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Stman

Sort of relapse..

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Merry Christmas,

I drastically cut down gaming last year and very rarely play any games. I never feel the urge to game as other things occupy my time.

However, i unexpectedly recieved an expensive console for Christmas. I feel guilty for not wanting to play as I feel I am wasting the gift givers money. I am going back to university soon where I can share the console with my flat mates. What should I do?

 

thanks

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Adding to the great link Cam posted...

I'd also suggest you check this out: http://www.movemequotes.com/buddha-getting-insulted/ — It might seem offtopic, but bear with me. You'll see why I share it with you.

Also, to put things more bluntly: do a small mental game... pretend you were given a huge bag full of expired, rotten food. Do you really want to accept it, and have it around your house? At the very least, I'm pretty sure you don't want to eat it. You might feel guilty for the other person to have invested all that money in the food... but that was their choice, their mistake. You have no reason to get food poisoning because other person spent money.

Back to your situation, I'm pretty sure the gift-giver doesn't want to cause you trouble. If possible, perhaps explain the situation and offer to give it back. If not, just sell it, donate it, whatever. Perhaps they'll understand. Perhaps not. As Cam's link says: A few might get offended, and that’s okay.

Good luck!

Edited by superiggy
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One major problem I see is that guilt will always turn you into a monkey that dances to somebodies tune. When I stopped eating meat and later stopped using any animal product, life suddenly got very hard. Being invited to others houses was a huge challenge. Because even though everybody knew about my new lifestyle, just very few actually knew anything about it. Some served me fish, because its no meat and such. And I would always have to discuss and in the end, many found me to be rude. If you don't act like everybody else, you are rude? Right? Wrong. That is what many people will try to apply to you. But doing something you don't want to do because of guilt will turn you into a guilty person. You will mentally accept that you owe somebody. Just like with this gift. Don't get me wrong, I totally get where you are coming from, but try to distance yourself from the gifter just for a second and think about it: What is a gift? A gift usually is a little something to show somebody that you care about about this somebody. If somebody really does care about you, he or she will understand that this gift is not working for you. If I make gifts - which is quite rare, especially with people that are really close to me - I always try to stress that this gift is not MINE anymore. The moment I give it away, it is yours. You did not borrow it, nor lease it, nor rent it. It is fully yours and you have to decide what you do with it. If you sell it, you sell it. If you give it to somebody else, you do that. That is what a gift is. You don't owe me. Nothing at all. And that is also very important to learn. The more you tell people that you do not want gifts that are about gaming, the more you truly show your real character and at the same time you stand your ground. For me, all these challenges of doing things that are hard to do, are super important. It will strengthen your personality and it will help you in situations of insecurity and uncertainty. Lets put it this way: If you learn to say "no, thank you" now, it will always be easier to stand your ground in any situation. You learn to trust your guts, to be the person you want to be.

That is what the article said about respect. I do not respect a whiny person that bends for everybody. But I respect people that stand their ground and are able to make tough decisions, even if they hurt. You, my friend, stand in front of a great challenge that will form you depending on how you decide. You can either decide to make it work somehow to not offend anybody, which is avoiding the true consequence of your own decisions, or you can try to make it work in a different way. Talk to the person first. Try to explain yourself. If the person cares for you, he or she will understand. Thus, you improve your social skills and stand your ground. If he or she does not understand at all, than it is the gift of a stranger and it should be easier for you to deal with it the way you want to deal with it.

No matter how you decide, I just want to stress again: These challenges, the moments when we are afraid of something, are extremely important, because the decisions we make in these situations will form our personality. We can grow or shrink or stagnate. No matter how hard it is mate, you got this under control!

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