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Will's Daily Journal


WillDonisthorpe
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Day #1

Things I did:

  • So I deleted all my games. Pretty terrifying when you look at all the hours you've racked on on steam. Still. They're all uninstalled and steam is gone too. I had to pass on guild leader to someone and I do feel kinda bad about that, but he simply said "Real life comes first". That's a lesson I could have learned sooner 😛
  • Planned with my sister about what to do to surprise my parents for the 30th anniversary coming up. Also got my mother a birthday card as that's also coming up.
  • Thinking about taking up photography. Just take a few pictures every day, walk somewhere different every day. I'll see where I end up tomorrow.
  • Signed up to this after considering it for a few days.
  • Got a healthy amount of studying done today. Even after uni the fun doesn't stop... (Especially with a pandemic having fun with all your job prospects 😜 )
  • Gonna meditate after this. Its something I used to do and I feel its important to help identify the 'new' me.

How I was feeling today:

I've not been playing games for a few days(I watched podcasts but they've stopped now too) and its a really strange experience. Today was pretty hard. I woke up immediately with a game idea and wanted to jump on and try it but brought myself back in without too much trouble luckily. But the feeling was a constant nag in the back of my mind.

Not sure on anything else to add?

Right... Cya tomorrow

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5 hours ago, WillDonisthorpe said:

So I deleted all my games. Pretty terrifying when you look at all the hours you've racked on on steam. Still. They're all uninstalled and steam is gone too. I had to pass on guild leader to someone and I do feel kinda bad about that, but he simply said "Real life comes first". That's a lesson I could have learned sooner 😛

Great first step! Quick question: In addition to feeling terrified, don't you feel a "relief" doing this? I sold everything game related I had and, although I had a strange feeling while doing that, it was a also liberating experience. Just wondering haha

Keep it up man

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Bravo! Go you! I am day 6 and it is a good description "relief" as well as all the other stuff. It gets easier. 🙂

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Thanks Reza, WhatAboutToday? and Helen. I appreciate the support 🙂

17 hours ago, WhatAboutToday? said:

Great first step! Quick question: In addition to feeling terrified, don't you feel a "relief" doing this? I sold everything game related I had and, although I had a strange feeling while doing that, it was a also liberating experience. Just wondering haha

Yesterday while doing it, It was weird but I wanted to it. Today after the realization struck me it felt really good. It's like that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to quit video games for years is gone. Great feeling of freedom in that I think so I guess relief is in there😜

Day 2

Things I did:

  • I went for a long walk and started taking pictures. Not quite photography quality but it'll get there.
  • Finished the Respawn Book and exercises
  • Meditated and really sunk into it. It was really peaceful.
  • Prepared a schedule for me sink into with the new exercises.
  • Outlined my goals for after Respawn (see below)
  • A good amount of studying again.
  • I approached my best friend telling him how much of bro he is to me after doing the 10 things I was grateful for for the first time, he was at the top. I don't really share emotions much (currently) so this is a big step 😆

How I was feeling today:

Generally inspired from yesterday and taking my first big step. Looking forward to making it through this and living that life I'm told is on the other side 😉

Goals:

I want to play a metal song on Guitar by 01/01/2021. I'm starting from scratch but I dabbled in Bass Guitar so I think 6 months should be okay to get there xD

I want to run an Iron Man in 2021(This depends on if the season is open by then but I'll work on fitness till I run one and hopefully for a long time after).

I want to enter next years Armies on Parade with a fully painted army

I want to go to 10 gigs with new friends by the end of next year (As all venues are currently shut and I will not count download festival but I'll definitely be there 😉 )

I want to start dating again (or atleast try to) by the end of the year. I stopped a year ago after I left a long term relationship and it took a while to process, especially with me running to gaming whenever I thought about it.

Back again tomorrow 🙂

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Day 3

  • I walked further today pushing through fatigue. Got a few pictures and one I think would have been great had the sun been out. I'll have to go again another day.
  • First day of sticking to this new schedule in full. Its abit tiring but I guess it works as whenever I feel bored or tired of said activity, I push on for another 15 or so mins and if I still feel it, I swap to the backup.
  • I plugged my Electric into a bass amp while my new amp will arrive later in the week and got some basic chords going.
  • I've begun planning my painting for armies on parade, alot of research which I'll be putting into practice soon.

How I was feeling today:

I woke up tired as its a new sleep schedule, my body isn't quite used to waking up this early but once I got out and moving I felt much better. I did have to nap for a quick 30 mins around 6PM but then I woke up energized and ready to continue.

Day 4, here I come!

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Day 4

  • Stepped up my exercise again. Think I need to cap it at something like this level. Feel I'll do more damage than good if I keep pushing. No point in exercising a day to have to rest an injury for the next 4 or 5.
  • Began a new course which will give me a certification in a field I find genuinely interesting. Looking to study 6 hours a day on it over the next few weeks.
  • A couple random social encounters out exercising. Looks like there are other people out there looking to self improve in this area. If I remember, I'll see if there are any groups going running in my area after lockdown eases abit more.

How I was feeling today:

Easier to wake up. Contacted by a couple gaming friends who wished me luck and said they'd be around if I was at my PC and wanted to talk which was nice. Saw them setting up a raid group which was painful as I used to lead our raids. I'm abit slow to move on from one thing to the next on the schedule but its early days yet. Wondering what it'll be like in a month?

Thats all for now

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1 hour ago, WillDonisthorpe said:

Stepped up my exercise again. Think I need to cap it at something like this level. Feel I'll do more damage than good if I keep pushing. No point in exercising a day to have to rest an injury for the next 4 or 5.

One thing I learned is that the goal of exercise isn't to push yourself as hard as you can, but to push yourself as hard as you can WHILE still fully recovering for your next exercise session, even if that means letting up when you had more gas in the tank on any particular day

Its a transition from short term thinking to long term thinking that goes well with the decision to moderate your gaming

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22 hours ago, ace_dee said:

One thing I learned is that the goal of exercise isn't to push yourself as hard as you can, but to push yourself as hard as you can WHILE still fully recovering for your next exercise session, even if that means letting up when you had more gas in the tank on any particular day

Its a transition from short term thinking to long term thinking that goes well with the decision to moderate your gaming

I agree, my exercise routine is one day exercise upper body and core, the next is back and lower body. While one day I run and the next I walk long distance. But I do definitely need to control it and not blow all the steam away in a week. I'm now following a pace but the bright side to pushing it is I found my limits without injury(luckily) so I've got a good idea now when to stop. Silver linings xD

21 hours ago, Helen said:

You are inspiring me. 👍😊

Thanks. But I'm just pretty stubborn xD

Day 5

  • So after the last few days I've been really pushing exercise. Today I've read a fitness guide to show how small steps lead to large results (Like what ace was saying above 🙂 ) so I'm heading towards a consistent steady increase than risking injury to muscles developing.
  • Studied for 4 of the 6 hours I was supposed to which isn't what I intended but family matters got in the way. Still, making progress to this schedule.
  • My new Amp arrived 3 days early which was amazing so I've had alot of time working on this today. I'm by no point good but its a win 🙂 

How I'm feeling today?

The exercise is easier so I'm happy about that. Definitely noticing but I'm not looking forward to the 3 week struggle where your body slows up. I spent quite abit of time dealing with family stuff, it wasn't bad, just timely. But I stuck to the schedule aside from that which is good. Also spent alot of time with the new amp and it sounds so much better than my old one which helps.

See you day 6  🙂

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Day 6

  • I've been not doing my photography stuff for the past couple days due to exercise and I forgot the camera. Brought it today despite the not great weather. Gonna try to keep it in my back pocket so I don't forget.
  • Began looking at different diet plans to help achieve what I want from my exercise.
  • My new amp arrived today so I spent two hours practicing and fidgeting with the settings. Beginning to understand how to pull off certain effects.
  • Spent my 6 hours studying today and found some really cool concepts I've not even considered.

How I'm feeling today?

So I had my first "Why are you doing this" moment. It wasn't great. I just got generally down and then it hit me which made me realize how easy it is trigger that relapse if I'm not careful. I didn't relapse or even feel really in danger of it, I just kinda took that understanding that it only takes that one moment for the mind to realign which is kinda scary. Beyond that, it was a full and good day.

Come on day 7, a full week!

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17 minutes ago, WillDonisthorpe said:
  • Began looking at different diet plans to help achieve what I want from my exercise.

myfitnesspal usually has some good recipe suggestions. You can even tune what you want in a meal, protein, carbs, fat, etc.

 

19 minutes ago, WillDonisthorpe said:

So I had my first "Why are you doing this" moment. It wasn't great. I just got generally down and then it hit me which made me realize how easy it is trigger that relapse if I'm not careful. I didn't relapse or even feel really in danger of it, I just kinda took that understanding that it only takes that one moment for the mind to realign which is kinda scary. Beyond that, it was a full and good day.

I also had this feeling today. An inner voice that tells me that I'll get into more trouble going outdoors, etc. than I would playing games. I find this thought quite overwhelming, almost like I want to set myself up for failure to fortify that belief. What understanding did you find that helped you re-align ?

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3 hours ago, jakeyb540 said:

myfitnesspal usually has some good recipe suggestions. You can even tune what you want in a meal, protein, carbs, fat, etc.

I agree. I have lost almost 30 pounds this year using it.

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Thanks both of you for recommending myfitnesspal. I had never heard of it but I've given it a look and I think i'll give it a try 🙂

11 hours ago, jakeyb540 said:

I also had this feeling today. An inner voice that tells me that I'll get into more trouble going outdoors, etc. than I would playing games. I find this thought quite overwhelming, almost like I want to set myself up for failure to fortify that belief. What understanding did you find that helped you re-align ?

I think for me it was recognizing where the feeling is coming from. Its coming from a part of me that used games as comfort to smother out change in my life which I was afraid of. This is the main part of me I want to change. So when I was under the influence of these thoughts I viewed it as almost a distant or even separate from me because that's not who I want to be anymore. It made it very easy to just push passed by isolating it and just knowing where it was coming from. I'm no expert on mind matters, so I'm sorry if this doesn't quite make sense xD

I guess a decent analogy would be if a close friend who you've known and trusted was telling you to do something that you didn't want to do. It's difficult to look passed them being your friend and your natural instinct to trust, but if you do, you realize that you don't want to, so you just say no and walk your own way.  Even when I was not in a great mindset, its recognizing that this voice/thought/feeling didn't represent what I actually wanted, it represented what was comfortable. Then I guess you've just gotta be stubborn enough to push passed it.

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Day 7

  • I went running in the rain which honestly wasn't bad. I wasn't sure I would when I saw it, it kinda put me off but when I got out there I didn't even notice it really.
  • Remembered to bring my camera for photography. Might start posting these as I'm not really sure what to do with them xD
  • Continued to research into dieting, thanks to jakeyb540 and BooksandTrees for recommending myfitness pal. It has a few recipes I'm gonna get on tomorrow to bring me into a caloric deficit and lose some excess weight before I build muscles back up 🙂
  • A mix of the meditation, gratitude journal and the daily journal are really affecting my outlook on things. I've done all of these regularly and it genuinely does make a difference. 
  • Made an account on Yousician as I'm not really sure what songs to start with trying to learn on Electric, so I'm narrowing down my library with what they have available. Beyond that, I've been practicing beginner chords just to keep my hands going with it.

How I feel today

So its been a full week and for the most part its been pretty good. My days are full(for the most part), I exercise everyday, meditation and other things have calmed me down quite a bit which has made me quite alot happier. Still finding it hard to find people to become friends with, with the lockdown but its beginning to ease and I've had a few good social interactions this week despite it. Still want to hear the bands are touring again though, then I'll put my social ambitions to the test xD
 

Song of the day(New thing I'm gonna do)
Strike Back - Jonathan Young Fair Tail English Cover

Cya tomorrow 😜 

Edited by WillDonisthorpe
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13 hours ago, WillDonisthorpe said:

Day 7

  • I went running in the rain which honestly wasn't bad. I wasn't sure I would when I saw it, it kinda put me off but when I got out there I didn't even notice it really.
  • Remembered to bring my camera for photography. Might start posting these as I'm not really sure what to do with them xD
  • Continued to research into dieting, thanks to jakeyb540 and BooksandTrees for recommending myfitness pal. It has a few recipes I'm gonna get on tomorrow to bring me into a caloric deficit and lose some excess weight before I build muscles back up 🙂
  • A mix of the meditation, gratitude journal and the daily journal are really affecting my outlook on things. I've done all of these regularly and it genuinely does make a difference. 
  • Made an account on Yousician as I'm not really sure what songs to start with trying to learn on Electric, so I'm narrowing down my library with what they have available. Beyond that, I've been practicing beginner chords just to keep my hands going with it.

How I feel today

So its been a full week and for the most part its been pretty good. My days are full(for the most part), I exercise everyday, meditation and other things have calmed me down quite a bit which has made me quite alot happier. Still finding it hard to find people to become friends with, with the lockdown but its beginning to ease and I've had a few good social interactions this week despite it. Still want to hear the bands are touring again though, then I'll put my social ambitions to the test xD

 

@WillDonisthorpe Congratulations on one full week. I think a week is very significant (and difficult) when addressing a behavior or addiction. 🙂 
 

Song of the day(New thing I'm gonna do)
Strike Back - Jonathan Young Fair Tail English Cover

Cya tomorrow 😜 

How I'm feeling today?

So I had my first "Why are you doing this" moment. It wasn't great. I just got generally down and then it hit me which made me realize how easy it is trigger that relapse if I'm not careful. I didn't relapse or even feel really in danger of it, I just kinda took that understanding that it only takes that one moment for the mind to realign which is kinda scary. Beyond that, it was a full and good day.

Come on day 7, a full week!

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@Helen Thanks, heres hoping it holds up xD

Day 8

  • 6am - Woke up on time,  wrote my gratitude journal and immediately went out for my high intensity walk which was terrible weather(Luckily I live next to a really steep hilly nature trail so its pretty easy to get this), got back and prepared breakfast from my new diet plan and showered all done by 8.
  • 8 am - Here I began studying and had as issue which persisted from about 9 until 12 when I went to make a sandwich for lunch(it was healthy) where we were getting random power cuts. Really annoying when your working on practical SQL Injections.
  • 12.30 pm - I tried to get more studying going but the power cuts just kept happening and I couldn't get anything written in time to try it(I tried 3 times). So I decided to go into town, grab flowers for my mum and dad as its their 30th anniversary. Me, my brother and sister split the costs so it was from all of us.
  • 2 pm - Took my 12 week pup for his jab. I'll take him for his first walk on Saturday.
  • 3.30 pm - I got back home and went for my high intensity walk, pushed myself alot more than the morning to kind of test my lungs and they've come along way since I started. Here's hoping I still think that tomorrow for my running xD
  • 5 pm - Prepared food for dinner. More healthy stuff for dinner. Trying to create a caloric deficit so I lose abit of weight while I work on fitness. Then when I've hit my target I'll add more protien, carbs and fats for muscle growth and really kick off.
  • 5.40 pm - Back to study/werk werk. The electric finished doing its thing so I could get some practical stuff done. Nearly at the end of this study topic and I can't wait to move on. Its one of those "You need to know" but its not that fun.
  • 7 PM Took a break and came on here to talk to people and write this.

After this I'll be doing abit more studying but primarily singing as I feel abit stressed and want to relax. I was going to do some painting but I learned a long time ago, don't paint when you're tired. Yeah it'll look good now but in a few days you'll be kicking yourself for all the awkward tiny mistakes xD
Also Meditation, I meditate before I sleep as it lowers my heart rate it and I can go over any good or bad things before bed and sleep relaxed.

How I feel today

I woke up very tired today, abit sluggish in the mind but pushed through. I was sluggish with studying aswell but the electric going on and off just kept making me lose focus which was not great. It was pretty tough but I blame that mainly on just being tired. Must of had a disturbed sleep or something. Thats when I decided to go into town, get some fresh air. I'm very happy with how I'm doing physically though. Despite my mind being borderline asleep for most of the day, my lungs are definitely growing so I can't wait to increase my speed for tomorrows run.

Song of the day

Shaped By Fire - As I Lay Dying

(As I was abit down I needed something abit faster to pick me up)

Thats all for now

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Day 9

  • 6am Woke up - Did a 20 min run followed with an upper body work out. Gave my weights to my brother so had to come up with a solution to working out those muscles and I found the Back Bridge Push up... Its really not easy as I need more flexibility before I try it in full. Still the warm up helps with that and builds the muscle.
  • 8 am - Healthy Breakfast and shower. I watched a couple youtube vids (5 mins to 10 mins while I ate). Then played with my pup for abit in the garden.
  • 8.40 am - To make up for yesterdays power cuts and such I burned through alot of what I was trying to accomplish work wise. Good progress in the morning. There was abit of a focus problem, I kept trying to browse the internet but every time I noticed I got back to work. Kinda like meditation in a way.
  • 12.30 pm - Got my lunch abit late today. Ham and Egg salad. After this I got back to work.
  • 1 pm - Worked for a couple hours. Spent most of the time finding the solution to one problem but I got there in the end so pretty happy.
  • 3.30 pm -  High intensity walk through an area of the nature trail near my house I've not been up before. Really steep hill. It was raining but with the tree coverage almost completely covered me from it. Still no sun but I've got alot of areas to visit for photo opportunities when its sunny again.
  • 6.30 pm - Cooked dinner, nothing fancy, just home made chicken burgers. Muscle growth and all that jazz.
  • 7.30 pm - I've done some painting today as I wasn't so tired. Not much but it'll grow into something in time.
  • 9.40 pm - I came on here and there we go.

How I'm feeling

So didn't feel exhausted today so I managed to get alot done. No gaming temptation today even though I watched an episode of a gaming Isakai at dinner time when I was preparing food and waiting for it to cook. Despite issues on focus in the morning I was alot more determined today to do better which I'll hopefully keep aiming for.

Song of the Day

Chaos - I Prevail

(Kind of fits with my determination and general mood of the day, to get there in the end.)

Another day down

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Day 10

  • 6 am - Woke up, gratitude journal, went on walk and when I got back, did a lower body work out.
  • 8 am - Healthy breakfast, shower and watch a couple things while eating and waiting for people.
  • 9 am - went on first walk with our pup Teddy, it wasn't a long one as he just hit 12 weeks and didn't want to damage his joints and then we went round my brothers to introduce Teddy to his dog Peanut. Unfortunately they didn't get on 😞
  • 11.30 am - Healthy lunch.
  • 12 pm - Starting painting. Gotta get to work if I wanna stuff ready for my goal so I spent a good amount of time just painting.
  • 3.30 pm - High intensity walk up the nature trail. My sports clothing was in the wash and went up in my Jeans. Bad idea, my muscle expanded in my legs and the jeans got really tight around the calves and it hurt like hell as there was no room. Next time wait for appropriate clothing xD
  • 5.30 pm - Healthy dinner.
  • 6 pm - Listened to an audio book while painting more. It was pretty relaxing
  • 9 pm - I came on here

How I felt today

I didn't really have much time today to sit and notice how I was feeling. So I guess good? I don't feel bad. Lots of stuff. Happy with my paint work, the quality is getting better. I spend time searching techniques and then using them on a few models and you really notice by the end of it. Again... Just exercise is jeans when you're working on the lower body is definitely not worth it. Just painful. I'm a reasonably tall guy so getting long jeans and getting jeans with more room around the shins and calves is another problem by itself 😛 

Song of the Day

Primavera - Ludovico Einaudi

(Pretty relaxing while painting. Helps keep the mind focused and its just generally upbeat)

Cya tomorrow

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