giblets

Ahh the resto druid, so many fond memories. I was actually thinking about WoW last night, and how much it sucks you into that vortex of becoming so attached to a character. I know it cops a lot of flak or criticism from society about chaining people to their desks, which it does, but I was curious of how it does this far more effectively than any other RPG/MMO. I think it is because you get attached so much to one character or role and you feel like you are merging with it. But then you log off, change characters, walk outside, and you know what? It's all for nothing.

I know that feel bro. I could never understand why I was angry and frustrated all the time when I was playing games too. Took me a long time to work out the reason and become self aware enough to work out how to solve it - by stopping and interacting with people. You get addicted to efficiency and constant action, so when you see people who are all about inaction and taking the long way to do things, you get frustrated with them or look down on them, next thing you know you are depressed because you don't have many friends. You've made an important step! I look forward to seeing you on the forums.

09 Oct 17 Days to go: 189 Days to Marathon 2: 4 Days to Ultra-Trail: 221 It has been 5 days since I have done a journal entry, and I would apologise, but ultimately I would need to apologise to myself. It has been a very busy week and through a combination of prioritisation and rest I haven't mustered up a journal post. I still have been lurking and reading journals. I am back in (almost) full swing with running. The knee, while uncomfortable, has stopped hurting and I have managed to push myself really well. My runs are back out to 10km and I can hold them for a good solid 6-7 minutes before I need to walk, and its not from the knee usually now, but because I have run out of breath. I think that is due to a combination of drinking way too much beer lately (which I really need to give up) and not doing a great deal since the last marathon due to the injuries. I definitely learnt something from this whole process, and that is I think my body does need about 5-6 weeks rest to return to its former glory. Even though I was mentally and aerobically feeling great after a week from the marathon, I haven't been able to get back into the full swing of things yet. I have another challenge now as well - my son was sneezing on me all weekend and I just knew I would come down with it, and sure enough, I have the early onset symptoms of the flu. I started to get down about it, thinking to myself what terrible timing, but then I remind myself I didn't exactly have a dream lead up to the last marathon either, so I just need to get on with it. I hope that once the race starts I will go to my happy place and power on. My aim is to beat the cut off point at about 22km I think it was. Once I am through there I am happy to slow down - but that has given me something to aim for. Having something to aim for has made a serious difference and I thoroughly recommend it to everyone even if it is just a short fun run distance (4km), because it gives you this undiscovered motivation. Take yesterday for example, I decided to run one way instead of a loop out to where my friends were having dinner. I was averaging 6:15m/km before I made the decision, and that quickly dropped to 5:15m/km as soon as I decided I wasn't going to double back. I have talked about running one way before to help with my motivation and I think it is time I pulled the trigger and did it. Speaking of pulling the trigger - I have cut gluten out of my diet. I still need to do some research on it so I can work out which foods are gluten free myself, but I have finally done it. At the moment I just read the packets of things in the supermarket or order the gluten free item on the menu, but I would like to get to the stage where I could work it out for myself. It was a combination of being annoyed that I am always talking about it with no action, and eating a few things last week which caused me some pain. It's time to stop living uncomfortably I told myself. Of course, a big thing and a personal hurdle I need to overcome now, is to stop drinking beer. Not going to lie, I love beer. Gone are the days where I get crazy on it, but I do thoroughly enjoy two or three when I am out having a meal with family and friends, or a work function. To now remove that is going to be a bigger hurdle than reading the packet of food to see if it is gluten free. I have no doubt my family and friends will be supportive of the change, it is just going to be the battle of finding something else I like, or stopping altogether. Battleplan for today 1. I have fallen so far behind now in my studies that it is a problem. I need to put some effort into this today no matter what it takes. I don't care how busy or unwell you are feeling, there needs some tangible work by the end of the day. 2. Drink water and rest as much as possible to attack this flu. I still need to go to work but I might try to leave early. 3. I'm hesitant to set any other targets for today noting how much I need to dedicate to my studies, so lets say something simple like clean up my desk so I can focus a little better. Grateful corner 1. My wife being tolerant of how much I train. I didn't really think too much about this until I was discussing the ultra marathon next week with some peers and realised the impost it puts on my family, having me not only away for those numbers of hours, but the travel and recovery time, washing, buying equipment etc. 2. My son for being such a trooper. He is such a well behaved and tempered boy that I am proud as punch. I really hope it remains that way for say, the next 20 years 3. My new laptop. It has only crashed once since I have bought it - still don't know why it did - compared to the several times per day on my RPi desktop (although admittedly that was mainly my own fault because of cooling). The fact I no longer feel nervous when I am doing some CPU heavy tasks is a great investment in itself.

Hi Jin! What does IOP stand for? And Chicken porridge sounds..... weird.... almost hideous. Have you watched the documentary Ecstasy of Order? Fantastic piece of work, but one thing that always stood out to me was how the super competitive players would see tetris blocks falling down during various events, like water droplets in the shower. I can totally relate to that, when I was a huge game boy player back in the day with the original, I used to see things pixelated sometimes. Probably explains why my eyes are so shot now. Hope things have been going well for you!

Do you have the time? Great weather we are having, huh? If you're in a sporting town, "How about those <insert mascot here>? That was a real stinker/barn-burner! In the end, the question doesn't really matter, it's the fact that you have broken the ice. Most people will react based on that a stranger has unexpectedly started talking to them rather than the nature of the question - that is unless it's something crude! What is your plan with the video blog? I am thinking about swapping over from writing my blog to videos, but I don't know where to store the files. I don't trust google or facebook, so I am thinking that means I will have to host it myself. The files will probably be too big for Cam's web setup (I assume).

04 Oct 17 Days to go: 194 Days to Marathon 2: 9 Days to Ultra-Trail: 226 Absolute farkin fantastic news, I finally managed to get running! I had such a really bad day yesterday I thought I would go clear my head with a jog and try to see how my knee is going. I managed to get a 3km run in and the knee felt mostly good. I couldn't hold the run all the way and it felt a bit harder than normal but hey I got back out there, and I wasn't in agony. It was a massive boost to my mental state that's for sure, and I got pretty happy that I was managing a run so my bad day melted into oblivion. I won't have a chance to go today because of work but tomorrow I'll try to see how I go running the whole distance or longer. I am so happy I got that sorted, especially with the days to go to the second marathon down to single digits. It was a pretty massive day yesterday. A mate was diagnosed with a brain tumor and a few of my team members dropped some very heavy news that I need to help sort out. Very emotionally draining. My mind went into overdrive into how I could help them and what I could do to value add to the situation but I didn't come up with anything other than to talk to them. I hope that helped and I will ensure I go out of my way to keep it up over the next week or so. By the time the day ended and I had been for my run, and settled my son (which is a lot harder thanks to this daylight savings shennanigans), I really had nothing left in the tank; so didn't progress my study or look into new diets, but at least I didn't use escapism to avoid them. I will be working until midnight so the battleplan will be challenging. I apologise for not spending much time reading and contributing to other's journals and paths at the moment, once I rebuild my energy I will get back to it as much as I can. Battleplan for today 1. Don't get emotional at work. This appears quite often in my plan for the day as I am still progressing towards how to get this under control. I think today will be fine as it is a fun part of my job (even though it is late hours). 2. Check out the discord plugin for pidgin this morning. I know Gamequitters has discord and I noticed yesterday while messing around with my laptop that there is a third party plugin for pidgin for it. Definitely going to give it a try. 3. Update my budget. It is a few weeks out of date. Grateful corner 1. My health. As much as I have my first world problem of my knee which takes up a lot of mental space, there are people far far worse out there, including the challenges my friends are facing. 2. My early morning routine. It could be better, but gets the flow going first thing in the morning. Do need to heed SlackRamen's advice and consider a sleep in though this weekend. I haven't had one for months - too much to do.

03 Oct 17 Days to go: 195 Days to Marathon 2: 10 Days to Ultra-Trail: 227 Not much to report here, spent my day off watching glorious amounts of NFL (3 games) so didn't get much else done on my chores or to do list other than some tweaks on the computer. Did not do any study or any posts online though, or anything to do with my RPis. I need screws to mount them in 3D printing for the latter, and I really need to get back studying, I did not contribute at all for the last week and only one post the week before. Study has fallen out of my routine and I need to get it back in there. So shifts the focus to today, what is my plan? It is going to be a busy day and I am not "dreading" going to work like I have been the last few weeks. I don't think I will have an overly emotional day either, apart from the standard Monday dramas. Bit of a light on post. I hope that is a good sign. Battleplan for today 1. Do some research into gluten-free and/or paleo diets. Enough tip toeing around the issue and thinking I can manage it without making a meal plan. 2. Get back running and/or book an appointment with the physio for my knee. I'm going crazy by not being able to run and struggling to stay in the flow without it. 3. Get some study done mate. C'mon. Stop avoiding this. Do what you need to do. Grateful corner 1. My parents coming to stay to help out. 2. Whatsapp so I can send voice bytes to some friends who are not having a good time at the moment. What goes around comes around so I need to contribute to them somehow, and this seems like a simple way. 3. Bookmarks. Very efficient to just click a bookmark rather than constantly typing or searching - I need to bookmark more pages.

Welcome mate!

Over the last few weeks I have been spending some time thinking about podcasts v audiobooks and which one brings the most value. I possibly over-utilise podcasts. I try to listen to them as much as possible (instead of music), but I am beginning to think I could get more out of listening to audiobooks. I had podcasts on tech, news, personal development, minimalism, sport, and interesting topics (skeptics guide, the inquiry, etc). The audiobooks I like to listen to are autobiographies mostly, or non-fiction/history. I am thinking maybe I cut back my podcasts to just news & sport (or tech), and spend the rest of my time listening to books on the other subjects, so as to gain a deeper more in depth perspective on those topics rather than the 20 to 40 minute bite size chunks that the podcasts offer. Any tips? Has anyone gone through similar thoughts or process? My logic is that if I have started to think about this already is a sign that I should just do it.

02 Oct 17 Days to go: 196 Days to Marathon 2: 11 Days to Ultra-Trail: 228 Finally coming to you from the new laptop. I had to re-install my OS twice because I had chosen a window manager that doesn't scale properly with HD/retina screens. Like my mate said - "that's a great problem to have". Made me think - what are other problems, or "first world problems" that I might have and complain about? I bet its the majority of my issues. It resulted in me not posting yesterday so I ensured I made up for it today. Anyway we have a long weekend here and I kind of wasted yesterday but not achieving much, but I don't mind. I really wanted to stop and reflect this weekend and give myself time to relax because I felt like I was in a rut, and I am achieving that. If I could just get some study done though today I think I would feel better about myself. Maybe a few tasks with my projects as well. They may seem like small asks, but it tends to be a challenge when my son is out and about so time to myself tends to be compressed until after he goes to sleep. Still having issues with my leg - not really sure what else to do or try. About to be 10 days or less to the next marathon and I have barely run since the last one, and the days to the ultra trail are ticking down. I might have to organise to go back and see a specialist. Battleplan for today 1. Study and get some online posts in so it doesn't look like I am slacking off. Would like to start compiling my posts into a journal but I don't see that happening today. 2. Watch some foootballlll! No wonder Aussies think NFL is so stop-start, every single second that isn't a play is replaced by an ad over here. I guess they are trying to recoup the cost of buying the telecast but far out it is excessive. 3. Progress *something* with my RPi projects. Anything. Grateful corner 1. Public holiday! Gives me a chance to watch football in the morning and spend time with my family in the afternoon. If only I had a man cave.... 2. Online forums. Had to work through a few problems with the laptop that were sorted with searching through online forums. I'd say problems but they were mostly self-generated. Finally warming to Reddit after all these years. 3. Repurposing items laying around the house for new projects. I am not sure if this is what they officially call "recycling"? I thought there was another term for it.

Don't feel discouraged @Hitaru, that sounds like his self-defense mechanism because he was hurt by your comments. I went through a similar phase when I first started working after university; I couldn't find the balance between being open and connecting with people so I didn't feel so isolated, and not oversharing with people who didn't deserve it. The end result is situations like you experienced, being hurt by people using your stories or experiences back against yourself. I wish I had some kind of piece of advice of how to deal with it, but I don't! Over time I became more selective with what I shared, and with whom, especially when I was at work. But what I can say is don't be discouraged, otherwise you won't connect at all with anyone.

30 Sep 17 Days to go: 198 Days to Marathon 2: 13 Days to Ultra-Trail: 230 So maybe it is something going on with our environment, because now my wife is very sluggish and wanting to sleep a lot. Our sleeping patterns haven't changed somewhat for the last few weeks, so it must be either the pressures of this week - either from having family visit or from trying to juggle a lot of other tasks/issues - or the diet, though we only really eat the same thing at dinner so that doesn't have a lot of credibility in my head. I put off making today's post because my new laptop arrived so I was hoping to make it from the laptop, but I am still trying to set it up. I spent about 5 hours making several complete backups of it before I started tweaking it as I have the tendency to break things. I had a great wallpaper last year with the slogan "I void warranties". So true. Anyway, new laptop is here, spent all afternoon getting it ready, hopefully will switch across to it tomorrow. Not much else to report on today, the knee is still really bad and as I watch the counter to the next marathon go down, I can't help but get a little worried. I have started training on the cross trainer to still get my cardio in but without the impact of running on the road/footpath etc, which has been a little bit of expectation management for a mind that enjoys watching the country side and using landmarks to push myself to go further and faster. Spent the morning with my son at the zoo, was a blast. Chose the vegetarian burrito for lunch - not paleo because it had rice, but still in line with my aim of cutting down my meat intake - and it was actually good. Feeling a lot better today, I think spending Friday and today just stopping and unwinding and forcing myself to slow down has done wonders. I need to do that more often. Have I reshaped my goals and have a clear way ahead? No, but I think I have cut down a lot of the background noise. Battleplan for today 1. The day is over already so nothing to add. Grateful corner 1. Annual zoo pass. Relatively cheap if you go frequently, and you feel less stressed or obligated to try and rush around to see all the animals as you know you can come back in a few weeks. Today we just hung out in the Australian outback section as my son seemed to really like the emu's, and then the lemurs. A quick bite to eat and home, feeling good for getting out of the house. Next time I am going to pack a picnic though, for a) saving money and b) having more control over my meal choices. 2. Open source software. I keep saying this but I am forever grateful. Really need to work out how to give back to the community - maybe a patreon donation, but I'd really like to contribute in a more tangible way, like programming or testing. 3. Online shopping. Saving so much money by avoiding purchasing retail. Had to order some new cables for the laptop and saved $60.

Sounds like a great meetup, I hope you enjoyed it. Cam lives in the moment, I would recommend trying it at least for short periods, you'll feel a lot more relaxed and enjoying the smaller details of life rather than being caught up in the "what ifs"

Where are you headed for NYE?

29 Sep 17 Days to go: 199 Days to Marathon 2: 14 Days to Ultra-Trail: 231 I think there is seriously something wrong with me right now. This whole week all I can think about doing is sleeping. My productivity is down and I am so sluggish to get going in the mornings. I originally thought it was because I was not drinking enough water, but I have been drinking so much water now I don't think that is the problem. It comes down to two sources - either my diet is wrong again, or I am feeling quite depressed and am in a rut. I really hope its the former, as that is a simple fix. I have noticed lately I feel better when I just eat vegetables and salads, not only do I feel "lighter" afterwards, but I do feel like I have extra energy than when I eat a lot of meat. I have tried being a vegetarian in the past, and I felt amazing while I was doing it, and lost some weight as well, but man it is hard to give up bacon That was why I was so interested in paleo for a while as well, because I think they still eat bacon, and some of my stomach problems come from gluten. I didn't go any further with it at the time because it was difficult to manage and research while I was still travelling a lot, but maybe this is another good opportunity to give it a try. At a minimum it's going to tell me if it is a diet issue or if it is because I am a bit depressed. I know why I would think I am depressed too - I feel like I am not getting anywhere at work, that nothing is really moving forward as well as I would like. I have dealt with this before, and it requires me to reshape my goals and refocus. I need to spend some time reflecting to achieve that. Does not help I haven't been able to get back into my running routine due to a combination of work and injuries. It's now been 3 days since I have run (sounds like I am confessing to a priest), but I am determined to get out there today. Looking at the counter for 14 days to go to the next marathon, I need to get it sorted. Battleplan for today 1. Have the day off. I need to force myself to be in the moment rather than thinking/stressing about work. Enjoy just spending time with my family rather than thinking about what I should be doing. 2. Get back running. Stop making excuses. There isn't any today. 3. Have the vegetarian option for lunch if my family goes out to eat. Grateful corner 1. My wife. She definitely brings far more to our unit than I do. I am pleased how much I do things around the house now and for my son to try and ease the burden thanks to the detox, but she is always making more and more sacrifices. 2. My friends. I have struggled to get away from work because of the load lately and how I have been feeling (flat), so they have been doing favours for me during the week. I need to make it up to them somehow, it definitely separates those who are actually mates and those who are there for the ride. 3. My old boss. I saw him today and I talked to him about how I was considering a phD next year after I finish my masters and he gave me a lot of tips. Also offered to write me a letter of endorsement to get me into the program for both my academics and personal skills. What a champ.

Put your journal first. Everything in life (including work), should only ever be #2, behind yourself and your wellbeing. I try to keep the routine of doing my journal as soon as I wake up, as that is when you are at your best mentally, then if I still have time afterwards I will read some others. At the end of the day if I have got a lot of work done or completed my studies I will have another look again. That way, if you're having a busy day or not having a good day, at least you got your journal completed, and the community understands that you can't comment or help every day.

Doesn't matter how addicted we are, there is always something better we could be doing. I know that "light bulb" moment you are talking about, and I remember the exact moment for me quite clearly. It's brutal, I felt like I was wasting my life. The silver lining in the cloud mate is that you still have so much life ahead of you and it's not too late to make the most of it.

Looking forward to it!

Bought a ticket

A very admirable goal!

28 Sep 17 Days to go: 200 Days to Marathon 2: 15 Days to Ultra-Trail: 232 Today's post brought to you by AllTheseVegetables by Jacksonic courtesy of @thehondasc00py. ALL THESE VEGETABLES, LIKE WHAT! ALL THESE VEGETABLES, LIKE WHAT! So I am registered for the ultra-trail! Can't back out now. The crazy thing is I still haven't found a training plan to get ready for it and see if it is feasible. I also have only ran once since the marathon and once on the cross trainer, so I really need to get my ass into gear. But, at the end of the day I don't think I am going to have another opportunity like this where I am hyper focused on fitness and running, or the flexibility with work and my home location that I could capitalise in order to do such a long distance. Did not run again yesterday, a combination of the knee was still feeling not right and too much going on at work so I couldn't get away. Things are lining up for me to hit the road again today though - I have no hard commitments that I need to attend today so I won't feel pressured into only eating lunch and heading back to work straight away, and the knee is feeling really good. I do need to sort out this not enough water issue though, I am drinking a lot more water than I usually do, around about 1.5 litres, and I still feel dehydrated in the mornings, which I think is a contributing factor to me feeling so meh with trying to get on with my morning routine every day. Not really sure how I could increase my water intake any further, I'd be drinking water almost constantly then. USB C Hub ordered and new bag for laptop ordered. Only need a new plug/wall wart for it as it is comes with an American plug, and I have finally mindswept that away from a) being on my mind and b) always keeping tabs open looking at this stuff. Spent some time thinking about gaming last night and boy oh boy was the dopamine rush strong. It felt like I had just taken a drug or something. I did feel guilty immediately though, so a lot of emotions I had to deal with at once and that I need to reflect on. I don't forbid myself from thinking about games and I have taken the stance now if I want to play games I will after the detox to remove that "block", but I am just not interested in the time that it wastes now. So last night was a bit weird why the thoughts came back. Usually it is nostalgia but this was just a random thought that jumped into my head. Maybe it was because I had a couple of beers so my mind was relaxed and I was looking for other pleasurable things to do. Anyway I sat with the feeling for a moment, thought about how much enjoyment I did get from those activities, and then thought about what I was missing out on while I was doing them. Personal development, time management, family time, chores, all productive things that I tried to ignore. Then I got back on with my day. So, a lot of reflecting on yesterday, how will this shape my day today? I have another day where I really need to be productive, but the door closed on my office and the phone on DND mode really helps. I really want to take tomorrow off to spend with my family so that is extra motivation to try and red line as much as I can today. I really hope I can get through today without betting emotionally wound up or effected, usually now it is something like allowing my frustration or annoyance with people or tasks to be seen, even though they generally aren't a problem. It comes after a long day or a lot of distractions or I have done a lot of work. I should be using that as a queue for a break, go outside, go for a walk, enjoy some camomile tea, then get back to what I was doing or respond to the questions. If I can achieve that today, I will feel like it is a success. Battleplan for today 1. Clear through the backlog of work from the last two days, stay on top of any critical tasks for today, so I can take tomorrow off work. Break down the big tasks into as small steps as possible to feel progress, and delegate as much as I can to my team. 2. Get back out there running. Aim for 10km, but this time if something doesn't feel right, don't push it. Force myself to stop instead of getting so focused on the distance. 3. Try to hit 2 litres of water today. Go back to trying slices of lemon in my water bottle and cut down on the amount of green tea I drink during the day. Grateful corner 1. Work colleagues that are helping with my workload while I am instructing. Juggling two jobs is only possible with their help. 2. The long weekend coming up and the opportunities it brings to not only relax and try to reset after having a harrowing few weeks, but the possibility I could finish some RPi projects and get some study done. 3. Aldi! Such good prices.

That's a huge relief!

That sounds like a cool extension @thehondasc00py, I might check it out, thanks!

That is true, sometimes you need to do what your body tells you. I have to remind myself of that when I need to rest from running, because if I don't listen to my body then I just make matters worse. It would be the same as sleeping in versus pushing for a productive morning, you might end up not achieving anything at all which would make matters worse. For your stress, try to break it down into smaller elements. Just lumping things as 'stressful' doesn't really help you find the root cause of why it is a problem. Why are you stressed? Is it actually just your anxiety feelings about the audition? I would ask you - what do you have to lose? If you don't have anything to lose if the audition doesn't go well, then just relax! I know easier said than done but use some of the meditation time to think about this. Anxiety is our fight or flight mechanism getting out of control, and if you have more to lose by not attempting the audition at all rather than not doing well, then I would say push on and relax. I always used to feel the same with 'stress', I would fail to define it so I never knew how to deal with it. Now I have shifted to trying to solve the same challenge with frustration.