Mouse's Journal

[station mouse]

Day 0 and Post Template

The goals for this journal are:

1. to post an entry every day, no matter how short
2. to spend no more than 30 minutes on each entry

The following is my post blueprint (edited 26th May, probably will edit again in the future)

Time started: time
Day count: some days with no games and no youtube

 

I am feeling: blah

 

How I did yesterday: yesterday
What could have been better yesterday: stuff

 

Winning Streaks!

• Daily Tasks: take meds x0, brush teeth twice x0, shower x0
• Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x0, shave x0, chores x0
• Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x0

 

Quests from yesterday:

• one
• two
• three

Quests for today:

• one
• two
• three

Time completed: time

Edited May 6, 2021 by station mouse

[TheNewMe2.0]

Welcome to the forums. What's loremipsum? 

[station mouse]

9 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Welcome to the forums. What's loremipsum? 

Thank you! Lorem ipsum is filler text, "I'll write something here later" sort of thing.

[station mouse]

Day 1: Fell at the First Hurdle

I played Sims today during the half hour break our whole household takes after lunch. I think this was partly because I did not plan any activities to do in the hours I would normally play games and partly out of the force of habit. However, what I did not do (which I have been doing for  the past few months) is spend the entire alloted study time gaming instead of studying. This was so much of an improvement and I feel so proud of myself for getting some work done (it wasn't that hard either! I'd been so scared of it).

Here is a plan of some activities I can do instead of playing games: listen to podcasts or audio dramas, read books or online fanfiction, make a story setting, design a game, crochet the jellyfish, repair socks, repair soft toys, play a board game, chat on discord, meditate, meditate with the audio for it, walk to the river or graveyard, do some housework, lie on the floor and think about things, have a snack or cup of coffee.

• Did I take my meds today: yes, with my morning coffee
• Time asleep last night: 11pm to 8.20am I wasn't asleep the whole time but I didn't use any screens like normal so I fell back asleep after a while each time

🛰️

• What went well today: I began my Probability exam and finished 2 questions!
• What I could have done to make today better: not played any video games
• Plans for tomorrow: apply for student finance, continue probability exam (hopefully finish it), hoover my room
• Plans for the future: play or write a choose your own adventure or single player TTRPG, crochet a whole jumper, get into reading new comics, see my mum at 4pm

🐁

Time taken writing this entry: 15 minutes

[station mouse]

Weds 20th May

Ay folks I'm going to have to start over, and also I've decided to write these the morning after, because I need something to do in my morning coffee break and because I'm usually optimistic in the morning and depressed in the evening. Also it'll be nice to plan my days all out first thing in the morning? So anyway, yesterday was an unmitigated disaster. I played Sims solidly all day and didn't shower or do my teeth at all, didn't even eat anything until 3pm. At least I got to my Mum's place on time and successfully made dinner for the kids (it was vegetable gratin with sweet potato and caugette and it was delicious. As a bonus, Little A really likes it which is great because she hardly eats any fruit/vegetables and gratin is like, entirely veggies!)

If nothing else, yesterday has shown me that doing a "cold turkey" video games thing is necessary for me. Yesterday I was like "I'll play for half an hour" and, well, that didn't happen. I'll aim for 80 days because... no reason really, I just don't like the number 90. I guess I could aim for 100? 100 is a nice number, I'll do that. There will be one exception to my personal video game ban, and that is Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 8pm, because I host game nights for my friends and family over Zoom, which are very important and one of the only ways we're keeping in touch during the lockdown. Fotunately they have the advantage of being naturally regulated in terms of timings.

I'll also be quitting watching anything on YouTube, because I have exactly the same problem as with games with time management when I'm binge watching videos (which is so easy to do on that site 😟). Most of what I was watching was video game related anyway so would have been advised against by the game quitters how to.

Anyway here's the ticky box bit:

Streaks: (Days with...)

• no games: 0
• no youtube: 0
• meds (pills): 2
• meds (skin treatment): 0
• showered: 0
• brushed teeth twice: 0
• meditated (mindfullness or trance): 0
• completed daily task: 0
• completed bonus task: 1

Today my daily task is: to complete my probability exam (hopefully I will pass)

Today my bonus task is: shaving

Things to remember: apply for student finance, L is here on Saturday(?)

Edited May 21, 2020 by station mouse

[Realworlder]

@station mouse Quitting games is a harsh and bumpy road. It has its ups and downs. Moreover; it takes time until you get accustomed to it. But don't worry once you get through the first few hills you will see the beauty and freedom that lies ahead. The beginning is the rough part. The best way to make it bearable is to find suitable hobbies to replace each aspect of gaming that was appealing to you. Unfortunately gaming is great at fulfilling several of them, so you will most likely need several hobbies. 

19 hours ago, station mouse said:

Also it'll be nice to plan my days all out first thing in the morning? So anyway, yesterday was an unmitigated disaster.

That is a great option. I think any form of setting up plans for your day will make it easier to follow through with it. And in my opinion mornings are great to start your tasks because with each small victory early on the day you gain momentum which can carry you through the rest of the day.

19 hours ago, station mouse said:

If nothing else, yesterday has shown me that doing a "cold turkey" video games thing is necessary for me. Yesterday I was like "I'll play for half an hour" and, well, that didn't happen. I'll aim for 80 days because... no reason really, I just don't like the number 90. I guess I could aim for 100? 100 is a nice number, I'll do that.

I was in the same situation. Moderation does not work for me. I tried it several times and failed back in addiction after a short period of time. Everyone is different, but from what you mentioned, it seems that cold turkey will work well for you. I think it is also good to decide if you ever want to return to the games after the 100 days or not? When I came to the acceptance that I have to choose between living my life to the fullest or games, it was not so hard to delete all my accounts without looking back. Don't get me wrong. It was still painful, but I knew it was the necessary sacrifice if I want to achieve anything meaningful in real life. 

 

[station mouse]

Fri 22 may

short post sorry, i am nonverbal today

Streaks: (Days with...)

• no games: 0
• no youtube: 0
• meds (pills) 3
• meds (treatment) 0
• shower 1
• brush teeth twice: 0
• meditation: 0
• complete daily task: 1
• bonus task: 0

task today: submit probability exam

bonus: apply student finance

remember: shave, sew C's badges, get shoes, L here tomorrow

Edited May 22, 2020 by station mouse

[station mouse]

a quick update but I was able to uninstall my games this morning and I'm feeling pretty chuffed 💪

[obelix_mtg]

42 minutes ago, station mouse said:

a quick update but I was able to uninstall my games this morning and I'm feeling pretty chuffed 💪

Congrats! That step helped me a lot! As @Marek said, if you think committing to never gaming again is the choice you want to make, I would also advise to fully wipe your accounts. It was brutally painful for me but I feel like it's been such an important step to take.

[station mouse]

Time started: 12:44, I just had lunch
Day count: 0 days with no games and no youtube

 

I am feeling: kind of like I'm useless garbage but also cautiously hopeful. I've been trying to quit for a week and still haven't managed it but writing here always feels like another chance, or a little fresh start, something like that. It's nice!

@Marek and @obelix_mtg, thank you for your replies! I don't think I'm in the right state of mind yet to decide if I'll want to go back to gaming after this. Right now everything in me screams NOOO MY PRECIOUS!!! when I think about deleting them and I've been spending time daydreaming about what I'll do in the Sims ~in the future~. After I've managed to not play anything for a while, I'll see how I'm thinking then and make a more serious and sensible decision.

 

How I did yesterday: pretty terrible. I didn't do anything except play Sims and lie to my Mum that I was working. I turned it off a bunch of times but always ended up booting it up again after 5 minutes. What's really been getting to me hasn't been boredom but routine. It's such an ingrained habit that, after breakfast I play for a "little bit" (usually ends up being the whole day or morning), and that when I get home after dinner I play a "little bit" before I go to bed. Trying to get myself to do something other than what has become part of my usual routine is like Sisyphus pushing that rock up a hill.

At least I sat with my family while they watched H2G2 yesterday. Sure, I was playing Sims and not paying attention, but Mum has said she appreciates it when I'm around. That's pretty sad, that I've driven her to such low standards for me. Today I have moved to the dining table to write this and attempt some work afterwards. It's nice because my brother is also working here so we're chilling together. (Also it's nice because it's right by the kitchen so I can get myself a new cup of tea whenever 😍)

What could have been better yesterday: I think one problem may have been that every time I was like "right, I'm going to do some work now", I didn't get up from my bed. I'm used to sitting on my bed to play games, it's my relaxing place, so of course if I sit there with my laptop and textbook, I'm just going to do what I always do with my laptop while I'm sat there (play some more games).

 

Winning Streaks!

• Daily Tasks: take meds x5, brush teeth twice x0, shower x1
• Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x1, shave x0, chores x1
• Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x1

 

Yesterday's Quests:

• N/A

Quests for today:

• shave
• work 2 hours on probability exam
• when I am bored, find a comic series to start reading

Time completed: 1:21pm (bit too long oops)

[station mouse]

Time started: 10:32 am, I slept late because I was up until like 3 last night
Day count: 1 day with no games / 0 days with no youtube

 

I am feeling: physically, pretty damn good. I slept well, even if it was later than it should be, and I got up, dressed, and had breakfast just now. I forget how things like that, taking care of yourself, can make you feel so much fuckin better.

 

How I did yesterday: reasonably well! After a very slow start to the day, I focused for 40 minutes on my exams, which is much less than I hoped for, but given that I was also fending off impulses to open Steam the whole damn day and I didn't, I'm happy with how I did. However last night is a different story- I thought I would watch a couple of youtube videos before I went to sleep but it turned out I couldn't stop watching stuff until 3am even though I felt exhausted and grumpy.

 

Winning Streaks!

• Daily Tasks: take meds x6, brush teeth twice x0, shower x2
• Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x1, shave x0, chores x2
• Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x1, exercise x2

 

Quests from yesterday:

• shave ❌
• work 2 hours on probability exam 😐
• find comic series to start reading ✔️

Quests for today:

• complete probability exam
• shave
• tidy room

Time completed: 10:45 am

[station mouse]

Time started: 12:05
Day count: 0 days with no games, 0 days with no youtube

 

I am feeling: good, but I can't say the same of how I've been feeling lately, hence I didn't post for a while

 

How I did yesterday: geez I can't even remember... I missed my meds (and everything else) for a few days there which wasn't great. The weather is very warm which hasn't been helping (I hate hot weather)
What could have been better yesterday: shower earlier, don't use laptop in bed

 

Winning Streaks!

• Daily Tasks: take meds x1, brush teeth twice x0, shower x1
• Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x2, shave x1, chores x0
• Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x2

 

Quests from yesterday:

• laundry ✔️

Quests for today:

• Apply for student Finance
• buy hoover attachment, suncream, sunhats, and makeup brushes for family
• order repeat prescription

Time completed: 12:09

Edited June 2, 2020 by station mouse

[station mouse]

Time started: 1:08 pm
Day count: day 0 with no games, day 0 with no youtube

 

I am feeling: uuggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm existentially tired, I think is an ok phrase for it. Or, let's be real, what I'm feeling is depression. My meds can only do so much and I haven't been getting exercise enough and I didn't even go outside yesterday. It would also help if I was achieving anything rather than just passing the time. As it stands, I feel like a heap of soggy rice pretending to be a person. There's a thick sheet of padding over my head and it's heavy and it's muffling the world.

I'm going to listen to some Mother Mother to feel better and order my repeat meds. If I can achieve 2 things without being prompted by my Mum today I'll call it a success. One of them should be some exam because I'm feeling real guilty about those this week 😕

What could have been better yesterday: gone outside

 

Winning Streaks!

• Daily Tasks: take meds x0, brush teeth twice x0, shower x0
• Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x2, shave x0, chores x1
• Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x0

 

Quests from yesterday:

• Apply for student Finance ✔️
• buy hoover attachment, suncream, sunhats, and makeup brushes for family ❌
• order repeat prescription ❌

Quests for today this afternoon:

• order repeat prescription
• submit probability exam
• walk to mum's house

Time completed: 1:19 pm