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Gaming the System 006 - James' First 30 Days As a Digital Nomad in Thailand!

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  1. Past hour
  2. IMPORTANT AND URGENT: The Science of Well-Being (by far; hopefully, I'll pass the Week 3 quiz today) and clean-up around the house (just barely getting started) IMPORTANT BUT NOT URGENT: Project Exodus (still 3/10 complete; will slowly resume on next Monday (the day my last school was being prayed by all the school prayer advocates out there from a congregation)), my 52-week Bible reading plan (44 weeks and a day down and only 8 weeks and 6 days more to go), Proverbs with an entire family (still 11/31 complete), and the OT/NT walkthrough (still >1/12 accomplished) URGENT BUT NOT IMPORTANT: Time Bomb: an old-school fanfic from 2013-14 (will work more on chapter 21 sometime) and my comic project (currently working on chapter 1 as of right now after introduction and prologue over August) NEITHER IMPORTANT NOR URGENT: my 6-year old blog Bookish Update Time: The 5 Levels of Leadership by John C. Maxwell (now on hiatus after 3 "Levels"); now reading... Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman (Why? Because it's Banned Books Week right now and I highly endorse the message since 2013. Look it up on Wikipedia or something similar like ALA for lists of challenged and banned books if you're interested and would like to give it a try.) Order Update Time: weekly tithing until October 6 due to homecoming weekend coming up afterwards and the Q-Tips will arrive by the end of Tuesday from Walmart at the latest (status: still pending according to Ontrac)
  3. Today
  4. Thanks @Icandothis! Day 146 No VG - 146 days, No SAH - 0 days, NF - 1 day, No SIB - 1 day (23/26), OMPM - 3 days Had a bit of an up and down 48 hours. Bit of a backslide, to be honest. Sports have been hard to not follow given the time of year. I need to double down so I don't start wasting all my time. Went out tonight and was reasonably confident, really looking forward to going out, but when I got there, I felt so completely alone and was instantly stuck in my head. I spoke to no one and left. Really mad at myself right now. I felt so bad when I saw almost everyone there in a group of friends. I don't have that in my life and it wrecks me. When I was walking back to the train, I just saw groups of people everywhere--on the sidewalk, in restaurants, in bars---and I just felt so alone and heartbroken. I had a passing thought to throw myself in front of a bus. I feel trapped in my own mind and stifled. I want to open up to the world, but part of me is so afraid to. I want to be able to approach people confidently and out of curiosity--not out for validation or any of that BS. And I was aware of that when I left my apartment tonight! And that was all gone in just a flash once I stepped inside. Approaching one person or two people is hard enough, let alone whole groups. I have no idea what I'm doing there. This is how I feel right now, right or wrong. On the bright side though, I got to experience a situation I was very uncomfortable with. I ran away, which is bad, but I'll be better prepared for that next time, and hopefully I'll catch my irrationality in the act. I also was better prepared for this week, as all my going out shirts were cleaned yesterday! I also was dressed really well, and thought I looked pretty good before I left. I am not going to give up. I will overcome this.
  5. i'm somehow still not able to stop playing phone games. what the hell is this? i think i'm going to give my phone to my wife to hold on to during the day. not like i use it extensively for anything good anyway...
  6. Day 4: Really not much to report here! Today was a bit of a wash as far as productivity, and I slept in a bit, but I did ride the exercise bike again. Did some laundry and dishes and such. Spent a lot of time on Netflix, but nothing too serious. Still truckin, yo!
  7. Today has been decent. I went mini golfing with the kids, and got ice cream when we were done. Right now I'm watching tv with my fiancee, chilling out for the night. Haven't touched anything or had cravings today.
  8. IMPORTANT AND URGENT: The Science of Well-Being (by far; hopefully, I'll pass the Week 3 quiz either today or tomorrow) and clean-up around the house (just barely getting started) IMPORTANT BUT NOT URGENT: Project Exodus (still 3/10 complete; will slowly resume on next Monday (the day my last school was being prayed by all the school prayer advocates out there from a congregation)), my 52-week Bible reading plan (44 weeks down and only 8 weeks more to go), Proverbs with an entire family (now 11/31 complete), and the OT/NT walkthrough (still >1/12 accomplished) URGENT BUT NOT IMPORTANT: Time Bomb: an old-school fanfic from 2013-14 (will work more on chapter 21 sometime) and my comic project (currently working on chapter 1 as of right now after introduction and prologue over August) NEITHER IMPORTANT NOR URGENT: my 6-year old blog Bookish Update Time: currently reading The 5 Levels of Leadership by John C. Maxwell (I should be done with Level 3 today by now, for I want a break in order to celebrate Banned Books Week with Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman starting tomorrow.) Order Update Time: weekly tithing until October 6 due to homecoming weekend coming up afterwards and the Q-Tips will arrive by Monday or Tuesday from Walmart (status: pending according to Ontrac)
  9. TTT

    90 days

    Day 14 no erotica/pmo/games (fri) (goal: Dopamine system rewiring, achieving boredom/peace): Yesterday I was so much in a hurry that I forgot to add the points for the superday. It was almost but not quite but there anyway. Similar today. All done, but late to sleep. It was meant to be 50 points each, instead there will be 25 for yesterday and today. Maybe 50 points for every proper superday till the end of september, then less, will see. I'm seriously turning the habit of delaying and wondering and slowly getting ready to do something until I decide it's too late to go, into pretty much the same but going late anyway. Two times today, both for important things. Both done though. Improvement. Hopefully I'll manage to start reducing the delay and lateness soon. Bad habit of not being chatty enough when I should have been. Habit Tracker (super day: yes!): Good habits: 576; Procrastination: -1525; Addictions: -250; Other bad habits: -57; Superdays: +50; Identity total: -1208 Superday misses in bold: Procrastination list is empty! + up at 08:45, down by 01:00 (later :() + soild breakfast and lunch + meditation (10m) + exercise (park or >30m stretch, plank, rice, shadowbox) + contrast shower (coldest >2x1m) + kegels x3 + [off pt work day: >two hours of good work (lvl 2) (about 8 hours, yay), ride bike] + reflective journal + not doing these: movies, podcasts, books, news, "learning" crap How you do anything is how you do everything: Being late is not an excuse not to go. Don't embarrass yourself by being late and just go there on time.
  10. Yesterday
  11. Hey guys, I think it's time I do my one year anniversary post. First of all, I want to say a big thank you and shout out to the people on Game Quitters that have stuck with me through this journey so far. @AlexTheGrape (you still alive bro??? haha), @fawn_xoxo, @JustTom and everyone else who lent a helping hand in my journal and other areas of the forum. And of course to @Cam Adair for making this all possible in the first place. You guys all rock! Never let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourselves. 🙂 Now I'm not one for much small talk so I'll get right to the insights that I've gleaned from my journey so far: 1. I have a hard time pinpointing the most important or vital thing that has helped me get to where I am so I'll just say this: every little thing you do in the right direction helps, no matter how minuscule. Journaling, helping others out on the forum, that one time you chose a banana over a cookie, etc. It may not seem like it in the moment, but keep in mind that your life today is the cumulative effect of every single decision you've made in your entire life. Think of your life as a scale with two sides. On one side, you have all the "bad" choices and attitudes you've made in your life that have led you to drown out your sorrows in video games. On the other side, there are all the "good" choices you've made that work to counter the "bad" ones. You might look at your own personal scale and wonder how on earth you'll ever make enough good choices to completely negate the effects of the bad ones. Here's the good news: my experience suggests that good choices, applied consistently over time, start to have a compounding effect (the meta-physical phenomenon called momentum, Newton's first law of physics, what have you). Put another way, the good choices make it much easier to make that good choice the next time, and so on. ACTION STEP: I would encourage everyone to identify an area where it's really easy for you to make good choices instead of bad ones, and plan to do that for at least a week. What you may find is that by making those good choices in that area, it's easier to make good choices in totally unrelated areas, and after a week you may actually find that you'd rather make the good choices than the bad ones! 2. Plan to fail, especially if you're early in your journey. I started this entire thing long before I made my initial journal entry on October 30th, 2015. I don't remember the exact date but it was some time in 2012 or 2013 that I realized I needed to change the way my life was headed. Long story short, I quit and went back to video games maybe 5 or 6 times before everything finally clicked in August of last year. My biggest issue, and something I still struggle with today is that I was really bad at planning and scheduling. Most often I would just wing most days. When I did try to plan out my weeks, I would either be completely unmotivated to actually do anything I planned, or I'd only go half way, or I'd do it for a week and then burn out and end up where I started. I don't know if there's an easy answer to this issue, but I do believe planning is a skill that can be developed, and I've recently discovered a way that has worked for me for a few weeks now. Additionally, the more you work at planning, the easier it'll be and the better at it you'll get. You'll eventually find a way that works for you that you will stick with. It's so important to plan out how you're going to spend your time because if you don't, it's just way too easy to fall back into old habits. Additionally, especially if you're new, have a plan to get yourself back on track after a relapse. I cannot stress this enough. The vast majority of the time that was "wasted" for me during my journey was mired in relapse, and I didn't have a plan to get myself back on track. I would just wait until something happened or things got bad enough that I decided to attempt to quit video games again. ACTION STEP: If you're struggling with relapse, plan out a way to get back on track. I unfortunately don't have good insights into how to do this so I'm hoping others can offer some good advice. Additionally, plan out how you're going to spend your time. Make it as easy as you need to make it. It's much better to say you'll go for a walk for two minutes a day, and then actually do it every day, instead of saying you'll walk for 30 minutes a day and sit at home. You might need to start out with something as simple as I'll read a book for 5 minutes every day, and that's it. Be honest with yourself and what you can accomplish. You might need to swallow some pride here but at least you'll get started on the right path. 3. As a bit of an extension of the above, make things that you want to do or try as easy as you need to make them so that you'll actually go out and do them. If you want to become a writer, you may need to settle for just writing 100 words a day, or a week. Slowly you'll build up that habit over time and you'll be able to do more and more as you go on. ACTION STEP: Figure out some things that you'd like to try and plan out a way to get started on them. Make it as easy as you need to make them, even if you have to make it so easy that the only way to fail is to do nothing at all. This is honestly really important because you need to fill that void video games has left with other hobbies and activities to keep you occupied, and more importantly, to begin living your life with purpose. 4. If you fail, don't be hard on yourself. There is research to prove that being hard on yourself when you fail actually makes it more likely that you'll fail again the next time. Practice self-compassion during times of weakness. If you choose that cookie instead of the banana, say to yourself "It's OK, everyone stumbles from time to time, I'll do better next time". ACTION STEP: Really short section but I cannot stress the critical importance of self-compassion. Think about things that you are likely to fail at, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself after that failure. Reframe the failure in a compassionate way and see if that helps you to make a better decision next time. 5. Practice gratitude and self-love. Every morning after my routine I lay in my bed and say out loud 3 things I'm grateful for and 3 things about myself that are awesome. This doesn't seem like much but it goes hand in hand with point 1. Even if you think you're the worst person in the world, you should be able to find some things about yourself that are good and that you're grateful for. Even if it's as basic as the fact that you're a living, breathing human. You can also google things to be grateful for if you're struggling to think of something. Hint: it can be something completely innocuous like the tree growing in your lawn. The point of this isn't the thing that's awesome or that you're grateful for, but sitting down and actually doing it. It forces your brain to think in different, more compassionate, self-loving terms. Slowly over time you should find it gets easier and easier to think of things to be grateful for. ACTION STEP: Find a time of day to practice gratitude and use the "law of least effort" principle. If you can only manage to spend 10 seconds to say you're grateful for the roof over your head, that's fine. Make it as easy as you need to make it so that you'll actually do it. Additionally, and this is really important, when you have negative thoughts you feel you have no control over, reframe those thoughts in a positive way. "I'm not good enough" can become "I'm taking steps to improve the aspects of my life that need work". When you do this, it softens your inner critic and creates space for compassion and self-love. Everything begins with the way you think about yourself and the world. This is another one of those things where you'll need to be really consistent about it to see results but it does work. 6. Read The Willpower Instinct and The Power of Habit. Seriously, these books should be required reading in school as soon as students understand what willpower and habits are. 7. Last but not least - know that you are capable of gaining control of what's going on in your head. That you have the responsibility of taking control of what's going on in your head. If you look for things to blame outside of yourself then it lets you off the hook. Even if it's true that everything bad in your life is someone else's fault, that doesn't change the fact that it's up to YOU and nobody else to fix it. Nobody is going to do it for you and you have to start taking the steps to make the changes that you want to see happen. ----- Your mindset is such a huge part of your success in life. Everything begins in your head. If you think you can do something, then you'll figure out ways to make it happen. If you don't think you can do something, then you'll find every excuse as to why. This principle applies to just about every area of life. It's a tough journey to change the way you think but it's the most important thing you can do for yourself in my opinion. Hope this helps you guys. 🙂
  12. Hello TopHatSaint here 21 year old male Sophomore in college. I honestly don't even know how I ended up here , but as soon as I got here theirs been a sinking feeling in my chest and it was like a flashlight being shined into a deep part of my psyche I had not ever realized in my conscious being. Gaming for me started at the age of 7 when my parents got divorced. My dad bought me a PlayStation 2 as way to keep me busy when he was trying to stabilize our life as he was a single dad. Gaming has always been a big part of my life since then. Most of my long time friends I met because I played video games. It's what we bonded over. Especially once I was out of High school , and life began asking for more time towards goals and such I simply was unable to focus on something longer than 2 months before I was back into playing the greatest and newest game that was out. It's even costed me jobs in the past as I would not be practicing my skills. There was a time I had stopped playing games for the most part. Only playing once or twice a week. Honestly that was when I feel like I was in my prime. I had a friend who would in sunshine or rain come to my house and drag me to the gym. and within a few months it was my new outlet for stress and life. I truly loved it. It all changed when I moved though... Last July my parents moved to a small town named Price , Utah. Coincidentally I had been considering going to college after a couple years away from high-school. Low and behold Price has the cheapest schooling in the whole state, so I decided to move back in with my parents to pursue higher education. Price Utah is an extreme small town with only a bowling alley and a movie theater that legitimately shows one movie for a couple weeks at a time. Because of the lack of things to go out and do almost everyone plays video games EXCESSIVELY in this town that ive met. Low and behold after being in this town for a year I feel like I've completely regressed into playing video games as much as possible. and this time I don't have my friend to come and slap some sense into me on a daily basis. So I'm really hoping that this forum can hopefully fulfill a sense of community for me as I begin to try and re balance my life again.. It's crazy to me that all the pieces of why I've felt so down all clicked together last night as I was falling asleep and I did some last minute google searching about it and found game quitters. I wonder if I would have quit games all together when my friend got me into working out if I would have still slipped back into this meaningless , expensive , time consuming addiction. The main thing that keeps me hooked is playing online games like league of legends with my friend from where I moved away from. It's the only way we stay in contact aside from the occasional snap chat. for me the Social aspect is what has it's claws deep in my heart and brain. All I know is I want to learn music. I can free play some ukulele, but I can't read music as of yet which hinders me from many instruments. So if there is anyone who replaced Games with learning music i would love to read your story on how you managed to do that. I'm hoping if I can start learning an instrument or two ( I also want to learn saxophone) I can find a new social group at the college to connect with. It just all feels so far away though. So if there anyone out there reading this please leave me with with something to help me along this path in this small ass town. Be it as I said links to your stories , books that helped you in one way or another , or any thing else you can think of. Once I realize something and get the proper knowledge I know I'll beat this damned habit once and for all. I'm not 7 anymore theres better ways to deal with your problems then explosions on a screen.
  13. Day 181 21.09.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful forsleeping a lot (have to see it positive). One amazing thing that happened/I did today ---- Workout/run more than 8k steps Meditation 7min (in the morning) Visualisation and daily affirmation --- Reading (0hours of studying for the exam today) i am still sick 😞 my wake-up time 09:30 Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 4 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NP:1/NW:0/NS:3) did bit of meditation and I am still quite sick 😞 What I could have done to make my day better getting healthy (at least I do not have any headaches any more)  What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 9 and hopefully I am more healthy tomorrow Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future --------
  14. Second and third day passed. Sadly I didnt find time to post yesterday as I was so involved in non gaming activities 🙂 . Yesterday I vistited a seminar at uni where they talked about founding start ups. It was interesting maybe I will do one some day. After that I went to Ikea with my dad and my girlfriend. I redesigned my room and got myself a beautiful reading corner. Today I spent about 2 hours reading in it already. I can proudly say I did not game at all in those two days. Today I had a tiny breakdown when I realised how amazing the first half of the year went. From january till june everything went great. I was healthy, happy, exercised a lot and was successful in live and uni. But then in july after my exams I felt like I studied so hard that I deserved to game and just chill for a while. This turned into two months of no exercise, bad food, up to 12 hours of gaming per day and completly tossing out my good habits. Why did this happen? I think it all comes down to the fact that if you once had a problem with gaming or smoking or whatever you are always at risk of falling back into it. You always have to be super careful with it. Its kind of like not smoking for half a year and then having a cigarette while drunk at a party just to wake up with a huge craving and eventually giving in. What I took from this thougt is that you never "made it". You are always gonna be struggling with stuff like that. Even if you went to the gym for 5 years straight. If you stop going for whatever reason you can lose the habit and then eventually the progress you made. From now on I will be more cautious.
  15. I want to recover full access to myself and my life as it would be/should be. Cam, in line with most modern therapy relies on using the WILL to break through. Sobriety by white-knuckling it. However there is a, to me, promising alternative route. It offers access through the body. I would like to offer a link to a practice called BIOENERGETICS: this is a full course of physical exercises by a therapist in England. I have only dipped my toe into bioenergetics myself, because it is rather hard to find reliable therapy, I have just receive confirmation that what this guy is doing is legit. So here it is, I myself am going to commit to 1 exercise per day:
  16. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 154: I watched a short Peterson lecture (2017 Personality videos) and demolished tiles in the bathroom, so the reconstruction can progress. After lunch, we visited the grandma for her name-day. That was pretty much it for today. It's gonna be time for a monthly report soon and perhaps even for a half-year report.
  17. Good luck! Have the kids brighten your day with their playfulness 🙂
  18. Day 3 - I miss gaming. I have tried to quit so many times before. And Day 3 thru 7 are when I generally start again. I run to gaming when I am stressed and bored. Being extra compassionate for myself this week. So proud of myself for making it 3 days!!!! This is huge for me! What was beautiful about today- wiggles and giggles of my kids. Have a beautiful day my friends!!
  19. Congrats!!!!! Thanks for sharing your journey for the rest of us!!!
  20. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 24, 21.09.2019 19:10. I've been at my parents' for exactly three weeks. It was nice, much better than expected. It helped me with my sleeping habits. Now I'm back home, I got back at noon. The first thing is that it's cold here, much colder than back at my parents'. This makes the bed very inviting. I need some way to keep my feet warm because it's very distracting. I am currently in bed because of that reason. An interesting development. I think this night was the first night when I didn't have to get up during the night. This is probably because the previous night I only slep for some 7 hours. But that doesn't seem like a sufficient explanation. Another explanation is that it's because I'm getting better sleeping habits. But it's too early to conclude that. It's still early in the process. So I went to bed at around 21:00 and fell asleep quite quickly (or at least it didn't take exceptionally long, just a normal amount of long) and slept straight until 5:30, which is when I had to get up. I may have woken up during the night but I have no memory of it. The result is that today I am more sleepy than usual. Over the last one week it wasn't really a problem to stay awake during the day, but today it was a little tempting to take a nap. I didn't though. I played the guitar today. I've now played every day for 13 days, at least 45 minutes a day. This week I played much less than last week though. Today I returned to my own guitar and it's much harder to play than on my dad's guitar. I think I need to go to a music store and ask how to make the strings "softer". That Nothing Else Matters is coming along nicely, though slowly. My brain is slowly getting used to these new movements. I'm currently trying to get my head around the verse and today I've been mostly playing two bars on loop.
  21. Today marks 48 weeks I've been away from video games. To celebrate the occasion I re-read the article @Ikar suggested I read about following dreams - this time with some more mental clarity. The article resonated with me more this time and made sense. The author actually touched on every issue I've been battling with regarding attention seeking, thinking my problems will go away, and fantasizing so much that it distorts my reality and inevitably lets me down. The biggest reason I've been able to stay away from video games is my social network. I see friends at least 3 times per week now and have worked hard to develop interests in activities to keep this a reality. I play board games, rock climb, go out to eat, watch movies, and even exercise with friends at various times. This has given me more attention and fulfillment in life than being the best NHL player in the world for 4 straight years. Having fantasy friends does not equate to the reality of having friends who are there for you. An example of how I'm still doing this to myself in another avenue of life is porn vs dating. I see these unbelievably attractive women on porn sites who spend hours in makeup to look perfect. They say the perfect things, often fake to keep viewership indulged (boring porn stars will get comments about how she's not moaning enough or making any facial expressions), and they also do things that the viewers expect such as a fetish or something. Porn also makes the viewer insecure because they wonder if they could ever please another person the way an actor or actress could please another. It turns into a pit of insecurity and low self worth. Who would ever find me attractive without having the perfect body or amount of experience required to please someone the "right way". This is absolutely different in real life and I think I'm finally hitting the point with porn today that I hit with video games last fall. Last fall I was tired of fake friends, the sleepless nights, the brain fog, the lack of social development, the lack of happiness, and hobbies. Now I'm frustrated with the lack of emotional and physical connection with women. I'm tired of using porn as a crutch and I think I'm finally ready to walk on my own. I've learned over the past 3 weeks that I had online dating apps and online dating. I swipe through women's profiles much like I scroll through the "suggested videos" feed on porn sites. If someone doesn't have the "look" I want, I don't even read their bios. I just swipe away and am uninterested. I then build a fantasy of the woman I swipe with and picture them a certain way. They let me down each time. Granted, the two women I recently mentioned these past two weeks are not necessarily in that boat and did their own things for letting me down. Still, there are similarities I want to highlight and mention from several women I've talked to this past year. The main one would be the woman I went to Dallas with to watch hockey. We met at a wedding and talked about hockey and I just enjoyed her company. I spent the next 6 months watching hockey games with her over skype and we eventually decided to watch a game. I thought we were going to fall in love on this trip and become a couple. We had a luxury hotel, a city to ourselves, and 4 days together. What I realized was I couldn't do it. In the article Ikar suggested to me, a man and woman met and online dated for several months. They decided to meet up in her area of the world because he felt there was no other woman like her. After a few days not only did he realize he didn't like her, he grew very angry about the reality of what just happened to him. It was a let down emotionally, but a fantasy let down as well. He duped himself and felt stupid. When I flew back to Boston from Dallas I felt unbelievably angry. Not at her. She did nothing wrong. She had fun, she was kind to me, we watched hockey together, and she continues to be a nice friend to me. We only talk hockey. I was so angry on my ride home from the airport. I decided to take my vengeance out on my life. I quit my job a month after it. I then stopped talking to a ton of friends and suffered. It was terrible and I won't re-open what happened because I already detailed it back from April-June in my diary. I let fantasy ruin me. Getting my life back fixed me. I got my job back, saw my friends again, and regained my independence and my life became better than it has ever been. This relates to what the author said about following dreams. He wanted to play the guitar and be a famous musician. He did not want to practice for 6 hours a day, set up gigs, lug his gear, deal with finding bandmates, etc. I want to be a cartoonist. But I don't want to learn how to draw from scratch or anything. It's evident that I don't like the process of what I'm doing because I never look forward to doing it. This has broken me over the past two years. I thought video games were the reason I wasn't focusing on this hobby. 1 year has passed and I don't want to do it still. I don't enjoy the process. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to just sit down and write. I'm good at it when I do, but I just don't want to draw and learn software and then practice and then do 500 hours of work to produce 2 minute clips. The thing I've been trying to understand is why I don't enjoy the process. I don't enjoy learning something mentally new after work. I don't mind learning physical things after work. I think it's because my job is mentally draining. I enjoy the work now though. It's just exhausting learning complex physics as well as managing projects, learning new software at work for modeling structures and finite element modeling, communicating with people all day, etc. After work I want to learn 3d modeling software for animation, but I just spent all day in that software at work. It's unrelated software though so I can't really apply the traits other than my mental ability to conceptualize things in my head in 3d and translate them to the screen. I'm very good at that. I'm just tired. I want to have fun. I want to keep going out and meeting people. The issue is I'm not meeting people doing things that I enjoy. Right now I enjoy rock climbing, comedy, hockey, and food. There are always events to attend around me, but most are trendy things that I don't care about. I also know I don't like being inside all day. It produces brain fog and disappointment. As much as I want to spend time inside, I want to be outside ten times more than normal. If I wake up on Saturday (today) and stay inside I get heavy eyed, brain fog, and depressed within a few hours. I can't just sit on the computer. I feel the urge to go outside and do something. It's this incredible pull. I just want it to be meaningful. I don't want to just walk around, but I also don't want to be signing up for crazy sports leagues and destroying my free time as well. I just can't look at a screen for a long time anymore in my spare time. I dislike it. I know this post is way too long and nobody read this far down, but thank you for reading. My point is after almost a full year I still struggle and I think a lot of it has to do with porn and reluctance to keep trying things at first that aren't fun. Like playing sports but not practicing. Sometimes practice is what makes you enjoy the sport. Watching the Patriots win the superbowl isn't as fun unless I watch every game. It just means more when you put in the work and enjoy the process. Maybe I'm not learning to enjoy the process.
  22. Hey, I'm Niels. I am 25 years old, from the Netherlands and I work fulltime as a programmer. I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember. I thought this was my passion, but really I've discovered it was a way for me to get away from social situations (i have pretty bad social anxiety) among other things. I've missed out on so many experiences in my life, it's really sad when I think about it. For the past few years I have felt apathetic towards gaming. I feel like todays games just aren't that good anymore, why bother? Over time I've basically replaced gaming with binge watching youtube and twitch. I took 4 weeks off work to find out what I want to do and now that it's the end I still have no clue. I started playing WoW Classic to fill the time, but I just don't feel anything for it anymore (like it was in 2005) and I feel like it has no meaning. I don't know what's going on, I was addicted to wow back then (runescape before that lol). I feel lost, without purpose. Literally everything I do is boring and I have no motivation for anything. Usually when I come home from my job, I don't know what to do so I just watch stream highlights to get some laughs. On the weekends I am bored out of my mind. I can't seem to find anything worth doing. I hope I haven't completely destroyed my brain and that it's possible to create a new life for myself. The boredom is leaving me unfulfilled and feeling like my life has no meaning outside of work. Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is to life, but then I see other people really enjoying simple things like going out for a walk. "Just go outside and have fun!". Imagine needing a manual for how to have fun in real life, feels bad. I went for a 30 min walk yesterday in the park and it was the most boring thing. I went to the zoo with my dad and it was boring. I've already tried drawing (gave up after 1 week), music production for 4 years (fun for a while but lost interest).I'm looking for something that I'd actually do long term. Good luck to everyone who is trying to quit gaming. Make sure you have something to replace it with or be lost like me lol
  23. Day 3: Only laid in bed for about an hour today, then I ate a bowl of cereal. Per my conversation with the therapist, I went to ride the bike machine at 9am, just after some light internet surfing. It was hard to get myself to do it, but I did it in the end, which is good. Biked for 20 minutes, then headed home to cook actual breakfast. I ate while pacing around the apartment to avoid getting into youtube or something, because my therapist advised me to try following that impulse yesterday to do schoolwork after exercise and breakfast. It worked! I ended up knocking out everything that's due in one class about 5 days early. Afterward, I did situps again - this time, 36! Therapist said as long as I got some work done, whatever I do for the rest of the day is "okay," which was a sentiment to keep me from hating myself for blobbing out a bit. I allowed myself one episode of Breaking Bad, a show I've never finished, then I went to the store to get cat food. Came home, surfed the internet, watched another Breaking Bad. Just as the second episode ended, my cat fell asleep on my stomach, so I decided to watch a third. That behavior felt a little bit like a binge, but it was all pretty spaced out with dishes being done and stuff. I didn't get mad at myself, so that's cool. I saw the name "Crash Bandicoot" in a youtube comment section and had the urge to play the entirety of the second game, but I swatted it down immediately. It really helps that the consoles just aren't set up. It means if I end up playing a game, it's a decision and not a passive habit. Still truckin', yo!
  24. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    @BooksandTrees thanks man! Now, it is time. Day 90 out of 90 After going into this with a goal to make a change in my life. To improve myself and to untangle this behavior. My honest first thought when quitting that stuck with me all the way to the end was who am I without video games? This was the big question to tackle during my 90 days; and honestly I don't think an answer like that can be found within 90 days. So, like other people have said, I don't feel as if my journey ends here. But now I have the tools in my pocket to make finding the answers a little bit easier. Well how did I succeed? The honest answer, I got lucky at the beginning of my 90 days. 1. Working on the house we bought showed me a hobby I didn't see coming, home repair. My first hard project was fixing the stopper on the fridge ice machine. Taking off the whole front panel, disconnecting the wires, and readjusting the stopper to seal was an amazing feeling when I finished. So finding a hobby is definitely a priority while on this detox. 2. My biggest regret at the beginning of this detox was not reading sooner. Going from games to a book was like going from your favorite junkfood to your least favorite vegetable. START READING AND STICK WITH IT! It doesn't matter what you read, find something that Interest you and get a physical copy of it to read. At nights this was such a game changer I regretted so much not doing it week 1. 3. I'll keep these next points short now. Find time for yourself, somewhere quiet. It was very hard and still is a little difficult for me to accept that video games don't define you. Spend time reflecting and sitting with the boredom. 4. Find your motivator. If it's for someone, make a picture of them and make sure you can see them everywhere you go. Mine was my wife and I made her my home screen. Every time I opened my phone I remind myself who I am doing it for. If it is for yourself then why? Find the reason why you want to quit and stare it down everyday. 5. Lastly, try new things. This piggy backs off of hobbies but it's the old saying you won't know until you try. Once you try, that experience is with you forever and knowing you tried something new, something out of your comfort zone is a huge win no matter how bad or good the experience was. I want to say one last congratulations to @30_yrs_of_gaming and @TTT for finishing there 90 days as well this week. @Cam Adair the program you have made is amazing and hopefully seeing three people in one week reach 90 days gives you more strength to keep fighting the good fight for us. Thank you again. My plan for the future is to start gaming in moderation starting in October. I still have a big test at the the end of September that needs to be taken care of first. I still plan on hanging around here I feel like this is one community that will be hard to let go. For those of you going through the detox right now don't give up you can do this and I believe in you. For those of you thinking of taking the plunge I say jump in head first like the rest of us. There is a great community here ready to help out. Take care everyone, I'll still be around. -Cheers Tzen
  25. TTT

    90 days

    Thanks @Tzen1. Yes, one step at a time. Also, I celebrated a little bit indeed, with three snacks/bars :) And with a good day as well. A bit off two parameters I've set, but just have to mark it as super, as it was. @BooksandTrees, yup, it doesn't feel like an accomplishment but I can definitely feel some positive effects. Hopefully it will continue. Day 13 no erotica/pmo/games (fri) (goal: Dopamine system rewiring, achieving boredom/peace): Habit Tracker (super day: yes!): Good habits: 568; Procrastination: -1525; Addictions: -250; Other bad habits: -55; Identity total: -1262 Superday misses in bold: Procrastination list is empty! + up at 08:45, down by 01:00 (a few minutes past) + soild breakfast and lunch + meditation (10m) + exercise (park or >30m stretch, plank, rice, shadowbox) + contrast shower (coldest >2x1m) + kegels x3 + [off pt work day: >two hours of good work (lvl 2) (a few minutes less), ride bike] + reflective journal + not doing these: movies, podcasts, books, news, "learning" crap How you do anything is how you do everything: Two fears overcome today, to apply the same to as much as possible. Try to reduce the internal struggle, go for it more decisively.
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