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Ok, I'm up after my *uck it session last night and I "want" to game asap. I know this is a problem when the enjoyment is all but gone. Luckily my system is a laptop so I can store it away, it's not constantly tempting me like a desktop would. 

I need to create a new resume, I'm looking to get a job in the immerging cannabis industry here in Canada. I've been a medical user of cannabis for a while and it helps out quite a bit. Much like others here depression, anxiety and insomnia plague me constantly. I've gone to places like CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) here and they wanted me to join a pornography support group since I was too old for the computer addiction group, that made me feel even worse like I should have grown out of this by now. 

Need to get back to exercise. I suffered a real bad illness/injury early last year that knocked me out of my old profession and probably contributed to this current excessive usage gaming situation. I love martial arts however my neck can't really take much stress so I need to find alternatives. 

I also need to do my taxes, ugh. I'm like 9 years behind, Revenue Canada is going to have a field day once I submit my stuff. 

I feel sad like I've lost time from procrastination and gaming but hopefully that changes in the next little while. I hope to be able to get full time employment and other hobbies back up and running so I'm not drawn to gaming as constant as I am currently. 

Feel free to jump in and comment, I'll be lurking on here and trying to contribute as well to others when I feel like it. 

It's crazy how powerful the urge to play is, that biology information on dopamine and neural patterns has to be happening to me. It's going to be a rough few days I can feel it. 

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Other than maintaining your daily journal, another good place to start is by reading the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. It will help you embrace the idea of how it's the small things you do every day that add up to progress over time. So you have a lot of good direction right now, things you need and want to do, and it's chipping away a little bit each day where you'll see progress happen over time. Keep posting and hanging out here, you'll find a lot of support.

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Thanks guys, didn't get to my resume today because I was too nervous to get on the computer and waste the day. Tomorrow hopefully I get out of the house for some work. Definitely going to check out that book suggestion Cam. 

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Firstly, congratulations on writing down your thoughts :)

Something I noticed was you used "need" a couple times. Something that might help with getting some motivation or desire to do them is this. Try to frame the activity in a way that makes it a "I want to do X".

Take exercise for example. Look at what the things you enjoy about it and decide whether it's enough for you to want to do. Do you want to be fit? Do you want to feel happier? Do you want to say "I can do this" and be proud of that?
Saying you need to do something takes away your preferences and your power. If you say you want to do it, it gives you the power.

Edited by Rubiroo
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Spent all day pretty much in bed, physically just drained. Started off with a positive attitude but it detoriated quite quickly. I know it will get better but the physical drain coming off gaming is unreal. 

Hoping to get out of the house for dinner and clear my head of the fog that seems to have settled in this morning. 

@Rubiroo you are right, taking more ownership of my wants will make it more concrete. Thanks for sharing that. 

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Spent all day pretty much in bed, physically just drained. Started off with a positive attitude but it detoriated quite quickly. I know it will get better but the physical drain coming off gaming is unreal. 

Hoping to get out of the house for dinner and clear my head of the fog that seems to have settled in this morning. 

@Rubiroo you are right, taking more ownership of my wants will make it more concrete. Thanks for sharing that. 

Sounds like your journey is taking a toll on you. Do you feel anything new going on? Feel like expressing anything?

I gotta say. If I'm feeling something intense and have trouble processing it, I tend to go for big walks.

You're welcome friend :)

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Today was better, completed studying for a 2 day course which starts tomorrow. That should really help with mental stimulation. I was proud of myself last night, my good gaming friend went on Arma and I was seriously tempted to join him and the gang but I thought "that won't help what I'm trying to accomplish" and went back to reading The Slight Edge. 

@Rubiroo I've experienced the physical pain of depression before, it's literally like my body aches from the withdrawal. No massive changes but hopefully getting out the next few days should get my energies moving in the right direction. 

I am thankful for this community, Cam's direct help, and my wife. 

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Awesome day today, scored 100% on both my practical and theory components. Even traffic wasn't bad on my way home which is insane driving down Canada's biggest highway during rush hour. 

Apparently as well this is Blue Monday the most depressing day of the year, not this time! 

If tomorrow rolls like today I'm laughing, onwards and upwards! 

I'm thankful for learning, Timbits and water. 

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Should be recording my days, day 5.

Didn't get a chance to update yesterday, successfully completed my course 100% again. Was a really great day, a little more tired than usual but must have been from the much busier day 1. 

Now we'll see how the rest of the week plays out, especially today and tomorrow where I have variable schedules. Need to drop off my passport stuff, sorry I will be dropping off my passport stuff today. 

I'm thankful for great teachers, fajitas and dogs. 

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Day 6, and I am typing on my gaming laptop...  big, BIG step for me.  Honestly I don't want to game, I mean I do but that crazy urge from the weekend seems to have subsided.  Steam is still installed, it started updating some games when I logged in...  I just closed it.  This is giving me tremendous hope that I can overcome and be in control of if and when I game again but I will wait the 90 days to be sure that I AM in control and I call the shots not some bullshit craving.

@Reno F you are correct, I am planning on filling up my schedule with positive things...  idle hands are the devils workshop.

Also I have been in contact with some problem gaming services in my area which sound very promising, all in all I am seeing a big light at the end of the tunnel.

I am thankful for airsoft, willpower and family.

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Welp was pulled into a game today, limited my time to 2 hours which is a partial victory but none the less a relapse.  Not sure where I go from here but tomorrow I have a full day of work so I'll be unable to play.

Work in progress.

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Welp was pulled into a game today, limited my time to 2 hours which is a partial victory but none the less a relapse.  Not sure where I go from here but tomorrow I have a full day of work so I'll be unable to play.

What happened to cause you to play?

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@Cam Adair I was really angry at a project I was doing, making a mess and not working out like how I wanted it to.  I went to my phone and saw my friend streaming and he noticed me and asked a question about the game he was in towards me.  I then simply logged in and joined them for a few hours at that point.  Honestly it did help calm me down and I was proud to only be on for 2 hours but it was a relapse.

Yesterday due to work I was unable to play, today however is a different story.

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@Cam Adair I was really angry at a project I was doing, making a mess and not working out like how I wanted it to.  I went to my phone and saw my friend streaming and he noticed me and asked a question about the game he was in towards me.  I then simply logged in and joined them for a few hours at that point.  Honestly it did help calm me down and I was proud to only be on for 2 hours but it was a relapse.

Yesterday due to work I was unable to play, today however is a different story.

Ok cool, so next time you feel stressed, how can you respond instead of using games? A few videos that can help:

How To Deal With Stress Without Gaming
How to Stop Agonizing over the Little Things
How to Overcome Escapism
How to Relax Without Playing Video Games

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