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A new chapter in my life.


Julon
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Day 30

1 month without gaming.... to be honest not that special for me. Since i didn‘t fill my time with alot of productive things during this quarantine. But I‘m proud that I do sports every day now.  I‘m still staying away from my phone as much as i can now. And today I got atleast a bit of work done.

Streaks

No Gaming: 30 Days

no ( useless) browsing: 2 Days

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Day 31

Today was a very succesfull day. I actually replaced all of my freetime with productive things. I worked out for 2 hours  did some stretching and learned for 3 hours. It‘s actually one of the first times I have learned without beeing under pressure because of a deadline or a test. And it‘s a way better feeling when you accomplish it because you wanted not because you had to.

Streaks

No Gaming: 31 Days

no(useless) browsing: 3 Days

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Day 32

Another fairly productive day. Did 20 minutes of cardio learned for about 4 hours and went for a walk. Just in the evening I watched some TV because I was exhausted. 
Streaks

No gaming: 32 Days

No (useless) browsing: 4 Days

 

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Day 33

Today was  super boring and I couldn‘t find motivation to do productive things.

Finally though I have removed my phone completely from my daily live. I realized that even listening to music all day is too much dopamine through instant gratification for my brain. 

Now that everything I can escape to is gone, it‘s the first time I‘m really feeling like going through a detox. I feel restless constantly and have crazy mood swings. But it‘s actually good that I finally see some withdrawal symptoms, because before it felt like nothing is changing.

 I hope that the less exiting activities become more exiting  in a few days after avoiding almost all the instant gratification dopamine.

Streaks

No gaming: 33 Days

No (useless) browsing:5 days

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Not going to be journaling the next few days, I‘m taking some time off the internet, want to see if this further benefits  my journey.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I‘m Back, to be honest I did not do well at all. Over the past Days I have been loosing faith in myself, mostly for not beeing able to keep my promises. I always start of very ambitious but then I end up where I came from. I don‘t even realize when all goes wrong It‘s just like a repeating cycle.

At the start of the week I had some personal problems. But I could’t deal with those by just thinking about it, trying to find a solution. No, I went back to watching youtube and playing  stupid browser games.  When I‘m afraid of something, my old habits are the thing that I go back to. And usually this is what makes it even worse.

Normally I‘m even too afraid of talking  about my feelings,  the feel of being judged for not being “normal“ makes me sick. Thats also one of the reasons I have never told my parents or anyone  anything about my problems/ feelings, they think I‘m living a completely normal live, but they almost know nothing about me. I always wanted to tell them about my addiction after I quit completely and turned my life around. But now might be a better time maybe. 

Taking this “time off“ really made me realize how important journaling is to me. Gathering my thoughts at the end of the day and communicating with others. The days I journaled on were much better mostly. So from now on I‘m going to actively journal  again.

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Day 34

Had a few online classes and avoided my phone the whole day. I now started  doing a bit of yoga  to improve my posture, which i did in the evening ( In the future I will do it in the morning since my energy levels then are really low then.), and after that I had my 1h workout.   I watched about 2 hours of Tv which i will probably cut down to 1 hour or completely. 

I‘m also pretty exited that we ordered stand up paddles, they are a great distraction from gaming  and get me out of the house.
 

 

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Day 35 

Really boring day. I started with some yoga and did a lot of stretching through out the day. But i didn‘t find any motivation to so stuff for school. I went for short walks hoping that maybe I would find some energy to do stuff, but nope. Hopefully tomorrow will be more successful. 

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Day 36

Had a depressing mood almost the whole day,, But sometimes you just have to get up and force yourself to do atleast something. So I went stand up paddling  and found some motivation. After  that  I had my workout.  Except  a bit of learning for school, that was it for the day. Could‘ve gone better but atleast I went outside for a bit.

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Day 37-38

Still felt  kind of down the last two days.  I did yoga and my workouts. But quarantine is really getting boring.  And now that I have holidays I have a lot of school stuff to catch up too... Don‘t know how I‘m going to find all that motivation... it‘s hard enough not to play any games right now.

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On 5/25/2020 at 1:59 AM, Julon said:

 

Normally I‘m even too afraid of talking  about my feelings,  the feel of being judged for not being “normal“ makes me sick. Thats also one of the reasons I have never told my parents or anyone  anything about my problems/ feelings, they think I‘m living a completely normal live, but they almost know nothing about me. I always wanted to tell them about my addiction after I quit completely and turned my life around. But now might be a better time maybe. 

 

If this is so, you have to explore how you can change this situation. Is there a safe person that you could talk to?

I thought I am an embarassing person until I read a book that discussed this in great depth and gave instructions on how to break the circle. There mustn’t be any hint that any of your natural wants and needs are “bad”. the problems that you encounter don’t mean anything bad about you but require tackling. 

ever heard the saying “ the nicer the guy, the more stuff goes on behind the curtains?” Don’t ignore issues, solve them and you will develop masculinity and personal power. 

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Day 39-40

I have been very busy over the past days. Worked alot on a presentation and did yoga / workouts. When I have these short periods of motivation I still have to keep myself from over working, so I‘m trying to find a balance between working and pleasurable things like listening to music reading books and going outside. 

On 5/31/2020 at 11:44 PM, Amphibian220 said:

If this is so, you have to explore how you can change this situation. Is there a safe person that you could talk to?

I thought I am an embarassing person until I read a book that discussed this in great depth and gave instructions on how to break the circle. There mustn’t be any hint that any of your natural wants and needs are “bad”. the problems that you encounter don’t mean anything bad about you but require tackling. 

ever heard the saying “ the nicer the guy, the more stuff goes on behind the curtains?” Don’t ignore issues, solve them and you will develop masculinity and personal power. 

Thanks for the comment, do you have the name of the book?

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Day 41-44

I worked a lot the last days because I have to keep up with stuff from school i didn‘t do the last two months. I‘m really craving for any instant gratification, nothing can get me relaxed except gaming or browsing. (Books are  too exhausting). I even  wanted to play some old mobile games I haven‘t played for ever. I played for 1 hour and it felt horrible, didn‘t play because it was fun, I played because my brain could just turn off.

I realized , that mobile games are still very much addicting, so I took the time and deleted my current apple ID, before I seriously start playing again. 
 

But I still need to find something relaxing where  my brain can turn off.

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