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Day 13

I realize that after a stressful workday I would game for hours to checkout of reality. I’ve found running and going outside to be tremendously helpful after these types of days. 
 I keep regretting all the time and money I spent this past year on gaming and I’m disappointed that I couldn’t control my gaming habits and perhaps never will. It feels so slavish that something so synthetic and constructed as gaming was so influential and that I couldn’t find moderation, but I don’t think it would be unhealthy or unnatural to cut out gaming entirely. If that’s the solution I am okay with that. It’s not a necessary thing like eating, drinking, and sleeping.
I’m so grateful for this forum and for all the others here who have allowed themselves to be vulnerable and have thus provided a lot of insight and inspiration through their stories. Rooting for you all!

 

 

 

 

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Day 13

I don’t count this as a relapse because my motives were for socialization rather than to escape or checkout, and I did not feel as if I was giving into a craving. One of my friends wanted to hangout to show his new flight simulator and laptop he had just purchased. We played for like 1 1/2 hours and it was easy to walk away from it. I thought it was actually a pretty convivial experience. I wonder where to draw the line. Give up all gaming or only the ones that are personally addictive? 
I’ve been meditating for 7 minutes in the morning and it has been really calming. I will start the 5 min ice showers as well for discipline, hella not excited 🙂 Hope you’re all well and rooting for you!

 

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Good luck with the ice showers. I hear they have all kinds of benefits. Meditation has a physical health benefit once you do 12 minutes a day. I'm glad to hear the meditation is going well. I was never into simulators for the most part. But I stay away from them, I'm as cautious as I can be about getting triggered again. I remember I watched my client play CoD and had to resist the urge to pick up the controller and play when he left the room and decided no more watching games after that. I guess figuring out where you want to draw the line is up to you. I hope the best for you.

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9 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Good luck with the ice showers. I hear they have all kinds of benefits. Meditation has a physical health benefit once you do 12 minutes a day. I'm glad to hear the meditation is going well. I was never into simulators for the most part. But I stay away from them, I'm as cautious as I can be about getting triggered again. I remember I watched my client play CoD and had to resist the urge to pick up the controller and play when he left the room and decided no more watching games after that. I guess figuring out where you want to draw the line is up to you. I hope the best for you.

Ooh, I’ll have to work up to 12 minutes, 7 minutes feels long sometimes . Yah I think being on the lookout for triggers especially in the gray zones is really crucial. I don’t know how you can watch your clients play. That’s pretty messed up, in the sense that you have to deal with that. They play games in therapy?

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Day 14

I was so close to relapsing. If the game didn’t take so damn long to download I would have. I think I get periods of depression and that may have caused an altercation at work with a coworker who is also a friend. it’s a relationship that has been aggravating me for months. All the angry exchanges trigger the violence and upheavals in my past family life. Back the then I ’d turn to my Nintendo to escape. I want to turn to my mobile game to ease up a bit. I recognize the pattern, and even though I don’t feel ok I know this is just a bump in the road and I gotta get over it and that shit is gonna happen because that’s life. we can’t be sugar cookies. Hope you’re all well and I’m rooting for you

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Hey @Theresa,

good that you could stop yourself.It payed off that you deleted everything in the past and set-up this barrier.

It is fantastic that you recognize the pattern. Now you should think about how you want to handle a similar situation in the future. Because these emotional reactions and stresses will occur again and again. But you can choose how you want to react to these feelings. It helps if you prepared a strategy beforehand to not fall into old patterns again.

Ideas to handle the situation in a healthy way: Call a friend, go for a jog, listen to some loud music, journal about your emotions, eat a batch of ice cream, do any combination of this suggestions 😉

I am rooting for you too!

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You can go at your own pace and do what's comfy for you with the meditating. It's big time that you have a consistent practice, good for you. Take care of yourself and your triggers. We all want to see you here for a good long time with us. Yeah at my old job my client would smoke CBD which is like weed and play video games while I talked with him. It was super sketchy because I'm sober now and used to smoke weed. So I was like double triggered. I had to stop seeing him eventually, but that was because he wouldn't show up for sessions. I'm really glad I quit my old job for that reason, they basically needed me to play games with clients which I couldn't do so it was a bad fit. The new job some of my clients play games while i talk to them but I don't have to watch the game and ask them to mute it too. So it's not so bad. But they still talk to me about what they're doing in minecraft or whatever. I requested no more children to get away from the gaming so it's only like 2 clients like that. 'We can't be sugar cookies' hehe.

So I'm not dealing with anything as difficult as you're describing now with the coworker but I have before. I recommend everytime you are about to see them close your eyes and take a breath then open them. It really helps me deal with difficult stuff and I do it before I check email. You really do have to endure that nonsense and still not game though which can be difficult at first but make it 30 days and it'll become easier because it'll be a good habit by then.

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On 4/9/2021 at 3:19 AM, WorkInProgress said:

Hey @Theresa,

good that you could stop yourself.It payed off that you deleted everything in the past and set-up this barrier.

It is fantastic that you recognize the pattern. Now you should think about how you want to handle a similar situation in the future. Because these emotional reactions and stresses will occur again and again. But you can choose how you want to react to these feelings. It helps if you prepared a strategy beforehand to not fall into old patterns again.

Ideas to handle the situation in a healthy way: Call a friend, go for a jog, listen to some loud music, journal about your emotions, eat a batch of ice cream, do any combination of this suggestions 😉

I am rooting for you too!

@WorkInProgress thanks so much for your support and suggestions. I think thats a good idea to have a plan for the future or EAP for real life. I’ll work in that.  Thanks for saying that eating a batch of ice cream is a healthy way to handle the situation. That made my day and also cracked me up😊 

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1 minute ago, Theresa said:

@WorkInProgress thanks so much for your support and suggestions. I think thats a good idea to have a plan for the future or EAP for real life. I’ll work in that.  Thanks for saying that eating a batch of ice cream is a healthy way to handle the situation. That made my day and also cracked me up😊 

Especially if it's a batch of ice cream you make yourself. Hobby idea?

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On 4/9/2021 at 10:26 AM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

You can go at your own pace and do what's comfy for you with the meditating. It's big time that you have a consistent practice, good for you. Take care of yourself and your triggers. We all want to see you here for a good long time with us. Yeah at my old job my client would smoke CBD which is like weed and play video games while I talked with him. It was super sketchy because I'm sober now and used to smoke weed. So I was like double triggered. I had to stop seeing him eventually, but that was because he wouldn't show up for sessions. I'm really glad I quit my old job for that reason, they basically needed me to play games with clients which I couldn't do so it was a bad fit. The new job some of my clients play games while i talk to them but I don't have to watch the game and ask them to mute it too. So it's not so bad. But they still talk to me about what they're doing in minecraft or whatever. I requested no more children to get away from the gaming so it's only like 2 clients like that. 'We can't be sugar cookies' hehe.

So I'm not dealing with anything as difficult as you're describing now with the coworker but I have before. I recommend everytime you are about to see them close your eyes and take a breath then open them. It really helps me deal with difficult stuff and I do it before I check email. You really do have to endure that nonsense and still not game though which can be difficult at first but make it 30 days and it'll become easier because it'll be a good habit by then.

Well I’m glad you found patients who are a little more cooperative. Double triggered, have to say honestly that must have sucked. It must be difficult to counsel them if their attention is divided?
I’ll keep trying that approach before encountering the coworker. It definitely is calming if nothing else. Thanks for all the advice.

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10 minutes ago, Zeno said:

Especially if it's a batch of ice cream you make yourself. Hobby idea?

Aha! Actually made 6 gallons of homemade ice cream yesterday. 

Edited by Theresa
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2 minutes ago, Theresa said:

Aha! Actually made 6 gallons of homemade I cream yesterday. 

This reminds me that I have an ice cream maker around here somewhere . . .

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Day 16. Missed writing yesterday. I have been feeling down this week and missed a couple days of this 30 day challenge, journaling, and exercising. I think, however, that I have found new solutions. Last night some friends crashed the apartment and we watched a movie, had ciders, and chatted. I would have hands down turned down an event like this previously and gamed instead, but I think this experience was just as satisfying. Unfortunately today I scrolled through some Reddit posts on the game I used to play. I was really craving that game. After I swam a mile and I felt loads better and the cravings were gone. What I have learned and actually experienced is that socializing and exercise really fulfill some needs that gaming did. This realization definitely isn’t a novel idea but it sure as hec feels like it after finding fulfillment in a virtual reality for the past however long. Hope you’re well and rooting for you as always.

Edited by Theresa
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