Jump to content

Listen to Cam and James Discuss eSports In Episode 2 of Gaming the System!

Moe Smith

What the hell happened to my passion?

Recommended Posts

Hi Game Quitters,

 

It feels nice to come back to this community. This is not a new process for me. My name is Morgan, and I've been an addict to games since gradeschool. I'm now 30. I've won some battles with gaming before, including completing the 90 day detox 2 times (maybe 3?). My last time was actually 3/4 of a year completely sober. I made it that long, because I had a goal in mind. I was 9 months out from finishing college, and I knew that if I kept gaming I would fuck it up and lose my chances of finally graduating. It wasn't worth it to me. My previous goal was "No gaming until I'm graduated." I made that goal and I was stronger for it.

Afterwards, I went back to gaming with decent success. Decent is no longer an acceptable status for my life. I've got a fantastic partner and wife, a smart as hell 7 year old princess, a 7 month old infant who makes my heart swell, and a goofy dog who is one of my best friends. I've also go a business I want to start and work full time for as well as a book I want to finish.

I've felt a massive barrier between myself and those things that are important to me. This brings me to the title of my post - "What the hell happened to my passion?"... I know I'm a passionate guy and that I love art and life. Lately however, my emotional abilities most of the time are flat-lined. I don't feel much, and when I do it's because I've put in extra effort to live my life purposefully. 

I've been stubbornly holding onto the idea that I can have gaming in my life in a healthy way. There's a deep conversation I need to have with my wife on this subject. Besides that, I'm ready to remove gaming from my life for good. I've wasted so much time and attention already in my life, and I can't get it back. But I can fix my habits and make the rest of my life worthwhile. 

Thank you for reading if you did. I'd love to hear what you're going through if any of this resonates. Human connection is something I'm looking forward to revitalizing as well. 

 

Be kind to yourself, 

Morgan

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Morgan, 

Thanks for your post. I'm about a week into the 90 day detox, and I'm definitely struggling with the idea of "no gaming forever. period." You mentioned that you've done a few detoxes(impressive!). I'm wondering what your gaming habit was like between detoxes. As in, after the first detox, when you went back to gaming, was it as serious a habit as before that detox? How long were the intermittent periods of gaming before you again decided not to game?

Is it a challenge discussing this process with your wife and family? My girlfriend has never really had any interest in gaming, and when I mentioned quitting gaming cold turkey, she had some trouble understanding the challenge. "Why don't you just stop playing so much?" was her first reaction, although now shes more sympathetic 🙂 

Thanks again!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been having this exact same issue recently. 

I found that I had huge urges to return to gaming, even though everything was going well and I was working on the things I was 'passionate' about. 

The problem is, for years and years gaming was our coping mechanism. When things got tough we'd escape to video games. We were in control, and nothing could go wrong. 

So, when things get hard in real life, this urge to game returns. It's the best way our brain knows how to deal with the situation. 

You're in that stage where you're doing well but aren't in the position you'd like to be, and you realise there's a lot of work to get from A to B. As a result, your brain is telling you to take the easy path. 

You're doing good, just keep doing what you're doing and play some games on the side. 

If there was ever a time for you to stay away from games, now is that time. 

Even if you return to gaming in the future, right now you have to say "f*** passion". You're going to build your business, write your book, and come out the other side knowing you didn't give in to gaming. 

It's exactly what's happened to me, and the only way I'm going to get out of this successfully is by pushing through and soldiering on. Even if I don't want to. 

Hopefully I've given you something to consider, and maybe I'm completely wrong, as I can only go on what I've experienced. 

Wishing you all the best anyway, and congrats on having another kid! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/14/2019 at 6:48 AM, macpowers1 said:

Hi Morgan, 

Thanks for your post. I'm about a week into the 90 day detox, and I'm definitely struggling with the idea of "no gaming forever. period." You mentioned that you've done a few detoxes(impressive!). I'm wondering what your gaming habit was like between detoxes. As in, after the first detox, when you went back to gaming, was it as serious a habit as before that detox? How long were the intermittent periods of gaming before you again decided not to game?

Is it a challenge discussing this process with your wife and family? My girlfriend has never really had any interest in gaming, and when I mentioned quitting gaming cold turkey, she had some trouble understanding the challenge. "Why don't you just stop playing so much?" was her first reaction, although now shes more sympathetic 🙂 

Thanks again!

Thanks @macpowers1! Having done it before is pretty nice at this point. It's one of the reasons I think I'm good to say "no gaming forever." Because this time I'm not focusing on completing the detox. I've already proven I can do it.

That's a good question on the severity between detoxes. Each time it got less extreme honestly. In my last stint I swore off PVP games (specifically League of Legends) because there is literally no end to the amount of effort and time that I could put into it. Even if I was to become the best gamer in the entire world, then I would have to keep practicing to become better, and someone would eventually dethrone me. What's also made this decision super easy for me to make is that there are other things that have become more and more important to me which have filled the void that gaming held. Working as a professional, my wife and kids, my dog, my yard, the business I want to make this year, it all built up into a wave that eventually crushed my defensive gaming responses. 

It used to be a challenge to speak with my wife about my gaming struggles. She's a very composed person and for her if she makes a decision then it's a done deal. So she didn't really understand why I was having a struggle keeping my word when I was saying "I'm done gaming" every year. Eventually, through many conversations, we gained enough understanding of each side that we could speak as if we were in the other person's shoes/viewpoint. That's when it got easier for sure. I'd recommend continuing to have honest conversations with your girlfriend, and maybe correlating it to something she's been doing for a long time (not sure if your lady is a shopaholic, but that's a pretty standard comparison point that could be made). 

I sincerely hope some of that was helpful to you! I'm in this group to go through the process again, but this time I'm much more service oriented than just getting the benefit of support for myself. Let me know if you have other questions!

Be kind to yourself, 

Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/14/2019 at 8:09 AM, James Good said:

I've been having this exact same issue recently. 

I found that I had huge urges to return to gaming, even though everything was going well and I was working on the things I was 'passionate' about. 

The problem is, for years and years gaming was our coping mechanism. When things got tough we'd escape to video games. We were in control, and nothing could go wrong. 

So, when things get hard in real life, this urge to game returns. It's the best way our brain knows how to deal with the situation. 

You're in that stage where you're doing well but aren't in the position you'd like to be, and you realise there's a lot of work to get from A to B. As a result, your brain is telling you to take the easy path. 

You're doing good, just keep doing what you're doing and play some games on the side. 

If there was ever a time for you to stay away from games, now is that time. 

Even if you return to gaming in the future, right now you have to say "f*** passion". You're going to build your business, write your book, and come out the other side knowing you didn't give in to gaming. 

It's exactly what's happened to me, and the only way I'm going to get out of this successfully is by pushing through and soldiering on. Even if I don't want to. 

Hopefully I've given you something to consider, and maybe I'm completely wrong, as I can only go on what I've experienced. 

Wishing you all the best anyway, and congrats on having another kid! 

@James Good! You're pretty much spot on yes. For me, my passion fuels a lot of what I do in my life. But when I'm gaming, but passion drops to a drip. Therefore my fuel is non-existent and I mostly do the minimal required in life. 

I've got a lot I want to do with my life, as I've listed, and after some honest reflection I realized gaming was the right thing to change in my life so I can move forward. Some days it's all about revitalizing passion and living life, and some days it's just about sticking with it and behaving in the way I want to, even if I don't feel like it. It would be so much easier to return to gaming and hide in that shell. Instead I'm choosing to be scared, vulnerable, and chase a dream that will  be worth it regardless of the outcome. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing your story Morgan that was certainly more fuel to the affirmation that our lives are best spent creating rather than consuming. I definitely identify with that passion - if I am not doing the best I can do day to day I feel like :70_poop: It is good you found your way out again!!  Having done the detox multiple times I don't know if this will have any information you don't already know but here is also a formal Newcomer welcome link for your review.

Best Wishes,
Neil

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...