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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

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  2. fireside

    Fireside's Big Fat Journal Forum

    Day 17. Back on the work grind again. I've been getting better at maintaining a routine, and I think that's starting to help with having enough energy to get through the day. I'm about to sleep, but I don't feel as deathly tired as I do as two weeks ago. I'm getting better at touch typing, trying to do it right now actually. I'm not the best at it, still slow and I still make a lot of mistakes, but I'm improving. Summer is starting to ramp up. I really wanna try and wake up early in the morning and fish in the lake nearby before I head out for class. Maybe I'll try for that tomorrow. I'm glad I stopped gaming. Things are going well. Catch you tomorrow.
  3. Today
  4. Person

    A Person's Journal

    Day 3/90 It went well today, but I think I'm going to hold off on posting here. I didn't realize how powerful reflecting was until now. A lot of memories resurfaced again, and personally I would like to process and feel these words better through paper and pen. Thanks.
  5. Abril He estado luchando con esta enfermedad más de 3 años. Cada día ha sido cargar conmigo un chaleco antibalas ante el ataque furtivo de mi mente contra mi autoestima. Y pensar se ha hecho peligroso; cada que doy rienda suelta a la maquinaria cruel de fantasías y a la subjetividad de los hechos: Cosas que dije, que no dije, que debí haber hecho, etc. Y al final, todo se resume en un inventario de frustraciones y cargas emocionales (balas emocionales) que dejan mi chaleco obsoleto e inútil. Menos mal que se acaba el día y mañana tendré otro. Repetir o corregir, bueno, esa es mi elección. Hace ya más de un mes la lujuria descontroló el espíritu. La inmediatez sumada al deseo carnal hicieron de mi una herramienta sucia, vacía, animal. Contraté cerca de seis prostitutas a lo largo de tres semanas, no sé de dónde salió el dinero, no sé de dónde salió ese Yo. Recorriendo calles, barrios incógnitos; o bien, llamándolas a mi puerta. Llegaban de quien sabe que lugares, cinco minutos de small-talk y a la acción. Mentiría si digo que no lo disfruté. Pero, ¿a qué costo? y no hablo de billetes. Días después arremetía la culpa y la depresión. Me convencía que eso lo hacía todo el mundo y si bien es cierto, no está dentro de mis estándares. Juzgándolo dentro de mi personalidad, me era inexplicable el saber cómo actué y más aún, cómo superarlo, cómo controlar lo que de por sí es adictivo. Sigo soltero, pero no me siento solo. Bueno, no me siento solo todo el tiempo y he aprendido a abrazar mi introversión. No considero la amistad un concepto pasajero como quedar con alguien para tomar un café. Soy más de profundizar e interesarme continuamente en el otro con respecto a su ser y no sus apariencias superficiales. Por eso me cuesta tanto confiar, evalúo mucho al otro, lo juzgo y eventualmente lo descarto. Me gusta estar con gente, pero me aburre el gentío. Y no me mueve ninguna chica por el momento, no se me mueve el piso por nadie espiritualmente hablando; soy hombre y un cuerpo femenino me atrae, pero eso no me llena, sé que sería tapar el dolor con otro más nuevo. He perdido y ganado interés en mi carrera. Las matemáticas te hacen una persona más crítica, más observadora, más abstracta. Es un mundo interesante y amplio. Pero el método por el que aprendo no me llama mucho la atención, no sé si sean las asignaturas, el ambiente, los docentes...Ser autodidacta e investigativo me ha hecho abrir puertas al conocimiento por mi cuenta, así me he ido generando mis propios laberintos, me he ido encontrando con respuestas que producen interrogantes más profundos. Así que ni bien ni mal. Cosas que estoy haciendo y me hacen bien 1.Yoga: Cada vez gano más flexibilidad y resistencia, siento más vitalidad y energía, me hace sentir satisfecho conocer esta grandiosa práctica y disfrutarla. 2.Gym: Mi cuerpo está en forma; aunque no es mi meta, quiero ganas más peso y moldear un poco más mi cuerpo, me hará sentir mejor conmigo mismo. Estos días, lo confieso, no he estado comiendo muy balanceado, supongo que es la ansiedad. 3.Grupo/terapia: Sigo asistiendo semanalmente a un grupo de apoyo y sigo en contacto con mi psicologa. Siento que aún necesito apoyo en muchas áreas y necesito ser escuchado. 4.Libros: Sigo leyendo. Una pasión como fuerza inamovible. Ahora me interesa la poesía y escribir algo de ficción/drama. 5.Estudiar Cosas que debo hacer, quiero hacer y me servirán para mi crecimiento 1. Socializar. Bueno, tampoco quiero forzarme, pero al menos abrirme un tanto y comenzar con un hola no estaría mal. 2. Comprar algo de ropa. Ya va siendo hora, parezco una fotografía. 3. Cambiar mi look. Un cambio, ¿"un nuevo ciclo"? 4. Hablar con mi madre. Puntos suspensivos. 5. Pasos de A.A y No-Fap. Comenzar el sexto de AA, visitar el grupo y escribir. Trabajar en mi. 6. Adoptar un perro. He venido postergando esto desde hace meses, debo poner de mi parte. Cosas que debo dejar de hacer 1. Pasado. Deja de lamentarte ya, ya pasó, tu tomas las decisiones y asumes su efecto. 2. Fap/Prepagos. Ya no más. 3. Desorden en casa. Un entorno agradable para una mente compleja genera salud mental. 4. Postergar. Sólo por hoy, o dicho de otro modo, sin prisa pero sin pausa. 5. Arrogancia/Soberbia. No siempre se puede sólo, debo pedir ayuda, quiero dejar mi maldito deseo de sentirme superior a los demás y ganar un porcentaje MÍNIMO de humildad.
  6. Yesterday
  7. seriousjay

    Jay's Epic Journey

    - It wasn't much of an urge but I nevertheless fought off getting a second coffee today. - Giving my employees a day off tomorrow felt strangely satisfying. Probably has to do with the fact that it's going to get very busy soon.. lol. - Took Damian to his volleyball game. I'm not really one to go crazy with cheering but it was a great time.
  8. James Good

    New to the community, here’s my story

    Welcome to the community! You've got a powerful story and a great motivation for wanting to quit gaming. Make sure you use that in the future. Remind yourself why you're going on this journey, and it'll make it that little bit less challenging. It's not an easy journey by any means, but it's a worthwhile one. I wish you all the best.
  9. Mohammad

    Mohammad's Journal

    Day 54: No gaming good day as always reading book healthy food biking every day
  10. Great teachers really make a difference to our education. They can make or break the entire thing! It's great to see your professor calmed you down, and I hope the exam went well for you! Also, I'm going to be travelling to Chiang Mai first of all. Will likely stay there a couple of months and then head to Bali and see where it goes from there. Maybe I'll end up hating it and just want to come back to boring old England 😂 It's usually the little things that make the differences. Also, welcome to the community! You're definitely in the right place if you're trying to make your way to a better life, and you'll never be short of support here. A place to live is so underrated. I sometimes imagine what it would be like if I had literally nothing, and how all of the opportunities in my life have come about first and foremost because I have a home. So much great stuff here. And I agree on the car thing haha! I feel the same way about my past relationships. They taught me so much about myself, and I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today without them. Maybe one day I'll let them know the impact they had. Thanks for sharing your list, and you're definitely not alone in this community! Definitely never too late to do anything, no matter what age you are! Really love that attitude! I'm not sure where I'd be without music. It has a seemingly magical ability to soothe the worst of emotions, or even bring them about. What kind of music do you listen to?
  11. James Good

    Rivers' journal

    Congrats on being 2 weeks game free already, that's a great start. I can resonate with the movie issue. After I quit I watched countless hours of Twitch and YouTube. Eventually, I had to install a website blocker on my devices in order to control it. I don't know what it is about online media that just seems to draw people in and not let them escape, but it's some powerful stuff. WIshing you all the best on your journey!
  12. rivers

    Rivers' journal

    It has been 2 weeks since I quit video games, and while I have been more productive, I still have some more bad habits to break. I have been drawing/painting more which is good, but I have also been watching too many movies in place of playing games. I don't even like movies as much as games so it doesn't really make sense for me to be doing this. I quit games so that I could accomplish more, not just sit around and watch movies. I am setting a limit for myself of watching only one movie on days that i have off and no movies on work days. I am allowing myself to watch one episode of a show per day while I eat dinner but no more after that. I can't just put my computer in my closet like I did with my games so it's a lot easier to fall off the wagon with watching movies, but I am going to do my best. Also I decided to quit drinking coffee. I have about half a bag left of it in the pantry and I am weaning myself off of it. Once it's gone, I'm done with caffeine. Another thing- porn... I haven't completely decided on this one yet... I haven't been masturbating nearly as much as I usually do lately... but I feel like it should stop completely. It leaves me feeling empty inside afterwords, plus it is another time waster. I am tired of working dead end jobs and living at my mom's house and I am willing to do anything and everything it takes to get out of this situation and make a better life for myself. I have already made a lot of sacrifices but I still have a long road ahead of me. Anyway, one day at a time of course. Thanks to anyone for reading.
  13. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 16 Took the Opportunity to head the gym and did some cardio and some boxing, Did a Standard 12 Round Fight before heading home and relaxing. I felt completed and felt as if I earned my meal. Had a good video chat with my Ex and I realized her father had some of the worst and I mean the worst Christmas sweater.
  14. Undsoweiter

    Time to restart my life again

    Day 32 25.04.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for having friends who are on the same wave-length as I am. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1) finally gave myself an arse kick and started the new spanish course Workout/run 3min streching 140min workout more than 15k steps  Meditation 15min guided meditation in the morning Visualisation none 😞 Daily affirmation my app Reading + taking notes studied for for 1.5 hour and did my spanish lesson and just read a lot about different stuff my wake-up time ( changed it from: "Getting to bed before 9pm")  around 8:30am because sadly i overslept 😞 Weekly Goal(s) start with miracle morning again, study a lot for the next exam (which was moved to the 23.5. so yeah..), reduce my screen time in gerneral, looking for a new laptop/notebook Monthly Goal to study a lot for the following exam, be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, "survive" the miracle morning 1 month challenge! 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done so that at least at the end of July I have it in my hands, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it What went well today: (1,1) new spanish course, saved the data from the old notebook (one worry less 🙂 ), had a great workout with my friends , stayed extra strong with my urges What I could have done to make my day better studied a bit more What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up earlier, go to work, go to sleep earlier, meditate more, do some spanish and study some
  15. ElectroNugget

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Killing the soft drinks is a tough one but I can recommend it. Whenever I slip and go back to them I feel awful.
  16. ElectroNugget

    Ikar's Diary

    Best of luck on your journey man sounds like you have a good action plan. I might need to copy that idea of having a list of activities to do.
  17. ElectroNugget

    John's Daily Journal

    DAY 17: Gorilla Mindset is really great. Concise and to the point. I can see that my biggest challenges going forward will involve cultivating the right mindsets to face the challenge. Depression leaves you with a very fixed and negative mindset that's hard to shake. Deep down I still don't believe in myself. I've been very busy with some projects and some socializing today so I literally had no time to even think about gaming, which was nice. The fight continues.
  18. ElectroNugget

    John's Daily Journal

    Thanks for the feedback Ikar. There are indeed successful artists out there. I've just had a very, very rough few years at the start of my career that's making me feel like I don't have 'it'. It's quite trying. Best of luck with your own business ventures. Hopefully, we'll both figure it out.
  19. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    To start off, I have to admit my productivity on my priorities is through the roof. Boredom or feeling burnt-out are a thing of the past. I also find I am more actionable on spontaneous ideas or ideas I get from other people. Less of them get done "later" (read never). Now I am almost afraid of running out of things to do! Day 5: In the morning, I got up, checked around the forums, took a bath. I mostly just fooled around, but I did send out some emails regarding job applications. In the afternoon, I cycled to my grandma and stayed there for a few hours, confiding myself about my addiction. After that, I proceeded with job applications both locally and to Iceland. I sent out. A lot. I think the total might be around 60. In the evening, I just watched some Simpsons, mostly just relaxing. I watered the plants and sent some pictures of them to my (ex)girl. Right now, I'm just winding down preparing to watch ep. 2 of the documentary while eating. Oddly enough, I did hardly anything towards my school projects. I'll get one of them done in the morning, it shouldn't take more than an hour, but I feel I need to chill somehow for the day. Feeling content with how this day went!
  20. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Day 37 Feel better. Today's my rest day from exercise. My stomachs been acting up, imma reduce my consumption of processed pickle jar thingy, along with other processed foods, and soft drinks. I'm planning to start a count of the days that I haven't drawn, today is day 4.
  21. James S.

    My daily walk

    Days 31-35 A mix bag really. I left for up state to spend time with my parents. Where they live is beautiful and it was like a mini vacation. We just took our time and soaked it in. We had a fun time with my parents. My Mom made an old school kids birthday cake, I felt like I was a kid again. I did some recording with our new phones and the video came out awesome. When we got back to the city is where things went south. I had a bad experience with my Mother in law. I intentionally made videos just for her and I wanted to share them. We sent to her place when we got in town. I am tired and I helped my folks move some furniture up before we left. Instead of my Mother in law wanting to check out the videos, she kept going on about boxes in the car of food. I had no clue what she was talking about. Finally I gave in and found several boxes of St. Mary's food boxes that needed to be brought up. So I did what a good son in law needed to do. I was completely wiped, and all she cared about was the food boxes of dried food. What kills me is that if it was anyone else she would have been more than happy to check out their pictures or videos. I am still trying to forgive her. I been very down the last few days, I finally figured it out. I blew out my lower back, which quietly wrecks me. Last night I was very close to reinstalling Steam and dive into Warhammer 40k. Personally I wouldn't have blamed myself if I did it. Somehow I distracted myself with "Stan against Evil" comedy TV show and I went to bed early. I am feeling better, but I can feel the borderline pain of my lower back. Thankfully it is quiet at work.
  22. Hello everyone, I’ve been gaming off and on since my pre-teen years. I’m currently 27 and getting married in the fall. I had a tough reality check when I almost hit rock bottom last year financially. Gaming took a firm hold on my life in high school; weekend halo parties turned into weekend WoW raids, and gradually video games replaced almost all social interactions I had. I was a heavy set kid, so on top of not having strong social skills I was the receiving end of a lot of bullying. This manifested as quite severe social anxiety in college, which lead me to drop out after 4 semesters and enlist in the military. The military was a positive force, as it forced a new lifestyle and routine on me, but it lacked any staying power because the mindset was never addressed. I got out of the military in 2015 after semi-successfully moderating my gaming habits. I say semi-successfully: I wish I had made more meaningful and lasting relationships with the people I served with, but there were some Friday nights that I would opt to play Dota or Starcraft instead of go out with guys in my division. After getting out, however, my lifestyle took a bad turn. I felt like I had lost the identity I had found through the military, and realized I was (at the time) a 24 year old with no college degree, a part time income as a bartender, and a lot of debt from the college I had attempted. For the past 3 years, gaming has allowed me to avoid dealing with life. I have put off finishing a college degree, I have put off achieving health and strength goals (weightlifting became important to me while in the military, but has since taken a backseat), and I have felt crushed in my self esteem as I hide from dealing with real world issues (I didn’t have health insurance until this past winter). Gaming is a crutch I have used to deal with the realities and struggles of life. I am entering into a new chapter of my life in the fall (I’m getting married, as well as starting a new full time job with a navy friend). I found this website via Reddit, and am committing to a different me. Both for my own health and happiness, as well as being able to bring the best to my job and the family I’ll be starting with my wife.
  23. I'm grateful for music, grateful for life and the opportunity to change, and grateful for love
  24. Hi, I am grateful for my very supportive family, the realization that it is never too late to change and my surroundings that allows me the time and opportunities for that change.
  25. Splitstep

    Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

    Day 117 (42|75) (25/04/19) Thursday Went for a walk at Washpen Falls! It was challenging (in a good way), took around 2 1/2 hours and the views including the waterfall were beautiful 😍
  26. Undsoweiter

    Time to restart my life again

    Day 31 24.04.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for having work thats motivates me. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1) reevaluted my needs for the new notebook and decided that this time i will wait, calculte and think during the weekend and then order a new computer Workout/run 3min streching more than 6k steps  Meditation 10min guided meditation in the morning Visualisation none 😞 Daily affirmation my app in the morning is great Reading + taking notes studied for only for 1 hour and did some spanish but read a lot about different notebook modells and their flaws^^ my wake-up time ( changed it from: "Getting to bed before 9pm")  6:35am Weekly Goal(s) start with miracle morning again, study a lot for the next exam (which was moved to the 23.5. so yeah..), reduce my screen time in gerneral, looking for a new laptop/notebook Monthly Goal to study a lot for the following exam, be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, "survive" the miracle morning 1 month challenge! 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done so that at least at the end of July I have it in my hands, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it What went well today: (0,0) worked 9+hours, tried to fix my notebook again had a relaxing evening What I could have done to make my day better studied more, could have been more productive during commutin and went to bed earlier What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up earlier, go to university, go to sleep earlier, meditate more, do some spanish,  P.S.: My next entries will be in the evening again because it motivates me far more for the next day and gives the day a nice closure so i will look for my old tablet to make it possible.
  27. That's beautiful. Thank you for that. Best of luck in your new healthy life 😊
  28. My car is 15 years old, so I am barely older than it, but from what I've heard, the new cars are garbage anyway 😄 Anyway, here's the things that I am happy about to have in my life: My (ex)girl. She couldn't really point that gaming (and related activities) was the root of my problem, but she had to bear the consequences of it. Logically, she eventually had to break up with me, which sent me into resistance, but eventually I started figuring out the "why" and about a week ago it became crystal clear what the issue was, so I am grateful for her for this. Secondly, she still likes me and she's still showing me her support after I've figured this out, though I can understand she's a bit skeptical, as probably everyone would be after her experience. My mom. She's been very supportive and understanding of my addiction as well. Gaming addiction is sneaky and it turns out that you can still have a job, a relationship and study at the same time, however the negatives are bound to show at some point. This community. I'm not alone on this anymore, the idea and experience sharing here is eye-opening!
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