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Be yourself is terrible advice

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Posted (edited)

I think "be yourself" is terrible advice in regards to dating. To a lot of us especially before quitting it means being someone we wouldn't want to date ourselves at all. Is the whole point of the advice just don't pretend and act as if you have qualities you think are attractive when you don't actually have them? That's fair enough, if you're looking to have a girlfriend you can't pretend to be someone else because it's obviously unsustainable and won't make you very happy having to put up that facade but when you put that away what is left? 

I think "Become your best self so you don't even need to pretend that you have attractive qualities because you actually have those qualities" is way better advice.

Edited by Hobedaga
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I think "Become your best self so you don't even need to pretend that you have attractive qualities because you actually have those qualities" is way better advice.

Yes, and, it's about being confident in yourself while you're in the process of that. So it's not so much that you need to pretend to be someone else, it's about working every day to be your best self, while being authentic and confident that it's a journey. For example, if you met someone you might say that you're on a personal development journey and you've got a long way to go, but you're open to having her join you for the ride. That sort of thing.

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Be who you want to be but you don't dare to.

Then keep that up and become that person 24/7 or bail out and return to your peaceful existence of self-imposed mediocrity. She doesn't have to know mwahaha

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Posted (edited)

How could "being yourself" be anything else other than choosing the path that gives you the greatest self satisfaction and joy and sense of self discovery?

My thought is that being yourself is by its very nature something that should not be confused with identifying yourself with a particular story you have about your past actions and the amount of self esteem and confidence you derive from that, which is something completely different. Something to ponder perhaps. I think the first is inherently something that feels freeing and the latter likely constricting and limiting. I think I associate "being yourself" with being in touch with your own sense of inner self worth, feeling a part of the flow of life, and open to learning new things and new ways of being in such a way that you feel limitless.

Edited by MmmWatermelon
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I think I just realized I don't like this type of advice because it's very vague and everyone interprets it differently, so I would completely agree with some interpretations and utterly disagree with others.

@Cam Adair Hmm. I probably shouldn't wait until I've fixed and developed myself enough to get into dating.

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@Cam Adair Hmm. I probably shouldn't wait until I've fixed and developed myself enough to get into dating.

Focusing on you is the best dating strategy anyways.

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I think "be yourself" is terrible advice in regards to dating. To a lot of us especially before quitting it means being someone we wouldn't want to date ourselves at all. 

...

I think "Become your best self so you don't even need to pretend that you have attractive qualities because you actually have those qualities" is way better advice.

Gaming does not define who you are. We all gamed excessively here, but I'm sure we're all unique and interesting in our own way.

I think the core message of "be yourself" is something along these lines:

You cannot feel what someone else is feeling, therefore you cannot know what someone else might like/dislike about you.

Instead of imagining what they're thinking, without checking whether your correct, and changing yourself based on this...

let them just find out whether they like you or not on their on own.

Meanwhile, of course you can be the work in progress who's adapting to your own liking.

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I think the core message of "be yourself" is something along these lines:

You cannot feel what someone else is feeling, therefore you cannot know what someone else might like/dislike about you.

Instead of imagining what they're thinking, without checking whether your correct, and changing yourself based on this...

let them just find out whether they like you or not on their on own.

I would second that. I mean, some people are just looking for a thrill, but if you are dating people because you would like to find a real relation, there is no better way than being yourself. Only because I would not like to date myself, that does not mean there is no person out there, that would actually love the person that I am. Also, once you stop worrying about how or who you are when you are on a date,  you will get the real results. I mean, your goal is find somebody that can accept and love you. So in order to find this person, you will have to show them the person you are.
 

@Hobedaga
On another note, "you" lies in the eye of the beholder. I could look at myself saying "I am a 30 yrs old nut job who failed to achieve his goals and is still struggling with addictions". But the same I could look at myself and say "I am a 30 yrs old man who is actively working on overcoming his issues and can actually see results". Both of these ideas are somewhat "correct", but the mindset is different. I mean, why wouldn't you want to date yourself? I am pretty sure you have great attributes and if you focus on them, rather then focusing on what is "wrong" with you, would you still say you wouldn't date yourself?

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Posted

Fake it until you make it. I believe it's in the human nature to attempt to show the best side of them to people they value. I like to interpret "be yourself" in the context of "be confident, and don't overdo the faking".

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