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Oak lee

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Everything posted by Oak lee

  1. So I've had to delete the content of all but one of my posts just for reasons anyway. I've realized about myself as of late that a large challange I face is that I'm afraid to take the next steps. I've procrastinated and pushed things off like they would go away but reality is that my path dictates that I am to become a well adjusted functioning, happy and full filled person. As painful as it is my soul wants to heal and that's what happening no matter how painful, its necessary and inevitable. Love you guys. And i hope yall are doing well!
  2. This journey of "escaping to reality"
  3. So I've been working my full time job for just over a month now,.
  4. I need to sit in the woods and mediate for a while.
  5. So I'm on day 14 thing have gone by so fast Well I went 250 miles with my to get my car but we'll shit happened and the trailer we rented wasnt going to work. my mom passed back in July I stillI've been trying to do 2 things for 8 months but didn't have the resources to finish the job, since her house is so far away. I moved my mom's possessions to a safe place so they won't be discarded once the house changes owners and took her cats back to Atlanta and gave them to my sister. Back in july, I spent 2 weeks after her funeral packing cleaning and sorting her stuff but I was only able to move half of it to my uncle's shed for long term storage. It's hard walking into an empty home and down a hallway where you said your goodbyes for the last time. I went into her room for the first time since the funeral I never thought I'd walk back in their her bed is still how she left it and her closet was cleaner than I remember leaving it. I went into her bath room and saw the cat bowls I had left so long ago, and in the sink I saw where a bird had made it's nest in the sink from the open window near it. She would have loved seeing that. Seeing something so beautiful in a half way abandoned house the stark contrast really puts things into perspective. Life always finds a way During my trip to the house I decided i get what tools of my grandpa's I could from the garage before leaving not knowing when I'd be back. I got more than I could ever ask for. I rummaged through workshop he had set up and then filled with junk so many years ago. Remnants of order and organization buried under the countless triftshop and yard sale trips he had spent filling the place. I got out with a craftsman 3 stack tool box I had to undoubtedly unearth like some ancient relic. A milwalki corded drill (milwalki is really good btw). About a dozen different house clamp pliers and floor jack and jack stands and filled the rest of tool box with all kind of miscellaneous stuff. That was 4 days ago The last 2 days I have spent cleaning, dissembling organizing and fixing all of stuff I got. The day after I got home i realized that within my grandfathers infinite wisdom he had left a bottle of motor fluid on its side and somewhere between now and the gulf war it had spilled over everything, I mean litteraly.....fucking......everything. So I spent these last 2 days taking care of this with wonderful results. Also I haven't been able to stop listening to the fallout 4 sound track. And the car she left me a volvo 240 or a Swedish brick as some call it is in better shape than I had previously thought. Here are some pics!
  6. so im trying to get a job at either a tire shop or breaks and oil change kind of place. nothing like a full on auto shop ,but i would like to graduate to a better place within the year. does anyone here have experience with places like this? is there anything i should know?
  7. thank you guys for the kind words, and keeping a journal looks like a good idea thanks for the suggestion.
  8. why am I the unlucky one, lol calm down Satan.
  9. hello my names lee im 19 and on my 6th or 7th day of the detox. so where im at on the 20th i sold my gaming pc i built when i was 15. i used it to escape from life the for the following reasons. my dad and step mother had problems with rage and alcohol abuse from when i was 14 and only stopped a few months ago, when i dropped out of high school December of 2016 . when my mom died back in July Now i don't blame my 15 year old self for escaping from drunk parents each night, it was a learned behavior so when i dropped out and when my mom died it was just natural to me, what made me FINALLY say fuck this was when i relapsed a few weeks ago and spent 4 days in a row playing 10+ hours a day, after making large strides the weeks before. im tired of being a victim of circumstances. I used to be a person with hobbies and full of life I had friends and girlfriends but after choosing to escape from what came into my life it all fell apart. for the past 4 years i have been logged out of society living in another country, forgetting my native tongue. I have to relearn the language of the home I have now chosen to return to. I have to learn what it means to be alive again. i have to learn what it mean to be human as if i am some AI emerging into this physical world. In the past 7 days i have: i have sighed up for driving classes sold my computer for $350 spent $290 of that on auto tools to fix up my moms 1993 volvo 240 she left me fixed an old laptop with salvaged parts for studying and getting a job started lifting about every other day I haven't worked since October (the grief of my mother passing was too much so i just shut down) and tomorrow i plan to start applying for jobs. my main goal is to get that damn car working, once i do that im free. free to hunt, hike, photograph, study at a coffee shops join a band and sing etc........ it gives me the ability to grow and do what i want, ive been stuck in this room forever now im ready to leave. im ready to "escape to reality" as ive put it since last march. thank you for reading and thank you for having me.
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