Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Code's journey as of 15-02-2021


Recommended Posts

Hi,

Simulation
As crazy as it sounds, the ''real world'' is much as a simulation to me as World of Warcraft. I can't tell the difference between the two. They feel equally real to me. Perhaps my /played 1041 days of WoW playtime played some tricks on my brain. 

Strategy
My strategy is focusing on 5 life goals that I want to fulfill. These life goals change whenever I fulfill a goal. 

Current goals

  • Managing a morning routine for 30 days in a row
  • Do not play any game for 90 days 
  • Get a drivers license

Excuse
From now on I wont say: I want to quit gaming but I have urges.
I will say: I want to quit and I have urges.

The urges are urges just like Mac Donalds. I'm not going to let urges diminish the purpose. 

Accountability
If you're someone who is also addicted to MMORPG's and kind of a spreadsheet junky like me, please send me a DM. Maybe we can get through this together. 

Edited by Code
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 1 
Days without soft drinks:
Urges: constant urges to play WoW
Excuses: Many excuses kicked in. For example: ''I could just play fewer hours''. 
Goals worked on:  0/5
Day in one sentence: Staring, pain and urges
Summarization: Been staring at my screen non-stop. Why does WoW feel more real than the ''real world''. I can't even tell the differences. Non-stop pain and urges. The only way for me to survive this day was by forcing myself to watch Youtube. 

Days without gaming: 2
Days without soft drinks: 2
Urges: constant urges.
Excuses: Constant excuses coming up trying to talk me into playing WoW. 
Goals worked on:  0/5
Day in one sentence: Excuses, excuses and a great way to end the day. 
Summarization: Been working today but haven't been productive at all. I can't stop thinking about WoW. The urges are insane. The excuses are even worse. My brain is starting to get more and more creative. It's coming up with excuses that actually sound like they make sense. I'm not giving up. After 8PM things gotten better. I started studying about the old Roman empire. Had fun there. Fell asleep studying this. 

Edited by Code
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Code changed the title to Code's journey as of 15-02-2021

Day without gaming: 3
Days without soft drinks: 3 
Urges: constant urges to play WoW, same if not worse than previous days
Excuses: Again, many excuses and in creative forms. 
Goals worked on:  0/5
Day in one sentence: Starting to become a bit more cognizant of reality.
Summarization: Worked a bit more productive than before. I can at least manage to do things without thinking about WoW. But as soon as my work was done, the excuse came. Ironically, it's not getting harder. It's just a consistent pressure of feelings that come up with reasons why I should play. The same addictive feeling with soft drinks such as ''I could just drink a diet coke''. Right now I'm trying to do other things, but it's still difficult. Hoping things will get better.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi good luck !

I could be your accountability buddy if you want ^^

Don't give up, even for 5min. If you feel like you waste your time, try to not waste it by doing some basic tasks.

It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

And playing several hours in a game brings next to nothing IRL.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey I wish you luck!

I don't have the best advice when it comes to urges, but I just want you to know that you can overcome them. I think it's best to acknowledge that they're there, that way you know you're having a craving to play WoW and you can act on it accordingly. I think a good thing to do once you realize a craving is write down why you are having this craving. This paired with understanding it's there will make it easier to handle than if you were to just try and continue to do your work with it (might also make you feel better too)! 
 

Again I wish you luck on your journey, we are all here if you need anything!

Best

Jason

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Martinof said:

Hi good luck !

I could be your accountability buddy if you want ^^

Don't give up, even for 5min. If you feel like you waste your time, try to not waste it by doing some basic tasks.

It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

And playing several hours in a game brings next to nothing IRL.

Thank you 🙂 I'm keeping it in mind.

15 hours ago, Jason70 said:

Hey I wish you luck!

I don't have the best advice when it comes to urges, but I just want you to know that you can overcome them. I think it's best to acknowledge that they're there, that way you know you're having a craving to play WoW and you can act on it accordingly. I think a good thing to do once you realize a craving is write down why you are having this craving. This paired with understanding it's there will make it easier to handle than if you were to just try and continue to do your work with it (might also make you feel better too)! 
 

Again I wish you luck on your journey, we are all here if you need anything!

Best

Jason

Hi Jason, thanks for giving me the spirit to overcome it. I'm hoping that time will pay off. Right now it's a struggle but we'll see what time will offer. As for writing it down, I am journaling it 🙂

 

 

 

Day without gaming: 4
Days without soft drinks: 0
Urges: Less urges, but I do feel depressed and empty. Not in the mood to do much.
Excuses: Excuses came in especially for soft drinks. And the excuses won. I had little urges for gaming, but very depressed.
Goals worked on:  0/5
Day in one sentence: Going to do things differently. 
Summarization: Today I realized something very important. I can not do this if I'm stressed. So I need to destress myself. Although I don't think we should relieve stress with external sources, right now I'm having a goal of not drinking sodas. I haven't had any since Monday. But today I was so stressed that I bought a coke. I drank it and didn't feel about it. So I'm not going to continue this goal for now. I will drink less soft drinks, but wont restrict myself. From now on I will try to focus on being happy, on mindfulness and inner peace. I believe that if I achieve this, I will stress less over my game addiction. 

Instead of focusing on trying to achieve multiple habits at a time, I'm going step by step and reward myself for this. Initially, my idea was to completely change who I was. From 16 hours of gaming and popping sodas to ''the perfect version of me''. It's unrealistic. So although I'm aiming for a best version of myself, I am going to take one habit at a time. The same for goals. I won't focus on five goals but on three. You will see this edited in the main thread.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Code! Wish you strength in your journey. I know you're only four days in but that's already quite good- I couldn't bear more than one without relapsing when I started. I really, really like your journaling format! 

Keep it up, and no matter what- don't quit on quitting 🙂

Po 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 5
Urges: Fewer urges than usual but definitely there. The urges seem to be somewhat different. Right now it's more about the joy of the game than depression. 
Excuses: Although many urges, excuses weren't very strong today. Had them, but in smaller quantities. 
Goals worked on:  0/3
Day in one sentence: Can't get myself to do anything but seek dopamine
Summarization: Although fewer urges, I find myself doing everything that isn't productive. I can't move myself to any proper direction. A lot of Reddit & Discord. Basically doing nothing. Today I watched a video by healthy gamer gg. And he made me realize something about myself. That potential means nothing about who I am. I grew up always being told how ''intelligent I was''. And I had this egocentric mindset that everything came easy to me. So whenever something was difficult, I didn't do it because I didn't want to prove to myself that I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Dr. K insisted that I think of tasks as ''mice but they are really lions''. So instead of thinking about who I should be, I should objectify who I really am in the now. So I took all my skills and grades them from 1 to 10. And noticed I achieved very little opposing to what I wanted to achieve. This idea was really humbling because focusing on the present made me realize that potential means nothing objectively. Potential is just an idea that I described to myself. But what is potential without action anyway? It's just a dream. In case anyone cares to know. Here is the video.  Anyhow, I start to feel more ''on earth''. I feel less like the world is a simulation. It still does, but less. I did something absolutely cringeworthy but I made a video to my future 30 year old self where I said out loud what my future goals are and asking ''him'' if he reached those goals. I wonder what's it's going to be like looking back. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Code said:

Although fewer urges, I find myself doing everything that isn't productive. I can't move myself to any proper direction. A lot of Reddit & Discord. Basically doing nothing. Today I watched a video by healthy gamer gg. And he made me realize something about myself. That potential means nothing about who I am. I grew up always being told how ''intelligent I was''. And I had this egocentric mindset that everything came easy to me. So whenever something was difficult, I didn't do it because I didn't want to prove to myself that I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Dr. K insisted that I think of tasks as ''mice but they are really lions''. So instead of thinking about who I should be, I should objectify who I really am in the now. So I took all my skills and grades them from 1 to 10. And noticed I achieved very little opposing to what I wanted to achieve. This idea was really humbling because focusing on the present made me realize that potential means nothing objectively. Potential is just an idea that I described to myself. But what is potential without action anyway? It's just a dream. In case anyone cares to know. Here is the video.  Anyhow, I start to feel more ''on earth''. I feel less like the world is a simulation. It still does, but less. I did something absolutely cringeworthy but I made a video to my future 30 year old self where I said out loud what my future goals are and asking ''him'' if he reached those goals. I wonder what's it's going to be like looking back. 

I am glad those urges are decreasing, those are steps in the right direction! I know you realized you achieved little but like you said about potential, it doesn't subtract from who you are as a person. It's just an idea. So on some days, doing little is okay, something to remember is that we can't get everything done off our to do list every single day, that'd just make us exhausted all the time, so it's good to have those chill, little-accomplished days. Also instead of thinking them as "I didn't achieve anything today" I like thinking of them as, this day will help me regain energy for tomorrow. So then the next day we can be productive. I know reddit and discord aren't really good hobbies for these kind of days, so I recommend, once again your "WHY" Why did you stop playing games? It wasn't to just hang out on discord, it was to live your life. I wish you the best in overcoming this hump!

P.S. also that video seems like a cool idea, even if it is cringeworthy.

Best 

Jason

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 6
Urges: Busy, haven't had time for many issues. The day wasn't urgeless, but fewer entered my dorm. 
Excuses: It seems like my subconscious  is starting to understand that I'm in for the long run and that I am not giving up. This makes things somewhat easier. I find that staring at a screen looking at Reddit posts is a counter productive strategy. Excuses exist, my brain is now trying to make excuses that correlate with the 90 day rule. ''After 90 days, when following my habits I could game when I finish all my work of the day''. Although innocent, this is how my brain always tricks me and I'm not letting it win. 
Goals worked on:  0/3
Day in one sentence: Things start to make sense now
Summarization: I woke up at 8 worked and worked till 13:00. I then walked my dog and did some groceries. I found myself moving between Netflix and Reddit. The desire for dopamine is still great, but things are getting easier. Right now I feel somewhat 'scared' to study. I need to learn getting used to studying. I am afraid to prove myself wrong. That I'm not as intelligent as I think I am. This keeps me away from the books. When I learn to set my ego aside, things would probably get better. I'm training myself to get better by learning to live in the now, and that my potential doesn't mean anything. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: A full week 🥳
Urges: Very few urges if at all, felt motivated to do other things.
Excuses: Excuses existed but very few entered. I felt like allowing myself to play games that I know I wouldn't get addicted to but I didn't go through as I know it's only my brain tricking me into playing again.
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day in one sentence: Thank you Julius Caesar.
Summarization: Today was pretty productive. I had bursts of energy because I have been reading about Julius Caesar. Reading about him made me feel very energetic and motivated. Someone so persistent to make the impossible possible. (Imagine if I get to Augustus how motivated I will feel). I am cognizant of motivation being only temporarily but I used it while I had it. My house is now clean, my work is done and I'm writing this feeling very little urges to play games. I would definitely love to play WoW at the moment, but I'm starting to feel hope again. Hope that my future will be bright without games. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 8 Days
Urges: Definitely been thinking about WoW alot, work distracted me enough to keep going. 
Excuses: Had to work most of my day, excuses didn't really came in but I have been feeling bored and sat. 
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day in one sentence: Boredom persisted.
Summarization: Been at work. Came home at 7, had dinner then walked my dog for an hour. Felt a strong sense of boredom with urges to play games. Life feels boring right now. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Congratulations on the one week without games! Thats a great accomplishment, it's a good thing to see that number go up!

I am glad that you are starting to work on your goals, that's great progress. I agree though that boredom, can be well - boring, and frustrating. Something I realized though during my first detox is that while we were gaming, we were just playing and we were consistently having fun, so we weren't well handled to deal with boredom. Cause if we were bored, what would we do? Game some more or hop on a stream. Without games and all this time, we are going to see boredom more frequently. What has helped me was acknowledging I'm bored and writing down my thoughts, then I would look at my list of hobbies I want to do and I just pick one of them. Of course with urges this would be much harder, but with whatever hobbies you have picked I would just pick one and then go do it, so that way, you acknowledged you were bored and did something about it. You could also fall back on a puzzle for this. Another alternative option is to just sit with the boredom and think, however this option might lead you to games so it's not the best, just bringing it up as some people do this!

I wish you luck on overcoming boredom and your urges

Best 

Jason

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 9 Days
Urges: I have been getting urges about the concept of gaming more than just WoW. But life starts to feel more natural by a percentage every day.
Excuses: The repetitive urge that I get is ''Just play a less addictive game''.
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day in one sentence: Can't get myself to be productive
Summarization: Working from home till 17:00 definitely has it pros. But today I just stared at my screen and called a friend for two hours during work time. Bad decision. I can't help but stare at my screen. Everything I do feels boring. I can't get my mind focused on anything but the idea of gaming. Today and yesterday has been very difficult for me. I'm trying to fill time, but even when I do. I end up doing something while thinking about gaming. At this point WoW doesn't even matter anymore. I just want to game, even if it's a game I don't like. 

Edited by Code
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 10 Days
Urges: WoW doesn't even matter anymore, now it's just games.
Excuses: Same excuses as yesterday
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day in one sentence: Can't get myself to be productive (again)
Summarization: My day was pretty much a copy of yesterday. Been working, reading about the roman empire, walking my dog and feeling generally boring. Right now I have a lot of trouble motivating myself to do anything I keep looking up games but in reality I know it will end up all the same. I'm proud to have reached a two digit number but at the same time I start wondering ''what's the point if I'm so unhappy''. I hope my feeling will change once I develop good habits. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: XI Days
Urges: Pretty much the same, WoW feels less important. Now I just want to game to kill boredom and have another journey. 
Excuses: No excuses, just urges. 
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day in one sentence: A strong sense of motivation and boredom
Summarization: Went to uni for a return day to talk about my internship. I feel like I have been letting down my manager by not giving it ''my all''. A strong surge of motivation has been going through my veins. I made a list of the ''1 % rule''. 1 % better every day by adding tiny improvements to my life. This motivation helps me stay away from video games. The urges definitely still exists. I think that once I get a stable routine, the pressure of wanting to play games will probably fade completely. But for now it's still a battle. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: 12 Days
Urges: Very little urges, I do feel bored though.
Excuses: My mind is seemingly starting to accept and adapt to the life without video games. It does still try to trick me by saying ''Now that you're no longer addicted, you can play games again''.
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day rating: 7/10
Day in one sentence: Starting to create a personality.
Summarization: Today was kind of weird. I'm starting to develop a personality. After gaming for 11 years, 16 hours a day you start to lose a sense of personality because you're always online. But I find myself acting a little bit different and appreciating things in life that I normally wouldn't. I took an hour walk without thinking about games for a second. Big win! Listened to an audio book of a book I already read before called ''Atomic habits''. This book is S tier. I recommend anyone to read it. I still have a lot of issues starting difficult work, the challenge always feels too overwhelming, but I'm confident that this issue will be tackled over time when I learn to focus for more than 10 minutes in a row. Perhaps I should try the Pomodoro technique.  The best thing about not gaming so far is my patience. Usually I would get irritated to do anything because it would cost me game time. Now taking an hour walk and cleaning the house doesn't bother me because I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, instead I'm playing the game of life now. Everyday I try to be 1% better, and thinking of life as a game actually made it more interesting to me so that I can ''level up'' my character, which is me. I feel like if I start doing actual work, I will start to like life. 

Edited by Code
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: XIII
Urges: Few urges, but now urges aren't existing when I'm busy
Excuses: Same as yesterday
Goals worked on:  2/3
Day rating: 8/10
Day in one sentence: Bursts of motivation
Summarization: It's interesting how how much different a person can behave when they flip their life. I've been working from 09:00 to 13:00, then immediately started cleaning my house. After cleaning for 2 hours, I decided to clean my balcony. The most disgusting place on earth. I haven't touched it for 3 years, and I'm pretty sure the previous owner hasn't touched it for an eternity either. It's full of larves, and the smell is unheard of. But I did it. After 3 hours, I managed to clean this balcony and I'm very proud of it. I purchased artificial grass and I'm going to wrap my entire balcony in it so that my dog has his own little place outside. I live in an apt so there's not much for him to go around now until I buy a house. Within the past 24 hours I've also read an entire book. That's 4~5 hours of reading that normally would take me an entire month. My house is clean, I have bursts of motivation, my mood is better and I haven't felt suicidal for a while. Excuses here and there, but I'm not giving in. I'm pretty certain that I won't game again ever again. One thing I do know for certain is that I won't give up until I hit the 90 day mark.  

Edited by Code
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey glad today went great! Also like you said, people are completely different when they change. For me, I have been talking more with my family and appreciating the smaller things more! Also based off your entry today, its crazy how much we can get done in 24 hours! We just have to put it to good use. I am glad you haven't been feeling suicidal in a bit, that's great to hear! 

Good luck, as you said, never give up! Quitting is the sign of ultimate failure.

Best 

Jason

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: XIV
Urges: Only twice today
Excuses: Same as yesterday
Productivity level: 3/10
Day rating: 8/10
Day in one sentence: Was I ever addicted?
Summarization: Looking at videos of WoW, I was thinking to myself is THIS what I was addicted to? This meaningless game that doesn't even compare to the real world. Why was I ever addicted? Life has so much more to offer, so much more to challenge. What I find interesting in life is how much control you have over the direction you take. I could fly to the northern part of Sweden, live in a cottage and grow my own food. I could continue my dream as a data scientist, or I could start a company. So many things to work towards. My day wasn't too productive though. I start to think that the only reason why I played games was to tackle boredom. I have been bored nearly everyday of my 13 days. I need to find habits that aren't boring to me. Once I find a routine of not being bored, I'm positive that these 90 days will be easy. 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: XIV
Urges: Wouldn't call them urges anymore, it's just boredom at this point. Gaming fills time, but I'm refusing to fill my time in through gaming.
Excuses: Same as yesterday. Not falling for it 🙂
Productivity level: 3/10
Day rating: 5/10
Day in one sentence: Not getting anywhere today
Summarization: Been scheduling myself all day, thinking of 1% habits to improve on every day but I haven't really ''done'' anything. I do stick to my tiny habits. They're habits like journalling, skincare routine, drinking enough water, etc etc. As for work it was a lot of staring at my screen. From now on I will sleep by 10:30 and wake up at 06:30. My goal isn't just to quit gaming but to slowly transform myself in who I want to become. Everyday I am adding one mini habit that takes such little effort that I barely notice it. They can be as tiny as cleaning my desk every time I start working. It requires little to no thinking but adding all those habits up will make such a big different. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day without gaming: XVI (Gonna update lesser from now on)
Urges: Same as last time
Excuses: Same as always
Productivity level: 5/10
Day rating: 5/10
Day in one sentence: It is no longer a habit 🙂
Summarization: Waking up now without the habit of immediately wanting to game. It's totally out of my system. Gaming is no longer a habit. This is making things so much easier. I've also completely transformed my balcony into a dogs playground. My puppy seems to love it. He spends a lot of time there. I'm still having trouble getting work done. But I guess that's normal for someone who hasn't done anything in his life for the past 15 years. I'm making minor upgrades. I'm starting to create friction from websites like Reddit & YouTube by blocking these websites so that I can focus on my work. I start to notice real process. Although slow, it's working. I don't recommend anyone quitting by the force of will. Urges still happen but infrequent. 

Edited by Code
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.