Jump to content

Listen to Cam and James Discuss eSports In Episode 2 of Gaming the System!

Sign in to follow this  
destoroyah

AAAAAAARGH!

Recommended Posts

... I want to quit.

Hi,

I'm 30, a student in engineering *still*. Almost done there, but for the final sprint, I need to get rid of gaming.

I've been playing videogames since my drunk mom forgot me in front of the NES as a 5 year old. Sure I've had problems all over, but I'm not here for those. I was never mobbed, I could stand up for myself, I've been a "cool kid" and I like listening to Slayer. I've been addicted to many things, alcohol, weed, cigarettes, sex, coca cola and a "sloth" lifestyle. I have managed to kill all my addictions in the past 5 years, pick up sports and a healthy lifestyle. It has been a real crusade, it has been very painful and there was no one there to say "wow great job!", no... I've been fighting all that all by myself and the only reward was that my heart rate got slower and slower, from calamity to calmity. Now i feel at peace with myself, with my body, and now i have the strength to quit gaming.

It has always been a part of me. Everything I do serves the purpose of gaming and I do it with passion and pride. I love olschool games just as much as the new school. I dig every pixel, I can feel chiptunes in my sack, I've been in the "zone" a million times and i love that splice of a second that determines life from death in a video game. That determination to succeed after the hundredth time of failing. It has always been there for me and i must say, it's not all bad. I have no regrets having spent my life like this and I dare say that gaming has saved my psychological integrity a thousand times. Now I need to quit though, and it's really sad, because i have been gaming pretty much since i started walking (or something like that), it's not just an addiction it's part of me. I am really unsure what this will do to me. I have this ominous premonition that my whole life could collapse.

My war with addictions has been a pretty successful one, i may not be very free-willed or free-spirited, but I have always been very thorough, relentless and disciplined in my endeavors. Partly because I could hide in videogames. Death, to me, is an opportunity to grow - to set things straight. Sometimes you need a tabula rasa, a drastic change that will throw the world as you know it overboard in order to progress in life. May that progress be spiritual, physical or socially/career related. I'm hoping to achieve this. I see no other way to progress than to quit gaming. It is the only obvious flaw I have left to fix, the only space where i can put something new and good, and it's the biggest space of them all. I have been hiding away from the fact for 25 years now, and i really don't know what to do with the time.

Writing here is only a way to pass that time. I have uninstalled all my games on steam, but... that's more symbolic really. I'm surrounded by videogames! I have multiple PCs to game on and consoles. Handhelds. Everything in my room is related to videogames in some form. I should sell it all, and maybe I will someday, but the problem would remain, because in this world you NEED a PC to work properly, and I have spent all my life discovering and perfecting new platforms to install videogames on. So as long as i have a PC or a toaster, I will have the possibility to game.

I will throw all my handhelds in a cardboard box once I'm done here, and at least hide all my games in some drawers to get it out of sight, but in the end, i will always have the possibility to game. And if it would be a freaking 386!!

The biggest problem for me will be finding alternative hobbies. I've ventured through some alternatives in the past (I've been passively and sometimes even actively seeking something better than gaming all my life) but none of them captured me. They just aren't as engaging. Sure, reading a book is fun and all, but... I get bored so fast. Social contacts bore me. the people I see seem to be more interested in smartphones - in fact this new rising smartphone shit kind of makes me feel proud to be playing 3DS! Pathetic!.. but I shouldn't judge them, I got my own problems.

Just thinking about quitting gives me withdrawal symptoms. I can feel my brain shaking. Shit! I want to play Castlevania I on NES! or or.... Super Hang-On, damn! I love those arcade titles, just for 5 minutes. Just 1 Life, just one try, one lap, one level, one quest until the next cutscene...

I hope I can compensate my meltdown. I hope I find something to do. I have enough chores and work... but... I'm not quitting for them. I'm quitting because I've gone through so much and this is the last trophy I need to become the person I should be. Pathetic, yea. But currently I have no more than that, because gaming has been with me for so long, I can't even imagine what it's like without. There is no time to remember without games. Not a single week. Just my imagination will have to hold up as a goal. I hope that's enough...

Sheesh, that was some Wall of Text. I don't see much point in posting this really, writing is what counts, I might as well delete it... but whatever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey welcome to the forums.

I am also an engineering student who is in his final semester (also I am a "youngster" with my age of almost 27). Many people here made the experience that after quitting gaming these "boring" and not engaging hobby's was was more fun adn fullfilling then they thought. My theory is that if we play videogames for too long we get used to hyperstimulation. We get used to it like it also happens with drugs or salt over time. Thats why awesome things like social contact and reading can feel boring at first. They jsut don't stimulate the brain in the same intensity. That's why it is called 90day detox and not 90days break of gaming. I would really advice you to go for it. It helped me personally a lot and I am now game free for over 8months. I of course still have my problems but I have the feeling that I am in control of my life again which is an awesome.

The thing which helped me the most at this progress to a gamefreelife was to journal here daily and read a lot of other peoples storys. It helps a lot if you see how other manage their struggles and that you are not alone in this fight.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks.

Yea I'm at it, currently throwing all my consoles in the deepest darkest corner of my room to get them out of sight - out of mind.

EDIT: I'm running out of space!! *@$%##!!! I'll need to restructure my shelves completely.

Edited by destoroyah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright. I can't think of anyone who would fit that role IRL, I think it'd be best if it was someone I don't know.

So I'll ask this:

 

Anyone have the time, interest and altruism to be my accountability buddy?

-I'm a resourceful guy in return, I might have some skills you lack.

-I'd prefer E-Mail as form of contact.

-You should be at least 20 y.o., I don't care much for gender, religion or ethnicity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand. I've found someone now, so no need.

Worked out well, managed to free a lot of space! Now there's nothing video game related visible in my room, apart from an old GTA III poster and an "Dungeon Keeper" disc cover. I hope they won't persuade me to play again!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...