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Healthy vs Toxic addiction in your life


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I used to be addicted to gaming when I was young. I got married at 24 and Im 37 now still married. In about 11 years haven't done much gaming at all. Maybe a mobile game here and there. I started gaming again a couple months ago but I dont like just any games. I pick one game and stick to it and it has to be a wholesome game, no violet killing game. I spend about 1 to 3 hours a day depending on when I get everything else done. 

I found out over the years that im an all or nothing guy. I like to focus on one thing and my attention is set there. Also In anything I do, I want to get good at it as soon as I can and thats where the addiction kicks in. Im addicted until I reach a certain spot in the learning process of the activity. After the initial excitement wears off, only do I begin to slow down to a normal pace. I believe most people are like this in any activity because its natural to want to know things as quick as possibly, humans love to learn and hate to not know things.

***Its easy to replace an addiction with another addiction right?***

 I find it funny that a lot of people call other people addicts when they are addicted to there Jobs, phones, computers, TV or whatever. If time has a big factor on what dictates addiction, then everyone has an addiction, but IS IT A HEALTHY ADDICTION? How does it affect the other aspects of your life? That is the real question I think we all need to answer to.

I see my gaming as a sort of reward of hard work for that day to just relax. I know for some people its hard to only game after everything is done. Im 37 amd have way more control then I used to. Its hard for young people to do this because there is a lot of stress in the world especially school. School is down right stressful, its worse then having a full time job. You go to school for 8 hours and have 4 hours of homework!, are you kidding me!?? Oh and lets not forget, a lot of kids also have a job while attending school! WHAT!!?? Talk about workload. Some adults have a hard time holding down one job, let alone a job, school, homework and other chores. What a kid to do?? No wonder kids need to get away from life right? We all need stress relievers.

So gaming can be good to relieve stress but it is hard to control mentally if not having other interests in life. 

 

One of my pet peeves in life:

I just hate when people say someone has an an addiction at something when they themselves have addictions. People always want to impose there life style on others because it makes them feel better.

Example: the workaholics want you to work more because thats the way they know how to live life. 

****Do not use my pet peeve as an excuse to use for your addiction. Again, ask yourself, is your addiction a healthy one?Does it affect other interests in your life?

Remember: You are responsible for your actions. Taking action to seek guidance is an act of wisdom, not weakness! ****

Take care and be yourself within the bounds of reason. 

Edited by bduphily
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  • bduphily changed the title to Healthy vs Toxic addiction in your life
On 11/23/2020 at 7:23 AM, bduphily said:

I found out over the years that im an all or nothing guy. I like to focus on one thing and my attention is set there. Also In anything I do, I want to get good at it as soon as I can and thats where the addiction kicks in. Im addicted until I reach a certain spot in the learning process of the activity. After the initial excitement wears off, only do I begin to slow down to a normal pace. I believe most people are like this in any activity because its natural to want to know things as quick as possibly, humans love to learn and hate to not know things.

***Its easy to replace an addiction with another addiction right?***

 I find it funny that a lot of people call other people addicts when they are addicted to there Jobs, phones, computers, TV or whatever. If time has a big factor on what dictates addiction, then everyone has an addiction, but IS IT A HEALTHY ADDICTION? How does it affect the other aspects of your life? That is the real question I think we all need to answer to.

I see my gaming as a sort of reward of hard work for that day to just relax. I know for some people its hard to only game after everything is done. Im 37 amd have way more control then I used to. Its hard for young people to do this because there is a lot of stress in the world especially school. School is down right stressful, its worse then having a full time job. You go to school for 8 hours and have 4 hours of homework!, are you kidding me!?? Oh and lets not forget, a lot of kids also have a job while attending school! WHAT!!?? Talk about workload. Some adults have a hard time holding down one job, let alone a job, school, homework and other chores. What a kid to do?? No wonder kids need to get away from life right? We all need stress relievers.

So gaming can be good to relieve stress but it is hard to control mentally if not having other interests in life. 

You nailed it for the most part I believe.

I'm exactly like you - find something new of interest, dive 110% into it for a couple of weeks or until I feel like I'm getting good, then interest wears off a bit and I slow down (or even drop out for a while). OTOH, I do not believe that most people are like that, though, at least from looking at my close relatives and friends. I would say I'm the closest example and I have 1 or 2 friends that are a bit like that, but that's it. I would not go as far as calling this behaviour addiction, at least when it is not creating problems in your life or when the activity is beneficial to you. E.g. I've started learning piano a month ago and have put A LOT of hours and efforts into it because it is the personality type you outlined that kicks in. I don't consider it an addiction (although you may call it a healthy addiction).

Your pet peeves about ppl calling out others on their addictions while they themselves have some resonates with me. A lot of us have addictions that we don't recognize as such (work, tv, phone, to name a few). I've never liked being called out on my addiction (gaming) or on my tendency to be intense when I start a new project or activity (piano, hunting, etc.) as I agree with you, who are these people to call out my addiction(s) while they have some to start with. BUT at the end of the day, if someone calls you out on your addiction, I believe it is because they care for you and want to make sure that you are happy and healthy. So I no longer fuss about it.

Lucky you for being able to have control over your gaming. I'm 32, quite in control of every aspects of my life, and still cannot to this day game in moderation. I always end up in the same pattern that you and I described above: I'll game more and more to get better a new game until I get bored. Rinse and repeat with a new game, or even with a game I haven't played in months/years. So quitting felt like the thing to do for me. I understand that for you gaming is a stress reliever that you can control: i'm happy for you as I'd love to be able to relieve stress from my job while gaming, but I can't even if I have a ton of other interests in life, and have found other ways to do so (music, learning, other activities).

Anyhow, just wanted to chime in and give my perspective as your post resonated with me.

Cheers!

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On 11/23/2020 at 6:23 AM, bduphily said:

No wonder kids need to get away from life right?

Haha I am totally one of those kids, I am studying with maximum credits allowed, am a solo player in an ensemble, have three jobs and am the founder of a club that meets 5 hours/week. 

Still, "escaping" is a rather harmful option of dealing with stress in the long run, from my experience. Gaming, as a form of escapism, makes me completely forget of the world around me and just relax for awhile. While that sounds completely fine on the surface, it causes multiple issues like not getting certain things done and forgetting about my social life. Disconnecting myself from the real world completely always causes some harm, even if I am unable to track it at first. Sometimes, I forget to turn in a piece of homework while gaming; other times, I don't check up on my partner when she needs emotional support.

So, rather than escaping, I prefer finding restful, stress-releveling activities in the real world. Talking to some friends always makes me feel better, while drawing or reading also lowers stress. At the same time, those activities keep me mindful of the real world. I think I simply can not afford to escape given the amount of things I want and need to do, but that is by no matter a bad thing- I feel much better, much more accomplished right now than I ever have been simply because I quit gaming. 

On 11/23/2020 at 6:23 AM, bduphily said:

find it funny that a lot of people call other people addicts when they are addicted to there Jobs

It's social psychology lmao. We're all imperfect, but don't like to feel that way. But at the same time, my GF reminding me not to watch too much TV while she does the same helps both of us watch it less. Pointing out someone's weaknesses is at times rather helpful, imo.

 

On 11/23/2020 at 6:23 AM, bduphily said:

Again, ask yourself, is your addiction a healthy one

I don't think that there are any "healthy addictions", and neither can any addiction be healthy. Addiction by definition is harmful: lack of self control over certain habit/activity. Everything needs moderation, balance, thanos stuff you know. I used to have an addiction to exercise- I'd do it 2+ hours per day. I felt great, I looked great, I felt accomplished. But, by spending so much time exercising, I spent less time doing other activities. I failed to turn in homework on time, I didn't have enough time in the evening to organize myself for tomorrow, etc.. 

Anything and everything done in excess hinders at your life in some way, no matter if it is "good" or "bad" in your eyes. Time is limited, so by spending too much time in one area, you subtract time from somewhere else. 

 

Cheers!

Po

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On 11/23/2020 at 7:23 AM, bduphily said:

I believe most people are like this in any activity because its natural to want to know things as quick as possibly, humans love to learn and hate to not know things.

No. Most people act differently. Some people are scared of new information and prefer to think as little as possible. Others take their time digesting new information until it makes sense, comparing it against previous and similar information they already know. Only a rare few are compelled to learn quickly.

 

On 11/23/2020 at 7:23 AM, bduphily said:

If time has a big factor on what dictates addiction, then everyone has an addiction

No. Seasonal jobs like ski lift operators or oil workers, athletes who hate some parts of training but do it in order to win, people who hate their jobs and monks who spend hours in meditation every day - none of them are addicted. Working long hours for money is not addiction, it is just work. Monks meditate to cleanse themselves and fight inner demons. While it is possible to get addicted to these things, most of these people are not. They just have normal desires.

Addiction is an animalistic compulsion to perform actions for an activity that causes harm to yourself (and by extension to others). Addiction is the corruption of desire into an unhealthy extreme. The street urchant who steals bread to eat is different from the kleptomaniac who cannot stop himself from stealing all sorts of pointless things.

You were addicted to gaming when you were younger. Most of us are young. Some of our older members also cannot afford to game because those billion dollar companies hire the smartest geniuses on the planet to make and sell these games to be as addictive as possible to make as much money as possible. You're lucky that you have not been caught in the net with the rest of us fishes but it could always happen. There's one guy on our forum who is only addicted to Overwatch. Other games are meaningless to him. If Overwatch never existed, he would never have gotten addicted and would be living a better life. Different people react differently to different addictive substances. I think it's smart that you refuse to play games with killing or violence in them because that makes you swim safe from a lot of nets and there could be a game in that category that could addict you.

Edited by Bird By Bird
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