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Frog's Journal (first try)


AngryFrog

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So After first post I wasn't sure whether I will make my journal, but I think it will help me, so I will try. I don't think I'll update it every day, but it still should be helpful to look back sometimes.
5th days is almost over and honestly, I don't feel any urges to play, even a little bit. I don't miss it at all so far. But it isn't all good. IT FUCKING HURTS... I feel so damn lonely, so incredibly empty. I'm now facing my problems, all those years spent within the walls of my room.. all real life friends I lost, they all moved on and I stayed at the same spot.. no progress.. Depression plus social anxiety... it's fcking crushing me.  
All these years... I wasn't playing because I loved gaming... I just wanted to run away from real world, from all those feelings. Feeling lonely yet scared to talk with people, to be with them, how can one feel such different feelings at the same time? 28th birthday is coming this month... it will really be psychologically hard to go through that day..

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I encourage you to start with daily updates. A journal entry serves as a self evaluation, reflection, subconscious expression, and reminder all at the same time and only takes 10 minutes. It's certainly the highest value/time spent activity you can do, atleast at the start.

That being said, open yourself up to the loneliness. Yup it hurts, but see if you can learn to feel it on a deeper level, energetically, like you're tasting it, and embrace it. This will diffuse the suffering associated with it. Suffering is pain x resistance. 0 resistance, 0 suffering.

No kidding, there's a long road ahead, sure. But the road is satisfying, and consistent. One step at a time m8.

Look forward to hearing your progress.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So, my counter shows 18th day has almost passed. I don't write too often since I'm moving slow, there's not enough action to talk about! Started taking medications 2 days ago, even though it didn't fully kick in yet, my mood is much more stable now, I feel much more calm. I don't feel urges to play, I mean I miss it a bit, it was really fun, but I read some articles that scared me from playing games, what kind of works :D I still don't want to do anything, doesn't feel motivated, my brain still crave higher level of stimulation that video games provided, daily activities still seem boring. Step by step trying to get in to programming again, I loved it before, and was kind of good at picking it up, but gaming ultimately won and I abandoned this hobby. so yeah, we'll see what's next!

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7 minutes ago, WorkInProgress said:

I am very interested in software development and do some programming myself. What language/tech stack you did programming in the past?

Languages I got to know were PHP, JavaScript, CSS and Python, since I did most of my "coding" on Linux, I even learned some scripting on Bash, but due to all those issues, and gaming addiction I switched to Windows and forgot most of what I've learned during High school years, but now, I really wish to come back to it. Are you learning a language currently? or did you in the past? which one?

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1 minute ago, AngryFrog said:

Languages I got to know were PHP, JavaScript, CSS and Python, since I did most of my "coding" on Linux, I even learned some scripting on Bash, but due to all those issues, and gaming addiction I switched to Windows and forgot most of what I've learned during High school years, but now, I really wish to come back to it. Are you learning a language currently? or did you in the past? which one?

I also do my "coding" on Linux. I learned a bit of C in University so I thought it would be good idea to start with C/C++. I did some object oriented samples and semi-useful projects but never produced anything real. I also tried some pyhton and bash scripting. But after I found a job as a atlassian software consultant I reorienteted and right now just do learn by doing projects. Right now I am programming an alexa skill for my echo which will give me the age of my newborn child in weeks (I am always struggling to remember :D). To do this i learn some basic javascript and node.js.  I recently am in strong favor of doing small projects and learning on the fly what I'll need to know instead of trying to "master" a programming language which is in the end an impossible task. This way it hopefully sticks because I apply it immediatly.

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On ‎12‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 8:55 AM, WorkInProgress said:

I also do my "coding" on Linux. I learned a bit of C in University so I thought it would be good idea to start with C/C++. I did some object oriented samples and semi-useful projects but never produced anything real. I also tried some pyhton and bash scripting. But after I found a job as a atlassian software consultant I reorienteted and right now just do learn by doing projects. Right now I am programming an alexa skill for my echo which will give me the age of my newborn child in weeks (I am always struggling to remember :D). To do this i learn some basic javascript and node.js.  I recently am in strong favor of doing small projects and learning on the fly what I'll need to know instead of trying to "master" a programming language which is in the end an impossible task. This way it hopefully sticks because I apply it immediatly.

Damn! nice it seems you had some fun with it too! And YES I completely agree with you there's no way to memorize/master one language perfectly, none of the programmers I know does that, they all google a lot, use it on the go, there's simply too much stuff to memorize, its better to go through some tutorials/courses and try to UNDERSTAND them instead of remember every bit :) That's what I'm going to do myself, but for real this time! no games ruining my goals!

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So yeah my streak goes on strong!, And I started to feel slight motivation/urges to do stuff away from gaming! I'm on medication, so that might do something to it too, anyways, I'm starting to learn German! And will start to practice programming again, little steps, maybe an hour a day, but still moving forward instead of backwards! so yeah!

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