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NEW VIDEO: 22 minute gaming addiction documentary

90 day detox take 3


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OK. 

Time to start another detox.

I logged in cos I'm actually filming a documentary about technology addiction next week. It's actually a pretty big deal and will be available on one of the streaming channels here in Australia and I will potentially be helping many people wake up to the addictive nature of technolgy.

I decided to re-read my journal entries because I am talking about my own experience with my addiction to gaming.
 

Funny thing is that I have been playing Dead by Daylight Mobile for a few hours a day every day during covid. I feel like a massive hypocrite, but I knew this day was coming.

I totally forgot about the feeling of shame and guilt when I relapsed the first time.

Monday
28 September 2020
is 90 days from today
 
Looking back 2017 when I was detoxing the first time, I realised that it was the same year my good friend ended his own life (if this triggered you, and you need to talk to someone, PLEASE call a helpline in your local area). I didn't make the connection back then, but it must have been a wake up call for me. 
 
The things I really enjoyed about DbDm was playing the trapper character. I had this strategy that would be quite cruel and sneaky to kill the survivors and I always felt the survivors were so dumb to fall into my traps. When I was playing survivor I always had a system of repairing the generators that required all your focus to do the skill checks. I was never good at running away in the game so I had to make sure I was not seen by the killer.  The game is really about bullying and humiliating your opponent which I know is not me in real life, so it was always fun to let this part of me out in a game.
 
The worst thing about that game that made it addictive was you had to end on a good note or win and if you won, that feeling didn't last again and you wanted to keep that win streak up so you would play again. I know I'm addicted to this game because I have to delete the game and redownload it everyday in order to stop playing and keep playing. My partner and family really disliked that I played that game and I think to make up for it, my partner took up candy crush so she didn't feel so ignored.
 
I also knew which other players I could count on in the game and who were good players. I'm lucky cos there is no chat function in the game so if I don't play, I won't feel so bad that I'm letting specific people down. When I was playing pogo, it was quite bad cos I would message local team mates in my home town.
 
I'm filming the documentary this week, so not sure if it is the best timing, we'll find out, but it would definitely make me feel less like a massive hypocrite. I like this group because people don't judge you on here.
 
Other things I have going for me is that I recently signed up to strava and have a nice garmin watch, so I've been enjoying gamifying my exercise and run/cycle on a regular basis.
 
I hope everyone in this community has been doing well and have been keeping safe. Hope the covid lockdowns havent messed up your detoxes too much.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Day 1

I've been replacing the gaming time watching Amazon Prime. I enjoyed watching Jimmy O Yang's stand up special and a documentary on how silicon valley was formed.

The pull to play is particularly strong at night time.

There were cues to play today, whilst I was on my morning walk (seeing a teenager on a bike play pogo).

I also saw some international students smartphone game in a cafe.

I told my partner about my 90 day detox which was more leverage not to back out. They were happy to hear that news.

Then, more cues to play when I see people post pictures with the latest "last of us 2" on ps4 on their social media feed. LoU2 is in that horror zombie genre which is similar to why I enjoy DbDm.

It's also been raining so I haven't been bothered to go for a run or cycle.

I did a coaching session with an acting coach via zoom today.

He has an interesting "conversation technique" where you place your conversation "need" in your checklist before you shoot your scene. I'm trying to speak purposefully and with interest when I shoot my scenes and highlight the important words. 

I feel as though when you play video games you place your sense of purpose in real life on hold and you outsource it to the game in order to receive your well timed and exciting rewards. To live your real life with purpose does actually take some mindful intention and effort.

GQ community, what do you do to reclaim your own sense of purpose in real life? When you game, what sense of purpose do you have when you play?

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When i started writing my journal ( day 19 curently) i didnt have specific goal , i just wanted to get better and get out of the dakness . I had bad days and good days but overall this journal gave me and is giving me many things . So i actualy know what i want . I want to study nutrition science meamwhile learn programmming . And do my best start my career as a programmer . This is what i want to be . Also theres another goal of who i want to be . People used to tell me "the old guy" becayse of how simple i used to dress . But recently i got intrested in style and good suits i want to be handsome and buy lots of suits 🤣 luckily i have good body shape and above the average height . I want to overcome some of my problems like fear of public and start eat any kind of food ( i have bad food habits ) , i want to get in shape , although i have driving lisence but im bad at driving manual cars i want to be a good driver and ... .i want to expirieence .everything . Also one of the biggest is to become strong mentaly , i dont have a stable mood often , i meam it got so much better recently but its far from the ideal . 

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Also know this feeling of purpose. Playing WoW fulfills so much of a need: progress towards a goal (leveling up), rewards.

I was out of gaming a lot but with playing games all theses needs to find a purpose were gone as I had WoW as a purpose 
to wake up (leveling up). It's way harder to find that in real life. Still working at it but also know this feeling.

Keep it up!

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On 6/21/2020 at 8:58 PM, Reza said:

When i started writing my journal ( day 19 curently) i didnt have specific goal , i just wanted to get better and get out of the dakness . I had bad days and good days but overall this journal gave me and is giving me many things . So i actualy know what i want . I want to study nutrition science meamwhile learn programmming . And do my best start my career as a programmer . This is what i want to be . Also theres another goal of who i want to be . People used to tell me "the old guy" becayse of how simple i used to dress . But recently i got intrested in style and good suits i want to be handsome and buy lots of suits 🤣 luckily i have good body shape and above the average height . I want to overcome some of my problems like fear of public and start eat any kind of food ( i have bad food habits ) , i want to get in shape , although i have driving lisence but im bad at driving manual cars i want to be a good driver and ... .i want to expirieence .everything . Also one of the biggest is to become strong mentaly , i dont have a stable mood often , i meam it got so much better recently but its far from the ideal . 

I'd be interested to see how the detox impacts your mood? Do you have a mood tracking app?

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On 6/24/2020 at 12:26 AM, Erik2.0 said:

I do things that are not on screens to have purpose. They make me feel more human.

Any activities you can recommend? it is winter here in Australia and I'm quickly losing motivation and wanna hibernate lol

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On 6/24/2020 at 12:50 AM, mks said:

Also know this feeling of purpose. Playing WoW fulfills so much of a need: progress towards a goal (leveling up), rewards.

I was out of gaming a lot but with playing games all theses needs to find a purpose were gone as I had WoW as a purpose 
to wake up (leveling up). It's way harder to find that in real life. Still working at it but also know this feeling.

Keep it up!

Thank you! I've never played WoW. Too scared to touch it.

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ok so i'm feeling more confident to tell people around me that I'm doing a detox. I still have cravings to do it as something to pass the time.

I'm confident I can keep chipping away at it though, cos DbDmob you can't chat to anyone and I don't know anyone else who plays it. I need to keep exercising, but it's winter here and difficult to get the motivation and keep up the intensity. I might sign up again to do crossfit, now that restrictions have now eased. 

I need to remind myself why I hated playing that stupid game. The main thing is that the game was so frustrating when you died and you just wanted to jump back in to relieve that tension. 

Do you guys get angry when you think back to how much time you sunk into a game? My daily screentime average is down 54% this week. lol. Boo ya! Congrats to me 🙂 realIy wanna write a book

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5 hours ago, CG EYE said:

Any activities you can recommend? it is winter here in Australia and I'm quickly losing motivation and wanna hibernate lol

I journal on paper in addition to these forums, meditate, write poetry, exercise, cook, read and run errands with my mom. I try to do all these things before I start watching tv. If I do them all and have time left over then I'll feel more okay to use it to watch.

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9 hours ago, CG EYE said:

Any activities you can recommend? it is winter here in Australia and I'm quickly losing motivation and wanna hibernate lol

I recommend something like taking up an instrument or drawing, some sort of creative endeavor that doesn't involve screens. I know that creating a documentary is a creative endeavor, but I know a lot of it involves computers and stuff.

Now, don't be afraid that you don't have "talent", talent doesn't matter. Some people are naturally gifted, but it doesn't matter how gifted you are if you don't work. I know from personal experience. Once I stop being better than all the other kids, I let that get to me and I stopped drawing. I had to work really hard just to get back to being average. Playing instruments, drawing, painting... Stuff like that... It's primarily skill and basically anyone can learn. People without arms have learned to paint with their feet. So don't be making up excuses! #MAKEBADART. Without bad art there would be no good art. Mistakes lead to success. When you frame it right mistakes can be a part of success! Some of my favorite pieces have aspects of them that were originally mistakes. The Art of Mistakes by Melanie Rothschild is an excellent book on this topic.

I highly recommend any sort of craft that keeps your hands busy. Not just playing music or drawing or painting, those are the first things that come to mind because those are what I do, but things like crochet as well... Origami, scrapbooking, you name it! Get busy with your hands. Keeping your hands busy is so integral to fighting addictions, and dealing with things like depression and anxiety. Gaming kept our hands busy, but now we can't game. For me personally, playing the kalimba is a really good replacement for gaming. I hold it in my hands much like a controller, and get instant satisfying sensory feedback when I pluck the notes. Kalimba is also a great instrument for beginners, and is relatively cheap.

Sorry for writing a novel in your journal but I hope that you might find this helpful in some way!

 

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Day 7

So I signed up to the masterclass 3 day free trial. Anyone else tried this before? I'm going thru malcolm gladwell class on writing. There is a lot of content and I am determined to write my book now. I have about 3 months to write my book. Anyone else written a book before?

Thanks

Kim

Edited by CG EYE
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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 20 My grandma passed away this week 😞

I was temporarily triggered by a youtube video of Dead by Daylight

I'm giving a radio interview tomorrow here in australia which is exciting

The radio host recently quit FIFA 20. anyone else have experience playing this game? Want to add anything to their listeners?

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My sincere condolences to your grandma. I live with mine and her health is deteriorating, so I understand how you feel. 
Props to making a documentary, you are doing our world a service, good luck with your interview!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/10/2020 at 4:12 PM, gargamel said:

My sincere condolences to your grandma. I live with mine and her health is deteriorating, so I understand how you feel. 
Props to making a documentary, you are doing our world a service, good luck with your interview!

Thank you for your ongoing support and encouragement. 🙂

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  • 2 weeks later...

DAY 38!

Today I did a 2km swim in the pool

Have been on my unique "egg diet"

I've been reading Brad Marshall's Tech Diet Book

I'm starting a new job tomorrow for the next 4 weeks

I've also been listening to @Cam Adair's twitch mix to help me chill whilst winding down at the end of the night

Was prompted to post something since Cam sent a newsletter out, didn't even realise I've made it 1/3 of the way thru!

Hope everyone has been doing well.

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