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Juliet's Journal


Juliet

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Well, I watched the module about powering off and felt like I got kicked in the gut. It all makes perfect sense: the reasons we go back and the loss we feel, but holy cow it hurt to think about getting rid of my games forever. But this IS what I want. 

I got rid of my uploaded games and filed to have my steam account deleted. It’ll take 30 days to take full effect (I tried giving them a bogus email like the directions say, but steam caught onto that and wouldn’t allow it.) Instead, the account will lock for 30 days and then be completely deleted. In the meantime, as soon as I get an update from their support, I’m deleting my email address and blocking steam with cold turkey. 

Next, my YouTube channel. Probably the most heart wrenching of all. For a brief while, last year, I played around with owning a gaming channel. I uploaded 25 videos, learned a lot, and really enjoyed myself! But I stopped because it never felt like it was what I should be doing. 

Well, I signed back on today after a long hiatus and found my first comment from a stranger on one of my videos only yesterday.

“Cool.”

One word that meant the world to me. Someone saw my video! Someone noticed! Even if it was just one word, I didn’t care!

I started tearing up when I pushed the delete button. After all this time spent and I had to throw it away. But that’s one of the common hiccups. I know that, but... it still hurt to say goodbye. 

Gaming has been a huge part of my life. It’s hard to imagine a different path for myself, but I’m determined to make this happen! 

With Steam Account, Old Gmail, Youtube Channel, and Facebook Games either deleted or blocked, I have a higher chance of making it through. I just might fall to pieces for the next couple days, but the good thing is that I do have things to occupy my time over the week. It’s just the weekends that throw me for a loop! But this first weekend I’ll be much busier than my splurge last time.

Anyways, thanks for getting through my ramblings! Hope your journey continues to move forward successfully.

Edited by Juliet
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Day 3: Today was better. I was a lot busier today. I met up with a girl friend of mine and chatted with her for quite awhile. As part of the unplugging process I went ahead and deleted gaming soundtracks from my Spotify account. I quickly realized they were a BIG trigger for wanting to play... soooo yeah. I’ll miss the songs, but I hope to find replacements. (I didn’t realize how entrenched I was in gaming until I saw how many songs I had! Good grief :/)

The worst was deleting my Skyrim playlist. I’ve never personally owned the game but I LOVE the music. It’s so calming and peaceful. But, every time I listen to it it always makes me wonder what the game would be like and that is one game I KNOW I’d get hooked to in a heartbeat. So... goodbye beautiful music. But hello to new beginnings I hope.

Hope y’all are doing well with this!

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Thank you @James Good and yes if you could just call it Juliet’s Journal that would be great ? and you’re right, I think the music in the past has really triggered my gaming moods. So I’m going to keep an eye on that. Thanks for the suggestions, I’ll look into those! Movie soundtracks have also been a lifesaver (how to train your dragon and pride and prejudice are a couple of good ones)

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Day four: today was rough. Last night got a not so nice note cursing at me for accidentally parking in someone’s spot (thought it was for visitors lol ??‍♀️)

Got in a car wreck this morning. Thankfully not my fault and nobody was hurt. My car seems perfectly fine, just a few scrapes in the overcoat, but the front of her car got wrecked bad. Hood completely folded in. 

And I'm just tired and sore today. The thought of playing kept creeping up, but I pushed it back and tried to focus on other things. Getting rid of my gaming music has surprisingly helped tremendously. And I watched the module for filling the void so I’ve been thinking of more things to do when I get bored, stressed, or tired.

It’s always the weekends that hit me the worse. So if I can keep myself busy then, fingers crossed I can keep this up.

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  • James Good changed the title to Juliet's Journal

Hi, @Juliet

Glad you are alright after getting in car wreck! These accidents can be rather nasty occasionally:(

The weekends definitely are challenging for me as well. As James mentioned, it's better to get ouf the house and have things planned. Getting together with you friends is also a good thing to do)

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Day Five: Phew! Slowly making it through each day at a time. Having a busy schedule this weekend is really helping me not be dragged down. This post won’t be too long, but I just really appreciate this community. Im so glad to find people like me just trying to quit games and move on with their lives.

I meet so many people who love video games who don’t seem to have the same struggle that I do with them. It’s a relief to know I’m not alone. And a relief to know it can be done. 

Anyways have a beautiful day today!

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2 hours ago, Juliet said:

I meet so many people who love video games who don’t seem to have the same struggle that I do with them.

Don't get hung up on this. There are millions of people who can manage alcohol but a portion who are alcoholics. Same with pain killers. Or porn.

For some people the right buttons get triggered and you just can't turn it off. By bringing yourself down about it and wondering "why can't I deal with this?" achieves nothing. What makes this mindset even worse is those people who can manage it properly looking down on you and thinking you're a second-grade person. Ultimately, those people just lack emotional intelligence, something that if you follow this path to the end, you'll be well on your way to achieving to a high level, because you will confront your feelings or thoughts head on rather than hiding from them and stagnating.

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Thanks @giblets for the advice! You’re right. Beating myself up over this accomplishes nothing. It’s more important to focus on my goal and let others live their lives and just let it be.

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Day Six: I survived a Saturday without games! Whoohoo!! It honestly wasn’t easy. Especially when we started talking about games at my lunch date and which games were our favorites ? but it helped knowing my steam and email was deleted so I played my guitar, read, went shopping, drew a little, and worked on a book. Anything to keep me away. 

Hope y’all are having a successful journey so far! You’ve got this!

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