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J(e)RK's Journal


J(e)RK
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Well alright, I've quit for exactly one month today and am looking for some new fancier tricks to maybe spend less time on YT now, so I figured writing a journal couldn't hurt.

Oh, and quick note, my alias is just my initials (JRK), and I joke a lot about just adding an E to it to make it what I am. I know that self-deprecation isn't great and blah blah blah, but I like the name.

Quick background check, I loved video games since about 2009, at the age of 7, when I went to Spain for 2 weeks and got it to avoid crippling boredom on the plane ride over. At least that's what my parents got it for me for. I had 2 original games which I was pretty addicted to, but if I had stopped there I would have been just fine. Long story short, I didn't stop there and it wasn't fine. At the time of quitting, my favorite game was Team Fortress 2 (I'm kinda a retro kid). I had put in a "measly" 2,250 hours, which could have been worse, but my next most played game on Steam was Warframe with 400 hours, and I played around quite a bit. I quit cold turkey on November 27, 2017 after I procrastinated hard on two projects which I had to have turned in within the next few weeks. I quit that night and slept on it after discovering Game Quitters and getting inspired enough to make myself a little passive-aggressive document entitled Mission Control, which I add on to every now and then and check back in whenever I'm running low on willpower.

A few other details you may want to know about my are:

I have played piano for 9-10 years and would absolutely do it for a full-time job when I get older if I was presented with the option

I love almost any type of music, especially if it was popular "before my time".

As I stated before, I'm kinda a retro kid and not the hugest fan of technology, since it makes my lack of willpower much harder to manage.

I'm working on a trading card game modeled after a chess-like board and movement system and early Magic: the Gathering or pokemon-type cards. I'm currently unsure of the name and working on 2 decks for a test product. For the record, I would "settle" for working on this or a game similar to it as a full-time job.

I'm attempting to get out for bike rides and take pictures of the world around me at least once a day.

I'm also attempting to learn how to do a type of dance known only as the Hopak, or at least parts of it, and hoping to join a dance troupe soon. I haven't done so already due to difficulties in the area I live (I call it the city that always sleeps, mocking how much it is not like NYC).

I am a pretty skeptical and suspicious person. That's all there is to that one.

As far as my current progress, as stated before, I quit a month ago now for what I hope is for good. At the current moment, whenever I am hit with the urge, I use the rationale of "it doesn't matter and just prevents you from getting what you want". I'm not entirely sure what else there is to say. Good luck to those of you who are trying to quit at the moment and who have quit for a while, and thanks for your time. Hope I could help in some way.

For the record, I am currently trying to go to sleep around 9 each night and wake up around 5, in order to get the sleep I need. I am unsure of what order I need to do everything in, but for days without school, I am hoping to get 2+ hours of piano practice in, 2+ hours of card game development, and go on a half hour minimum bike ride and take a picture of something. I'll check in here every night around 8 EST, at least that's the plan. Otherwise, I hope to spend at least an hour or so on school and school-related stuff each day. All the rest of the time is mine, so long as I don't run to video games.

Edited by J(e)RK
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Day 1

Starting early on this journal, because I just went and checked out the Team Fortress 2 blog and looked over some of the patch notes I never saw, due to having quit. Oddly enough, it was all pretty boring. Even if I was playing, it was all pay to access stuff, nothing that really affected me without me having put more money into it. Furthermore, this means that if I were to start up the game on an impulse, it would be more or less the same as before. So far I got up at 5 and managed to read some blog posts until now. Probably gonna go eat some food, and try to be out of the house around the crack of dawn for a bike ride. Hoping to get a pretty picture of the sunrise at the end of my road (there's a nice dock).

Money shot get. Haven't got to working on my other stuff yet, but breakfast and bike ride (with pretty picture included) are finished. Probably going to go take a shower after this and then to work on my card game.IMG_20171228_064618897.jpg

Began working on my card game, got a snack, watched a little tv, then came back downstairs and suddenly had to clean my room. Decided to do a little "winter cleaning" and just looked through everything I've accumulated over the years, and trying to get rid of all of it that I don't want or need. I currently have 3 trash bags full of clothes on my bed and a couple large plastic boxes of stuff to get rid of. Hopefully reducing clutter will make it easier to keep it clean. At the least, spending a long time organizing always makes it easier to justify taking the extra 2 seconds to put things where they belong.

I'm a little behind schedule for bed, but I'll have to live with that when I get up at 5 tomorrow. I got in some good piano practice, but I spent a lot of time watching YouTube today. I also managed to look at a ton of things to get rid of, although I'm going to have to wait until I have some means of getting rid of all of it until I can actually get my cluttered room cleaned up. First day on this schedule was a minor success, but I never got to dancing today and it's too late now with all this stuff in my room. I've got five things to complete this week, and hopefully I can master at least part of the Hopak or Cossack Dance. I would love to quit YT because I think it would prevent days like this, but I don't even know that that would help. I need a legitimate escape, and YT provides that, albeit for too long sometimes.

Goals for this week:

Piano: Prepare for my performance this Sunday, the 31st. Looking forward to it.

Card Game: Finish notes on cards and begin compiling decklists for my first two decks.

Biking: Check out some cool spots and try to climb some trees for shots or something similar to that.

I'm not really sure how to set goals for dancing, so I guess just work on that

Clean my room and keep it clean. Gotta start somewhere.

 

Edited by J(e)RK
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>Retro

>You're literally 16

It hurts bro. I mean I'm not the oldest one in this community by far but... yeah haha. 

Hopak you mean the Ukrainian/cossack dance? Amazing stuff! 

Welcome to the forum!

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6 hours ago, Hitaru said:

>Retro

>You're literally 16

It hurts bro.

:D:D:D

I literally lol'd hard.

I always said whoever decided to move on from the 80s needs their head slapped! I share your perchance for retro things, I guess that is what drove me to linux, was to breathe new life into old hardware.

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Hi JYK I appreciate that you can keep making progress for everything everyday!

My friends had wanted to develop a card game as well and they invited me to participate. However, we haven't made any progress after 1 year orz

Welcome to the community and good luck on your quitting!

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Day 2

I'm feeling unsure today. Aside from cleaning my room, I don't think anything else I've done over the last month is necessarily out of the ordinary, even for the old me that played video games. I still end up spending a lot of time just watching YouTube and less time than desired on playing piano and working on my card game or dancing. Part of the issue, as well, is that I'm forced into doing a lot of things that waste my time because I can't drive myself places, and I end up wasting 2 hours on each school day to go and partake in track, which I'm no good at, since I'm not very athletic, and find myself generally apathetic towards, since I've been doing it for a year now and have seen little improvement. Maybe it's just that it isn't a fix that happens within a month, but I want to say that I could have fixed at least one thing, which I suppose I have been working more on my card game than before. I guess it's just that even when I had school and didn't play video games, I still didn't work on my card game, and I still hardly worked on piano for that week. I mostly worked on my dance in the morning when I had like 10-15 minutes of free time, if I even worked on it for that long. Maybe I just need to quit YT as well, and everything would get better. I think I'm gonna go on a bike ride and come back and see what I think. More than anything, I wish that there was someone who could do something with me on a regular basis and take whatever that something is seriously. If I had a band of people to play with, I could certainly spend more time playing music, at least with them. I guess I just want a feedback loop or something, and that's something I can't seem to get outside of video games, at least not at my age, and where I live. As much as I hate to say it, I think school is not necessarily for me. I have been thinking about going to the North Carolina School of Science and Math, but as of recent, it just feels plain wrong. I've even had some doubts about college, for that matter. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can enjoy math and science, and even watching some debates on YT about religion and the like, but I just always find myself more impressed with the version of me that just expresses himself. I feel like nothing is going to change until I can move out, and no matter what I try, I find myself stuck in a little box because of my age, and that alone. I feel like I am perfectly capable of going to grocery stores, but I live 15 minutes away from any town, and that's by car. Even when I was cleaning my room yesterday, I can't just drive to the consignment store or the charity or whatever and get rid of all this stuff, and that's all it is to me at this point in time. But instead, I just have all this stuff in my room, just waiting for me to have that shadow of doubt which makes me go back on it.

Well, that was a perfectly circular paragraph. Sorry for the rant all, I just needed to get it out and didn't know where else to go. For certain, I want to just break down and play video games, but I don't think that's the path for me. I think I need to continue pursuing my artistic side and find out what I'm truly capable of, and maybe then I can go back. But until then, and until school stops getting in my way, I'm afraid that quitting is the way to go. Sorry if you just read that paragraph and thought "you know, I could really help this kid out", but apparently all I need is like an essay to get out my feelings. And look, that's what this is turning into as well. So I'm just gonna stop.

I think I'm just gonna binge listen to A Real Life by Greek Fire.

I just feel so helpless sometimes...

At the very least, I got to talk to friend today who I really haven't hung out with in a while, and all he really does is video games. He helped me work through some things, and while all he really did was state the obvious, that was all I needed. I really just want to play music. There isn't much more to it. Even if my life has to revolve around school since my future is dependent on it, music is what I really want to spend time on.

To summarize what I got done today, I have:

  • Swam for about 30 mins
  • Got a few pictures riding around on my bike
  • Practiced piano for about 30-40 minutes
  • Did not actually work on my card game
  • Did nothing so far as dancing
  • On schedule for going to bed at 9
  • Significantly questioned my resolve and purpose for quitting games, and whether I actually achieved that goal

Daily Goals:

  • Finish at least naming the cards in my two starter decks
  • Practice for at least 40 minutes on piano
  • Go on a bike ride and take a picture of something
  • Be in bed by 9
  • Practice dancing for at least 20 minutes
  • Do something for school

Weekly Goals:

  • Card Game: Finish the two starter decks for my card game
  • Piano: Prepare for my performance on Sunday, the 31st
  • Personal: Clean my room and keep it clean.
  • Dancing: Figure out how to make a goal for dancing
  • Biking: Find a cool spot out in nature and take a picture of it from an elevated position.
Edited by J(e)RK
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Day 3

Oh boy was today a waste. First I went to work for 4 hours, which isn't inherently bad, but after that I went out with my brother and one of his friends to a Magic: the Gathering event (did I mention I play some MTG?), and we didn't return until 6:00, effectively shutting down most of my piano playing time. With my performance tomorrow, I'm probably gonna squeeze in like 20 minutes before going to bed, but otherwise today was a bust. I couldn't enjoy myself at the MTG event (mostly due to the fact that my deck was complete garbage), and it took up the majority of my day. I mean, all I really got out of the event was a meaningless piece of cardboard.

I didn't get to go on my bike ride, I didn't get to dance, I didn't work on my card game, and my room still has a few things laying around. I'm gonna need to clean up a bit more tomorrow morning, and since school is coming back soon, I'm really gonna have to press myself to actually get stuff done. I feel like tomorrow nothing is going to get done because people in my house are mostly sleeping until I'm gonna have to go to my performance, and afterwards I'm probably not gonna have any time for myself until the party, which is obviously going until midnight, since it's new years, and then I'm gonna be really freaking tired for the rest of Monday, and I'm going back to school on Tuesday. I feel utterly useless right now.

Daily Goals: Too late for that now.

Weekly Goals: Also too late for them now. I suppose as far as my old tally goes, I achieved all of one of my goals, which was preparing for my performance tomorrow. I brainstormed on ways to set goals for dance, such as devoting a week to one thing or another, but I think I'll just try to track my total weekly time for that or something. I failed my card game goals, having essentially half of one deck finished, I failed my biking goal just because I never actually got out today since it was dark by 6 when I got home, and I couldn't even manage to clean my room. I think I need to lay off the YouTube from here on out.

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Day 4

Starting early today. I don't want today to end like yesterday. I installed Steam again and almost started it up, until I remembered how yesterday felt and how frustrating it would be to get anything done. I had a moment of weakness, thankfully I didn't give in. I was thinking about how I had no other options, and how was I to get anything done? I won't lie, I was feeling a little discouraged after yesterday and nobody has commented here since day 2. That's okay. I'm used to having to do things alone. Maybe even better at it.

Today is the day of my piano performance at a local church. I think I should be able to do well, and I'm quite confident.

Later today, my family is having a new year's party, so I'd best say goodbye to being able to work from there on out. Really, nothing should take very long except for finishing my starter decks, and I have time for that now.

I've gotten through maybe 1/3rd of my first decklist, and all the cards are named, so I'm almost up to date. My bike still needs some work, but I think I'm going to go fix my brakes and go for a quick ride and try to achieve my goal for last week. I almost started to binge some atheist commentaries by VicedRhino, but I managed to stop myself. I find that they frequently bring back video game urges, since I would watch the commentaries while playing video games when they were at a slow moment, so now I've associated them with each other. I may have to stop watching these types of video for a while if this persists.

First Tree Picture:IMG_20171231_162821935.thumb.jpg.63d917cf4091005546427d95edb6bb46.jpg

I think I'm over yesterday's failures and ready to use it to propel myself forward today so that I can finish up a few more things and head into the new year with a clean slate. I also got next month's itinerary set up on my calendar, so hopefully that will help me stay on track.

I'm gonna set my goals early and try to get them all knocked out.

Daily Goals:

  • Finish the 2 starter decks. I have plenty of time before anyone else is up to work on this.
  • Dance for 15 minutes.
  • Do well at my piano performance!
  • Go for a bike ride and take a picture from an elevated position (and I actually need to work on my bike as well, one of the brakes doesn't work)
  • Finish cleaning my room. There's not too much left, just gotta put some stuff in its place and get the last of the stuff I don't want out of my room.
  • Get over the fact that I had a bad day yesterday.
  • Set up my calendar/planner for next year.

Weekly Goals:

  • Start testing out my calendar/planner
  • Begin testing out my 2 decks (after finishing them, obviously)
  • Start working on some new songs to practice for piano
  • Practice dancing for 15 minutes every day
  • Keep my room clean
  • Limit myself to 1 hour of YouTube a day. This shouldn't be too hard with school.
Edited by J(e)RK
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JRK I am glad that you didn't give in! Believe that the journal will exert its effect once you persist!

I am sorry you feel you have to do things alone in this community.

From now on I will leave comment everyday!(If you don't mind my poor English)

Wish your performance go well!!!!

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Start Date: November 27

90 Days: February 25

Day 5

Man, New Years Eve is such a stupid holiday. I basically moved my entire schedule back 4 hours, which really sucks, since I have school again tomorrow. I didn't even really have fun last night, and sure, it was "neat" to "see" the transition from 2017 to 2018, but it doesn't really mean anything except that another Earth orbit has begun. Maybe that's just me being pessimistic, but as well, nobody else is even awake today at 9, so I'm still the only one awake. As well, lots of people got drunk (and one kid I've known for practically as long as I've lived got completely wasted), which made it even harder to enjoy myself. I hate watching people making buffoons out of themselves.

I did great at my performance yesterday! I feel pretty good about it. I think I'm gonna try to get in an hour or so today, since I've got virtually nothing to do today. I still haven't finished my decklists, but I did work a bit on a new magic deck which is pretty sweet. I'm really not sure when I'm gonna have the lists finished, but I'm going to make testing the decks at least once and refining them a bit to be the week's goal for cards.

I'm not gonna lie, I really haven't found any time to dance recently. It's kinda been upsetting me. Along with the remaining wreck in my room, it is kinda hard to work on it. But I think once I can establish 15 minutes a day, it shouldn't be too hard.

I did get my picture from a tree (see last post)! I'm happy I got it, but I'm not gonna have time for bike rides on school days, since I have to stay out until 6, so at least until the days get a bit longer, I'm gonna try to get some sort of pic at school. I'm not really sure how long that's gonna last, but I would definitely prefer biking to shot put, since I can relax a bit more when biking.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure this day is gonna be a bust. I'm already tired and I only have 12 hours, so I'm just gonna set some reasonable goals.

As well, I'm rather concerned about my eating. I'm going to try to cut down to only 3 meals a day, maybe with a 3 o'clock snack. I feel like this sort of model will help me a lot, and should not be difficult with school, since I hardly have time to eat anything else. Luckily, my family hardly ever has desserts, so I won't have to worry about that as much. A little here and there could be acceptable, as long as it's only once a day and after a meal, so I won't be filling up on dessert.

I'm looking into getting back into drums. I've kinda wanted to for a while, but I've just never actually brought myself to do it. It's too late tonight, and I probably won't get into it throughout the week because I'm busy with school, but maybe over the weekend I could try jamming a bit and mess around with the old beats. Who knows, maybe I'll make it a regular goal. For now, it's going in the weekly.

I also managed to get another picture, this time a little bit higher. I don't think the picture was all that great. The way I was on the tree was a bit precarious and thus I couldn't really concentrate on the picture and its quality. I didn't really do a whole lot otherwise today, but I did manage to, more or less, limit myself to my 3 meals.

I've also decided that I want to really nail down my piano time, so I'm going to try to focus more on those goals and their time than dance. As such, I'm going to try to get a weekly total of 1 hour of dance, and of course limitations aren't so hard. I just want to make sure that I keep everything well maintained.

Daily Goals:

  • 45-60 minutes of piano
  • Go on a bike ride and take a picture from a tree
  • Finish decklists
  • Get rid of the bags and Duplo blocks in my room so I can put everything else away.
  • Limit myself to a 3 o'clock snack and 3 meals.

Weekly Goals:

  • Test out my calendar/planner
  • Finish and test my 2 decks
  • Work on some new songs for piano
  • Practice dance for 15 minutes each day
  • Limit myself to 1 hour of YT each day
  • Keep my room clean
  • Jam a little bit on the drum set.
  • 15 minutes of dance (cumulatively)
Edited by J(e)RK
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Congrats on the performance. I made the mistake of staying up all night to work on some pencil pots and watch a couple new years shows. daft idea because I could have watched reruns later online. 

1 hour ago, J(e)RK said:
  • Test out my calendar/planner

So useful although I bought the wrong one. I should have gotten more "planner" than "calendar". Still, sketchbook does the job. I'll just keep the right one for next year.

I would like to one day go back to playing the piano but at the moment I have other things that I need to pin down first.

Edited by -n.g-
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I agree with you XDD To me, festivals are more or less the same with normal days. Me and my friends are drawing during New Year Countdown LOL 

Congratulations on your performance! I appreciate on your passion on music and the willingness to work on it regularly!

Nice setting of the reasonable goals. Keep it up.

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@Kiki I forgot to post this on previous days, but thanks a ton for commenting daily! It helps me out a ton. I feel like there's a ton going on in my life that I have control over and I think today I got a lot of that out. It's kinda a drag and pretty long as far as my journal entries are concerned, but I'm glad I wrote it.

Start Date: November 27

90 Days: February 25

Day 6

I didn't really do anything today, save for school. I had very little homework which, somewhat regrettably, I still have not done. Only a few classes even assigned me homework, as usual, but I am trying to consider what I want to do with my time. Video games, as always, are very appealing, and while I would love to get out of the house to find a band or hang out with some friends, I am unable to drive myself anywhere and live 15 minutes away from the closest city by car. So I really have very little control over what I actually get to do. School takes up most of my time, and the rest in generally taken up by sleep and trying to have a little fun, albeit through the cheap method of addiction. So now I'm consider the, in my opinion, real option of succumbing to my addiction in order to give myself something to devote myself to. If I had my way, it would definitely be piano, but sometimes I just feel that I have no real songs to work on since I have no up and coming performances planned, except for half a year down the road. My performances at the church have certainly helped at least a little, but I've probably got a few months before I end up even working on another song for that. I don't really know what I need to get better at practicing, or if quitting video games are it, or if I need to just be a bit more reasonable, since I've not practiced regularly for about 2 years now. I feel really bad because I feel like I should be able to make things better just on my own, or at least with some motivation from online, but it seems to me that I may be unable to do such a thing after all. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly due to this inability to practice consistently, and I'm really trying to get to the root of the matter so I can make myself practice, but I just can't.

All of a sudden, my fingers feel weak, whether it's just for having typed that sentence, or because my keyboard can get rather tiring after a long day at school, which I don't think is true. I wish there was some way, any way, to escape where I am right now. I have considered going to the North Carolina School of Science and Math, but I feel like any chance I have at getting in there would be through no small amount of deception and rationalization. I want to be able to control what goes on in my life, but I really just can't. Why is this the reality for being a kid, well, anywhere? I'm sick of it. I don't know the true rationale, but I know a lot of senior citizens would pay a lot to go back to being a kid, but the amount of freedom you really have is limited. I guess that's just proof that no matter where some people are, they just can't find happiness, and think that either it's just up ahead or perhaps they just missed it. What a stupid cycle. I feel like I learned absolutely nothing today at school, even though there were several lectures, and while I did enjoy hanging out with all the friends I didn't see over break, it just reminded me of how little time and influence I really have over where I go and what I can do. If what I want to do for a job is play piano, why can't I just do that? If I become indecisive, then that's my fault and my problem, but if I want to make that decision, then I should be entrusted with being able to make it. I shouldn't be forced to take some ludicrous amount of math, English, and science courses, for whatever reason. Man I've wanted to get this out for so long. School annoys me, not because it's so boring, but just because, in many ways, it's so useless, and lots of it is just fluff. It has no purpose. Tell me, how many professions are gonna grow up and need to know what makes up a cell? Anything related to biology, maybe, but that doesn't even make up a majority of people leaving high school. I understand that lots of people are indecisive, but it shouldn't be anyone's job besides their own to figure out what they want. Instead, we force some random courses, and while scientific literacy is important, I've honestly learned more about that over the last few months of watching YouTube than in school, well ever, about how to fact check. How to find correct, reliable sources. For that matter, the only class I've EVER had which even attempts to teach me such a skill is HEALTH class. Why is that Health related? I'm not going to know everything about science, so the important parts of science and scientific discovery, at least for me, are being able to find and interpret that data. And then there's math. Really, you would think 4 years would be more than enough, but most of all, I've never used something more advanced than exponents and maybe probability in the real world. I think the problem with a ton of people and how they teach math is along the basis of "well, someone can find this useful, so that means everyone needs to know it", which is totally untrue. While it may be reasonable for me to learn some basic skills, what job couldn't teach you the math involved within 1-2 years unless it was a math-intensive job, which could still probably teach you within 8 years. I mean, really, the entire school system is based off of "we can teach you this and we have some more time to waste, so why the hell not" type of reasoning. I'm sick of it. I like classes like Health & PE which teach you healthy habits for the real world, because after all, we are animals first, and humans second. Yet we're just told assertion after assertion and expected to believe it. It's no wonder why so many Americans are super gullible, because that's all we're taught. Sure, there are a few teachers who will throw you a curve-ball every now then, and ask you to fact check what they say, but really, you can't check like 4+ classes of facts every day. It's just not possible. And even in history, where they claim to be teaching you about how "history repeats itself and all that changes are the names", and you should think about what's happening and how it turned out before, that's just such a lame excuse. You're teaching the specific names, you're teaching the specific dates, and you're teaching the specific events. So don't feed us some garbage about how we're "learning about human nature" or whatever, just tell us that you're teaching us about what happened before and give us a reasonable explanation. Going back to school today just reminded me of all the stupidity involved with it. Sorry for making you read all this, I just really needed to get it out, and even if nobody actually reads this paragraph in its entirety, it helped me just to get it all put down somewhere.

TL;DR: School is stupid and needs to get its act together.

Aside from all that negativity, one of my friends from school invited me to her 16th birthday party. Seeing the stack of invitations, it seemed to me that she was inviting a multitude of people. I'll probably see about going, and my parents are always getting on me about going to social stuff. So I guess I'll try to go.

Anyway, it's a bit late to set my daily goals today. I'm just gonna put down my weeklies. Good night all.

Weekly Goals:

  • Test out my calendar/planner
  • Finish and test my 2 decks
  • Work on some new songs for piano
  • Practice dance for 15 minutes each day
  • Limit myself to 1 hour of YT each day
  • Keep my room clean
  • Jam a little bit on the drum set.
  • 15 minutes of dance (cumulatively)
Edited by J(e)RK
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Regarding on your situation in piano practicing, I think you have done well already being a student with at least 8 hours of schoolwork everyday. You don't have to be so hard on yourself. Maybe you can challenge yourself with a piano exams? I don't know if the ABRSM Piano exams is prevalent in your country. In Hong Kong, every piano learner attends this exam to get qualification. For those who get a pass on grade 8 exam, they are qualified to be a piano teacher. (I used to play piano as well but I am not interested anymore so I give up after passing the exam haha) Or you may just pick the songs that you are interested in for practicing. I don't know what songs you like, but I loved to play anime soundtracks in free time :D Once you devoted yourself on a hobby and let the reward system in your brain work normally, you won't be attracted by video games anymore. The process takes time but you will surely succeed within this detox. Video games are totally not necessary for one who want to acquire true happiness.

I can relate to your situation in school. When I was high school, I don't know why I should study the dumb subjects and I just want to practice anime drawing and become an illustrator or mangaka. The true is that not everything in life is the thing that we want. But I realize that we have the ability to handle the things we don't want to do while developing the things that are truly important. Hope that you can feel better after writing the feelings down.

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Well alright, I originally wasn't going to make this post but . . .

I've decided to go back into video games. I'm not entirely sure that this is going to be permanent, but I'm still unsure of what else I can really do. I feel powerful on video games, whereas I'm powerless everywhere else. If I can't continue to retain my good habits, I'll be right back here and probably call it a relapse, but I've honestly thought about it. I just have nothing else to work towards consistently. My piano performances are few and far between. For that matter, most of the stuff I do has little purpose. I'm going to attempt to continue dancing or biking, I'm unsure of which as of yet, and a good sleep schedule. Obviously I'm going to continue with piano, as well. Anyway, just let this thread die. I'll find it again if I need it.

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2 hours ago, J(e)RK said:

Well alright, I originally wasn't going to make this post but . . .

I've decided to go back into video games. I'm not entirely sure that this is going to be permanent, but I'm still unsure of what else I can really do. I feel powerful on video games, whereas I'm powerless everywhere else. If I can't continue to retain my good habits, I'll be right back here and probably call it a relapse, but I've honestly thought about it. I just have nothing else to work towards consistently. My piano performances are few and far between. For that matter, most of the stuff I do has little purpose. I'm going to attempt to continue dancing or biking, I'm unsure of which as of yet, and a good sleep schedule. Obviously I'm going to continue with piano, as well. Anyway, just let this thread die. I'll find it again if I need it.

Cool cool!

Going back into games is neither "right" nor "wrong". I just recommend that you ensure to make the decision honestly, instead of being tricked by the addiction. ?

I don't know if the need to feel powerful is something truly worth pursuing, but hey, every person with their own decisions! :) 

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