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FenderUser

30M looking to quit gaming, starting today :-)

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Hello everybody, my name is Christopher Garneau and I'm a 30 years old male from Canada.

Ever since I've been 5 years old or in other words in 1994, I've been a gamer. From the moment I laid my hands on that Super Nintendo controller back at my uncle house and started playing The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Then came Earthworm Jim, Super Mario World, Final Fantasy V, Super Mario RPG, there was no limit to how much I would play and I guess my uncle loved it because it kept me occupied. LOL And I was less turbulant that way.

From elementary school through high school to college and now university, my friends have been gamers but that was when I still had friend because nowadays, I have ''friends'' but I never see them and am extremely isolated from the world. Apart from my father and workmates and people in shops or restaurants, I never see anyone. No friends, no family, I haven't seen my mother in 2 months, old high school friends in 2 years so more reasons to be drawn to video games more and more.

To furfill my needs and survive in all this isolation and this life of seclusion. I haven't had a girlfriend in 18 years, I'm not afraid to admit it and I haven't kissed or touched a woman of my life. Most people would find this not normal and have done something about it before 18 years but I must take responsability, I was severely addicted to video games and also pornography so I filled my life with all that instant gratification, all that dopamine and felt okay with being a recluse for almost 20 years. This is not entirely true as until around 1 year ago, I cried often, probably had a few depressions and lots of suicidal thoughts. I was in pain, felt like a failure, felt like I was betraying my parents, betraying all those who loved me, I felt like a weight for them and just wanted it gone! Then I started playing World of Warcraft until today and WoW became my life, my purpose in life and my reason to live. It filled all my needs better than anything I ever encountered but there was a big problem: I was alone and probably too addicted to realise how sad and depressed I really was.

But I finally woke up from this extremely long slumber and feel like changing things. Feel like I got a problem (probably more than one, more like a half-dozens LOL) and I want to fix them! When I was playing WoW, I was ''happy'' but I felt numb, I feel numb when I spend long periods of time in front of a computer. Even weeks or years ago, I felt something was not right because gaming never made me feel as ALIVE as when I was with friends IRL or when I was playing bass or talking with women. I played a lot of bass this morning and I get this euphoric feeling, it cannot be matched by anything gaming ever produced! I was laughing and brimming with happiness as I was playing Legendary Child by Aerosmith or Bitc* by the Rolling Stones.

The longest I ever spend without gaming was 2 years when I had a long-distance relationship with a girl also living in Canada and she was so out of this world. In many regards, I would call her a soulmate and we were so happy together ...but I chose gaming over her and often contemplated suicide over that thought. When you think that most will never find a woman so wonderful you could call her a soulmate, you had one and you dumped her because you wanted to play Zelda, I got over it. I got past that trial but I still feel bitter and ashamed at myself. We haven't spoke in 8 years and life went on. I don't love her anymore and I hope she does not too, we went on with our respective lives ...but what we had was so incredible, those 2 years were the best years of my life and I felt so alive. To this day, I still feel angry at myself for letting her go. I probably caused her so much grief as she really loved me and those that know me irl know I am the sweetest person you will ever find. I wouldn't hurt a fly and I go out of my ways to help others, everyone loves me (almost ;P), I'm really a good person and to think I could hurt such a sweet girl, it still enrages me after 8 years. I say I do not like her anymore, this is true but there's a catch. I would go back with her and recapture all that we had in a heartbeat. I stopped loving her so I could move on but yeah, can you really move on from such a big love? Who knows.

But what I really want to know is what my life will be without gaming? I am tired of being alone and wasting my life away. Tired of having no real friends, tired of having no human touch in almost 20 years, tired of hurting others and frankly, tired of gaming and pornography. I feel it inside my very soul and even inside my body, I want something different and I want it now. I want change! And with Respawn Elite and Cam and you guys, I feel like this is my best shot at getting what I want. Getting my life back under control, living it to the fullest and as Cam said ''Waking up every day excited to live it to the fullest''. Living my dreams and my aspirations.

I wanted things, I had dreams back when I was 4 years old, back before I learned about gaming. It feels like I spent all my life playing video games and in some ways, it is true and I suppose that is why they had such a powerful grip on me and I found it so difficult to call it quit, I don't remember life without before gaming, I FORGOT!

But I want to remember and I will, during the course of Respawn and I think there's a 90 days detox. I plan on doing it, see how my life changes, the changes operate on me, this will be fantastic, no doubt about it! I have so many objectives and things I want to do and fix but I will take it one day as a time and even when trials occur, I will hold on. I will hold on till the end and we'll see how it goes!

Thank you for having me here and God bless!

Best of success to everyone and talk to you again soon. 🙂

Best regards,

Christopher 

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Hey Christopher - that was quite a read, I resonate with a lot of the things you said. I too have sabotaged friendships, relationships, jobs and education in order to continue playing games as much as possible. I always felt it was the one things I truly couldn't live without. It's not a good situation!

Reading about your social isolation, I just wanted to say that there are so many hobbies out there that enable you to meet people naturally. I'm no expert (I'm literally in the same situation as you - very start of my quitting journey!), but I do think that getting out of your comfort zone is a great way to experience more in life.

Hope to see you more on here as we progress together!

Liam

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2 hours ago, liam said:

Hey Christopher - that was quite a read, I resonate with a lot of the things you said. I too have sabotaged friendships, relationships, jobs and education in order to continue playing games as much as possible. I always felt it was the one things I truly couldn't live without. It's not a good situation!

Reading about your social isolation, I just wanted to say that there are so many hobbies out there that enable you to meet people naturally. I'm no expert (I'm literally in the same situation as you - very start of my quitting journey!), but I do think that getting out of your comfort zone is a great way to experience more in life.

Hope to see you more on here as we progress together!

Liam

Hey Liam! Yes, when I start writing, it can go for a while… lol No, it isolates us and the more we play, the more we feel isolated (when we can still feel the feeling of isolation and are not too shrouded by ''gaming cloud''). 

Haha, yes, we are new to this journey but if you just started, keep going! In my case, this is day 4 and already, I am making tremendous progress. It is a great idea, the one of getting out of my comfort zone and I agree, there are so many social hobbies everywhere, all we have to do is get out of the house more and get social! I went to the gym yesterday. Talked with a couple people, it felt good. 

Thanks and likewise! 

Christopher

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Good luck! You've got your work cut out for yourself; it won't be easy, but it's the best shot you have!

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Hello Christopher.

 

I can feel almost everything you had been through.

And your story motivated me. I decided like thousand times that today is the last day i play online game but I kept coming back again and again.

Game is not interesting infact but the skills I have, the community, the history, memories, the habits ... it was so hard to let go , gaming was my life for such wasted 10 years.

Visiting this forum, reading stories is the most powerful method to give it up, .

Thanks.

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