Paul A.

Welcome to Game Quitters! Congrats on taking the first step towards a better life. Best of luck on your detox! You have a lot of cool goals to work toward, I'm excited to see your progress in the coming weeks and months!

9th day of being game-free. Spent most of the day working. I woke up fairly late in the morning, took a shower, made myself a quick breakfast, then I was off to work. I wasn't as engaged at work as I would like and I spent more time on my phone than I should've. That being said, I was consuming content pertaining to deepening my spiritual practice, particularly videos and an audiobook about meditation; therefore, I don't consider it a poor use of time. After work, I grabbed dinner with my coworker/friend. Just arrived home a couple minutes ago. I'm still listening to that meditation audiobook, and I'm almost done with it. I'm looking to spend a lot more time in meditation than I typically do. I'm talking at least an hour a day. I'm not sure if I'm capable of sticking to this program long-term, but with how my emotions and cravings have been bothering me lately, I think it's worth a shot. My spiritual practice brought me great peace and comfort when I first started it, but my mind-state has become overwhelming lately. I'm hoping spending more time in meditation will help me relate to my mind in a different way. I'm off work tomorrow, and I plan to spend a majority of the day in meditation, as impractical as that may seem. Any time I'm not meditating, I plan to spend reading or writing, especially pertaining to deepening my spiritual practice. In other news, I ended my trial on Udemy and thus lost access to my writing course, so I could save some money and focus on deepening my spiritual practice. I'm excited to be devoting so much of my effort to something as meaningful to me as my spiritual practice, and witness the progress that can be made over time. I'll be back tomorrow with updates about how the day went.

How has quitting YouTube helped you? I find that nowadays I don’t even watch a lot of YouTube videos, but I keep returning to the app as a way to alleviate boredom, if for nothing else but to scroll through videos to see if something will interest me. I’m considering deleting the app myself. Just wanted an idea of how getting rid of it has helped you along the way.

I think today marks my 8th day of being game-free. So much has happened over the span of 8 days. I'm not going to get too much into what happened because I covered it in previous entries, but I learned a lot about myself over the course of the past few days, that's for certain. I learned the true nature of some vices I struggle with, and I realized my own weakness in the face of temptation. Even now I'm struggling with cravings, but I don't have the resources to act on them, for better or worse. I tapped into a "higher" plane of consciousness, if you will, and it was terrifying. I'm questioning my sexuality and my identity as a man. There's honestly so much that's come to light since the day I decided to quit games for good, and there's even more to process. But with that being said, today was nothing special. I spent a majority of the day at work. I came clean to one of my coworkers, who happens to be a close friend, about the nature of my sexual addiction, and he helped me come up with a plan to address the financial aspect of it. I also managed to spend most of the workday with my phone off, which is an achievement for me. Fortunately, we had a busier day than usual today, so I was able to keep occupied for the most part. Other than that, I began a creative writing course on Udemy. I dropped the drawing course I was taking because I don't enjoy the act of drawing enough. Writing, on the other hand, is something I enjoy and have always had a knack for. That being said, I want to hone my creative writing skills specifically, since that doesn't come as naturally to me as, say, writing an essay. My goal is to write a novel one day, and hopefully this course provides me the framework I need to get started. Tomorrow's a working day for me, but I plan to spend the little free time I have progressing in the course. I'll be back tomorrow with another entry.

So I had my first (and probably only) magic mushroom trip today. TL;DR It was TERRIFYING. So essentially I tapped into a higher plane of consciousness, everything I experienced was beyond the plane of regular thoughts, I’m talking fractal crystals and thought patterns that can’t be put into words. It was so scary because my sense of self collapsed inward. I realized that the self and everything the self constructs around it is an illusion. Essentially meditation is the safest route to that higher consciousness. It was definitely needed to escape that vicious cycle I found myself in. I wrote a private journal entry that I’ll post up here later on that goes into more detail. But I’m just happy I made it out alive on the other side.

Thank you 💗

I did it again. I don’t even have the heart to get into detail about it. When it happens once, I can brush it off as a freak occurrence, a slip-up, if you will. When it happens twice in a row, then there’s a problem. I likely shouldn’t be posting about a sex addiction in a forum about quitting video games, but this forum has quickly become my all-in-one tool for personal expression. That being said, I took immediate action after the fact and found a SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) meeting to join. Fortunately there was a telemeeting I could join posthaste, which I’m currently attending at the time of this writing. I’m not sure how helpful this group will prove to be, but I figure it’s better than continuing to suffer in silence. I’ll refrain from posting about my sex addiction more than necessary, but for now it’s such a pressing concern that I couldn’t not talk about it. I’ll be back tomorrow with updates about other matters.

Thank you so much for your kind words. This makes me feel a whole lot better. I'm still learning to navigate my identity as a man, let alone a potentially queer man, but your words really help me to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

Today got off to a bit of a rough start, as my previous post indicates (TL;DR I hooked up with an escort and wasted a bunch of money). That being said, the day wasn't a complete waste. I got back into writing, which is something I've always had a talent for but never really put to use. I wrote two blog posts, one of which I've already posted to Medium. I'll link to the first one I wrote here. The article is about learning, specifically, what I've learned about the process of learning itself after devoting myself to learning new things for years. It's a good read (although as the author, I'm pretty biased). Other than that, today was fairly uneventful. I got a haircut and I did some grocery shopping, but that's about it. I slept through a good chunk of the day as well. A part of me is disappointed that I didn't make more of the day, but at least I managed to accomplish something. As the years progress, I'm learning not to be so hard on myself. Especially as I progress more in my spiritual practice, it makes less and less sense to get myself caught up in a spiral of negative, self-defeating thoughts. Because of my blossoming mindfulness practice, I rarely get caught up in spirals of negative thinking anymore. My mind isn't my enemy anymore, in a sense. That being said, there's still a lot I wish to unpack, such as my sexuality. Anyway, today wasn't an ideal day, but at the very least I'm not beating myself up for my mistakes. I'm only human, after all.

From my perspective, the video games themselves aren't evil. It's our relationship with said games that create the problem. There's nothing wrong with playing video games at the end of the day. The issue arises when we start to play the games in excess and to reap the negative effects of said excess. This applies to all games, thought-provoking or otherwise. As unlikely as it may be, a person can have a toxic relationship with a game as simple as Tetris if they spend enough time playing it to the detriment of their overall life. Hope this helps

Welp. I gave into my carnal desires once more and I hooked up with an escort. It’s a step above and beyond my typical escapades with pornography, but sadly enough it’s not the first time I’ve done it. It’s funny how I dish out sage advice that I can’t even follow myself (sorry, @GrainSiloEnthusiast). What’s even more sinister are the thought processes that my mind whips up to justify these behaviors. My brain has a funny way of convincing me that giving in isn’t so bad, when in fact the immediate regret and shame I feel afterward indicate otherwise. Yet time and time again, I always fall victim to these deceptive lines of reasoning. It gets tiring after a while. What doesn’t help either is the nature of my sexual addiction. I identify as a straight male, but I’m attracted to transsexual women with male genitalia (and during this particular encounter and the previous, I was the bottom). It makes me question my sexuality and my “straightness”, which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t so heavily frowned upon by my family and friends. Some of my closest friends don’t even know the nature of the beast, and I fear that they wouldn’t look at me the same if I did. Not to mention, I had to pay for the encounter as well as transport to and from. This goes without saying, but this money wasn’t money well spent. There’s just so many layers of the shame onion that I could keep peeling, but I know that really wouldn’t solve much. I know better than anyone that sitting around feeling sorry for myself won’t solve the problem. I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to kick this addiction, if for no other reason than to save money, because that’s what’s really gnawing at me right now. I just got paid yesterday and just like that, half my check is gone. It’s bothersome to say the very least. It’s a small consolation I was still able to budget for savings at all. Anyway, I’ll try not to let this ruin my day. I have a day off work, so I’ll throw myself into some fun activities to get my mind off things. It just sucks that I’m right back to square one after all my huffing and puffing.

Another long work day. Today marks my 5th day of being game-free and porn-free, which I haven't mentioned as much but is still something I've struggled with. Spent a majority of my waking hours at work not doing much. My job isn't very involved (I sell furniture), most of the time I'm just sitting around waiting for customers. I woke up fairly late today, around 10am, and I got in a quick breakfast and some meditation before taking my ritual power nap before work. In other news, I got paid today, and I got to put my new budget in action. So far, so good! I suppose it's hard to break a budget the first day in, but only time will tell. I logged every expense for the day, which mostly entailed paying back salary advances I had taken, in my budget spreadsheet. At work, I got to watch a couple videos on wealth building and money management, and from what I learned, the essence of building wealth is starting a scalable business. It's hard to build wealth with a job alone (at least from what I've learned), so starting some kind of business is essential. But being the lazy potato that I am, I wanted to find the easiest possible business to start with the least risk, so I looked into e-commerce. After some deliberation though, I decided I was content to just save money the old fashioned-way, at least for the time being. The way I see it, as much as e-commerce may be a viable way to make money in the 21st century, I don't want to fall victim to the get-rich-quick mentality that it may promote. With that in mind, I'll keep plugging away at my savings paycheck by paycheck. Slow but steady wins the race, after all. Tomorrow's a day off from work, which is a much-needed respite from the drudgery of my typical workday. I'll likely spend the day progressing in my drawing course mainly, but I'm also scheduled to get a haircut tomorrow as well as do some grocery shopping. I'm just looking forward to the opportunity to kick back and relax for the day. I'll be back tomorrow with updates.

One method I use to cope with cravings, urges, and other negative thoughts/emotions is the R.A.I.N. method. First, RECOGNIZE that you’re experiencing a craving in the first place. The other steps aren’t possible without this one. Second, ACCEPT your craving, don’t fight it. This doesn’t mean give into it, but merely accept that it is there. What you resist, persists. Third, INVESTIGATE the craving. Where did it come from? What may have caused it? Don’t dwell on the craving though. Fourth, NON-IDENTIFY with the craving. It’s not who you are, and therefore there’s no need to act on it. As suddenly as it appeared, it will pass. Let me know if this helps.

Today marks my 4th full day of being game-free. Spent most of it at work, for better or worse. Otherwise, the day has been fairly uneventful. I woke up fairly late this morning, mainly because I woke up in the middle of the night. After I woke up, I took a shower, meditated for a bit, and then I made a bit of progress in my drawing course. I spent some time working on a landscape drawing before I grabbed a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Afterwards, I took a brief nap before heading off to work. The work day felt super long and was mostly uneventful apart from joking around with my coworkers. Fortunately, I'm getting paid tomorrow, which is a blessing because I'm completely broke right now. Starting tomorrow, I intend to budget every dollar. I'm in a lot of debt for my age and I'm prodigiously bad with money, which I'm trying to change. I want to get out of debt and to get my act together financially so I can support myself and my family in the future. I found a free budget template on Google Docs that I'll be using. All in all, today was a fairly uneventful day, but there's a lot of exciting stuff on the horizon. I'm looking forward to what the future holds on many fronts. I'll be back tomorrow with updates.

Thank you for your help!

Got it, do what works best for you man! Glad you’ve found a system you can stick to

Wow, look at how far you've come! I read your first post, and seeing you stay consistent even after all this time is super motivating! Keep it up!

Welcome! Glad to see you taking the first steps towards curbing gaming's influence in your life. As much as you feel you may not relate to us, we're here to offer a helping hand wherever possible. Feel free to reach out whenever!

What led you to the moderation route, if you don't mind me asking? I know personally that moderation doesn't work for me, but I'm curious to hear your perspective. How is it working out for you so far?

Today's my 3rd full day of being game-free. I also happened to be off from work, which presented both a welcome respite from the drudgery of work and an opportunity to fill my time with engaging activities to replace gaming. I spent the day making progress in my drawing course, watching anime, reading, and meditating. I also went to pick up my new glasses (I still feel like glasses don't belong on my face, but it's such a relief to not have to squint all the time)! I produced two proper drawings today, one by following instructions and one by working off a real-life object. All things considered, I think they turned out pretty okay. Speaking of anime, I finished Demon Slayer Season 2 today. It was freakin' awesome! Watching anime has been an on-and-off pastime for me, but now that I'm game-free, I have the time to enjoy it again. In terms of reading, I made more progress in the Upanishads today. They all seem to cover similar material, the significance of the Atman (or the Self) - not the self in the traditional sense, but the Self as it relates to pure awareness and the pure consciousness that resides in all of us. It's super interesting stuff. Anyway, I was also able to meditate twice, once shortly after I woke up, and once during the day when I needed a break from anime. Both sessions lasted about 10 mins. I'm starting to gain a newfound appreciation for the practice of meditation, and it's not for the perceived benefits. It's for the practice itself. Something I picked up from Alan Watts (brilliant philosopher, by the way) is that one shouldn't meditate with a goal in mind, but rather simply for meditation's sake. This mindset has shifted my relationship with the practice from something of an obligation to a pleasurable pastime. I don't have to meditate, I GET to meditate! It's a lot of fun just to be still in the moment in such a fast-paced and hectic world. Anyway, that wraps up my entry for the day. I'll be back tomorrow with updates.

Hey man, just skimmed through your entries - you’ve come a long way! I’m happy to see you’re actually following your passions and going down the entrepreneurial route, that’s something that also interested me at one point in my life. I’m also interested in personal finance, but my money management skills could use some work, so if you have any practical advice for me I’d love to hear it! Anyway, keep up the good work!

Wow, thank you for the very detailed response! I’ll be sure to refer back to it. I signed up for Udemy and I am currently enrolled in a drawing course for complete beginners! I went through Lesson 0 of Drawabox and I was put off by the creator’s insistence on using fineliners (I’m broke until Thursday anyway), but I may refer back to it at some other time. I’m just excited to get started, and your input is really helpful!

Thank you!

If you ask me, I think it’s important that you take your own needs and concerns into consideration. As much as your family may object, they should be able to understand that you are your own person with your own needs, and that you need to put YOUR well-being above all else. If that results in some bitter feelings, then so be it. They will get over it eventually, as discouraging as that may sound. In this journey to quit gaming it’s important that you learn to value yourself first and to put yourself first, no matter who may object. Even if it’s your own family! You’re taking a stand for your own well-being, and they should be able to understand that and respect that. And if they can’t, don’t fret! Do what you feel is right! That’s my humble advice for you.

Hey there, I just read through your entries, and I’m so proud of you for getting started! You’ve come a long way simply by deciding to quit games for good, and I’m glad you’re sharing your journey with us! One thing I’d like to share with you is regarding how to fill your time, this actually comes from Cam’s Respawn course (consider this confidential info, lol). If you want to try and avoid being unproductive and spending a lot of time on Netflix, find a mentally stimulating activity to fill the void that gaming once did. For me, I’ve started to spend a lot of time learning how to draw, but this activity be anything under the sun for you. Preferably, find an activity you can spend a lot of time doing throughout the day, something you won’t get bored of very quickly. As an added bonus, also find activities that are a) restful and relaxing, and b) social, and incorporate these activities into your routine as well. I’ll be following along with your progress in the coming days. Keep it up man!