Starting Over

[Kona450]

Hello again everyone.   I hope all is going well for everyone on these forums.  I have started journalling several times on these forums but it hasn't stuck but I am trying again.  This time I started a new journal so its fresher for me.  I decided to try and quit gaming back in January 2019 and have been back and forth several times over the last year and a half approximately. Id quit for a month and then back to gaming for another 6 months, quit for 2 months, etc, etc.  Its definitely been difficult for me.  I am going to start this journal with some thoughts I've had recently as to why I should / want to quit for good.

• My last streak of quitting games was approximately 4 months.  In that 4 months I was seeing an improvement in my life.  Better sleep, better work habits at home and on the job.  Better relationship with my family,  More motivation in all aspects of my life.  These things are what I want out of life.
•  My latest relaspe has only been about 3 weeks and I started to play games on my phone with the intention of playing in moderation.  Only 1-2 hours per day and only after accomplishing something more meaningful.  That went away very quickly.  Before long I was on playing when I should have been in bed sleeping or even playing during my regular working hours.  Moderation does not work for me at least at this stage of my recovery.
• I am a grateful recovering compulsive gambler as well.  It has been 16 months since my last bet at this point (a little more actually but I like to keep my count to the latest month).  I am doing well in that recovery - doing the things I need to do to keep moving forward in my life.  |My gambling addiction was a result of my gaming addiction.  I became bored of the video games and sought more excitement and turned to gambling. That got out of hand, I lost a lot of money, my relationships struggled, and I lost one of my jobs as a result and was in jeopardy of losing my next job.  I don't want this to happen again.  For me playing video games can quickly lead to online gambling which is a very bad road to go down.
• I want more from life: there is so much to explore in life and I have missed out of a lot of opportunities that may have led to being more successful in my career, better relationships with my family, wife and children.  The rewards in life are plenty but I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of it.  I am 48 this year and I feel its not too late to do the things I have always dreamed about.
• I want to help other people who struggle from addictions in some capacity.  How can I do this without being my best self first?  I have to continue to improve myself so I am in the best shape to help others.  So I need to focus on my needs and naturally the needs of others will be fulfilled.

Enough journalling for today.  Stay safe everyone.

[TheNewMe2.0]

4 months is a good streak of time. I'm at 5 and that's the longest I've gone that I've counted. I too feel like I've missed out on a lot of opportunities due to substances/gaming use. I wish I would've gotten a minor in fine arts so I could be better at drawing. Instead I was gaming and using substances. 

I think you have a good perspective on quitting. Good luck.

[ceponatia]

Wanting to help others is a noble goal.

[BooksandTrees]

13 hours ago, Kona450 said:

Hello again everyone.   I hope all is going well for everyone on these forums.  I have started journalling several times on these forums but it hasn't stuck but I am trying again.  This time I started a new journal so its fresher for me.  I decided to try and quit gaming back in January 2019 and have been back and forth several times over the last year and a half approximately. Id quit for a month and then back to gaming for another 6 months, quit for 2 months, etc, etc.  Its definitely been difficult for me.  I am going to start this journal with some thoughts I've had recently as to why I should / want to quit for good.

• My last streak of quitting games was approximately 4 months.  In that 4 months I was seeing an improvement in my life.  Better sleep, better work habits at home and on the job.  Better relationship with my family,  More motivation in all aspects of my life.  These things are what I want out of life.
•  My latest relaspe has only been about 3 weeks and I started to play games on my phone with the intention of playing in moderation.  Only 1-2 hours per day and only after accomplishing something more meaningful.  That went away very quickly.  Before long I was on playing when I should have been in bed sleeping or even playing during my regular working hours.  Moderation does not work for me at least at this stage of my recovery.
• I am a grateful recovering compulsive gambler as well.  It has been 16 months since my last bet at this point (a little more actually but I like to keep my count to the latest month).  I am doing well in that recovery - doing the things I need to do to keep moving forward in my life.  |My gambling addiction was a result of my gaming addiction.  I became bored of the video games and sought more excitement and turned to gambling. That got out of hand, I lost a lot of money, my relationships struggled, and I lost one of my jobs as a result and was in jeopardy of losing my next job.  I don't want this to happen again.  For me playing video games can quickly lead to online gambling which is a very bad road to go down.
• I want more from life: there is so much to explore in life and I have missed out of a lot of opportunities that may have led to being more successful in my career, better relationships with my family, wife and children.  The rewards in life are plenty but I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of it.  I am 48 this year and I feel its not too late to do the things I have always dreamed about.
• I want to help other people who struggle from addictions in some capacity.  How can I do this without being my best self first?  I have to continue to improve myself so I am in the best shape to help others.  So I need to focus on my needs and naturally the needs of others will be fulfilled.

Enough journalling for today.  Stay safe everyone.

Your story sounds familiar to mine. I have like 60 pages in my journal so obviously you don't have to read it, but the first few pages highlight how I started quitting gaming. I had quit gaming from April 2018 to September 2018. I started my diary in July. I felt so much better about myself and I tried finding new hobbies finally. I started a podcast (maybe the 2nd or 3rd page of my diary if it's around September 2018) and I relapsed because I was so bored editing the podcast after recording it. I started playing RuneScape again to pass time and eventually quit the hobby to play RuneScape.

So I quit both and moved on. I'm now 80 straight weeks without playing games and haven't had any cravings until last week due to loneliness from COVID19, but I'm dealing with that. Take some time to recognize your emotions from the months away from gaming and how you felt from a relapse. You're here for a reason. Embrace it and embrace learning. I always recommend people read my post about how I quit and linked it. I'll link it here as well. It's not for attention. It's just to maybe show how you might find success. Everyone's path is different though.

Welcome to the forums!

I recommend reading all or part of my post documenting over 500 days without gaming. You should do something similar to what I did where you write down why you play games, why you want to quit games, and what your triggers are. It can help you begin to identify your emotions along this long road you're embarking on. It's not necessary, but a lot of people have found it helpful.

It's located here: https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/8392-almost-500-days-without-gaming/

 

 

 

[Kona450]

Thank you to those who have read and for the replies.  BooksandTrees - thank you for the link to your journal.  I have read some of it before as I have been browsing these forums for the past year and a half.  I have posted a few times as well but it was very sporatic.  I will definitely spend some time reading your journal tonight or in next few days. 

I have decided to try to do journaling in the evening.  This morning I did some journaing because I woke up with this incredible insiration that I needed to write some stuff down.  I actually have way more time in the evening.  I will call this DAY 1.

Some ways that I am keeping myself motivated in my recovery from both playing games and from gambling.  These things work to an extent for me but I need to be more consistent with some of them and most of al I need to be kinder to myself.  I have always been very hard on myself.

• Daily meditation - I have been able to do a guided meditation with the Headspace app on my phone.  The run streak on this is just over 90 days now.  This helps me stay focussed throughout the day and helps me to stay in the moment.
• Morning routine - get up in morning around same time each day, meditate, make my lunch, have breakfast, go to work. 
• Daily exercise - this is one that isn't consistant enough.  I do work long hours right now because we are busy with my line of work and it is not health care.  every weekend I take my dog for a nice long walk usually around the block for about 45 minutes - 1 hour.  I will attempt to do this more often going forward especially with the nicer weather now.  We went for a walk tonight actually. 🙂
• Listening to podcasts - heard all the game quitters podcasts and am currently listening to "All-in, the addicted gambler's podcast" which are currently posting some very interesting content.  They hold virtual meetings similar to GA on a weekly basis.  People share their compulsive gambling stories which serve as inspiration.

Enough journaling - going to go do some reading of other journals.

[Kona450]

This is DAY 2:

• I am going to have to find some time to do some journaling in the morning.  I am tired at the end of the day and I find it difficult to concentrate on what I am doing especially after a very hectic and busy day at work.  I work in the nursery/greenhouse industry and of course Sunday is Mother's Day.  Boss is on my case about stuff and I have found myself a little aggravated lately.  It isn't a very good combination.
• Good things today - short zoom meeting with some friends from GA.  It was short but it worked.  Took the dog and went for a short walk again today after work.  I have been walking briskly for about 1/2 hour which is good enough for now.  The dog can handle more and I could too so may increase it slowly.

Can't think of any more to write so signing off now.  Take care all.

[Kona450]

This is the start of DAY 3:

I am writing this in the morning now as I said before I find I have more inspiration and more thoughts to explore at this time of the day.

A little bit of reflection as to why and how my last streak of quitting games ended and how I allowed this relapse to happen.  

• With my problem gambling addiction I have access to free counselling which is paid for by the lottery corporation (essentially that $ we lose is going into a pool which allows this counselling sessions and other programs to take place) so in essence I pre-paid for this counselling.  In dealing with my problem gambling we explore many facets of what led to my addiction and how I amc coping with life after gambling.  Gamblers Anonymous also helps with many aspects of this as well.  It helps us figure out what we are doing with our lives after our addictive behaviours.  My counsellor and I have many discussiions of my hopes and dreams I have for a better future for myself and my relationships.  Thus technology (gaming, youtube, netflix and TV) are all aspects that I have to cut down.  Find something better to do with my time which will improve my life instead of being stagnant.
• Therefore back in January of 2020 I made a committment to quitting gaming again and was bound and determined to make it stick for good.  The prospect scared me because I was so engrossed in the games I played, I also had invested a lot of money into some of these games in particular one is a card game which I had amassed a large collection of digital cards......

So I was writing the above this morning and got interupted and never posted or finished my thoughts.  I can't finish now so I will leave it at that and finish it when I have some time.

My apologies but now I need to go to sleep.

[Kona450]

DAY 4

• So far this has just been a smattering of my thoughts with no real rhyme or reason to it.  I want to finish the above story of my last relapse and how I allowed it to happen but I get easily distracted or I don't allow myself enough time to focus on what I am trying to do.
• Its the same here again tonight.  I am journaling because I feel I need to do it but I don't feel like doing it right now and there is other stuff I need to do instead right now.  Its Mother's Day tomorrow so I need to clean the house a little bit for the wife so she doesn't get really annoyed.
• I don't have to work tomorrow as it is Sunday so I will dedicate some time to make a proper schedule for myself to do all the things I need to get done.  I might decide to write it all down here, I might not.  We shall see.

Have a great day all.

[TheNewMe2.0]

I encourage you to keep journaling. It's helped me and lots of others on here..