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hello my names lee im on my 6th or 7th day

Oak lee

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hello my names lee im 19 and on my 6th or 7th day of the detox.

so where im at

on the 20th i sold my gaming pc i built when i was 15. i used it to escape from life the for the following reasons.                            

  1. my dad and step mother had problems with rage and alcohol abuse from when i was 14 and only stopped a few months ago,                                                                                     
  2. when i dropped out of high school December of 2016 .                                                                                                                                                                                                           
  3. when my mom died back in July    

Now i don't blame my 15 year old self for escaping from drunk parents each night, it was a learned behavior so when i dropped out and when my mom died it was just natural to me, what made me FINALLY say fuck this was when i relapsed a few weeks ago and spent 4 days in a row playing 10+ hours a day, after making large strides the weeks before. im tired of being a victim of circumstances.

I used to be a person with hobbies and full of life I had friends and girlfriends but after choosing to escape from what came into my life it all fell apart. for the past 4 years i have been logged out of society living in another country, forgetting my native tongue. I have to relearn the language of the home I have now chosen to return to. I have to learn what it means to be alive again. i have to learn what it mean to be human as if i am some AI emerging into this physical world. 

In the past 7 days i have:

  1. i have sighed up for driving classes
  2. sold my computer for $350  
  3. spent $290 of that on auto tools to fix up my moms 1993 volvo 240 she left me 
  4. fixed an old laptop with salvaged parts for studying and getting a job 
  5. started lifting about every other day

 I haven't worked since October (the grief of my mother passing was too much so i just shut down) and tomorrow i plan to start applying for jobs. 

my main goal is to get that damn car working, once i do that im free. free to hunt, hike, photograph, study at a coffee shops join a band and sing etc........ it gives me the ability to grow and do what i want, ive been stuck in this room forever now im ready to leave. im ready to "escape to reality" as ive put it since last march.  

thank you for reading and thank you for having me. 




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