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FenderUser

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  1. Hello again. My pleasure! I hear you. Mindless Internet browsing, playing video games, pornography, I know all those things are bad influences on my life, they hurt me and I keep doing them, while knowing full well how bad they hurt me. I guess if addictions were easy to kick, they would not be addictions in the first place, right? Yeah, video games are too long. Lately, I have been watching love movies and after an hour and a half, they're done and I'm giggling like crazy. lol World of Warcraft I played over 900 hours and it made me feel bad about myself many a time. Wow, you really did good Artemis and I'm proud of you. It must not have been easy but you did well and the more I write, the more I realise I love listening and helping others. My aunt said I would make a terrific therapist, I will definetly think about it. Thank you, I fell off the wagon AGAIN in december, had a little depression but am back on track and I was serious when I said I will keep fighting till I drop dead. I will either succeed or I'll die trying but there will be no regret! Yes, the anonymity has it's benefits, we can talk about lots of things we might be too shy to talk about in real life with relatives. I know when I talk about my personal life with others irl, I feel so embarassed and awkward, like I feel something is wrong with me and I don't want others to know/judge me. It makes me sad a bit but I will hang and I am grateful for others here and YOU, of course. Thanks for being here! 🙂
  2. Hey Artemis! Thanks for replying to my post. Yes, it makes me feel so alive. Whenever I play video games, I feel so empty inside and just longing for doing something that is meaninful, of significance. When I play bass, I feel furfilled, at peace with myself. Sorry, my what?? LOLL ''Proprioception'', jesus, English is not my primary language, I'll have to Google that. :P Oh wow, I did know it existed but did not know it was called like that. Hey, I guess we learn new things every day! Yeah, all you mentionned sounds great, I have to get back in touch with my own body and other people's bodies. These 18 years spent in the prison of my isolation made me so out of touch with people and the mere act of accidentaly touching someone's hand make me feel uncomfortable and giggle, it is really weird. lol I feel like a teenager sometimes and considering I pretty much stopped interacting physically with others at this age, it would be logical I have to restart where I left off. If I speak in true honesty, I believe I am lacking love and physical touch like you would not believe. Not necessarly in a sexual way (I would be afraid I think, due to past traumatisms) but hugs and touches in general. Holding hands, cuddling, etc. Those are some great ideas you bring up! I got insurance at my job and massage therapy, whenever I'd go, it would cost me like $10 for 30 minutes, that is really cheap. I will start from there and climb the stairs little by little. Thank you very much and good luck to you as well in your journey! :)
  3. Thank you very much! Best of luck to you as well on your journey.
  4. Thanks! Perhaps but it's also to blame because I'm the one who relapsed and don't feel too responsible for my relapse because you all couldn't really have known it unless you stalked me with a camera 24/7. LOL But thanks again for caring and the support, I truly appreciate it. It means a lot! ? That's right! You got it.
  5. Wow, first off, congratulations for your incredible work and your unbelievable progress it is truly inspiring to read all of this! Number two, I was wondering if I could borrow your template for these posts? It looks so ordered and well done. My journal is kind of messy and it would help me tremendously to have a template such as this, so to get a clearer picture of where I'm at, my progress, what needs to be done. Thanks in advance and have a good day! ?
  6. Day 1.2 : Hi! I have fallen back to my old habits of gaming this last month but I'm back and hopefully, this time will be the last and the good one. ? Today, I have returned to the gym for the first time in weeks, did cardio for the longest in over a year and went shopping. I bought hair ties for my job, a new shampoo and some nuts to put in my cereals. I have also restarted my nutritionist's diet for 2 days and I already feel much better. When you eat healthy food, you just know it. You can feel the health inside of you, it's undescriptible! I'm about to delete my games again and this time, I will also delete my Steam account. I'm contemplating selling my gaming PC altogether, I want to stop gaming, right? And all the other things I can do with my Chromebook that can't game so theorically, that sounds like a perfect idea! No more ways to game since I won't buy another gaming PC or gaming console, I get a few hundreads that go towards repaying my student debt, I can focus on bass playing for a while and the other hobbies that I just started, amongst them : drawing! That's all for today, talk to you tomorrow.
  7. Hello Jason, that is very interesting! It is true that sort of lifestyle must not have been giving you a ton of true happiness and a sense of furfillment, of accomplishment… I'm truly happy to hear that your depression is gone, that is a great thing! Thank you, I fell off the wagon AGAIN but no matter what happens, I will always get up and return on the right track. Perhaps this time will be the last and the good one, it is my greatest dream atm!!. ?
  8. Hey liam, it could have been better. lol I relapsed and played WoW like a lunatic for 2 weeks. ? But I am back on the right track and will update this journal tomorrow morning, I must leave for work. Good night to you!
  9. Hello Choijiah, Yes, we are many, living the same sort of things. It makes us feel less alone. Good, I am glad to hear that! Yeah, I know what you're saying. I work the night shift at my job so during my free days, I am very drawn to gaming as there is much less to do during the night (at least, socially! and I hate going to bars). I would go back to working during the day but I can't do that yet, I have 11k of student debt to repay and night shift is really worth it money-wise. Well, don't lose hope, I hear you and I wish you tremendous success in this challenge! My pleasure, thanks for replying on this thread.
  10. Yes, it is a daily battle but in the end, I will prevail! ? No matter the relapses, like a boxer with knockdowns during fights, what matters the most is that I get up by the count of 10, right? I relapsed and played WoW like a maniac for the past 2 weeks but woke up in time and am back, stronger than ever. I'm really looking forward to see the results this time, I was really doing well the second try.
  11. Day 4 ( I work the night shift so when I wake up, it will be 9 PM and the day will be almost done) Today I had a wonderful day. I did find I have more skin rashes but it does not bother me as much, anymore. It means the bad is coming out which is great! I am regaining control over myself and am having less panic attacks/feeling anxious. Here is what I did during the course of a few hours: - I did module 7 of Respawn, only module 8 remains now. I am so motivated, I will see to it's end and much beyond! What do I expect after Respawn? I have no freaking idea! Haha. A better life, I guess. And this is all so exciting! I would do module 8 in a heartbeat but I must go to sleep, I work tonight. - I went to Costco and bought all sort of delicious, healthy foods for me. I have a nutritionist and an amazing diet so even if the local Costco is a 2 hours bus ride, it is worth the price as better food quality = better life quality. It really made a difference, eating biological food when it is not too costly and overall, Costco's food quality is unmatched where I live. - I read a lot, 2 comics I used to read during high school but never finished. It is called ''Lanfeust de Troy'', it was extremely popular in France during the 1990s. https://www.bedetheque.com/serie-6-BD-Lanfeust-de-Troy.html I read volume 3 and 4, out of 8. - I played a ton of bass and tried my new amp. I must remember to buy headphones as sound is really loud, it's a powerful amp so I have to think of the neighbours… lol I felt really sore from restarting gym after so long but it is good, it means I hit my muscles right, I hit them hard and I will see results! I will bulk up, maybe gain a little muscle, maybe gain some abs, I'll see. That's it for day 4, have a good afternoon and good night!
  12. Hi Catherine (that's a really beautiful name btw!). 77 days without video games is incredible, you are doing so well! Tell yourself ''congratulations'', it's important that you tell yourself when you are doing great things like that. It really helps with the movitation and all that stuff, you know? As for your rejection, well, first of, I'm sorry to read that you got rejected. It is never pleasant and it hurt but you will get over it, I can promise you! Time heals all wounds and I can tell firsthand as I had a girlfriend for 2 years, I used to call her my ''soulmate'' and it took time but I got over our split and am doing better than ever now. Time fixes everything! There is no problem with you (as long as you are not a psychopath ? lol) and rejection happens to all of us, even the best. I'd bet a thousand bucks you will find someone, someday and I'd really bet it. That guy was just not the right person, move on and try to sleep more! Sleep is essential for recovery and sure, crying helps but sleep is even more important. I wish I could find roleplaying clubs in my town, some days it feels like I'm living in an alternate universe and I cannot find the people to join me in my new hobbies but it must be what living in isolation for years, does! You are a normal person, probably better in many aspects than you believe and I say that because most people like us, living with addictions, are terribly hard on ourselves. It is great that you have found a club and meet people, getting social will help with the recovery. Good luck with your studies! In my case, I tried 9 times finishing university but no can do, I am too stubborn and I hate school. LOLL Probably I will do better once I am done with the Detox, I will see in a couple months. You don't have to abandon your dreams about relationship, take time to recover from the various injuries in your life, finish the detox, fix what needs to be fixed in your life and you will see, relationships will become a reality. I think one mistake we often make is that we try to provoke things a little too much. They say when it's forced, it will never work (or it will be dysfunctional). So it is better to live your passions, live your life to the fullest and someone someday will notice you and think ''Oh wow, this girl is nice, I'd like to know her better'' and this leads to relationships. It happens, there are days like that but you must not mute them, listen to them, acknowledge them and then act on them. Do things that will improve your life, in any way, really. I have not read the 5 pages of this thread but you seem to really lack self-confidence and borderline not like yourself. It is never a good thing. You believe you have a problem and that you're not normal, it's simply not true. You are a wonderful person (who draws really well) and you just gotta work on yourself to realise how great you are. Don't lose hope, keep working and if you need help or just want to talk, feel free to message me, I got your back! ? I will support you as we will should all support each other and together, we will beat this thing!
  13. Yes, it still happens to me as I tend to always want to do more and more and I burn out, I want it too much but I'm sleeping when I feel burned out and then return working. No more WoW, that's the big difference with before! Yes, likewise, it seems it will be a challenge in itself so that's what I'm gonna do as well. Indeed. lol, DOTA. I am so glad I never played this game as I heard it is so addictive, thank God I never played it! That's because it has become an addiction, we got addicted to a drug that is called dopamine and video games are like the people that sell the drug. I read that video games addiction can be as hard to quit as quitting hard drugs addiction so that's why it is so difficult. But we must not give up, if we stick to the 90 days detox, we shall prevail. I truly believe it. ? Thanks! You do the same.
  14. I restarted playing bass, restarted reading, drawing, I made a list of all the things I liked to do and went with those that gave me the strongest feelings. I can say it made a difference and I don't regret quitting gaming, I am much happier now that I got control back over my time and my life!
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