conversation going because my brain felt that I really only needed porn. I also think the energy you get when you naturally want to talk to a cute person or work on a job or hobby gets diluted when you watch porn. You don't want to work hard for anything or do anything. If I had a major goal I'd stop brainstorming and watch porn and then get tired and depressed because porn was making me disappointed in myself. It lead to loneliness and unfulfilling days.

Today I'm in a weird spot. I'm 18 weeks clear of gaming and 1 week free of porn. I didn't feel well today, but got a lot of work done. I'm struggling big time with porn right now though. I don't have any urge to watch it, but I really want to have sex incredibly bad right now and I'm going haywire trying not to give into pmo and non pmo. I feel uncomfortable talking about what's on my mind right now, but jesus christ I am going nuts.

Maybe there's an oxygen issue in the water?

Lol was a dire moment! Welcome back by the way.

You are so kind. I appreciate it. Thanks. I hope to get in good shape and continue to find balance in life. I'm glad you've been doing better as well.

Good job. I actually made a strong discovery into why I get such a rush searching for porn rather than watching it. I'll write about it. I hope you get the gig. Porn blockers are a great thing. I'm taking my writing slowly. Even if I do a couple minutes here and there it keeps me on track.

Your career might depend on him right now, but if you ever leave for a new opportunity your interview is completely dictated by yourself and how you distribute information in your favor. I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep going through these situations as they're great learning experiences. Maybe send a reminder to the online group? Keep it up.

Things are going pretty well right now with the progress. I had my first serious urge to watch porn after reading a normal book, but a romance scene was introduced. It was very difficult, but I just kept reading, closing my eyes, focusing, and knowing I needed to stay strong and I was fine. Nothing was attacking me and I was safe being myself. I also overcame a bit of embarrassment at the gym because the workout plan I needed to do required me to do very aerobic exercises in front of people. I switched the workout and still went. I also noticed 5 people doing similar exercises that I was embarrassed about and it made me realize nobody cares what you're doing at the gym as long as you're not being a prick. This was big for me. Today I went there and just did the workout and nobody cared. I wasn't embarrassed. I was happy. The gym has really been beneficial to me these past 2 weeks. I wanted to write something about addiction that I was wondering if other people experienced. I noticed that when I get the urge (dopamine rush) to watch porn or something it's just unreal how quick it hits. I started to realize I had this feeling when I wanted to be productive with a hobby, but was impatient to learn it since porn and gaming are instant rewards, no hard work. I decided to harness that energy from wanting to watch porn and set my mind towards working on my cartoon. It worked. I was able to channel that rush of wanting to watch porn into writing. This is because I recognized I wanted to be productive, not get an orgasm from porn. The feeling porn gave me was just searching for videos and getting excited. It's sad that it made me so happy for so long, but I'm forgiving myself for that and learning to channel that energy into real things to benefit my life.

Keep up the good work. We are proud of you. It takes a long time to get these things right and finding what feels right in life. I'm glad you are going back to college. You are smart and social. I think you will thrive.

I had a good day today with taking my class, writing more of my cartoon, and then cooking 8 meals for myself. The only annoying thing was that I made fish for dinner and I just really hate fish and seafood in general. I don't know why I keep going back to it to try and eat. Restaurants, family, friends, myself and any other method of cooking I just don't like seafood or sushi. I get so much crap for it, but I don't care. At the end of the day you just don't like something. I'm proud of myself for the day, though. On another note, I think it's time for me to quit porn. This is going to include me not doing non-pmo either for about 30-90 days. This is going to be an extreme challenge, but I'm no longer even caring about video games anymore and I just think this is for the best. I know it's an addiction and I know it's harder to quit than video games. I just am getting tired of the "need" to watch.

Keep up the good work. Don't get discouraged if you spend a day or two here or there feeling unproductive. It also takes time to heal your mind from constant gaming usage.

Thank you. I agree. It opened my eyes to writing and I really enjoy it now. I just want to take this brief script writing class online so I understand how to write a little better and then it will help me transfer it to Celtx.

Thank you! ?

Glad you had a good time. What is the event you need to conquer your fear of heights for? How do you like creative writing class? I wanted to take a few of the classes in college, but I was playing video games and was lazy. Now that I'm working full time and graduated I find myself writing for my major hobbies. I was always told by my writing professors that I had a knack for it, but I never cared at the time.

Last night I watched a 1 hour video on YouTube which had every single anime intro from Toonami on Cartoon Network. I was hit with a tidal wave of nostalgia. I used to adamantly watch Anime for an hour or two when I got home from school, ate food, relaxed, and had fun. I'd then play sports, draw, build with legos, you name it afterwards (dinner as well). This made me realize how much video games kind of took away from me. Instead of doing all of these activities I would just sit and play RuneScape for 8 hours and the night would vanish. Although time never speeds up or slows down, I feel like video games accelerated my teenage years because all I did was play RuneScape. I didn't go out, work on old hobbies, or enjoy my friends and family. I've touched on this before, but last night was another reminder why I'm on the right path. Finding hobbies has been a challenge, but it reminds me that we work on these hobbies when we want to work on them. Video games made me feel like I NEEDED to play video games at all waking hours. That's not how life or hobbies work. It's worse than a job, it's an addiction. Moving on, my goals for today are simple: Take another online writing class for my cartoon script I'm working on Meal prep 4-8 meals for lunch and dinner this week Practice writing in the software "Celtx" for my script instead of Microsoft Word I think these are all manageable. I feel wonderful after the gym. My muscles feel amazing and I'm already excited for this week.

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I also was heavily addicted to runescape, osrs, and halo. You can find my story in the introduction page if you're interested. You're in the right place so take your time, learn, and be patient. You got this.

Have you seen a doctor yet?

Good luck at the show!

What a successful day. I wanted to say how special going to the gym has been. I've gone each day of the week so far and last night I slept so well. I haven't slept that well in years. I woke up without anxiety or depression. I just fell asleep with that heavy feeling of natural exhaustion, like 10 blankets were on me due to the weight training I went through. With anxiety, you feel like you weigh nothing and go insane. That's why they always say use weighted blankets if you get anxiety at night. I woke up and felt balanced. My mind was clear. I had no racing thoughts. I did not think about people I hated or hating myself. I just lived. I did my tasks. I made breakfast, got to work, worked, got more accomplished in 3 hours than all of last week and this week combined, ate lunch, walked, went to the gym again, worked out hard, went home, cooked, cleaned, relaxed, and read. I also had a moment where I would have panicked and gotten anxiety and freaked out today, but that didn't occur. I recognized when I'd usually panic, but my mind was stolid and still. I felt correct. It was like I took a medicine to feel better. I ate healthy and didn't want to eat junk food because I know how useless it is. @Vera the gym is great. I read you go as well. I think it's been a big help.

Lots of people share your thoughts about romance in life so don't be too hard on yourself. It's one of those spells that takes time to go by until you don't care as much or feel the need to care. You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are and see good things in yourself that you might not even know you had. If you find that person and they don't ask you out, grab them lol. Jk, but you know what I mean. Hope you feel better.

Thank you for the responses. I'm noticing how difficult I'm being on myself and it's just so tough to deal with. Even little things im just berating myself for being stupid. It's hard to accept that I'm not being stupid on these difficult things. If I don't be nicer to myself I fear I'm just going to stay miserable.

I'm trying, but I get in these situations at work where the project I'm doing is so difficult and has a tight budget. So I feel stupid, slow, then pressured because I'm wasting time and money. Then it looks bad on me and I might not get a good review. It's just a heavy guilty conscience and apparently it's for no reason at all. I get this failure feeling and I'd feel ignorant and entitled if I just said oh, I'm struggling, I will just take a breather. It makes me feel selfish for not going 100% all of the time. I understand what you're saying, but I just have a very heavy work ethic and I feel like a slacker if I give myself a break because I'm not putting the company first when they're paying me. I'd be putting myself first and I struggle with that.