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Everything posted by ChewyChickenBones

  1. @WorkInProgress thanks a lot. I took some days off to really think over and apply what you have said. Environment... I'm glad I only have two months left on my lease. The neighborhood has calmed down a bit, no more daily drivebys/gunshots just A LOT of police activity. Daily. My street seems to have a lot of issues. Life is a bitch... but I am making a change. We have worked and are working even harder for a better quality of life. I refuse to hide back in games. I am grateful to live, eat, talk, think, listen, take action, courage, strength, walk, see, family and movies. I really going to the movie theater .. lol I really wanna say fuck it. I'm playing tonight and starting over tomorrow. I left the gaming message group. Came to journal since the craving kicked in. I like to keep busy. I breathe. Breathing helps. Slowing down the thoughts.
  2. Is there something wrong with me?? It's my day off and I wanted is to watch a movie with my girl. She did not want to and I felt upset..but ok I'll go alone then. She starts going on and on about wanting to spend time with me. Her tone, and volume anger me. I just left. I could not stand it. My stomach was really irritated too... She keeps saying I have a bad attitude. Keeps blaming me. Well... how can I not feel pissed when I want to leave the house to do something other than game. She just tells me I have to learn moderation. Great fucking support. Can't do something I really enjoy. Told I should just learn moderation. All while she games. Is it really me? I just want to be alone right now. I am really stressed.
  3. Day 2 A little sick but feeling good apart from that. I'll shower, put some good music, and get to cleaning up the place. I was gaming so much I stopped caring. Had several dreams last night.. already feeling that anxiety. It'll pass, it'll get better. I do not like those moments but it's all about thinking positive, and grateful. The timing of these detox are great... I'll be moving out of this environment into a better one by the time the detox is done. Will I go back to gaming after 90 days? Maybe. Having a girl who still games and asks if I could game in moderation makes this a little annoying. She may be able to get off after a few matches. I kept going because I wanted to keep winning. Feeling down but it's time to get off and do something. I am grateful for living, walking, eating, reading, see, talking, learning, stretching, music, breathing, water, and determination.
  4. Hi Dylan, and welcome to the GQ community. Did you ever get that sharp pain in your eye checked out? I had the same situation and had to get glasses.
  5. Time for another detox! Day 1 ... aaaaaand right off the bat life is already throwing challenges at me! Last year was rough financially. I hit depression deep. Took two months off work and just gamed. Exhausted all my sick hours, and risked getting fired. The union, and my companies understanding and kind HR department helped me stay keep the job. I had to open up a lot... why I was depressed... mom was sick.. that I had been seeking help with therapy. It was tough but I was honest. For years my credit score was near 800. Then I stopped caring. I stopped paying and allowed debts to happen. Yesterday a debt collector company called my grandma's house. I was fucking furious! My finacial problems ARE MINE. I tore the manager a new one and told them to never contact my family again. She even told me they would call my employer to look for me. Time to tackle this debt, but this practice is definitly harassment. I'm running this through a law firm. My loud ass neighbor. It was great putting on my gaming headset and not listen to her spout hate. With my anxiety I cannot help myself to know why she is loud. I want to know what it is. Her conversations are always talking bad about someone. I'm sure I have been in those conversations. She tried to steal my trash bin, I got it back, and advised the property owner. The hell is up with her? I have always smiled and said hi! I have added positve music to my life. It's a great way to keep positive. I am grateful to continue on the road to improve life, leave addiction, grow stronger, hear, see, listen, walk, talk, learn, apply, eat, and exist!! @Cam Adair and everyone in the GQ community Keep up your progress, it is inspiring!
  6. How do video games serve me? My anxiety goes away. I do not think of any stupid stories because I am too focused on playing. Any little noise no longer bothers me. Why? I'm playing my games! ... there has to be a healthier way to deal with anxiety. During the detox I would have a lot of anxiety... I could not stay still!!! I had to do something! Why do I get so anxious? I want to know everything. I want to be in control. With games, I accomplish it. I am king. I am the master. I am..... tired and sad. Why? It's the same thing.. I top the online leaderboard. I beat the secret bosses in the highest difficulty. I am known as a very good player. Yet it's all online. It's easy to stay in the digital loop when I play until I am exhausted. No time to think about life. Fuck do I feel really tired, a little disoriented, have mental fog, and fell behind on my tasks. I do not want to experience that anxiety again. It's nightmarish to let the stories pile up. Games are a double edged sword for me. That anxiety is GONE. In exchange I devote all my surplus time and energy. .... I am considering another detox. Fuck I do not want to experience that anxiety again but fuck being stuck where I am!!!
  7. It's been four days since the procedures - extremely happy to say nothing serious was found. Just a small hernia. Been on a high fiber diet and physically active. Feeling exponentially better. Was very nervous before the procedure. There is was a very low chance of things going sour due to the sedatives.. so my anxiety kicked in thinking of the worse. There was some discomfort after the procedures was blurred/double vision. Games - I am using them as a way to reward myself now. I do not get to them until the end of the day. Some days I am so exhausted I do not even hop online. The relationship with games has changed and I am glad. The detox was a long needed break to get a good look at the way I was living life. Also found a new group of players who play for fun, way more fun and relaxing. Finally got a haircut - looking mighty young! Upcoming weeks have plenty of doctor appointments. Running much needed maintenance/tune up on my body. I had ignored it for a very long time. One day at a time, growing stronger every day. Time is finite, use it well. Grateful to be alive, see, listen, hear, eat, walk, talk, breathe, learn, read, and stretching. I do not like my job somedays. Love my coworkers tho.
  8. Waiting to start my colonoscopy and endoscopy. Thank you all for your support. I am nervous as hell. @Cam Adair Thank you for creating Game Quitters.
  9. Jumanji was pretty good! Today is a good day. Dropped the nephews off at school, then went to my doctors appointment. A lot of tests set up. Really like the doctor. Ran into a little wall because my insurance does not cover my prescription. I'll find a way so it covers it. Cleaning my car at the lot, left all the doors open and saw some people eye my car and want it to check it. I'm right next to it so I got a little defensive, just saying it's mine.. I gotta say it felt damn good. The airport stresses people out. My official job is to document passengers but it really feels like I am their therapist. Some encounters are incredible and memorable... then there are the days I deal with the aggresive and mentally ill. It is hard to help these people. It's not a job where I am not able to help them heal. I just uphold policies. The ambience is very volatile, one amazing experience can be followed by some entitled brat. It is hard because I truly want to help everyone. I see others in the industry who have become bitter at everyone. That is not me.. that being said I'm no longer taking the verbal and emotional abuse. I stop them in their track and set a boundary. It was tough get there but I'm happy I have done it.
  10. Welcome to the forums Michael. Cam has plenty of resources out there, I recommend you give Respawn a read. It helped me out a lot.
  11. I honestly thought I was the only one going through this..finished my detox a few days ago and feeling confident it would solve everything. It has been a mixed experience going back to games... and just like you I agree. Time is finite. Keep it up!
  12. Hi @Plokmn, and welcome to the forums!
  13. Hmm... my girl returns tomorrow. It was a long week without her. Played games to keep myself busy late night. Took my dad for breakfast this morning. Really good to spend time with him. Not working OT for the rest of the week. Got doctor's appointment and need rest. My online friends on OW are really hooked on it. I'm not into it the same way. I'm not a hardcore player anymore. Kinda sad... but that was a past chapter. They're even feeling anxious over how stressed they get from the matches. Eehh... I'm not going back to that. I want to play games to relax. That is not relaxing at all. I'm going to find another group or just solo queue. Only on for a match or two either way. I game because I get very focused on the game. A way to relax to end the week. It really upsets me that I cannot play with them. They part of my support during my detox. Oh well, our relationship with games may not work but there are many more topics we can talk about. Looking forward to Jumanji later tonight.
  14. Working a heck of a lot. Have been enjoying going to the movies. Managed to watch Justice League, The Greatest Showman, and The Shape Of Water. Good flicks. Jumanji tomorrow. Some gaming here and there, get bored of it pretty quick. Fun while it lasts. Looking forward to my days off.
  15. Going to be online for a few matches later tonight. Setting an alarm next to me in case I start to lose track of time. I'm pushing myself to meet more people. Met five people today. Not sure what to say next so I worked afterward.. one step at a time. I'm happy I was able to do that. Setting up the next piece of the plan. Getting out of my work comfort zone. No more persona. I'm me and I'm here to be confident and happy. Breathing. Lots of deep breaths. Some moments can feel rough but it'll pass. I am grateful for my family, friends, girlfriend, walk, talk, see, hear, listen, courage, water, and kindness. Did some competitive Overwatch matches. It was interesting to see how aggressive, defensive, and wired players are to win the game. I used to be like that, it drove me with adrenaline to win the game. It was an intense feeling. I used a lot of energy doing that. It was... toxic. Throwing fits, whiny, bratty. I'm playing because I'm not seeing my girlfriend for a week. Time goes faster and I wanted an excuse to be here. I feel weird saying this.. but playing games is not the same anymore. Maybe comp games are not my thing anymore.
  16. Welcome. Win the day, one day at a time. Use the resources available on the site. Recommend reading and completing the worksheets in Respawn. Watch the Game Quitters videos, and most importantly... get out of the house. I felt a void many a days during the detox. I did return to gaming after 90 days.. but I have not played it much since. Gaming does not serve me at the moment. The days will pass and you gain knowledge and life experience. I still have a lot of energy and feel lost occasionally.. I guess it is normal as we are leaving a big chapter of our life. Count on us, feel free to stop by and express yourself in the forums.
  17. Yeeee, I made it. 1. One day at a time. THIS. Win the day, focus on the day. Stay in the moment. 2. Get my out of the house. 3. Find a place you can be yourself. 4. Say everything you feel. Do not keep holding those emotions on. 5. I like books.
  18. I love the Iron Giant. One day at a time. Did a lot today, and managed to watch Coco again. This year I have gotten rid of a lot of clutter, and hoarded items. A few things left, have them ready for when I need something to do at home. I keep myself busy. If I can't stop moving, I'll use it to clean up my life. Taking it easy this night, happy to be home with my girlfriend. Happy new year everyone.
  19. Hello @Kiki Great art. Keep it up
  20. Hi @Shine Magical. I like your avatar. I've only read your most recent posts, feel better.