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TwoSided's Journal (V2)

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Decided to start a new journal. Not sure how often i'll be posting.

About Me:

I'm a young woman from Australia. I've been gaming since I was a child. I found gamequitters around mid 2018 and have been attempting 90 days gamefree since. In the past I was addicted to a multiplayer shooter (Especially the trading of in game items. I had made $200 USD from nothing). Since 2014 I completely quit all multiplayer games. From then to now i'm addicted to a variety of singleplayer games. I usually play for 15 hours.

I decided to quit because gaming has impacted my education a lot. It wasn't until I became sober from heavy pot use (3 yrs non-stop) at the end of 2017 that I realised gaming was a problem. The prior days to searching for gamequitters, I found myself opening games, playing for ~5 mins and closing them repeatedly for hours trying to find a game I could get hooked on. I've never spent huge amounts of money on games and have never bought in game items. Most of the games I own are pre 2014. There are many popular games today that i've never played (Tho i've played and own a few, i'm still more content with older games).

My hobbies for the most part are learning and playing guitar (Electric Rhythm). I do a range of things like D.I.Y, woodworking, making videos and music, digital art. There's lots of things i'm still keen to do and explore.

In the past I found it best to ignore streaks. Though for reference, i've been to 66 days twice. Majority of other streaks were less than a week. My last streak however went for 58 days. Every quitting experience gives me more insight.

I'm currently in a relapse stage. But I finally managed to go 1 day after over a month in relapse. I'm unsure when i'll be back to posting here. I still have a strong desire to quit.

Hopefully my journal teaches you something new. I look forward to and learning from the community here and the experience of quitting. :)

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>1 Day 

  • Managed to go my first day game free (again).
  • Throughout my relapse, I was able to somewhat maintain daily tasks. I decided to quit again because I still spent too much time gaming, particuarly after my day has ended. I usually gamed for around 4-12 hours, going as late as 5am on some nights. Gaming atm impacts my sleep.
  • There's no end to the games I play anymore. I've become addicted to multiplayer again.
  • I think a key factor for relapse for me is loneliness. I spend majority of my day alone since my family goes to school or work.
  • I studied school online when I first began stopgaming. I'm studying school online again this year. This first half of this year I dropped out of an in-person course due to anxiety. I've had problems with anxiety since I started smoking pot

I want to hit 90 days this time. Another factor for my relapse was alcohol. I haven't considered quitting drinking, but want to be more aware that it can cause relapse.

The only precautions i've taken is giving my account to my sibling. This has been a system for a while and I haven't had my account back for a few weeks. I've been gaming using their computer on their account - which has helped me stop playing the singleplayer games I wanted to 'perfect'.

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Day  4

  • I'm happy i've committed myself back to stop gaming. Getting past 3 days is another milestone for me.
  • Been tempted a few times to game with my sibling. Been trying to find other things to do with them. So far i've just opted for tv shows. Eventually I hope to come up with a project we can both work on.
  • Throughout my relapse I found some hobbies i'd like to try out soon (Electronics). Looking forward to that.
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Day 1 (Relapse)

  • Played a game yesterday on Sunday. Did it cause I was bored and didn't have anything planned.
  • I noticed that taking Sunday's off (Schedule free days) could've contributed to my relapses. (I've had about >10 weeks of free Sunday's)
  • I gamed for ~2 hrs. I have no interest going back since it still feels the same as before (Boring).
  • After I stopped, I worked on creating a schedule again. I stopped scheduling before because I felt overwhelmed. I added sunday's back in, but kept it as a relaxed day that doesn't require too much willpower or discipline (Compared to the rest of my week). I tend to tweak my schedule a lot. I should've continued that when I felt overwhelmed, rather than trying to force myself to conform to it (I probably felt like I was 'doing it wrong').
  • I count it as a relapse, because if I didn't, I know i'd use it as an excuse to 'relieve' my cravings. Instead I want to face my cravings and accept them for what they are.
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