ananabanana 9 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 HeyAfter seeing this reddit post linked by Cam Adair on Facebook, I finally decided to write down my own story; Because telling strangers about myself may help me. This is just an unstructured, unplanned summary of my thoughts. 'The plan' is to continue my personal development after posting this by following Game Quitters' guidance. I used quotation marks because I can't remember the last time i actually executed a plan. But then again, I am convinced I have a terrible memory.I am 18 years old. I have been a member of Game Quitters since october 2015. Since then, I have had a Skype conversation with Cam in january 2016. Shortly after, I quit university, where i had started my first year in civil engineering in september 2015. I quit university because i didn't study, attend the classes or attend the exams. Instead I sat in front of my computer the entire day. I searched for a job and worked a bit. I decided I wanted to retry studying next academic year, starting semptember 2016. I decided I wanted to study either the bachelor of arts for piano at a certain conservatory, where I passed the entrance exam, or computer science at the university. I choose for computer science. I am still at least a bit doubtful about that decision. I choose computer science because I interacted more with computers than the piano, but I didn't really use them productively. The exams started last week. I study a bit. Not everyday, and I can only get myself to study in study halls organised by my university. What to I do the entire day/night? I sit in front of the computer; I watch Youtube and Netflix, I torrent movies and series, I visit sites such as 9gag and I game a lot. I almost only play one game: League of Legends. It seems that I pass my time using the computer in ways that are not mentally/intellectually challenging. I had learned LoL suffiently in the past to be able to play it, but I never improved during all the hours spent. I may be more addicted to screens/computers/the internet/the nonpersistent relaxing feeling of doing nothing challenging, than to the games themselves. There are other things I want to do, like learning to program (for which I am in the right place), reading sciencefiction books like 1984 and the Foundation series, and even play piano.I decided to completely stop playing piano when i decided I wouldn't study piano. Now I miss it, but I don't have the will power to walk the 300 meters or less to the place at my university. Actually I won't even remember that option, most likely because my thoughts are so stuck to the pc.I have almost no friends. One friend I have has many better friends than me, and only contacts me because he wants to help me get a hold on my life. He was the one that got me to go to the university's study halls/libraries. That's what good friends do I guess, but it is sad that we don't do anything together. The other friend also games but never contacts me. I almost never contact him. He has better friends. We do almost nothing together. My parents got me a student room at a residency of my university this year for the first time, after what happened last year. I guess because they want me to make have more social contact with other people and to do more, as I have to buy stuff, do the laundry etc. myself. My sleep schedule is terrible. At the moment I go to sleep at 11:30 am and wake up at 5:30 pm (17:30). My eating habbits are terrible, sometimes I only eat bread with peanut butter for a few days. During many 'days' I don't speak with any real person and spend more than 13 hours using the pc.I have the tendency to feel like there is so much wrong, that there is no point trying to improve, because after improving one thing, I'll still have my entire life of problems (minus that one likely insignificant thing). Many people say I am smart and have great potential, and I skipped a class in primary school, but I can't seem to use what I have (that's how others say it). Thank you for reading this far. If you did, I don't expect a response. In fact I don't expect anything, as it seems unfair to expect more from others than yourself. I have the feeling people hate me for the way I am, and I tend to agree, I do live like an idiot, with no sense of purpose or direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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