Jump to content

NEW PODCAST: Instant Gratification is the cause of so many problems in your life...

BePresent

BePresent's Journal

Recommended Posts

Day 1:

There is a certain feeling of emptiness and peace within me. I am not sure what to do yet so I have spent lot of time watching netflix and staying at home, being kinda lazy too. I really want to go somewhere and to meet people, but I am really shy. I want to engage myself with something constantly, so that's why I have spent lot of time with anime and anything to take my mind off from gaming. There are times when I just wanted to lay down or to sleep.

I am maybe just confused of this new situation and not sure what to do.

Still enjoying and liking a lot that I am not playing games, this is great, one step at a time!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 2:

The step of deleting my Steam account is actually horrifying me a bit I must admit. I am not sure can I do it. There is one friend who I have no way of contacting beyond Steam currently so I am going to ask him to give some other social account I think. But I don't know. Would it be alright to give my Steam account to someone rather?

I haven't realized how much I care about my Steam account, quite a realization, really causing lot of feeling and emotions. This might not be possible. I will think about it.

I don't like the idea of how others in my friend list react if I remove them or my steam account. I don't even know what to say if they ask from me. I somehow don't want to say that I have quitted gaming. There seems to be a real problem.

Edited by BePresent
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/12/2019 at 8:48 PM, Adminiculum said:

why dont u want to tell them that u quit?

Not sure, I think it is because I don't think I like the way they react or questions they ask in return. I wouldn't know how to explain and what to say. But I just cold-turkey deleted all except one from my friendlist in there without telling anything. Gave Steam account to my friend. So all good kinda in that context I think

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 14:

This is my first journal entry in ~2 weeks. I have succesfully given up my Steam account to my sister, I removed all the games and friends in Steam friendlist too. I have been succesfully without gaming all this time too, I haven't really even had that much urges, occasionally I had really bad moments though, during times of stress of intense loneliness or when getting hurt. But I have endured all that and been without gaming. Definitely helps a lot to go ruthless way and delete every game and account possible. Even though I haven't been doing any journaling I am now trying to get back into it. I am maybe bit of a perfectionist, still wanting to go this Respawn course through again and take notes. I haven't done all the action steps yet.

Major struggle has been and still is: How to replace the social aspect, I haven't been able to reach out and get out there to make new friends or new hobbies. Not sure where and how, major problem is loneliness because of that. I have contact info of one friend who I used to game with, but he is very distant and not answering my chat messages for a long time all the time.

I have been really surprised how non-supportive my family has been. They actually didn't like the idea that I did quit gaming. My mom kept saying that I should game moderately, and that gaming has been so huge part of my life that it is sad in her opinion. Thanks mom that is actually making all this lot more difficult when you are like that... Well I can't rely on help of my close people and family if they don't want to. It feels like they are making it worse for me lately. I did visit my parents but they are actually really non-supportive. They asked me to come to help out them and so I went. But I am really needing some support and help myself too, going these tough times. It is quite rude of them to be the ones asking for help and not offer any back when I am actually asking for it and going through huge change in my life. Kinda mind-blown of all that still. So yeah now I am actually only one-sided helping my parents and sister and none of them helps me. They actually just make it worse.

I have spent quite lot of time with movies and series lately. Nothing bad in movies and series in general, I just want to do it moderately too so it doesn't consume all of my time like the gaming does. I have definitely enjoyed taking some walks outside of the house, trying to do that every day first thing in the morning after I have had breakfast. Nature is amazing so that's why, and walking is healthy too. I am maybe bit greedy too, instead of 100% focusing on taking it easy I am trying to become entrepreneur currently. It is quite tough. And once again my family and close people are discouraging me more than supporting me which sucks 100%. But yeah I am maybe being bit too demanding to myself by being so intense with wanting to be entrepreneur now. If possible I would love to just take the time off and entirely focus on myself and this Respawn course things. Cause this does take lot of willpower and mental power to not do gaming and to tolerate this new situation. So maybe hopefully I can do every action in Respawn course and stick to daily journals and make new hobbies.

I am hoping to make new contacts maybe even at this site, to share some experiences and support each other. Best thing is to develop oneself in real life instead of developing some virtual character. I really want to focus on learning new recipes and to cook healthy and great food. Well-being and health is important in general for me. I am most focused on mental well-being though, through The Power of Now and mindfulness.

Can someone explain the 90 day detox to me? What is it and how to do it? Is there some resources for it? I watched through entire course and didn't see anything, Cam did mention it in some module and told it is in some future module. Maybe I just missed it?

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey ! i know how you feel about not wanting to tell to some of your gaming friends, I'm on the same boat, my mother/brother also thinks that i can game moderately and i choose to not tell any of my friends that I'm trying to stop... have been reading some great books that you may enjoy, like the Art of learning (it also made me curious and even played a little of chess/ started some meditation), Atomic Habits, the power of habit... still didn't had the courage to delete my steam account

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/24/2019 at 4:35 PM, overcome said:

Hey ! i know how you feel about not wanting to tell to some of your gaming friends, I'm on the same boat, my mother/brother also thinks that i can game moderately and i choose to not tell any of my friends that I'm trying to stop... have been reading some great books that you may enjoy, like the Art of learning (it also made me curious and even played a little of chess/ started some meditation), Atomic Habits, the power of habit... still didn't had the courage to delete my steam account

Yeah I can relate to that family issue where they think moderation is possible! With addictions moderation isn't possible since it controls you and not the other way round. And yeah I have only told my family and some relatives that I have quit gaming, I haven't told to irl friends. I only told to one online friend. I just deleted all my friends from Steam friendlist, haven't heard from any of them except that one friend to who I told. I gave my account to my sister and uninstalled all the games. You can start at one step at a time, first delete all games for example!

I love reading books! I actually listen them through Audible mostly cause it is cheaper (and easier) that way. Might check that Art of Learning. I have read the Atomic habits (it is really great book!), I read some of The Power of Habit too but the Atomic habits was more powerful for me. Here is my best book recommendation for you: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It has been the best book of my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 17:

It seems like I cannot be consistent enough to fill this journal on day-to-day basis, but I am here now and maybe from now on I will!

Been contemplating what kind of "games" are allowed even though I have quit playing video games. Is internet chess alright? I could imagine that board games in real life are alright to play? Any thoughts?

I still haven't made social connections or went out there to find some new hobby to get myself into social circles. Difficulty in choosing and also thinking bit about the budget. I am also bit concerned to collide to some of my friends who game a lot, and I am not sure what to tell to them... for example at the gym. So I would maybe need to go there some weird time of day, but avoiding them isn't good. Any suggestions?

My goal of entrepreneurship seems really difficult to pursue all alone. I just can't get myself to put enough effort and concrete hours to work on it! I am bit afraid to contact some people to ask questions. I am not sure am I just really tired of the void that the game quitting has brought to my life. I slept a lot past days, like literally I was awake for 4 hours then slept for 4 hours even during day. Then I forgot to eat but now I feel more energetic. I am not sure is it too much to ask to become entrepreneur, my ability to stick to working doesn't seem that productive unfortunately.

Maybe I am not that good at scheduling my time or making plans because I am bit of a perfectionist and spend most of my time planning instead of doing anything. Hmm....

Most helpful things for me are mindfulness, walks in nature, music, books, movies. I am not sure are movies just a way to kill time though. 

Should find a way to do things in moderation. I can have time to be productive and relax if I just can lead myself to do it.

I am quite certain the social void is my biggest problem at the moment. Being alone.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 18:

Actually I have noticed that my biggest cravings towards gaming arise when one friend of mine doesn't spend time with me because I am not gaming. So I am kinda getting the thought "if I gamed he would play with me, so would that be so bad?". But still I haven't gamed, just good to realize that this is happening. Maybe I should just take time away from him and wait if he wants to contact me and actually just talk or do something else than gaming.

Other than that doing quite well, main struggle is to stay productive during days, not really the part of staying away from games.

Just gonna chill this weekend, and have an open mind, maybe I get some unconscious thinking done and problems solve themselves. Feels like reasons behind my laziness might be still unclear to me. Maybe I realize them soon 🙂

I have actually made some progress in social front too which is awesome! Joined some Facebook groups linked to my entrepreneurship idea. I am gonna do some post or contact some people to ask some questions soon in there, hopefully starting the business soon!

Also I have noticed people who kinda still like me even if I don't game, and really appreciating that. Will maybe focus on them a lot!

Mmm... looking good. Good luck to you too! We got this!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 19:

My friend keeps talking about games to me and shows soundtracks of games, and I really like those soundtracks so I wonder is this bit dangerous in terms of staying away from video games. Where is the line drawn? Should I avoid soundtracks of video games? Certainly avoiding any videos of them but what about the music itself?

So my cravings are highest when talking with that friend, cause he is a hardcore gamer. like 100% in there. Hmm I am not sure what to do. I got even some thoughts about going back but not doing it. Certainly bit risky.

Actually got quite lot done today and yesterday thanks to one technique my friend shared with me, thank you for that! I am setting timer and doing 25 minutes some activity, then having 5 minute timer after that for break time. Still need to tweak it a bit but working quite well! Rewarding myself after each timer has ended by moving paper clip from one glass to another, to provide instant gratification.

Oh well, I am definitely drawn to nature and colorful things more nowadays. I used to wear all black and I would like to buy new clothes if I could afford it. Even wearing something black or dark blue doesnt feel like me anymore. Which is kinda great. More joy and happiness lately

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 20:

It has almost been three weeks now, had a quite difficult morning just a moment ago, something made me feel anxious the very moment i woke up. It also seems like anxious mood or thoughts trigger more cravings towards gaming, I would have definitely played some games if I hadn't taken the steps to uninstall and delete accounts and stuff, so thank you very much for those steps which I learnt in Respawn! 

Autumn is difficult time in general, days get darker and it's time to get back to being very productive, so maybe that might also affect my mood.

Oh well I guess I am just gonna push through all this, listening to audiobook helped a lot so all good now!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 21:

Again very difficult morning mentally to get started today. Somehow feeling quite negative. But I pushed through it after some time, morning routines of mine help me a lot after all. So all good now. Will be doing some thinking what is causing this kind of mornings lately, maybe I am gonna exercise a lot today to make myself more tired if that would help (didn't sleep that well last night).

Other than that I am not having any cravings to play at the moment. My cravings are more linked to spending time with my gaming friends but it's tricky cause they don't seem to want to talk that much to me.

My goal of entrepreneurship is surely taking most of my energy though, lots of research needed. This seems quite challenging. But I will definitely try this because there is relatively low financial risk if I fail.

Pomodore technique working wonders in teams of getting things done, going to continue doing it today also!

Good luck to me and good luck to you today :)!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 22:

It has been over three weeks without gaming now. Feeling some sort of stress/anxiety lately which has taken some energy and time. Not sure why am i getting that all of sudden, I have been more productive so maybe I am just tired. Would need some way to release stress so maybe I will exercise today (was meant to do it yesterday but didn't do).

Everything is good as soon as I finish my morning routine though, stress is highest the moment I wake up, and late at night. Not sure why? Also been seeing nightmares lately, interesting in own way.

Oh well, here comes another new day. I am feeling kinda strong though so I am not really too worried about any of this. Just wanting to get rid off stress before it becomes prolonged habit.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi!

i am feeling a lot of stress and anxiety as well. Not sure if this is the dopamine withdrawals? But it does not feel good. 

So sorry you’re going thru this but glad to know we’re not alone!!!

Have a beautiful day my friend!!!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey! I really enjoyed reading your journal and getting to experience your journey with you. I love how consistent you've been with writing on here, and you're almost at a month with your detox, which is huge! I would love to hear more about what you've been working on, and what your goals are moving forwards. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi!

i am feeling a lot of stress and anxiety as well. Not sure if this is the dopamine withdrawals? But it does not feel good. 

So sorry you’re going thru this but glad to know we’re not alone!!!

Have a beautiful day my friend!!!

Thank you! The feelings of stress and anxiety are maybe because of the void which wants to be filled with something. So yeah maybe have been used to dopamine so now missing it. In my case I think the best is to try to find something to fill the void, social things in my case, still working on with that.

Have a beautiful day as well my friend 🙂

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Deku said:

Hey! I really enjoyed reading your journal and getting to experience your journey with you. I love how consistent you've been with writing on here, and you're almost at a month with your detox, which is huge! I would love to hear more about what you've been working on, and what your goals are moving forwards. 

Hey! I didn't even imagine someone could enjoy reading my journal but glad you did! I am trying to do the journal daily from now on, I have linked it with my morning routine since in my experience scheduling time for something makes things happen :). Yes it has been almost month now, past days I have had feelings of negativity and thoughts which haven't been so nice though.

Mmm I could tell about what I have been working on and about my goals in my journal, or would you like to message with me directly somewhere? Good idea actually, I think writing about things I do and my goals is maybe good addition (and better) than just telling about negative things.

Will actually write my entry for today now, wishing you good day 🙂

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 23:

Even though I have experienced feelings of negativity and harmful thoughts, I am still pushing forward. Remember that we are not our thoughts and feelings, they are just something that happen to us. So we had no choice of selecting whether we did want to experience them or not. I am trying my best to not to let my thoughts and feelings to consume me

I am currently focusing on doing my morning routine daily and also being productive every day to make my dream of becoming an entrepreneur a reality. Here is my morning routine in case you are interested 🙂

My Morning routine:

Get up instantly

- The moment you wake up, get up instantly instead of snoozing

- Place your alarm clock far away from your bed so you have to get up in order to disable it. If you are using your phone as an alarm clock, charge it far away from bed.

- Have multiple alarm clocks like phone + traditional alarm clock + alarm clock with light sunrise simulation

Listen to Audiobook

- My choice are the audiobooks from Audible, I recommend anything from Eckhart Tolle like The Power of Now. I would avoid things like YouTube cause their algorithm is designed to make you keep watching their videos so you might get stuck in procrastinating

- Can help you to reach the right mindset for the day and listening to talking wakes you up quicker

Eat Breakfast -> Do Dishes -> Brush your Teeth

Stack these together, it is called Habit stacking (more info in books like Atomic Habits). I always manage to do my dishes and brush my teeth because I treat these activities as a whole instead of three separate ones. Actually most (if not all) things in my morning routine are habit stacked

Take a Walk in Nature

Maybe one of the most infuential thing to do for me is to take a walk in nature or to go as close to nature possible. Nature calms and refreshes oneself

Workout

I put my gym clothes on and watch YouTube video called 7 minute workout and follow it doing the exercises in it. After workout I stretch my muscles and drink protein drink. Then I take a shower

Make your Bed

I make my bed at this point because it is good to let it ventilate a bit instead of making it immediately in the morning

Meditate

It is always a good habit to meditate, so I do 5 minutes of meditating with Calm app. Naturally there are many other apps like Headspace

Gratitude journal

Journaling is a great habit and there is no reason one shouldn't be doing it. Gratitude is also proven to give benefits so I write 3 things I am grateful for every day

Gamequit journal

I fill my journal in this site by just writing my thoughts. Should I follow some principle? Also this is the earliest point when I start my computer

Check messages

I always avoid checking my messages and email inbox as the very first thing in the morning because I believe it isn't a good way to start my day with all the stress it might involve. I want to check them only when I am ready to do something about them. I also don't really open any work related emails late at night

Plan your day

I write my "To-do list" in app called PomoDone and work in cycles of 25 minutes productivity and 5 minutes of break. Highly recommending this to get things done, app has timers for both productivity and break cycles

 

- > Start your day

 

What do you think? I gladly hear any thoughts, suggestions or feedback. There are much more in-depth info too but I didn't want to write too long post. My morning routine is always developing, some things have been in there for long time, some things are new!

I also have an evening routine if you are interested to hear about that too

 

Maybe I tell about my entrepreneurship thing later, today I have spent so much time telling about my morning routine already! Well there is time.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, BePresent said:

Place your alarm clock far away from your bed so you have to get up in order to disable it.

Another thing I like to add is putting my deodorant on first thing in the morning as well. It gives me a sense that I'm getting ready to start the day and not to lay back down. It's odd but it works for me.

Almost one month in! Keep it up! Also make sure to celebrate yourself even a little. I went out and got myself either comfort food (chicken strips and white gravey, yum!) or even like a small desert at 30 days. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...