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TTT

90 days

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I don't want to stop games forever, but I want to enjoy other things more than I currently do. For me a game is an experience, like an amazing book, which I want to enjoy over time in moderation, to enrich my life.

Unfortunately, the games I play are so enjoyable that everything else pales in comparison. I have a motorcycle but can't be bothered riding it because an in-game one feels great but without all the hassle. I don't want to do or have much, as I'm satisfied by digital replacements. I'm getting rid of these for a while, in order to make myself like real-life activities more.

I want to get rid of all other addictive influences as well. I tried before and I crashed bad. The instant-gratification me took revenge on delayed-gratification me with a vengeance. I'm not sure how to avoid that. I want to make the two work together instead of fighting all the time. Maybe I can find other, better ways for instant gratification, like maybe cooking, writing, exercise.

Day 01:

Day one was easy due to being done by accident. I woke up with a fever, went out, met a friend, came back, slept all afternoon, then got into how to get rid of game addiction. To delete games tomorrow, time to sleep now. Also, need to do meditation. To re-phrase the goal in one sentence.

Edited by TTT

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Day 02:

All is fine, no addictive behaviours except for one decaffeinated coffee. No strong urges either, except for horniness in the morning.

Slept till late, went and got a new bicycle because the old one is falling apart and not really worth fixing. Swapped tyres and seat from the old one to make the new one less attractive to bike thieves.

Made dinner, read some articles and it's time to sleep again. Deleted all games in the morning, easy to do. Kept the saves to one day continue playing. Did some mindfulness but not really enough to call it meditation.

Rephrased goal in one sentence: For ninety days I want to reprogram my brain to seek satisfaction in real-world things and events rather than virtual.

Tomorrow: At least 10 minutes guided meditation. To cycle to the park and do nothing there for at least 15 minutes. Also, do some free writing in the park, at least 15 minutes, to see what I'm really thinking about.

 

Edited by TTT
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Day 03:

Slept a lot again. Did the meditation bit. Washed sheets. Cycled to the park, sat around for a while, wrote a bit. Can't say I did anything interesting, but at least I did something I had wanted to do.

Rode the motorcycle around a bit, first time for weeks. I was hesitant but ultimately managed to convince myself to do it. "I'll either be stronger or weaker tomorrow, one or the other" was what did it. I hate the idea of being weaker tomorrow.

All is fine with addictive things. One decaf coffee. I started making a lot of tea to replace the coffees. No interest in playing games. I'm thinking of confectionary but I think I managed to convince myself to not get anything for at least a while. I don't want the chemistry reliance from the games to be taken over by food, alcohol, coffee, internet, youtube, porn or sex.

Started reading, which in a way works the same as the games - progress feels good, things are new and interesting. I need to limit that to the planned 50k words a week. The book is a classic and I'm sure it will be well worth reading, but I should not use it to prop me up chemically.

Tomorrow - ride the motorcycle again, go through inboxes and sort them out, do a todo system yet again, read some of the book, get vegetables and fruits - few, to avoid bingeing.

Still avoiding serious thought about work/career. Sort the basics out, then I'll get to this.

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Day 04:

Slept 10 hours till 1pm. I need to go to sleep earlier tomorrow. Did some reading and shopping. Managed to avoid getting too much carbs, although I ate all the fruit in one go. Get even less stuff next time. Did the todo system - just opened an org file. Read from the book, didn't overdo it, felt like the right amount for a day.

Went through one inbox but didn't even touch the other. I hadn't seen any movies in a while, so I got one, but it worked a lot like a game - I did have unfinished things to do, yet spent two hours on something unnecessary and entertaining. From now on, only download movies if I've completed all tasks for the day, if it doesn't feel like I'm procrastinating by watching it. Also, didn't ride the motorcycle, rain was an excuse.

Addiction-wise, one decaf coffee, teas, plenty fruit in one go but managed to avoid any other carbs, watched a movie when I shouldn't have. Do not procrastinate with movies, exactly as bad as games.

Tomorrow: go to bed by 00:30, ride the bike if I have an hour in the evening, read from the book a bit, get a hard drive, sort out the first inbox completely, go to the class.

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Day 05:

Addictive stuff: had one decaf coffee, also small glass of wine at a pub (fine), partly avoided reading as a source of content but not fully, ate two packs of fruit again but still no confectionary.

I need to make sure I don't use reading as a substitute for gaming. It can consume a lot of time, it gives a steady dopamine stream with new content and progressing page by page. Only read after more important things are done - B priority. Maybe even C.

Going to bed past the intented time, but still a lot earlier than previous days. No time for motorcycle. Cycled a lot although I didn't feel like, which was good. Inbox is fine, although shabbily, class is done.

Tomorrow: work, plus listen to finish the economist issue I'm on and the full current one. Listen to AI podcast. Go to sleep right after work.

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Day 06:

Addictive stuff: had three teas with sugar, the third tasted nastily sweet. To reduce tea with sugar. Wasting time on that job. Wasting time with irrelevant stuff, in any way.

Tomorrow: Finish the episodes of the podcast I've missed. Other industry stuff all day, no time wasting. Tie the rain cover, collect the parcel.

Remember that every single day is a day that can be used well, or wasted. A day at my job is completely wasted, to make up as much as I can there.

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Day 07:

Listened to what I wanted to. Got up too late for breakfast. Work all day.

Addictive stuff: Got a dark chocolate and fruit drink.  A lot of sugar in these, but I couldn't get good food once at work. Avoided listening to unrelated things except for a good sleep clip.

Daily stuff: done.

Tomorrow: Ride motorcycle, install new OS, tinker with it, install thunderbird. Go through website for useful projects, morning shower.

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Days 08, 09, 10:

Addictive stuff: 08-two decaf coffees; 09-one dcoffee, one cider, another dcoffee; 10-one dcoffee. No games, no movies, very little internet browsing, no excessive reading, fairly good on all fronts. Should have avoided the cider, gotten dcoffee or water instead.

Starting to feel a bit weird with all the restrictions. When I thing of carbs/temptations, I keep reminding myself about life in a gulag or concentration camp - the most restrictive diet I do is feasting compared to that.

Intended riding the bike but didn't do it :( Big loss. Obviously fear.

Some tech stuff done that I've been postponing for months/years, which was cool. Small yay.

From tomorrow I'll try strictly only good food plus water (no dcoffee, tea, any alcohol whatsoever), will go hungry if no good food available. For one week (days 11-17).

Also, minimum of 30 minutes of exercise, 60 if possible (on off-work days).

Today: ride bike, continue with account change/all setup, check that projects website, get logics exercise book, do some kind of detailed plan for action. Tomorrow: ride bike, check insurance quote and get it if ok, class. Five minutes.

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Days 11-15:

Addictive stuff: no games, no coffee, no tea, one bottle of cider, no processed carbs (other than some smoothies), no shitty food, two movies, no compulsive reading, a little bit of compulsive internet (industry related and social). To improve: no cider or wine next time I'm out (tonic water), less non-goal internet use. I don't think I'm getting any addictive source of dopamine, maybe just the non-focused internet use. This is next. Also, one movie per weekend, so I don't wonder all the time if it's ok to watch a movie.

Physical exercise isn't going well. I do some but not regularly or correctly. Neither is sleeping schedule. Will try going for nine hours a day, and again earlier going to bed.

I haven't noticed being too agitated or any serious withdrawal symptoms. Fifteen days done, seventy five left.

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Days 16-24:

Addictive stuff: Huge cravings for dopamine. No games (except for 15 minutes checking news one time today) but binged movies one day (~10 hours) and erotic stuff on a few occasions last few days. A couple of dcoffees over the period, a glass of wine or two, no shitty food (very difficult on a few occasions).

Looks like demand for dopamine has kicked in fairly hard, although it could be much worse. I couldn't stop myself anyway. I feel strong aversion to doing the stuff I would like to be doing. They don't bring any dopamine right now. In a weird way it seems like I've associated avoiding them with feeling shitty, so I avoid them even more. Doesn't make sense.

I tried doing some of the things I wanted to, but failed to execute them (gave up because it was more difficult than expected). One thing that seemed annoyingly cumbersome now takes no time at all. I need to do the same thing with anything that feels difficult. Solution: split tasks on even smaller (easier) tasks and go for those.

Difficult -> execute multiple times -> Easy

To post every day this week.

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Day 25-26 (tue):

Addictive stuff: No games but erotic stuff. Also, a dcoffee and a small glass of wine. And a small jar of crappy non-shitty food I shouldn't have gotten. Why did I get that?

Up to now I managed to keep off most things. Unfortunately, this includes most positive things as well. Reading a book now on building  and breaking habits, to approach it more systmatically. Tried a couple of things and they seem useful.

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Day 27-28 (thu):

Addictive stuff: Took way too long to get up in the morning. A small red wine yesterday, didn't even enjoy it. Next one is soda with lime, no ice, to keep sharper. Choice made now. A chocolate 90% cacao, not even tasty, which made it good choice for shitty food. Will have this one for a while. More erotic stuff.

Started an account to add +1 every time I actuate a good habit, -1 (or more, depending) on any failure. Couldn't think of anything I want to buy, but I'll need insurance for the bike, so this needs to get accumulated. Shouldn't be difficult to to a lot of easy stuff to get me going at a good and positive pace.

Getting up on time tomorrow, first timeb, is +3. Everything on the list I've been postponing, +1.

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Day 29 (fri):

Addictive stuff: A dcoffee, tea, two bites of dark chocolate, a bit of erotic stories.

Got up well, to do the same tomorrow. +3 again. To do the habits thing, first iteration.

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