Alkan's Journal

[Alkan]

I fell into internet addiction after this depressive episode without really realizing it. I'm hereby instating a 1 week break from the internet, and I'm going to start implementing breaks from the internet since you cannot really "fully unplug." So, if I notice I'm doing frivolous activities outside of times set aside for that, I'm going to cut myself off for a week to interrupt the habit loops and keep healthier ones in place.

Good job catching yourself when you did. 

We all fail all the time at different things.

Not worrying about it and just choosing to move forward makes it easier.

[Alkan]

I still haven't seen someone about getting a diagnosis with ADHD, but it's now getting to the point where it's painful.

I still meditate most days, and while it's helped my focus somewhat, it has more or less made me more aware of my problem.

I've had a few episodes of emotional detachment/numbness. What I'm noticing with meditation is that when I try to activate the sensation and feeling of focus, it feels numb in the same way! It's like I'll try to activate the feeling of concentration, which, sometimes I can simply do depending on the day, and then it's just not there. And, that can feel very uncomfortable, like any other form of numbness is.

While this sensation is uncomfortable, it also kind of gives me a hint that I might actually be able to use meditation to learn to "melt the ice" around the part of the brain that allows me to focus, without drugs.

[Alkan]

I think, if, the goal of each day is to maintain and improve your mental functioning in some way, you're going to do significantly better in the long term.

Essentially, it's in applying concepts of neuroplasticity and learning to everything you do, in order to master something.

[Mad Pharmacist]

Well, ADHD is not the end of the world!

To be honest, you should be more engaged into sports to deal with it. Try to find any sport that engages physical activity like swimming, running or surfing, just like @Cam Adair

This will help you much more than dangerous meditation. Trust me, I tried meditation once I felt like I'll die.

Anyways, give me at least one physical activity you're gonna do to deal with ADHD.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Alkan]

Meditation has helped me. I just got depressed and out of routine, so the practice kind of stopped.