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16030669g

The Journal of Samson (365 days reboot)

31 posts in this topic

Day 1 (1/365)

Hello guys,I am from Hong kong and new to this forum. Today will be the day that change the rest of my life. 

I promise myself that I will live a healthy life stye and waste no time from now on.  I have to live up to my full potential so I will have no regret at the day I die.

I am 26 years old  and studying a very tough postgraduate program which requires 100% self-discipline. That's why I need you guys to support me and hold accountable for me. 

This journal will record my progress for the upcoming  365 days. Hopefully, after 365 days, I will become a brand new person who feels competent and confident.

 

Within these 365 days, no more gaming is allowed.  In order to build up the momentum, there will be no single cheat day. I will build up a study routine, wake up and exercise regularly, and eat healthily. I want to turn these healthy behaviors into habits by persisting for 365 days 

 

Previously I have tried to my force myself to study and exercise relying on my personal willpower, but I failed miserably and frequently relapsed  into the old bad habits (playing games all day).  I realize since we are humans as socialized animals, we can only succeed with the support of others. Therefore I am very confident that by posting a daily journal here can really help shape me into the person that I wanted to be. 

 

My goals today:

1. keep studying until 8pm

2. eat a bread and a bottle of water as dinner

3. 30 push up and 30 squat

4 keep studying until sleep (sleep at about 12:00-1:00am)

5. wake up at 9am tomorrow morning. 

 

Below is Daily quote to inspire myself and everyone who are also striving for their dreams:

never give up bros!
 

 

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-05 下午3.40.37.png

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5 hours ago, 16030669g said:

 I realize since we are humans as socialized animals, we can only succeed with the support of others.

I had the same experience. Keep journaling, it makes all the difference! And good luck :)

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Day 1 night (1/365)

Thank you very much for all the inspiring reply and comments on my journey. I am so grateful that I found this forum and had the opportunity to be part of it.

My first day was quite smooth. It's 11:15 pm in Hong Kong right now and I have already completed most of my daily goals. 

I started to feel a mild struggle now, because I used to relax by watching movies and gaming at this time point before sleep. Gaming and movies gave escape from my mood, filled up my headspace and gave me a rush of pleasure, but it also filled up my time, took away my energy, and increased my sense of self-dislike and lowered my sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I swear I have to reform myself completely. 

I believe I could manage to control my impulse since I have already made it here.  

 

Things that I have completed today:

1. revised about 20 medical abbreviation and memorize 20 new medical abbreviation

2. practiced using thickener for my upcoming swallowing assessment practicum (i am a speech pathology postgraduate students)

3. did 30 squat and push

4. modified group projects. 

 

Areas to be improved:

I am not really efficient in studying today. I spent 2-3 hours only to memorize 40 medical abbreviation. I guess It's because I had indulged myself for a long period of time. The momentum for study will come back soon as long as I keep stick to my daily plan.

 

Tomorrow plan:

1. wake up at 9am

2. go back to school's library to study  before 10:30am

3. eat vegetable during lunch

4. leave school at 8pm

5. eat breads for dinner (to shed some pounds and save money)

6. keep studying after getting back to home until bed time at around 12:00-1:00am 

 

**Below are the Chinese buns that I had for dinner tonight (I want to reduce my body weight. Also, having a light diet could keep my mind clear)

 

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-05 下午11.39.20.png

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How good does that bun look :15_yum:

 

I do recommend even though you don't want cheat days, that you incorporate some "me time" as a break from the 100% grind. This could be in the form of meditation, walking, gardening, reading a book, etc. Otherwise I think you'll find you will burn out and it will all become too hard very quickly. It can be for 30 minutes a day or a large session once a week, or if you are good at recognising your triggers only when you think you need it.

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Good luck on the 365 day goal! It's ambitious, but totally doable.

I'll be following this journal.

But as others have suggested, don't overwhelm yourself. You need to have stuff that you do during the day that you enjoy. Not gaming or stuff similar to it, but either other stuff you already know or new things. For example, I've been growing plants at home for a while now, but after quitting games, it's become more of a thing for me. What's great about it is that I enjoy doing it, I'm off the computer, and it's a de-stresser.

So find some activity, preferably offline, and use it as a way to rest from the grind.

Also, while you're studying or doing something else that's difficult, consider using the pomodorro technique. Do periods of X minutes of intensive focus, followed by Y minutes of rest. Over time, you can increase X and decrease Y as your mind learns to adjust to better focus.

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Posted (edited)

Day 2 (2/365)

Thanks again for all of your encouragement. It really made my day! Social recognition is really important for me. Your support  help me break my bad habit chain. 

It was the second day of total game/youtube/comics -free since I started my postgraduate study.

Today was public holiday and most of the undergraduate students have already finished their exam and are having fun around. It gave me a sense of misery, because i am the minority who need to stay in campus to study for whole day. However, after I joined this forum and read you guys' journals, it inspired to keep going, because I know I am not alone and there are many people out there who are thriving for their dream as well.

This is my second day without any sensation stimulation from gaming or movies . Part of my mind is thirsty for this kind of stimulation, but my superego is much stronger now with you guys's support. I can feel I am gradually taking back the control of my life. 

I notice one major benefit of quitting gaming is that I become more patient and  more able to enjoy the simple things of life. Previously after school I would immediately rush back to home to play games. i would feel very anxious and angry while I was taking the transport, because I was eager to start gaming instantly. Anything stop me from gaming would make me feel angry and frustrated including the slow walking pedestrians who hindered my way to home. I even felt impatient while showering and tooth brushing because I felt these chores took away my time from gaming. It's crazy, isn't it? Without gaming, today I managed to do a lot of things. Even the daily routine that used to bore me now give me a mild sense of pleasure. 

I am so grateful for starting to write my journal in this forum. And I hope i could keep it up and complete my 365 day challenge.

things I did today:

- revise about 50 medical abbreivations

- revise anatomy and physiology of swallowing

- modify the screening form for my thesis research project

- create consent and information form for my thesis research project

- do laundry. 

Tomorrow goals:

-  the main course of my lunch should be vegetable (i havn't eaten enough vegetables for many days since I always ate out )

- the rest should be the same as today
 

The attached photo is the place where I studied from the afternoon till night today. My trick of studying for a long time is to change the place of study. In the morning i studied at library. In the afternoon, I studied outdoor. The changed environment gave me a sense of novelty which can help me keep focused on my work for a longer period of time. 

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-06 下午11.29.40.png

Edited by 16030669g
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17 hours ago, 16030669g said:

I notice one major benefit of quitting gaming is that I become more patient and  more able to enjoy the simple things of life. Previously after school I would immediately rush back to home to play games. i would feel very anxious and angry while I was taking the transport, because I was eager to start gaming instantly. Anything stop me from gaming would make me feel angry and frustrated including the slow walking pedestrians who hindered my way to home. I even felt impatient while showering and tooth brushing because I felt these chores took away my time from gaming. It's crazy, isn't it? Without gaming, today I managed to do a lot of things. Even the daily routine that used to bore me now give me a mild sense of pleasure. 

I can relate to this too! When I was gaming or watching movies and my wife would come to talk to me or ask me for something, I'd get angry, because she was preventing me from my entertainment. I couldn't tell her that this was the reason, so I'd just be super impatient with her and lash out for no reason. I've been a better human being since I stopped gaming because it removed this aspect of my character.

Congrats on your second day! Step by step :)

Try not to be miserable about studying. It helps to think of your long-term goal, where you want to be in life, etc, and then connect what you're doing now (studying) to that goal. It helps me to do that with tasks I might not want to do normally, because I want the goal, so the means take on the importance of the goal.

Also, since you seem to be doing a lot of memorization-type study, have you tried spaced repetition cue cards using an app like Anki? Look up the concept of spaced repetition if you haven't. It'll save you a TON of time and you'll actually be able to remember stuff you learned after the exam :)

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6 hours ago, karabas said:

Also, since you seem to be doing a lot of memorization-type study, have you tried spaced repetition cue cards using an app like Anki? Look up the concept of spaced repetition if you haven't. It'll save you a TON of time and you'll actually be able to remember stuff you learned after the exam :)

Thanks for your suggestion man, I started to use quizlet to help me study more efficiently today.

 

Day 3 (3/365)

Today morning I studied with my classmates together at school. Time flies really quickly when you are around your friends

The time I felt struggle was that when I went back to home from school, I felt really exhausted and eager to have a break. When I was searching information on the youtube, I almost gave in to my bad old habits ( I used to waste time on youtube for whole day if I was not gaming) . I managed to control my urge by browsing this forum and reading you guys' journals.  I knew I should not break my streak , because I know there are people following my progress and I don't want to let them down.

 

Besides study, I completed my additional goal today. As you can see below,  I chose to eat healthy and the main course of my lunch was obviously vegetable lol. 

Btw, Rice is our staple food in Hong Kong. 

 

Tomorrow goals should be the same as today! never give up!! keep fighting!!

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-08 上午12.15.17.png

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Day 4 (4/365)

The forth day of total game-free. I started to feel good about myself after 4 day of game abstinence detox. Being productive gave me a sense of accomplishment that gaming can never give me. I will start my practicum tomorrow, so I need to sleep earlier tonight. I will update more information in weekend. 

Tomorrow goal is to keep working after practicum. stay strong everyone!

 

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On 5/7/2018 at 7:27 PM, karabas said:

I can relate to this too! When I was gaming or watching movies and my wife would come to talk to me or ask me for something, I'd get angry, because she was preventing me from my entertainment. I couldn't tell her that this was the reason, so I'd just be super impatient with her and lash out for no reason. I've been a better human being since I stopped gaming because it removed this aspect of my character.

 

I can relate to this too. You're spending more time in the moment rather than for distractions, and therefore you're looking for more things to enjoy. What will make this even better is if you search for things to be thankful for. For example, when I am standing in line at the post office instead of getting angry about standing in line and what a waste of time it is, I focus on being thankful for actually having the time to get to the post office as there are thousands of people who can't because of work or not having a post office at all.

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Posted (edited)

17 hours ago, giblets said:

I can relate to this too. You're spending more time in the moment rather than for distractions, and therefore you're looking for more things to enjoy. What will make this even better is if you search for things to be thankful for. For example, when I am standing in line at the post office instead of getting angry about standing in line and what a waste of time it is, I focus on being thankful for actually having the time to get to the post office as there are thousands of people who can't because of work or not having a post office at all.

Thank you for reminding me to continue my gratitude practice. I think nothing better than being grateful for life!!

 

Day 5 (5/365)

The upcoming 3 months will be very difficult for me.  I began my practicum in hospital today (i.e. I am a speech pathology student). It was really stressful because of the fast work pace. The supervisor kept throwing difficult questions to us. And I looked like a retard standing next to my partners (i.e. my classmates), because they could always answer the questions right before I started to figure out some clues. I guess I have fallen behind so much in the progress because of the excessive gaming previously, and I really hope this game abstinence journey can help me to catch up with the progress soon. I am so regretful for the time that I had wasted on gaming!!

 

But I wont give up, and I will keep fighting. Because I believe ""Life is not a sprint, it's a marathon!""

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-09 下午9.02.58.png

Edited by 16030669g

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btw, day 5 total entertainment (e.g. TV, youtube, game) free!! I feel good about myself now!!!

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Day 6 (6/365)

Today after I backed home from practicum, the feeling of struggle came back. It has already been 6 day of total entertainment free. Although the urge of playing game has been  reduced,  the temptation of falling back to the old life style still hit me from time to time. Fortunately, writing this journal was still an effective way for me to relieve my urge and restore my motivation. 

Now I could clearly feel that excessive habits could foster low self esteem and lack of self confidence. Previously I suffered from excessive gaming and failed to control it. I kept blaming myself about that. Meanwhile, the reverse is also true, the lower self esteem I had, the more frequently I played game as an escape. This is a vicious circle. These few days I finally become capable of breaking this chain reaction. 


Being in control of my own action greatly boost my mood and confidence , as well as reduce my stress level when facing any challenge in work, school or other social situation. 

My mind was also shaper, thanks to these 6 day total entertainment abstinence. Now I will not easily give up this new productive lifestyle, because it really make feel good, and afford me the sense of completion.

 

Area to be improved

These few days when i was pooping or eating, I browsed 9 gag on my cell phone. Apparently it is also a bad habit because it prolonged the time I spent on toilet or eating .... I started to become more aware of this problem, and I will renounce it from now on!

 

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daily quote: persistence is victory!! 

 

 

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-10 下午8.40.38.png

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1 hour ago, 16030669g said:

Area to be improved

These few days when i was pooping or eating, I browsed 9 gag on my cell phone. Apparently it is also a bad habit because it prolonged the time I spent on toilet or eating .... I started to become more aware of this problem, and I will renounce it from now on!

Yeah lol, I do that too. Just make a rule about not taking the phone to the bathroom with you.

In general, I think having time off of technology helps. I try to eat without using my phone (just focus on the food, or on the person I'm eating it with - usually my wife) and I have some hobbies that are offline (like growing plants on the roof). At the end of the day, gaming and video addiction is really a tech addiction. It helps to avoid tech as much as possible if you don't need to use it.

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Day 0 (0/365)

 

Today I relapsed... I spent a lot of time on struggling in this morning because I was so tried of my study. Eventually I gave in, and I played games for around 2 hours, until I was forced to leave home because it was the time that I had to meet my groupmates. I felt so guilty now and I felt like all my previous efforts were all wasted. My self esteem that had been gradually built up these few days was all gone now. And now I had to clean the dust and start all over again. 

 

Maybe next time i should stop fighting against my urge. Instead I should try to make myself busy so that i can distract myself

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I'm sorry to hear that man. Shake it off and keep going. Relapses happen - it's part of being an addict. You're never safe, not even after completing the detox and being clean for years.

Your efforts weren't wasted. You're here at the forum, you're committed to quitting. Use the relapse as a learning experience - try to analyze what went wrong, what led to your relapse. Once you figure it out, find a way to prevent it in the future. It's a simple iteration problem: learn from the mistake, adjust approach, keep going.

If you were tired, that's probably the reason. I'm most likely to relapse when I'm fatigued. I get lazy and don't feel like being productive and that means wanting to watch movies or playing games or something that's easy on the mind. If that's the same in your case, sleep before you get to that point. You might lose some study time in the short term, but you'll gain it in the long term because you won't relapse.

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1 hour ago, karabas said:

I'm sorry to hear that man. Shake it off and keep going. Relapses happen - it's part of being an addict. You're never safe, not even after completing the detox and being clean for years.

Your efforts weren't wasted. You're here at the forum, you're committed to quitting. Use the relapse as a learning experience - try to analyze what went wrong, what led to your relapse. Once you figure it out, find a way to prevent it in the future. It's a simple iteration problem: learn from the mistake, adjust approach, keep going.

If you were tired, that's probably the reason. I'm most likely to relapse when I'm fatigued. I get lazy and don't feel like being productive and that means wanting to watch movies or playing games or something that's easy on the mind. If that's the same in your case, sleep before you get to that point. You might lose some study time in the short term, but you'll gain it in the long term because you won't relapse.

thanks brother, u always inspire me !

Day 0 (0/365)

 

My compulsive thought haunt me this morning until I finally gave in. I was not being productive this morning because of the extreme tiredness of study. I played cell phone games and browse 9 gag for a few hours. So I have to reset the streak . After some time of self-contemplation, I finally managed to get up, clean the dust and start again. I summarized three important things that should be able to keep me going through this tough journey.

 

1. keep busy

2. remember the self-satisfaction brought by being productive

3. gain social support

 

I think keep being busy is the key, because once you let your old addicted reward system whisper grow, it will begin with a tiny though and then rapidly grow until you cannot stop and give in. You will never win an argument with your mind.

 

Be the master of your own life !

螢幕快照 2018-05-11 下午5.11.28.png

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Day 1 (1/365)  completed, too busy for preparing practicum, will update later if have time

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Day 2 (2/365)

I made my girlfriend mad yesterday. She refused to talk to me now. Actually it was not really my problem. She suffered from mood disorders and her symptoms relapsed from time to time. Previously, It would be an disaster to me if she was irritated. When she was mad at me, my emotion would dropped to bottom, being no longer able to concentrate on any work that I had to do. I would rely on gaming to occupy my headspace and escape from the problems.  But this time, I managed to control my emotion. Even when she is still angry about me, I could still feel comfortable about myself, and enjoy the sense of self satisfaction brought by being productive. It doesn't mean I no longer love her. I still love her. And I am ready to give her support whenever she needs me. You might think i am crazy. but I really enjoy this sense of liberty. My own happiness or sadness no longer need to be dependent on pleasing my significant others and how they perceive about me. Especially at the moment when I know it is not my fault. 


Stay strong brother and sisters. Being productive is the meaning of my life now. I cannot say with certainty that I will not go back to my old habits (game addiction) ever again, but i know that i never can, or ever will want to go back to the way things were.

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Posted (edited)

Mate, I learned so much from my relapse. I listed them all in my relapse post which I will try to find, but the main ones were I recognised my triggers - a level of self awareness I have since been able to apply to other aspects of my life. It looks like you are doing a similar process with your girlfriend, not allowing yourself to be triggered and making things worse.

The other big point I learned was that I was doing the right thing with the detox - it makes you realise how much you don't achieve by just sitting at your computer/screen for hours in the day. While you might be entertained, I found all the little things that I was on top of didn't get touched, for example clearing my inbox, doing dishes, etc. All those small details that I am sure would be falling to your family or others to do for you while you stay chained to the screen. Both of those were enough to kick me back into the detox again, and I never looked back.

Don't think those days were a waste or you have let yourself down. See it as a learning experience, what can you get from this situation and implement to make the next attempt even better?

 

Here is my relapse post. Not as interesting as I remember, as maybe I kept the majority in my head, or I picked up a lot of my lessons in reflecting rather at the time.

Edited by giblets
inserted the relapse post link
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3 hours ago, giblets said:

Mate, I learned so much from my relapse. I listed them all in my relapse post which I will try to find, but the main ones were I recognised my triggers - a level of self awareness I have since been able to apply to other aspects of my life. It looks like you are doing a similar process with your girlfriend, not allowing yourself to be triggered and making things worse.

The other big point I learned was that I was doing the right thing with the detox - it makes you realise how much you don't achieve by just sitting at your computer/screen for hours in the day. While you might be entertained, I found all the little things that I was on top of didn't get touched, for example clearing my inbox, doing dishes, etc. All those small details that I am sure would be falling to your family or others to do for you while you stay chained to the screen. Both of those were enough to kick me back into the detox again, and I never looked back.

Don't think those days were a waste or you have let yourself down. See it as a learning experience, what can you get from this situation and implement to make the next attempt even better?

 

Here is my relapse post. Not as interesting as I remember, as maybe I kept the majority in my head, or I picked up a lot of my lessons in reflecting rather at the time.

its comforting to read your message. I feel so grateful to know there is fellow who are also walking through the same journey with me and feel the same way  i do. I will definitely read through your journal when I am more free. 

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Posted (edited)

Day 3 (3/365)

 

WOW! its the third day of total entertainment abstinence after my previous relapse. I m glad that I could make it here. My practicum was pretty smooth today. I believed my hard work is gradually paying off! Previously, I would be extremely afraid and nervous during practicum. But today I was much more chilled out because I know I have been well prepared! 

After I got home, the urge of gaming started again. In the past, my usual pattern was that:

1) if i did well at school, I would go gaming, because my "id" told me that "you did well, you deserve a break"

2) if i did poorly at school, I would also go gaming, because my "id" told me that "it's too painful and stressful, you need something to distract yourself and heal your wound"

 

But today, I am gonna say "no" to my addicted reward system. I will never ever go back to the ways things were . Witness me !  It's not over until I win!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

螢幕快照 2018-05-14 下午8.30.20.png

Edited by 16030669g

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Posted (edited)

my girlfriend just said she doesn't want to see me....It is a big punch to my ego and emotion ball. I think every (ex)game addictors will know the crave that how desperate I want to use gaming to paralyze myself now. But I can overcome this bullshit! I will become stronger and stay productive!! witness me brother and sister!!

Edited by 16030669g

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