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Countdown - 90 days - from Zero to Hero (real life this time)


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Finished day 21-22 >  68 days to go

Entry :

Well guys, 3 weeks now passed! Holy moly shit, moly holy! 

Yet...... cant really tell at the moment that I have gone this far (yes it is far for me) as I am drunk right now again. No bullshit in this topic I can confirm. So lets put it out there. Even tough I was feeling as making progress since I wase being away from gaming but reinforcing different selfdestructing habbits.. 

Dont get me wrong, I know it is correct path from logical, reasoning poit of view. But at this point I just want to be honest rather fhan feeding into this lie.

That is why it is stretched into another post from two days instead of one. 

I gotta get my shit together.. 

 

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Finished day 1 > 89 days to go In the beginning few words as how this journal is gonna look like. - I am doing this purely for my myself, for my own purpose, writing from the bottom of my he

Finished day 21-22 >  68 days to go Entry : Well guys, 3 weeks now passed! Holy moly shit, moly holy!  Yet...... cant really tell at the moment that I have gone this far (yes it is f

Finished day 2 > 88 days to go Entry: Second day behind me. I have experienced some mood swings. Deliberately staying away from my mobile phone today. For the first time I haven't taken i

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Finished day 23 >  67 days to go

Entry :
Still drinking, sipping whisky at the moment. Not playing tough. Is that better or not? I am not sure..

I am still prolonging my initial freedom of being a guy who just started at new company without any time investment on my side into the things that I should (procedures, processes, systems etc.). Instead of using that time to catch up, to learn more while I still have time before given real projects to manage, I am doing everything but that. Remote work doesnt help. I know I should move my ass up into the office to possibly be more productive due to environment but I am not doing so.

We are going to the seashore on Sunday untill Thursday next week with my gf. She also works remotely. The idea is to go for walks/run after work and reset our minds.. I really want to try to go into the sea when we are there. If I manage to do so I will post a photo here.

To sumarize I feel like am the wire walker between World Trade Centers in that movie, walking on my bleeding foot, in control at the moment but feeling that wound.. We will see how it goes.

To whom whoever is reading - I hope you are hanging on bro!

 

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Finished day 28-31  yesterday>  59 days to go 🥉

Entry:
Actual 1 month of no gaming content at all !! Holy moly!🙉

It's been a few days since I wrote here. Well, I am still hanging on. Couple days of get away did the trick and help additionally to dont lose a target from my sight. I am also handling alcohol better in terms of not getting into argument with my girlfriend. I have/had a tendency to be over-sensitive after few glasses of whisky. This time I had it under control which I am kinda proud of, even if I know how pathetic may that sound. We didnt argue at all. It was awesome trip and adventure, experiencing the sea and the seaside in winter !!

Anyway with that entry I just wanted to refresh my routine here to not lose it. I also highly recommend writing here to anyone who is wishing to go much further with his/her commitment this time..

I am sharing below for my reminiscence and possibly for you to get a vibe of it

Videoframe_20210210_173836_com.huawei.himovie.overseas.jpg

IMG_20210210_211511.jpg

IMG_20210211_160704.jpg

Edited by Stev1989PL
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Finished day 32  >  58 days to go 🥉

Entry:
I am gonna try to add "lose fat" contest into another 2 months of this commitment.. We will see how it is gonna go. I will add my current body photo tomorrow and will do updates in 2 weaks time

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Finished day 33-34  >  56 days to go 🥉

Entry:

Hard comeback to reality. I cant motivate myself to be consistent with my work.. I get insanely distracted with everything, cant focus. If I continue down this road and dont change it I might end up without ability to handle my responsibilities.. Gotta figure out a system to manage my time effectively..

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2 hours ago, Stev1989PL said:

Gotta figure out a system to manage my time effectively

I struggled with time management too, and I still do. What I found effective though was to write down a list of things that either need/you want to get done for the day. Also the reality is, you're going to get bored with your work or have no motivation, but thats okay. I recommend when you don't have motivation to take a break, walk, sit in silence and think, whatever until you are ready to work more. Also totally, remote working/learning is a pain in the ass, stay strong though brother.

Best 

Jason

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Finished day 38 >  52 days to go 🥉

Entry:

I need to take care of my lack of motivation, selfsatisfaction, energy and happines in general..
Guide points set starting tomorrow..

1. Well, first of all I gotta get my shit together in terms of work >to be exact, during worktime I gotta be focused on work and nothing else. No distractions.

2. No alcohol > replacement of whisky with 0% Heineken beer (tastes most alike a real beer)

3. Daily physical activity > jogging/muscle training with bands

4. 15 minutes of medidation after work

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Finished day 39 >  51 days to go 🥉

Entry:

1. Work: we will see tomorrow
2. No alcohol > done
3. Physical activity > spent half a day in nearby mountains with my gf (distance of approx. 13km)
4. Meditation > walking that long in sunny day through the forest partially in mud at lower altitude and in melting snow at higher was in itself some form of meditation for me so I will count it as done

I have to admit recent days were depressing for me. Choice of tv shows (thrillers/criminal and horrors) and laziness (mostly lack of movement) contributed to it.

However this day proved me that forcing your ass outside those "beloved" 4 walls to any form of activity for good enough amount of time really does a trick. You return way more energized with up-spirit attitude and see the world, yourself with brighter colors.
Who knew, your body is actually able to influence your mind as they say..💪🌲🌞

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Finished day 40-41 >  49 days to go 🥉

Entry:

1. Work: Monday shitty as usual in terms of work performance, did bare minimum and was done with it. This day however I have spent in around I'd say 85% capacity which afterwards left me feeling self-content somewhere deep inside (even though I had a serious argument with my gf and almost didnt sleep last night)
2. No alcohol: done and done
3: Physical activity: fail and fail
4. Meditation: fail and fail

Basically as seen very clearly above I wouldn't say it is a good start in terms of additional commitments to no gaming.....

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Finished day 42 >  48 days to go 🥉

Entry:

Work: To be honest this day back to fcking around instead of working.. The only good thing is that I have applied for access to ShareKnowledge in regards to Sealing which is in my scope. Hopefully when I get access to company sharepoint I will come up with a plan to be more engaged at work and gain more expertise 

No alcohol: done

Physical activity: 5km of running 

Meditation: fail

Little steps.. Little steps guys.. Allthough I gotta say I start to feel motivated in a way. I dont wanna jinx it but I actually have this shy unsure incling that maybe..just maybe I can actually turn my life around

Edited by Stev1989PL
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Finished day 43 >  47 days to go 🥉

Entry:

Work: still not that great of a progress in a way of becoming more consistent and working effectively. I struggle with time management. Working remotely with my easily distracted nature is a bad mixture I'd say.

No alcohol: done

Physical activity: around 30 minutes of resistence training with bands at my apartment in the afternoon and going into the river for around 7 minutes in the evening

Meditation: with my poor time management and distractions I wasnt able to set the best time to even start it. Yeah still..even though all I gotta do is to sit my ass down for lets say 15 minutes to start..

Guys.. I am gonna risk it and make an experiment to put myself here in more physical form and less anonymous.. As my additional goal is to get into shape I am gonna share real photos of myself at current stage with the idea to post next ones to come once per week.
As proven so far writing here in my journal helps me big time to stay away from gaming. Thus I thought to myself "why not give it a try to use it as additional motivation for being more consistent with training..?" 
I wanna point out that it costs me greatly to risk my already very low self-esteem to be mocked here so I would appreciate not being very harsh in possible comments. Anyway I thought life is too short for being coward and ashamed of myself. I am as I am, fuck it. Let's bring it on and possibly bring some results while on respawn from gaming..

 

IMG_20210225_233910.jpg

 

 

 

 

Edited by Stev1989PL
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Bro, no shame. You're acting brave as fuck right now. Fuck the haters, if they exist. 

You need to do what's right for you. This is YOUR journal, and it's meant to help YOU. 

Absolute gangster.

(And, now you're putting more pressure on me to stay consistent with the gym, so thanks for that.)

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Finished day 44 >  46 days to go 🥉

Entry:

Work: Same story but I am gonna get heck of a more load from middle of next week as I had been informed one of experienced Commodity Buyers is resigning.. So the heat is coming my way whether I like it or not - as I am gonna be one of those luckies to take some of his responsibilities (will know for sure how much load) 

No alcohol: had one glass of wine with my gf after dinner. Kinda proud of myself because we had a serious argument prior that and I was so mad that I barely resisted stopping at the shop I was passing to buy myself whisky.. The tension settled down and she is reading by my side as I am writing this entry. 

Meditation: still havent started

Physical activity: Had a 25 minutes run with a good pace. I am planning to do routine of around 30 minutes of training each day. System is 1 day band/weight training followed by 1 day of cardio. Additionally sometimes more but this would be for start and I will be super happy to maintain consistence. The conistence is the key as making a new habbit is the hardest part of change. 

@DaBest Thanks for motivating words bro, I really appreciate it! I just realized that I have failed so many times that I gotta switch my approach drastically to have the chance to turn my life around. Attempts to save face and fake selfconfidence by staying in the shadows being silent arent working for me anymore.. Thats why I wanna shock myself out of it by doing something completely out of my comfort zone. Even crazy.. Gotta beat the ego which holds us back. Also if this is actually gonna push you in a way to do your workouts I will be more than glad to hear that! 

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Finished day 45-46 >  44 days to go 🥉

Entry:

I am gonna make this one short as I am sleepy already. It has been a good weekend and week in general. Saturday was active and ending with a party. This day was hangover recovery and family time. I will try to work on my deficiences better in the week to come. Have a good night. 

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Haters generally hate because of a feeling of insecurity. However, their words don't matter, they don't matter. Love what you did there by showing yourself. Your message about cowardice is a good message for life. Who gives a shit?! Why be afraid?! It's your life, not theirs!

Glad this weekend was good, and the week. Also yes, get out of your comfort zone, its a destroyer for aspirations and trying new things.

Best 

Jason

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Finished day 47 >  43 days to go 🥉

Entry:

Work: nothing changed.. still fighting to get myself more motivated but sadly I am doing bare minimum and not learning enough which will is bound to have serious implications later on. And by serious implications I mean when I get my own project to launch I will lack knowledge and probably fail in misery.. And by fail in misery with my tendency to quit when it gets hard I will probably think about changing job again.. I really gotta change this cycle.. The main reason is I just dont care about it enough right now I feel.. Maybe if I succeed with my gaming addiction first I will do better in this area

No alcohol: done

Meditation: done, finally started. I found Headspace on Netlfix. Seems engaging so I thought I am gonna give it a try

Physical activity: sadly none today even though I'd like to say differently since I posted my photo and aim for better shape..and as promised will post another on Friday

@Jason70Thanks for encouraging words bro, suffice it to say each one helps down this path. I hope you are doing good yourself!

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Finished day 48 >  42 days to go 🥉

Entry:

Work: Nothing changes in terms of what I have written before. The only new thing is that I have gained the access to training materials. I have actually managed to go through one of the modules today. Wasnt very time consuming but I am happy about it and feel better about myself since I 've done it.

No alcohol: done

Meditation: didnt find the time.. Lame excuse, I know..

Physical activity: I have attended my first 1on1 personal boxing training today! I have always wanted to learn some form of martial arts but never had guts to stick to anything and quitted usually after first group training. I guess being worse than others right away and my perfectionist and high demanding nature was the enemy there. Basically I sucked so I quitted. End of equation. By shitty training I reinforced my low self-esteem.. And as the natural repercussion I willingly got back to virtual world of gaming where I was someone of undeniable worth.. So sad.. I can see it very clearly now how we deceive ourselves and I am super conscious of the problem.
Hopefully this time I will stick to it longer as <wait for it!>  I SHIT YOU NOT: sticking this long here on this forum and in this journal is tremendously increasing my self-perseverance!!!

I hope it is doing the same for you guys..

boxing.PNG

Edited by Stev1989PL
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