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ananabanana

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  1. DAY_003 Time I woke up: (17:30) Time I went to sleep yesterday: (14:00) Physical task: / Mental task: / Projects: / Miscellaneous accomplishments: ~ I was honest about my exams (I didn't even participate in 3 of the 5 exams) with my parents. I didn't lie about it. Summary of Day #: Today I will write less in this journal. It's midnight and I'm tired because I couldn't sleep last night. I'm writing this quickly on my phone in bed. Ty @Dannigan for your template. My last exam was today, but I didn't even do the exam. I didn't study enough. The biggest thing that kept me from studying was that I didn't even know what I had to study and how much I work it roughly would take. I had never properly taken a look at the subject. I knew absolutely nothing about it until 02:00 o'clock at night. The exam was at 14:00. Next semester it is important that I go through the subject's table of contents etc to get a feel for how (much) I will have to study. What I am grateful for today: ~ went to see a performance together with my family ~ dinner with family ~ I'm actually going to sleep at a decent hour. ~ having the will power to write this even though I want to sleep
  2. @UndRt0w I'm fine with writing and reading in English, but if you want to say anything in dutch, go ahead! I am setting up cold turkey at the moment to block internet access entirely, apart from university stuff, beween 01.00 and 07:00. edit: It took me about 10 minutes to get up and do something else after enabling frozen turkey, what basically blocks the entire pc.
  3. DAY_002 Thank you! I will try to apply that tactic when I'm mindlessly browsing. What I need to do is attending classes and putting effort in learning/studying the subjects. On the shorter term, and because I don't have access to the online course material and books for next semester, I'm thinking of reading books. I have not actually done it. I just found the problem, still thinking about it. (Also, I really don't like porridge .) @destoroyah Thanks for the tips! I've already found a method to fall asleep (when I'm actually tired) that has been working consistently for the past few days: I just stop using my computer and smartphone and try to sleep. I don't know why I just wrote down something that obvious. I will set an alarm tomorrow at 09:00 and will go to sleep tomorrow at 23:00. That's the plan. Two problems: 1. I don't think I will have enough willpower to wake up. Can you link me to a stressful alarm? 2. The past few days I have always taken my phone after waking up and laid down on my bed undressed browsing whatever for a few hours. I don't feel like I will be able to not do that tomorrow. (I should probably find a place to go to at a certain time in the morning to force me out of my room. I don't know how to force myself out of my room in the morning. Cam suggested a fulltime day-job one year ago, but that isn't an option, as I want to study for a bachelor degree) @UndRt0w I've found the cold turkey program quite recently. Cold turkey writer is the reason I was able to write my first posts on this forum. Otherwise I would probably have given up because the intellectual difficulty barrier was too high and gone back to browsing/watching/gaming. In conclusion: - I want to try meditation, if only to prove to myself that I can do something for a fixed amount of time on a daily base. I need to start today and do it for a few days. Do you recommend headspace? - I am certain I want to change. - I need to start using a template from guidelines + templates. That wil help putting structure in my thoughts and self-image, which will help with processing my thoughts. - I'll post a reply soon using a template after I've read my daily chapter of Respawn. (Actually that already proves I can do something daily, at least for 3 days.)
  4. DAY_001 I've removed all my games and am in the process of terminating/selling the accounts. I believe I will 100 percent fail my next and last exam on friday, and thus have given up studying for it. On a positive note, I have been going to bed earlier: instead of sleeping from 12:00 to 18:00, last 'night' I slept from 4:30 to 13:00. This means I'm also sleeping longer, which is good i guess. I don't really know how I'll ever sleep 23:00-7:30 on a daily base.
  5. @hycniejsy I don't really get the point of that. What does it add to the badge I have on the stopgaming subreddit and this journal? I already have a daily counter. Besides, It doesn't even have an app for android, only for ios, which makes me sad!
  6. @Cam Adair Hey Cam, do you remember our skype conversation we had on Wednesday, January 27th 2016? I didn't really have much to say back then and I believe I have already changed a bit since then. I just wanted to let you know I'm fully committing this time!
  7. @Schwing Basically the same as what I said in my previous post. Thank you. @hycniejsy Thank you for setting me on the right track for my journey!
  8. Thank you for stating what is obviously true to almost everyone, but what I had forgotten @Random. I look up to you, because this is the kind of logic and way of thinking I want to have.
  9. @Random @Schwing @Cam Adair @hycniejsy Thank you for helping me. Here is my daily journal: Daily journal: Banana edition. I've already made my first post.
  10. DAY_0 Hey I have already posted my story in the Introductions subforum. I don't know what else to write here, so I'll just link it: This is me. Tomorrow (February 1st) is day 1 of this journal and my 90 days detox. My immediate commitments: 1. I commit to 90 days without games. Even though I want to quit gaming permanently. As hycniejsy said in the mentioned topic: "You need a solid fundament if you want to quit playing video games." 2. I will keep a daily journal of my experiences and thoughts. I will be honest. I will post there at least once a day for the next 30 days and will keep the journal updated regularly thereafter. I will start my daily journal with the guidance of the Respawn guide. (I have purchased Respawn quite a while ago and followed it vaguely. Now I'll actually do the things it suggests, like posting my reasons to stop gaming on the forum. Especially so I actually think about the things I do and don't do.) I obviously don't want to mindlessly browse, but I don't really know how to make a commitment out of that. What is acceptable and what isn't, according to you? Below are the action steps of Respawn's first chapter. Am I doing this right? REASONS I PLAYED GAMES Video games gave me a false sense of purpose. They also gave me a way to incorrectly tell myself that I was actively doing something (with my life), while instead I was just passively feeding on entertainment (League of legends but also Youtube etc.) and the addictive nature of games (Cam's 4 reasons). Living passively in front of screens is what I've become accustomed to. REASONS I WANT TO QUIT - At the moment I am enrolled at a university for computer science. I want to study this successfully and get a bachelor's degree. - My sleeping schedule is all over the place/day and very irregular. I want to be able to go to sleep in the evening and wake up in time for classes etc. I basically want to get a sleeping schedule - I want to increase my energy, my will power, and my self image in general. (To do this I must increase my sleeping habits, my eating habits, my workout/physical activity habits and make sure I actually have contact with human beings.) - I want to take time to do things. Instead of going back to using the pc, I want to be able to just pick up that book I have started to read but have never touched again. EMOTIONS I’M FEELING Nothing. Okay, I am a bit scared. I'm scared of not being able to 'do life', if that makes sense. I'm scared of underperforming. I guess it is because of the those same reasons that I almost never studied or even tried for tests and exams until last week (exams are ongoing at the moment): because I didn't want to underperform. I don't want to fail (again). But I guess not wanting to fail is okay. If you read this far, thank you for taking the time and thus adding something positive to my life <3
  11. I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier, but I had an exam yesterday for which I wanted to study. I failed anyways, mostly because I was exhausted at the time of the exam because of a lack of sleep and a bad sleep cycle. Also: What is the point of even trying / living if you can't even wake up in the morning. This is a huge problem for me.
  12. Hey Thank you for reading my post and thank you for your advice. After reading your replies, watching some Game Quitters videos and thinking a bit, I've decided to quit gaming (again). I have tried to quit gaming permanently in the past, but I have always relapsed. This time I'll In order to do that I need to do some things differently I will keep a daily journal of my experiences and thoughts. I will be honest. I will post there at least once a day for the next 30 days. I will start my daily journal sometime during the next 24 hours and with the guidance of the Respawn guide. (I have purchased Respawn quite a while ago and followed it vaguely. Now I'll actually do the things it suggests, like posting my reasons to stop gaming on the forum.Especially so I actually think about the things I do and not do.) I guess this the last post I'll make here? I'll start a journal today, and start the counter February first. One thing that needs the most attention, is my life style. Apart from gaming, I sleep 5 hours during the afternoon, eat only sometimes, and almost only bread with peanut butter. Now for example, I feel exhausted, though I have done nothing today/tonight. I have woken up at 19:00 o clock and have been awake until now, 7:00 in the morning. I have been sitting in front of the computer watching youtube, downloaded series and browsing internet. I have only eaten a kebab at about 22:30. (Okay I'm probably just hungry, shops open soon so I can go by stuff.) Can you possibly help me with that? I should probably mention that: 1 I live in a dorm room and my parents pay all my expenses. That said I have almost no contact with the other students here. 2 I have been tested psychologically (because I myself suspected I have autism, mostly to be able to clarify the awful way I live) very recently, and will receive the the outcome / diagnosis of that shortly, somewhere during the next few weeks. I already have a therapist which I have been seeing for over half a year. I'll link to the journal as soon as I start it.
  13. Hey After seeing this reddit post linked by Cam Adair on Facebook, I finally decided to write down my own story; Because telling strangers about myself may help me. This is just an unstructured, unplanned summary of my thoughts. 'The plan' is to continue my personal development after posting this by following Game Quitters' guidance. I used quotation marks because I can't remember the last time i actually executed a plan. But then again, I am convinced I have a terrible memory. I am 18 years old. I have been a member of Game Quitters since october 2015. Since then, I have had a Skype conversation with Cam in january 2016. Shortly after, I quit university, where i had started my first year in civil engineering in september 2015. I quit university because i didn't study, attend the classes or attend the exams. Instead I sat in front of my computer the entire day. I searched for a job and worked a bit. I decided I wanted to retry studying next academic year, starting semptember 2016. I decided I wanted to study either the bachelor of arts for piano at a certain conservatory, where I passed the entrance exam, or computer science at the university. I choose for computer science. I am still at least a bit doubtful about that decision. I choose computer science because I interacted more with computers than the piano, but I didn't really use them productively. The exams started last week. I study a bit. Not everyday, and I can only get myself to study in study halls organised by my university. What to I do the entire day/night? I sit in front of the computer; I watch Youtube and Netflix, I torrent movies and series, I visit sites such as 9gag and I game a lot. I almost only play one game: League of Legends. It seems that I pass my time using the computer in ways that are not mentally/intellectually challenging. I had learned LoL suffiently in the past to be able to play it, but I never improved during all the hours spent. I may be more addicted to screens/computers/the internet/the nonpersistent relaxing feeling of doing nothing challenging, than to the games themselves. There are other things I want to do, like learning to program (for which I am in the right place), reading sciencefiction books like 1984 and the Foundation series, and even play piano. I decided to completely stop playing piano when i decided I wouldn't study piano. Now I miss it, but I don't have the will power to walk the 300 meters or less to the place at my university. Actually I won't even remember that option, most likely because my thoughts are so stuck to the pc. I have almost no friends. One friend I have has many better friends than me, and only contacts me because he wants to help me get a hold on my life. He was the one that got me to go to the university's study halls/libraries. That's what good friends do I guess, but it is sad that we don't do anything together. The other friend also games but never contacts me. I almost never contact him. He has better friends. We do almost nothing together. My parents got me a student room at a residency of my university this year for the first time, after what happened last year. I guess because they want me to make have more social contact with other people and to do more, as I have to buy stuff, do the laundry etc. myself. My sleep schedule is terrible. At the moment I go to sleep at 11:30 am and wake up at 5:30 pm (17:30). My eating habbits are terrible, sometimes I only eat bread with peanut butter for a few days. During many 'days' I don't speak with any real person and spend more than 13 hours using the pc. I have the tendency to feel like there is so much wrong, that there is no point trying to improve, because after improving one thing, I'll still have my entire life of problems (minus that one likely insignificant thing). Many people say I am smart and have great potential, and I skipped a class in primary school, but I can't seem to use what I have (that's how others say it). Thank you for reading this far. If you did, I don't expect a response. In fact I don't expect anything, as it seems unfair to expect more from others than yourself. I have the feeling people hate me for the way I am, and I tend to agree, I do live like an idiot, with no sense of purpose or direction.
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