Super Saiyan Journal

403 posts in this topic

Posted

Yo wassup man!!

I'm actually a Dragon Ball fan myself, I watched Resurrection F a few months back.

Great that you're seeing a counselor bro, I always find it helpful to talk to someone when I'm feeling down. If you don't have the money, maybe there's someone else, like a friend or sibling, that you can talk to for free?

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Posted

I just played again and deleted it again.

How were you feeling before you played? Any idea what caused you to want to game?

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Posted

I don't remember. Same thing as always: I wanna play a game to see the story and be the hero. Anyway, it's been four days with little problems. This month, I've had more studying days than gaming days, which has never happened before in history. Today I got an A at philosophy exam. I thought I was unprepared, but it turns out I actually understood the few things I've read about. Next I have physiology on Thursday and then introduction to psychology next Tuesday. The last one is gonna be a piece of cake, a simple test. The first one is more scary. But I actualy wanna prepare for it as well as possible, I wanna give it everything I've got. My mind is starting to hate doing unproductive things, it's giving me all those weird emotions when I do them. Now I actually feel better when studying than when procrastinating.

There are so many insanely interesting psychology books in my library that I wanna read. Once I pass physiology, I'm gonna jump right at 'em. Previously I've been reading Paulo Coelho, the first book was pretty cool, but the second one seemed just stupid and about nothing, just more of the same thing that was in The Alchemist. Since there aren't any more interesting fiction authors, I'm gonna start reading psychology more seriously. I'm also done with reading self-help, I already know most of that stuff. That's at least for a year, now I just need to get to work.

I'm also probably going on a date after the exams. The girl was buys for the last weeks because she was studying (I wasn't), but we're gonna have more free time after the semester is over. Well, I'd like to think of it as a date. I'm not sure what she thinks, maybe she's just sociable and always excited to go out somewhere. I want to give her some signal, but what to do?

Okay, that comes later, now I'm going back to studying.

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Posted

My brain is acting in a weird way. There used to be time when I could play games and watch sitcoms all day and it would provide me with surge after surge of pleasure, without asking anything in return. Now the only thing it likes is studying (though it gets bored with it a bit too quickly - and it doesn't want to read as fast as I'd like it to). Damn you, brain! Pushing me towards success, happiness, lots of sex and an overall incredible future!

I guess my only option is to go along with it, there's just no reason with this guy.

Oh, and it keeps producing all those insanely awesome ideas for a life purpose for me! How am I supposed to live like that?!

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Posted

Great job on your exam! 

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Posted

Damn it, I just lost everything I was writing! 10 paragraphs! Screw it, I'm not writing that again. Even though it was important and everything is good. Kinda great actually. Aargh!

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Posted

:(

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Posted

I just passed a really, really hard exam. C+, woohoo!

I'm convinced I would have failed miserably if I was still gaming. Only 9 days so far, but I have no intention of getting back to it.

It appears to me that this is more of a decision thing than willpower or anything else. I don't game, because it doesn't fit into the vision that I have. I've found my life purpose, which is to master psychology, which I'm studying, and there's just no place for gaming in there.

It's like you said Cam. Maybe I've just had this serious talk with myself about what I want my life to be - and now I'm getting to work.

I'm only starting though, so I don't wanna go too far into the future. It's focusing on the now, and simply getting to work, what's allowing me to start dealing with those addictions. I think I screwed up the grammar a bit just then.

By the way, thanks @Laney, @Paul A., @gankylosaurus, @Cam Adair and @hycniejsy for the support. I just have no time to reply to all of you personally every time.

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Posted

Congrats man! 

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Posted (edited)

Yesterday I relapsed with porn three times, but not with games. It's now been 13 days without games and also that was 8 days of no porn, my high score.

Luckily, this time I have everything written in my journal. My motivations, my goals, my reasons, my thoughts and new discoveries. Everything from those eight days. Once I read that in the evening, I was back on track immediately.

Something is changing, at least temporarily. A month ago or two, it would now be a week-long streak of nothing but relapses.

But still, February in my calendar looks pretty green, with only this one red dot over there on yesterday. It's a calendar where I mark "green" when I've upheld a habit, and "red" when I haven't. I'd show it to you, but I have no way of taking a picture right now.

I just watched the video from San Diego. So many people from our forum? I wish I could be there, but, you know, there's an ocean in the way. @Cam Adair, when you're in Poland, we definetly have to meet :P

That's it for today. My day's just starting. Now I'll go and finish preparation for tomorrows exam. After that, twoo weeks of holiday! During which there will, hopefully, be a few memorable dates, woohoo ;)

A small edit: By the, way, remember this? Yesterday I thought "starting now, every day of my life is going to be this" - as for the porn problem anyway. With gaming, I guess I still have to wait... a month or so.

 

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Edited by SuperSaiyanGod
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Posted

I think the Poland meetup might be the biggest one! There are many members from Poland and The Netherlands, so it would be quite the competition.

I might host a full California meetup soon. Think there's about 20 of us here.

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Posted

Who would have thought. Just as I passed the last exam, today a thought appeared: "oh, that would certainly be a nice game to play". I started thinking which class I would choose. Also yesterday I got some cravings for potato chips, which I used to eat in very unhealthy amounts while gaming. I couldn't separate those two if I started one of them again.

However, meh. Too many relapses with porn these past three days, I'm not going to add those two to that. I have a goal to accomplish.

Yesterday I started going through a recovery program for sexual addiction. Some parts of it work for all addictions and life in general, while others are only about porn, sex and such. Anyway, this is gonna help me. I've already written down a vision for myself. Now it's time to access values or something, I'm not sure what that means yet.

My plan for the holidays, which are going to last for 12 days, is simple.

  • Do one "lesson" of the program a day.
  • Read the book "Nonverbal Communication in Human Interactions" (if you're interested in body language etc., this is the shit that you should read, and you can forget about every other book on the topic).
  • Eat healthy and exercise daily - both of which I've already started. My new exercise program, which I've developed myself, is designed to help me lose weight, withouth loosing the progress I've accumulated. It takes 12 minutes a day. I need to lose 40 pounds, as the excess weight is keeping me from mastering advanced strength exercises.
  • Date the girl I like. We've already been on two dates, but that was months ago and she hasn't had the time since. Now she only has one exam next week, so I just can't wait until she passes it and we can go out again. We seem to only have fun when we talk live, not when we write or chat or anything. What sucks though, is that the exam is after Valentines Day.
  • Learn one song from the Hearthstone soundtrack. This won't create any nostalgia, but it will boost my guitar skills greatly.

Goooo! Super Saiyan!

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Posted

Congrats on passing your exam! :)

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Posted

I'm watching a video series on astronomy and I have nostalgia about a game where you colonize planets. Damn it! I have to get to work on something.

How I'm doing? A week-long anti-streak with porn, a shorter one with junk food. But aside from that - 19 days without games!

 

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Posted

How I'm doing? A week-long anti-streak with porn, a shorter one with junk food. But aside from that - 19 days without games!

Woot! :)

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