DaBest

Hi Rick. Sorry to hear about your relapse. Is there anything you can do that can physically give you pause before you redownload? For example, if it's something like LoL, could you block the website so if you wanted to go download again, you would have to unblock the site first? It might seem silly, but sometimes that could be enough to stop the momentum of destructive thinking.

Porn is a huge struggle for most, myself included. The good news is you've already beaten video games, so you know what you need to do. Today, I was reading a book on addiction that I was recommended, and the therapist who wrote the book described the first year of giving up your addiction like "living with your skin ripped off." It's not pleasant, but I was able to identify with that all too well. It's true though--the pain of the past and realizing what one has done to themselves is the only thing that will keep someone on a path to whatever sobriety they're seeking. Take good care of yourself the next couple of weeks, and get ready to embrace the suck.

Day 261 No VG - 261 days, no sports news - 5 days, NF - 0 days, SOB - 42 days, NNO59 - 10 days, NIA1030 - 7 days, NLAF - 15 days, NSOC - 14 days, Meditation - 13 days, will do after this. [No Internet Saturdays, Post-It Weekends] @AssellusPrimus, hey, the most important thing is to take care of yourself. Sometimes you just need rest. Admittedly for me, sometimes sleeping in on Friday night is a bit of a cop out, but this last one was legit. I'm in 100% work mode right now. I'm doing weights, mobility work, and physical therapy for my back. For the gym, I made a four day upper-lower plan based off of Jeff Nippard's Fundamental Series on YouTube. I've been really happy with the results so far. I'm slapping on more and more weight and I've been mostly injury free. --- Weekend was weird. Saturday started off pretty strong. Got to the gym early. Then if I'm being honest, I just felt really overwhelmed with things and just hid on my computer, which is not the thing to do. Today followed a similar pattern. Woke up two hours before my alarm, and made the decision to read in bed. Got really into the book and knocked out 100+ pages in two hours (not a hard read). Then I began to slip some more, had a relapse, and only after that, once the time constraints started to hit, did I start to do anything productive. This was not another one of my classic rock-bottom weekends, but it wasn't a bright one either. Overwhelm was the theme of the week really. Overwhelm at work with two weeks worth of contractors, plus a big week-long thing I need to help with after. Overwhelm with simple chores, which really I should not get overwhelmed about. Overwhelm with social life, or lack thereof. Overwhelm with trying to be too perfect with everything. A lot of the negativity this weekend could have been avoided. First, the work I did at work took all of two hours today, and it really could've taken one if I were focused. A lot of the chores that I did do (and the ones that I didn't) could've been bulldozed through if I had just stopped acting so weak and just focused. WIth all that in mind, I'm going to be making a few changes this week. 1) No internet on Saturdays unless I'm physically at work, getting directions, or looking up social events. This is drastic and I'm freaking out about it a little bit, and because I'm freaking out about it, it means it's probably a good thing for me. I felt similarly when I was giving up video games and associated content last year. Thankfully though, this is one day a week and not seven, so it's not like I'm going to be on edge for the whole week. Ultimately, the goal of this is to bring me closer to reality, which I avoid frequently. 2) No reading in bed in the morning unless I've gotten ready for the day. Earlier start to the day makes me happier and my weekends go better. It also reduces the chance of a relapse. 3) On all days off, writing the three to five things which make me feel most anxious about my day, and putting the first two hours of my day to which of those items would help me be most productive/tackle the most anxiety, even OVER the gym (unless the gym is making me feel anxious). I started doing this at work this past week, and despite the workload, it's been the calmest and most productive I've felt at work since I first started the job. I will hopefully get to see my therapist tomorrow, barring any craziness at work. I do want to address this overwhelm I feel and where it comes from. Little things become so catastrophic that I stop acting. It has to stop.

Day 259 No VG - 259 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 13 days, SOB - 40 days, NNO59 - 8 days, NIA1030 - 5 days, NLAF - 13 days, NSOC - 12 days, Meditation - 11 days, will do after this. @Erik2.0, I am enjoying it! Well timed too with all the work going on. Actually, it's been about 8 weeks-ish since I started going consistently. I was aiming for a mini-one every fourth week, but I just felt weak and sloppy at the gym last week, and then I noticed I hadn't really taken a deload in 8. And good job on the creative writing! My down time has been a lot of gym, comedy, salsa dancing, and reading. Though this week a lot of that has been minimized cause of work. --- At work for 13 hours today. Got a lot of critical items done. How the heck I'm I pulling this off? My mom always said I had a knack for pulling a rabbit out of my you-know-where when things get tough. But this is different though. I feel far more relaxed now despite all the stress. I feel more focused, too. It's surreal. I'm gonna mediate and go to bed now. I want to get up early tomorrow to hit the gym. I'm going to be very tempted to relax in the morning and get to the gym later, but this is a problem as far as many of my weekends are concerned. As long as I get out early, the biggest hurdle is cleared for my sanity. So many bad habits start when i stay in late, and it spirals out of control. Goals for tomorrow: early gym, go to work/hang out with friend, go salsa dancing.

Hey Erik. Keep at it. You've already made it a month and a half without gaming, and then threw No Fap on top of it. That's great! If you keep with these small changes, you'll start surprising yourself with how much you've changed by the end of the year. Just a thought on the loneliness part, is there any small habits you can start that would help get you around other people more and making more connections?

Day 258 No VG - 258 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 12 days, SOB - 39 days, NNO59 - 7 days, NIA1030 - 4 days, NLAF - 12 days, NSOC - 11 days, Meditation - 10 days, will do after this. Got a lot done today, but I also had a lot stacked on my plate. Got some big news that a big thing that's supposed to happen at work is getting moved up a couple of weeks. Yay. Just chilling right now. Life's kinda mundane again. Maybe that's a good thing for right now. Also, it's weird having this much free time since I haven't been going to the gym this week. Took this week off as a deload since I started to feel really flat when working out. It also means I have to tweak my diet a little too. No biggie. I'll probably go on Youtube for a bit and just take care of some other stuff tonight. Again, kinda bored on the computer, and I dig it.

Day 257 No VG - 257 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 11 days, SOB - 38 days, NNO59 - 6 days, NIA1030 - 3 days, NLAF - 11 days, NSOC - 10 days, Meditation - 9 days, will do after this. Got a lot more sleep last night. Thank goodness. Work was okay today, surprisingly. Anxiety has gone way down with just a few deep work sessions. It will all be okay. Hopefully. Left early today because I got there early and will be there rather early tomorrow. I'm at home early and I'm kinda bored on the computer, which is actually good. I'll probably hop off shortly and work on mobility and some other stuff.

Day 256 No VG - 256 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 10 days, SOB - 37 days, NNO59 - 5 days, NIA1030 - 2 days, NLAF - 10 days, NSOC - 9 days, Meditation - 8 days, will do after this. Super tired. Went to bed late even though I had to get up early. It's weird that I do that a lot. Something to keep in mind. Got to work at 5 AM today. Left at 5:30 PM. I'm a little beat. With contractors today. We made decent progress. Didn't have my deep work window though. Still stressed. Waiting for something to go wrong. Once laundry is done. I'm going to bed.

For YouTube, I highly recommend this Chrome extension (provided you use Chrome), DF Tube. It blocks you from seeing any recommended videos, which for me was the first big reduction in my YouTube time, and was surprisingly painless.

Day 255 No VG - 255 days, no sports news - 4 days, NF - 9 days, SOB - 36 days, NNO59 - 4 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 9 days, NSOC - 8 days, Meditation - 7 days, will do after this. Well, today was fun. Woke up felt relaxed as heck. Then i thought about work and an immense dread just came washing over me, further reinforcing the need to unfuck my job or get a new one. Got to work early. Had another mini-panic attack in my car before getting into the building. I've never experienced stuff like this before. Got my morning deep work session in and got a lot done in a short period of time, but then even when I got to my morning muster, I openly admitted to my whole team that I was severely behind on a major project starting tomorrow, and that I was freaking out a bit. Met with my boss and another co-worker after to triage. I was a little on edge, and I guess I showed it a bit when my co-worker countered and brought up a point in a seemingly antagonistic way--which is not their intent, but simply doesn't notice. Afterwards, they apologized, which they didn't need to because I knew their intent, and I nearly started crying just out of stress and embarrassment. I left and just stood in a infrequently used stairwell for 5 minutes thinking I was going to completely break down. I was able to talk myself into pulling it together, I did not cry, and I got back to work and proceeded to have probably the most productive day in this job to date. Go figure. To be honest, I really do feel like I'm on a knife's edge right now. I spoke with my therapist today, thankfully, and talking through it, I think this is a combination of handling more responsibility, workload, and reality then I ever have before, and coupled with my strong recent focus of fixing my life, it's just a lot to handle. If I can get through this though, I will be stronger for it. Today, not crying made me stronger. Telling myself I that I can get though things if I just keep moving is a much better story than wanting to hide and ask for a pity party, which part of me has wanted so much in the past. There's less pain when all of your problems are someone else's fault. So yeah, roller coaster day again. I'm kinda proud of how much I caught up in a day on this project. I didn't get everything done that I needed to, but I'm surprisingly calm.

Day 254 No VG - 254 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 8 days, SOB - 35 days, NNO59 - 3 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 8 days, NSOC - 7 days, Meditation - 6 days, will do after this. @BooksandTrees, I wish they'd hire more people. There's more than enough work to justify it. My company runs very lean though. We also had a huge turnover last year, which is still continuing now. My manager can't do anything short of getting co-ops, interns, and expensive contractors since we are at our max headcount now. I also don't have the authority to hire anyone. --- Saturday was weird. I got to the gym and that was about it. I got a very late start on my day--which for me historically is very bad, especially on the weekends--and it kinda spiraled. Didn't do anything except stay up late. Today's been a little better. I got up a little earlier, and I didn't waste as much time today, so far, and I've gotten more chores done. I have to bail on my improv show though since I have too much going on with work and I need to get in very early tomorrow. I'm feeling very overwhelmed, which also is contributing to my procrastination. I feel overwhelmed often, but this is a lot stronger than usual. I'm also realizing that I fell further behind on some very important projects than I thought I did. I don't see a way to get back now. I keep trying to not associate my identity with my job but it's still strong. I also need to stop feeling so overwhelmed in general, and also have a better response to feeling overwhelmed. If I start facing what's causing the feeling more, maybe I can get more done and feel less overwhelmed. Also, if I stop feeling so overwhelmed all the time, I might have less stress and more energy, as well as more desire to do things. Nevertheless, I'm starting a job search in earnest at this point, since my company keeps repeatedly stabbing itself in the foot. It's time to learn something new anyway.

Day 252 No VG - 252 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 6 days, SOB - 33 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 6 days, NLAF - 6 days, NSOC - 5 days, Meditation - 4 days, will do after this. @BooksandTrees, well...I used to have gaming, haha. In all honesty, the big ones I'm developing now are the gym and meditation. Sometimes I do, but not as often as I'd like. I'm hoping staying consistent with me three hobbies of choice right now (improv, bodybuilding, salsa dancing) will help with that long term. At work stress is also troubling as well, and I'm really hoping the meditation and being able to examine my thoughts from a rational standpoint will help calm me down. My reaction to a stimulus always has a component that I can choose and modulate, and I think there's definite room for improvement. As an example, got my stress low this morning by having an awesome first two hours again. Then my stress ramped up again after a meeting regarding the thing from yesterday, which was resolved, and a huge weight felt lifted off my shoulders. Then it ramped up again when it began to dawn on me how far behind I am on a certain project. I also found out some very key people in my company are leaving, people whose absence will negatively impact my performance this year if nothing else changes. At this point, from a strategic and a personal development standpoint, I'm strongly considering a company switch. Overall though today, I think my actions in response to the stress today were a slight improvement. Thankfully, I got to see a couple of close friends that I haven't been able to see for a few months. It made me very happy to just chill and hang out. I also got to see my friend's new baby. Tomorrow my goals are to hit the gym, get a few hours of work done at work, and go salsa dancing again. It's going to be a late start tomorrow since I just got back from my friend's and I need sleep. Meditation and then sleep.

I'm very glad to here you're in a better state of mind right now. Again, thank you for getting help yesterday. You did the right thing.

Good to see you back. Hope things have been well overall. I'm going to tell you a hard truth. It's up to you to break the loop. If I gave you a million dollars to make the best, most-perfect resource to stop your gaming habit, what would it look like and why? Whatever that might be, short of being physically restrained, it's probably going to be lacking since gaming is everywhere. You'll have to make the choice to stop. Granted, while GameQuitters is great and all, there isn't much comparatively speaking for in-person about these specific issues. These social bonds that people foster in things like AA are a big thing accounting for it's success (relatively speaking!!! I'm trying to say AA would be far worse off if there was not in-person). This is probably the one thing that gaming/internet addicts could use. Keep working on yourself, keep analyzing your habits, create a hypothesis, test it, and iterate as necessary until you figure out what you need to do which will making that full commitment stick. All addictions have a neurochemical component, but there's usually a psychological component which drives that. Find the root, start digging it out, and you'll be surprised to see how you change. Hope this helps.

I think @seriousjay talked about this a bit already, but the thing that has worked the best for me, but is by far the hardest to do, is facing the anxiety. I am by far NOT a good practitioner of what I preach, but the times I do things work out best. Obviously, facing these things at bedtime is not ideal. Perhaps taking a small baby step towards resolving something negative on your mind every day, and holding onto that feeling of accomplishment before you go to help might help, but only a small amount. This is a long-term fix, not a short-term. If you've lived like this for 20+ years, these feelings likely won't go away overnight. And another caveat of not practicing what I preach, but meditation has been helpful in the past, and sometimes I can catch myself in the moment. Perhaps that can take at least take some of the edge off, but again, overall this is a long-term fix. If you want a true, short-term fix, books or music. When I was a very neurotic teenager, I listened to an album of Death Cab for Cutie to curb my racing thoughts because I absolutely hated that band. They literally bored me to sleep. Books are great since a good book will bring you into a new world. Fiction preferable for this reason.

Hi Erik, Sorry to hear about all of that. I'll be praying for you tonight. I'm glad you are getting help. There are moments I'm sure where everyone has those thoughts, myself included, and while on the inside they seem rational, from the outside they're always irrational. There's always something else to look forward to. As an aside, I remember listening to a podcast (Jocko Podcast -- episode 76 with Charlie Plumb, just checked ? ) that changed my thinking immensely. Charlie Plumb was a Vietnam War POW who was imprisoned for 6 years and suffered all kinds of torture and terrible living conditions. He went on to say that there was no sense in getting caught up in the small things like someone else's snoring, or their smell, or whatever irritating thing they did, because if he were to focus on these things, it would've driven him crazy. As much as you can manage it, try to bring your attention to other things. As a practical matter though, sleep is critical for your mental health, of course. Try investing in some good earplugs if the noise keeps bothering you, if you haven't done so already. Please write back soon.

Day 251 No VG - 251 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 5 days, SOB - 32 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 5 days, NLAF - 5 days, NSOC - 4 days, Meditation - 3 days, will do after this. @BooksandTrees, its a good idea, but I wouldn't be allowed to while I'm on call. My phone number is posted for my whole site to see when I'm on call, and I don't necessarily get calls from people I know. @Erik2.0, I've spent far too much of my life sacrificing my social life for work. I can't tell you how many friendships I ruined in college because of the combination of "working"," procrastinating, and being a neurotic mess as a result of it. I actually started meditating for ten minutes a day earlier this week. I've meditated in the past, but as with many people, I drop the habit when things get rough, which is exactly the opposite of what one should do. It's helpful. I actually got to work yesterday and pushed a big project forward a little bit, and I was proud of my progress. I did not check email until I needed to send one at the end, and I was more focused and effective as a result of it. The same thing happened this morning. I didn't check my email (besides my schedule) prior to my deep work period at the start of the day. It was probably my most effective two hours of work since starting this job. I was amazed frankly. I felt like I was starting to get chest pains from the stress though, which I had to focus on and detach myself from my job for a moment. In the afternoon I had a phone interview with another company. Keeping my options open. In the late afternoon, I received a very stressful email though. I caved and indulged in news before 5, sports news no less. The last hour of my day was a big fat zero. My stress, which I couldn't show, was a 9.5/10. I'm borderline okay with my actions though, since I didn't lose my shit, and I was able to get to the gym after, and think through things rationally. In the future, I'd like meditation to take the place of what I did. I did realize how powerful and soothing the internet was as I didn't focus on my issue for a good thirty minutes. I was shocked at how noticeable my physiological and psychological state change was. I'm very proud I made it to the gym today all things considered. I'm happy I survived today. I'll continue to try manage my stress, try to manage to detach my identity from my job, and I'll try to manage my downside better.

Day 250 No VG - 250 days, no sports news - 6 days, NF - 4 days, SOB - 31 days, NNO59 - 6 days, NIA1030 - 4 days, NLAF - 4 days, NSOC - 3 days, Meditation - 2 days, will do after this. Quick post since I want to get out of my house reasonably quickly. Made it to the gym. About to head to work for a few hours and focus on the big tasks I have. Laundry will happen once I get home. I've been finding I've been craving the news a bunch recently. It's weird. I think it's boredom at times, avoiding self-improvement the other. Also, I got a horrible night's sleep. I had maybe a little too much energy before going ot bed, and before I was about to drift off, all of the new year's texts started pouring in, but I'm also on-call, so each text was a potential ping to go into work late at night. I got very stressed out. I kept reminding myself that I now do not identify with my job, and that if I want to do well at my job, its for the sake of my personal growth and the benefit of others. Also, to that effect. I'm going to be much more protective of my time and focus at work this year. I'm going to literally hide from people so I can get work done. It's gonna be fun.

Day 249 No VG - 249 days, no sports news - 5 days, NF - 3 days , SOB - 30 days, NNO59 - 5 days, NIA1030 - 3 days, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 2 days, Meditation - 2 days 30 days getting out of bed with one alarm, fuck yeah. That's probably a day of time/sleep back in my pocket. Got to the gym again today. Made some progress on a few lifts, and felt completely dead on some others towards the end of the workout. I'm loving this so far. Also, I started supplementing more vitamin D3 based off the information I've been consuming and I feel surprisingly great. When I got my bloodwork done a few months ago, I was on the literal border of what was considered deficient, granted I hadn't taken my vitamin in the morning so as not to skew the test. I spend a lot of time indoors anyway, so I wouldn't be surprised if I was deficient especially at this time of year. I feel much more alert throughout the day and less tired. I also think my muscles are recovering a bit faster, which some of the research indicates is the case if I bring my levels from a deficient to optimal level. I also will not be salsa dancing tonight since there's a dress-code I can't meet right now, so I listened the first half of a social skills podcast instead. My one takeaway right now is that a lot of the images I identify with hold me back from being a normal functioning human being. For example, I identify too much with my job, which means if work sucks, I suck. If identify with being a loner, and I'm not necessarily without social contact but still alone at that present moment, it means I am a loner and I suck. Cue attention-bandwidth-consuming negative thoughts. I will actually do some work from home after dinner as well as finish the podcast so I can complete my goals. Goals for tomorrow: gym, tanning, laundry....I mean gym, work for a bit, laundry with a stretch goal of mending a pair of jeans that I've been ignoring for months.

That's a solid a year end review as I've ever seen. It's good that you've defined a path forward for yourself. Let this year serve as proof as you can get through the dark times. Also, I was thinking earlier today about your comments regarding a lack of support back on this forum. One of the things you can consider doing, in an attempt to get a higher response rate so to speak, is to specifically state within your posts as to what you would like advice on. Thinking that others may hold similar views to myself, I generally try not to offer advice unless a) it's explicitly asked for, or b)it's something I feel strongly about and I feel that is well within my wheelhouse to answer. The reason for a) is that some people take unsolicited advice the wrong way. Think of when someone who is very junior in a given field would be received if they offered critiques of someone far more senior in their field. Generally, it's not received well, and on this forum, while it's not a matter of junior/senior, its a matter of the fact that it's random strangers offering this advice, which in the real world would come off as strange and socially uncalibrated in most in-person situations. The reason for b) is merely practical, if I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, why would I offer information that might lead someone astray? For example, when you talk of your mother and when she behaves in narcissistic ways, I can't really respond to that because I haven't dealt with true narcissism on that close of a personal level. Furthermore, in this specific example, because of my lack of experience with stuff like that, I may be totally mischaracterizing your mother's behavior (which if that's the case, then my apologies). I think if you call it out an ask for help within your posts more specifically, I think you would get more responses as a) would be eliminated, and some more of the b)'s might take a stab at it in good faith. Also, while you've had sort of "meta" posts stating that you wish you had some more support from the forum with your issues, it might be a bit unfair to just expect help back without some sort of agreement on both parties. Anything short of that is a covert contact which can't be upheld. If I expect my boss/co-worker/friend/SO to behave in a certain way, and I don't tell them nor do they agree to it, it's unfair on my part to get upset with them. People, myself included, all come here with the primary intent of helping themselves first. I imagine when you first came upon GameQuitters, your first thought was not "How do I help others," it was "How do I help myself with my video game problem?" If you were the first one, you're a saint (unsarcastic), otherwise, it's normal. I really want you to get the help you need since you've been going through so much. Hope this helps.

Day 248 No VG - 248 days, no sports news - 4 days, NF - 2 days , SOB - 29 days, NNO59 - 4 days, NIA1030 - 2 days, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 1 days, Meditation - starting after this. Today was interesting. Woke up to a text from my friend abroad, who wanted a grudge match chess game. I did NOT make the same mistake like last time and went to the gym and physical therapy first. It set a much better tone for the day. I was generally productive today, which was consisting of many errands. However, I found myself longing for more chess afterwards and the easy rewards that would provide. I resisted, but it makes me think I'm playing with fire. I don't necessarily want to give this up though since it's a much tamer way for me to connect with my friend compared to other gaming alternatives. I also noticed today that I was looking for easy, looking for distraction on the internet, instead of wanting to invest more of the time in me and my personal development. I've gotten a bit more of a taste this year of what it feels like to put hard work in and improve, especially in the gym. I want to train myself to find more joy in doing the hard work for improvement. I'm also going to start meditating for 10 minutes a day. I'm going to need it for January, big time. I'm feeling stressed just thinking about it. Tomorrow I'd like to get to the gym again, go to physical work for a little bit since it's making me so anxious right now, and either (stetch goal) go salsa dancing tomorrow night or at a minimum, spend some time working on charisma or social skills. --- @Ikar, wholeheartedly agree on all parts, though for the responsibility portion I was more trying to debate how much of a burden I should place on myself for the benefit of society and others. I would not just jump ship without another ship to jump to. I've had that happen before and I have no desire to experience that again.

Day 247 No VG - 247 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 1 days , SOB - 28 days, NNO59 - 3 days, NIA1030 - 1 day, NLAF - 1 day, NSOC - 0 days I messed up big time yesterday. Played chess with a friend online for a little bit, then relapsed on NoFap and didn't get to most of my core tasks. I then proceeded to just act like a child for the next 12+ hours. Not good for a recovering man-child. However, I did get the dishes done, which was nice. Key learnings: -Playing chess with my friend could be considered a break of my video game streak, though when i went into this, this was the only thing short of playing video games with other people in person that I'm allowed to do. Nonetheless, it is not the best way to start the day. I am pretty much restricted to playing in the morning because my friend moved halfway across the globe, and its hard to get our schedules to align and catch up. Next time this happens, I must go to the gym and get my day started beforehand. The longer I stay at home in the morning before doing something productive, the better chance I have of relapsing with NoFap. -Next time I relapse, I'm going to take a quick nap and reset. Otherwise, I will just be trudging about for the next 6 hours, only wanting to be on the computer. Today will be better. Key three goals: gym (right after this post), improv, and grocery shopping.

Hi, @Silent3d. I've dealt with/am dealing with similar issues. Here are my thoughts: -Staying in house. Find something you love to do out of the house that you could do any day of the week. Hiking, biking, walking, going to the gym, drinking coffee at coffeeshops, going to the library etc. Since you struggle with social anxiety, the activity doesn't have to be inherently social. Just do your own thing. Start small and do the activity consistently for at least one month. Aim to do this early in your day so you break the chain of negative habits at home that you've developed to this point. -Social anxiety. For reference, 6 years ago, I couldn't hold basic small talk with a cashier. No eye contact. Complete awkwardness. It was bad. Now, I can play around with a good portion of cashiers and joke around and make them laugh. I think the biggest misconception about social skills/confidence, the lack thereof is what usually contributes to social anxiety, is that they are fixed and unchangeable. However, they are called social skills not social talents. You can get better at these, and with practice and repetition, get better over time, which will reduce your social anxiety, or at a minimum, give you enough confidence to push through the anxiety and be more social. A prime example of this from my life was this past weekend. I've been struggling recently with going out solo for similar reasons. However, I knew the thoughts that were going to knock me off track, and I just acknowledged them when they happened and moved on. I was near screaming in my car on the way there, but once I got in and got dancing all that melted away and I was able to have fun for a bit. I've dealt with a lot recently and backslid, but with practice being social gets a lot easier. I highly recommend the Art of Charm podcast as a starting point for learning social skills. The podcasts are usually quite actionable and will help improve your interactions with others, which obviously will make you want to be more social in the long term. -The worst thing you can do. The absolute worst thing you can do is not face your fears. That makes them grow. If you don't face your fears and run away constantly, your brain will accept that as the proper response, and you will not grow. One of the greatest feelings in the world is overcoming what you thought your prior limitations were. This instills true confidence. Anxiety evolved to help man focus on what was going to kill them--they felt anxiety when they saw a saber-tooth tiger. Consequently, it's a tool that can be a bit too strong for everyday modern living. Anxiety is like a radar, telling you on what you should be focusing on, the most immediate threat to your existence. As you work through the problem, the anxiety will reduce. Your social anxiety is likely high since you likely have less experience, comparatively speaking. The solution to this will have to include being more social, full stop. I highly recommend Alice Clark's Hack Your Anxiety. Changed my understanding of myself quite a bit. My experience says the core tenet of the book is true. Hope this helps.

Day 246 No VG - 246 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 8 days , SOB - 27 days, NNO59 - 2 days, NIA1030 - 3 days, NLAF - 5 days left, NSOC - 6 days Just want to get an early post in since I might not be able to later. Three things I want to get done today: gym, dishes, and either more salsa dancing or buying some new shirts and getting them to a tailor.

Wow, that's rough. You're going through a lot right now. Internet friendships are difficult since in-person friendships just feel much more real, at least to me. This forum is probably is not the best place to make friends , but if it happens, great. I'm only speaking for myself, but I'm here to fix me first and foremost, and if my story provides help to others, or if I can lend other advice from time-to-time, then that's great too. I think a lot of others are here for similar reasons, and that's completely valid. On the notion of making friends as an adult, it's way harder then in high school or college. I'm coming to this realization and learning to accept it, which is making things easier for me and taking pressure off me. I burned many bridges during those years so I don't really have any lasting friendships from that time with people I routinely keep in touch with. I think as we get older, we rely on our significant others for deep emotional support since we really only have the time to cultivate one...maybe two... of those super deep relationships. Our friends become more superficial, for lack of a better term, and I think that's natural. I only just opened up to one of the people in my improv team about my childhood, and that was only because it sort of slipped out during a performance (which was a REALLY awkward moment). Nonetheless, he doesn't feel like a blood brother or best friend to me. Just a friend. Maybe a kinda-close friend. And I can't expect anything from him in terms of emotional support. We are improv friends. Not gym friends, not best friends, not drinking friends...improv friends. And if we truly are friends, I shouldn't force him to change or expect anything from him either. The best friends are people who accept you as you truly are, not as they want you to be. I can only think of one truly best friend I've made in the past 5 years or so, and that is my aunt's dog. All that dog wants is attention and affection, and it has a stupid smile on it's face the whole time. I saw the dog for the first time about a year ago, and after giving the dog a good head scratch for 15 minutes, it got up, placed a paw on my hand while looking me dead in the eyes..."Stop"....and proceeded to lick my arm from fingertip to elbow. We were practically married at that point. I saw the same dog over Christmas and got the same unconditional love and requisite demand for attention. No one imposed any restrictions on the other, which is probably why dogs are known as man's best friend, not people. I truly hope things get better for you and that you keep moving forward. You've made great progress so far with gaming. I'm sure you'll do it with porn and friends as well. You will figure it out.