The Stone Archive

[Stone]

Stranded in a cave, a man comes across two dividing paths.  Neither side leads to immediate death nor do they guarantee survival.  However to move forward one must decide.  Which one shall they take? Or rather, do they stop moving entirely.  Not wanting to decide?

For me, I have stood in the middle of the two.  But that's not living.  To live means to decide.

So today. I am making my own decision to leave gaming behind.

 

 

[BooksandTrees]

Welcome to the forums!

[Stone]

Today marks the first day of quitting gaming and noFap.

 

[TheNewMe2.0]

Hey, good for you choosing the nogaming/nofap path. It's a better way of life if you've struggled with those things in the past. Welcome to the forums. 

[Stone]

Today marks the second day of quitting games and noFap.

On the first day, some cues caught me off guard but I acknowledged this and with time the urge faded.

Also, I thank you two for the nice welcome.  I do struggle with the two, gaming and pmo.  Both mentally drain me with how they linger in my mind even after the deed.  Though I am not great at going into depth, as I lack writing and speaking skills in general, but like most, my story is similar to any one (this community) suffering from the two addictions.

 

Edited March 11, 2020 by Stone
missing word

[Stone]

Today marks the third day of quitting games but I relapsed for noFap yesterday.  So today marks the (successful) first day of noFap.

I think because I had more time to think this week, I started distracting myself.  Life right now, feels like I am constantly trying to match the pace of someone else.  I don't have much control nor many options to get out of this race.  It's out of my control, and only time will really set me free.  From school and work to all of life's bull crap, life feels like a grind right now.  I am not really enjoying things.  I hate it. But right now, patience is the only way out.  I don't really want any friends or to attend some get together events for recreation to destress.  Right now, I just want to be about the business of my life.

On days like this though, I want to feel the snow beneath my feet. The crush of the snow.  The cold air brushing against my clothes.  My brain numb, body cold.  Climbing an uphill slowly and relaxed, unweighted by the world beneath me.  Unburdened. Feeling at peace.  But I guess I will hold off for now.  It's not time yet, nor is this pain permanent. But man, it's a long road.  A very long one.

I will continue my days of quitting gaming and noFap.  I don't want to shelter myself with nonsense anymore.

I'm going to hold on though.  Reading.  A few licks of my guitar.  Reflection.  Exercising.  Whatever gets me through these anxious moments, I'll do what I can.  If possible, in a few years if I'm successful, I want to look back on this and pat myself on the back.  So... I'll be waiting for that moment.

Edited March 13, 2020 by Stone
clarification

[Stone]

 Today marks the fourth day of quitting games and second day of noFap.

I am now doing weekly updates from now on, posting daily when nothing comes to mind is redundant to me.  I will have more to say as the week goes by. Then after six months, I will begin to post monthly.  

Expanding this into something positive, this weekly post routine provides more time for better formulated thoughts and reflection I guess.  If not, I'll probably rant too much.  Furthermore, I get to read other people's journal, which intrigues me more than my own thoughts.  I'm stuck in my own mind 24 hours a day seven days a week.  Year round.  Who knew. I only managed to read @Erik2.0 's journal though, but to see his progress throughout the months made me "proud" and happy for his accomplishments.  Proud of him in the sense like, "damn that's one of our guys representing the game quitter community". I'm sure there's a lot more interesting journeys out there too.  So I am going to spend more time reading into other journals.  

However.  Under no circumstances will I submit to gaming and porn anymore.  No matter what I have to do.  I will not submit to gaming and porn.

[TheNewMe2.0]

Hey, thanks so much for your words of affirmation about me and my journal. I am amazed you read the whole journal through. There must be like 100 posts in there. Now I want to go and read through people's journals too. Maybe I will do that. I don't think about my accomplishments sometimes because I'm so focused on just taking the next right step. But, looking back I would say they must be that I've gotten off games for 100 days, I got into weight training and have done it for about six months consistently now, I have a better relationship with my parents, I read books now, meditate, pray, and I sometimes watch Naruto. Although I don't know how big of an accomplishment watching a bunch of anime is. Thanks again for noticing my progress and reading my story.

[Stone]

@Erik2.0  I hope you aren't implying that I have no life because I read your long journal mister (laugh).  But no your journal was enjoyable.  It gave me a glimpse of what's to come for me and interest in what's to come for you in the nearing future.  My crystal ball says maybe a lady figure in your life (spooky noise) (laugh).  You've certainly done a lot of preparation for that time though.  But anywho...

Thank you as well for your sharing your journal.  Best wishes.

Since I am already here though, I'll go ahead and make a post for today:

Today marks the fifth day of quitting games and third day of noFap.

I am happy today.  I was productive.  I made an effort to sit down and read and from there I got a lot more done than days I did nothing at all.  Who would had known!  I even had work today, so that makes things all the more merrier, since I tend to get nothing done on these days on my spare time.  High five myself!

Getting sleepy now though...bye.

Edited March 15, 2020 by Stone
posted an incomplete post