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Ridingsplosh

Ridingsplosh's Journal

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Starting your day off well in the morning is huge for your momentum for the rest of the day. Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod is a great book on the subject.

I've read that a long time ago, but will check it out again. 

 

Day 23

I kinda struggled with nofap, but I've been avoiding successfully porn so this actually still counts as progress. Still going without any gaming, and I am starting to miss it sometimes and getting nostalgic feelings. Indeed, the biggest struggle is the time lost in the mornings, as well as the evening. For the evening, I am so exhausted from the day that it is really hard to do any work, or get a new hobby for example. Instead I go online being idle usually. 

 

Haven't been doing well with my eating since Monday. Struggling to find  the motivation to cook regularly. I want to increase my intake of vegetables as I noticed it gave me energy as well as eating more natural foods. I made a list of recipes a week ago, but have been unable to follow up.

 

 

 

 

 

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Starting your day off well in the morning is huge for your momentum for the rest of the day. Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod is a great book on the subject.

I've read that a long time ago, but will check it out again. 

But did you implement it? ;) 

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Starting your day off well in the morning is huge for your momentum for the rest of the day. Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod is a great book on the subject.

I've read that a long time ago, but will check it out again. 

But did you implement it? ;) 

 

Hehe, nope. I only did reading and meditation though. Kind of sad that I stopped doing these habits. They helped so much to fill my idle time, and I remember that it translated to all other activities. I definitely need more positive thinking as well. I find myself many times seeing the negative in most situations and in a way trying to protect myself from the negatives. I think by being more positive I might be able to start seeing more opportunities in each situation, which will help me improve myself more. I think Hal Elrod's suggestion for affirmations will help greatly. I remember long time ago reading Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. I might remember it wrongly since it was a long time ago, but I think he said that people who think positively are further in their careers? This is because they see the opportunities in each situation, rather than the consequences so much.  

 

Btw, sorry for my english. I am a bit in a hurry writing this. 

 

Day 32

 

It has been hard to be consistent with writing in my journal. I had a very busy week, and I realized next year will be more financially difficult for me because my school's fees will be a lot higher. I am looking to start working very soon to bring some money. I am thinking of combining part-time work with full-time college. Hopefully this will work out. 

 

I haven't been gaming at all, but I watched some speedruns of singleplayer games on youtube. I felt a bit triggered and I had some urges to start gaming again. Feeling nostalgic sometimes to old single-player games, like Htiman, Star Wars, Freedom Fighters. 

 

I am doing Nofap detox, which includes noporn and nofap. It has been quite hard, and I could only manage to avoid porn so far, with fapping only done about once a week. Longer than that it just takes a lot of willpower and energy for me to avoid completely

 

I've been quite productive though, more than I have ever been. Some days it is too hard to wake up on time without snoozing, unless I have class or an appointment earlier in the morning. I haven't been eating healthy much as well. Too many sandwiches, the ham and cheese kinds. Hard to find the discipline to cook for myself, even though I already have a list of recipes that I want to try. 

 

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So, I haven't posted here since January. I relapsed only once, and that was last week. I don't remember gaming since then and I never counted my streak, so I assume it's been about 5 months! I intended to game for no more than 1 hour a few days ago, but that escalated to a lot more. This is not the fist time I learned that I cannot moderate gaming, so I will avoid this in the future. I am also not allowing myself to access any time-wasting websites like youtube, as well as the discord. I have been spending 20 hours per week avarage on those sites. I am aiming to do this for at least one week, but I think I will do it for longer - maybe a month. It's just been many months since I haven't accessed sites like youtube, and I am too paranoid that it would be extremely hard. Most likely I will have withdrawal symptoms and feel extreme boredom. I need to listen to music (related to school) so I will use Spotify, instead of youtube. I can also go to school instead and use the computers if there is something important.

 

I want to start a few new small habits, which would really help fill up all my idle time. I will start with reading 10 pages of a book a day;10 minutes of meditation; about 3 hours daily looking for a job; 4 hours of piano practice. I am not sure what to do with the rest of the time, so I will spend the time with a pen and paper brainstorming some goals I would want to do! 

 

I aim to write here as a daily habit and I think it would help me build better awareness. I will probably just keep each entry concise.

Edited by Ridingsplosh

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I'm glad you are starting to form some new healthy habits, I'm planning on some like those too! I wish you luck in overcoming the old ones, since they are always hard to break.

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Thanks for the replies guys! :) I haven't spent any time on time-wasting websites, and I really felt the absence of them even after just a few hours. I just felt extreme boredom, and was a bit grumpy too. My appetite was quite low yesterday and barely ate, but what I cooked was healthy (a new habit I've been changing) and vegan. In the evening instead of spending 3-4 hours on the usual 2 tabs of youtube and discord, I downloaded a couple of albums to listen but became bored quite quickly. I couldn't get my mind to start on anything useful because I was restless and my mind was wandering all the time. 

 

I didn't even have the motivation to read or meditate. I will try to do those habits this evening, because I think I am too bored by anything else, and I am not allowing to surf the net as usual.

 

Sleep was a bit shitty too. I was aiming to go to bed at no later than 1am, but did it later as I had too much energy and I think I didn't even hear my alarm this morning because I was sleeping deeply and dreaming vividly. What I want to do to fix this is wake up no matter what, even if I have a bad sleep or am feeling tired. The important thing is to establish a healthy habit of waking up at the same time. 

 

Had a somewhat good piano practice. My breaks were a bit too long, but at the end I think I was quite productive as I feel completely drained from this now and can't continue. I will use the evening hours to look for a job and fix up some things on my to-do list, as well as write down some long-term goals

Edited by Ridingsplosh

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You really need to work on your sleep schedule. Check on the web how long it should be, I remember that it is a multiplicity of x hours. If you suffer from too much free time, try to learn some new language perhaps. I think you won't be feeling this much boredom when you get used to a new habit of not wasting time. Good progress so far, keep it going!

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I didn't write last night as I was have some risks with friends. My experience without surfing the net is just a bit dreadful. I feel extremely bored all the time, and sometimes probably less productive as I lost motivation since quitting everything. I already have tasks to do, but I just can't get my mind to start easily and focus for extended periods. I also feel a lot lonelier as I miss the social aspect of discord and everything else.

 

Yesterday, I didn't do much stuff but I was hung up on reading about nutrition - exploring a few different diets, as well as some other materials on lifestyle I've saved randomly. For some reason, reading about food and cooking is a bit addictive but not much useful a lot of the time. I am reading short articles and reading comments, instead of reading books written by doctors. 

 

Sleep is shit once again. I think I just don't care about waking up earlier as I don't have anything too urgent to work on. As I had some drinks with friends last night, I went to bed at 4am and woke up at about 10. I will try to change this.

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You really need to work on your sleep schedule. Check on the web how long it should be, I remember that it is a multiplicity of x hours. If you suffer from too much free time, try to learn some new language perhaps. I think you won't be feeling this much boredom when you get used to a new habit of not wasting time. Good progress so far, keep it going!

Yes, I know how much I should be sleeping, just need the discipline to be consistent and I planned to do some stuff in the idle time. I just find everything boring if it's not the internet.. just thinking about reading or meditation makes me bored. Lol

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As far as I remember you used to spent a lot of time on the net. So I can assume that you were addicted to mindless browsing, and you've stopped doing that a few days ago. Wich means that you're detoxing from it, and one of the most common withdrawal symptoms is boredom. You're not the only one who feels like that, same stuff happens to me. With time it will pass, it always does. You just have to find a way how to fill the free time with something.
About motivation, I can tell you  something about it. Fuck it. FUCK IT. FUCK THAT SHIT. IT'S BULLSHIT. I'll quote Cam " We don't focus on fucking motivation, if you're focused on finding motivation, you're already lost. Motivation does not come  from some inspirational video, it does not come  from just some magic fucking "you woke up in the morning and you feel motivated". Motivation comes from action. Motivation comes from you getting up and pushing through  that lack of motivation." So don't  wait for the motivation to come, as our fellow discorder LT yu says, "Just do it".

 

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As far as I remember you used to spent a lot of time on the net. So I can assume that you were addicted to mindless browsing, and you've stopped doing that a few days ago. Wich means that you're detoxing from it, and one of the most common withdrawal symptoms is boredom. You're not the only one who feels like that, same stuff happens to me. With time it will pass, it always does. You just have to find a way how to fill the free time with something.
About motivation, I can tell you  something about it. Fuck it. FUCK IT. FUCK THAT SHIT. IT'S BULLSHIT. I'll quote Cam " We don't focus on fucking motivation, if you're focused on finding motivation, you're already lost. Motivation does not come  from some inspirational video, it does not come  from just some magic fucking "you woke up in the morning and you feel motivated". Motivation comes from action. Motivation comes from you getting up and pushing through  that lack of motivation." So don't  wait for the motivation to come, as our fellow discorder LT yu says, "Just do it".

 

Thanks for your input, bro. Yeah I guess it is probably normal to feel like this, as I've been addicted to internet for such a long time. I should take action no matter how I feel, even if I feel terrible. That's easier said than done but I need to learn how to shut off the emotional part of the brain and remember that my subconscious doesn't necessarily want me to change at first and I am the one responsible to make that happen. 

 

I will wake up tomorrow on time, even if I don't feel like it or even if I had a shitty or sleepless night. I will get accustomed to this eventually, just the first couple of nights would be difficult. 

 

On a side note, I think I am in danger with swapping my addiction to youtube and discord with other forms of procrastination and I should be aware of those. An example would be watching too much anime or listening to the same music while not doing anything productive. I certainly had an experience now and in the past, of spending a few hours of looking at too much cooking recipes and blogs. I am making a mental note to do those in moderation and would rather write down a few recipes and cook them myself. I think I remember reading an article on reddit, about keeping the consuming to producing ratio of a skill to  only 1:5. 

 

Also, I will make an effort to not spend too much time on tasks/activities that are low value or priority. My mind may be rationalizing that this is OK as it is productive, but can still be considered a form of procrastination. 

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OK another day... I managed to wake up on time today - something I haven't done for the past 2 weeks lmao. I felt like a zombie in the morning but I was better within 2 hours after I woke up. I also meditated for 10 minutes the night before and read about 4 pages of a book (haven't been doing this habit for a long time). I was only semi-productive throughout the day, though better than other days. Feeling tired now.

 

Eating hasn't been too good past 2 days, and gonna change that. I think I will allow myself a bit of access to youtube and discord very soon. I just don't aim to cut off everything and it feels weird. I am going to establish how much time I will spend weekly. It used to be about 20 hours on avarage according to RescueTime, and I aim to set it really low - maybe only allow 5 hours per week or less. That's 1 hours per day, 5 days a week. 

 

Not sure exactly what diet I want to stick to.. I don't know if I want to do low-carb high-fat omni, or high-carb low-fat vegan, or a balanced approac. Being vegan seems a lot cheaper, but I really miss the nice feeling of eating meat. 

 

 

Edited by Ridingsplosh

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Man, I wouldn't recommend you doing that. Don't give up too soon, it's only the start. The reason why you've quit is that you couldn't moderate it.
Take a look at LT Yu, I see him on the Discord chat like less than 10mins per week. He's trying to get control over his life and it's working for him. You too can have a fulfilling life, but you have to work for it. When it comes to feeling lonely because of not using Discord. I fully understand you. That's the reason why I've been holding to it for so long. But when it comes too you having a fulfilling life ( having/doing everything you ever wanted)   vs. Discord ( dropping memes, useless conversations) I think you should choose the first one. Like I've said before the chat is not going to disappear.

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I agree with you on that, bro. I just don't want to go back to my old habits. I just checked what's going on today on discord since I only set ColdTurkey to block for 5 days. Tbh, I think I am glad I didn't go there past couple of days. Nothing too much has changed in the chats and it took me about 10 minutes to read about the semi-useful stuff. LT-yu posted some of the self-improvement memes but I already had those saved on my pc from the past lmao. 

 

I would really rather work on myself than using the internet. Probably going to check in once in a while there on discord to tell how my progress has been. Going without those is getting easier now and just realizing how boring it is and I was merely wasting my time there for comfort.

 

Man, I wouldn't recommend you doing that. Don't give up too soon, it's only the start. The reason why you've quit is that you couldn't moderate it.
Take a look at LT Yu, I see him on the Discord chat like less than 10mins per week. He's trying to get control over his life and it's working for him. You too can have a fulfilling life, but you have to work for it. When it comes to feeling lonely because of not using Discord. I fully understand you. That's the reason why I've been holding to it for so long. But when it comes too you having a fulfilling life ( having/doing everything you ever wanted)   vs. Discord ( dropping memes, useless conversations) I think you should choose the first one. Like I've said before the chat is not going to disappear.

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So I spent almost no time on youtube and discord but I think I might be just substituting with low-value activities that are not too engaging and that I could be spending my time in much better ways. I am thinking carefully if listening to pop music is really beneficial at all. I think it is only an empty pleasure. Also reading on cooking blogs, or news and opinions on politics could also be considered a waste of time. 

 

Instead, a more beneficial alternative wold be swapping any passive activity with reading high-quality books, and introducing 1 or 2 hobbies that don't involve a computer. I think the offline hobbies are particularly important, as it would be helpful to avoid binging on the internet. 

 

 

Edited by Ridingsplosh
grammar mistakes

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Yeah, the whole point of having engaging hobbies after giving up on gaming is that you have something to do with all your newfound free time and also so you stay away from the computer and don't even think about it when busy with other activities, since it is a source of games. Well, the same goes for smartphones and consoles.

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Yesterday I am not sure how my time went, but it wasn't spent on the things that matter but rather on stuff that or not needed. I ruined my sleeping schedule again - I went to bed at 3am and woke up at 11. I spent the last whole evening chatting in the stopgaming discord chat, as it was unusually active.  The chat wasn't useless though. It was supportive to an extent and a lot more intelligent than posting memes or shitposting. I think it won't happen again from today. 


I haven't really spent any significant time on youtube. What used to be the problem in the past was viewing long gaming-related videos and streams. Now I never do those and it is only occasional diet-related informative videos or sometimes important news. Also music videos can be a waste of time, and I am trying to decide if I want to avoid those.

 

I will monitor with RescueTime even if youtube and discord are blocked to see where my time is going, though I know clearly that yesterday's problem was mainly discord and I should consider to block it again as I can't seem to moderate it. It was only spent on the #stopgaming channel, which is a bit unusual. I didn't even had interest to chat so much in the past ..

 

Kinda failed with nofap too, as I peek on porn too much and fap at least 2 times a week usually. I want to go for longer periods. 

 

Edited by Ridingsplosh

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Rescuetime is quite useful. It turns out I spent 3-4 hours on discord each day the past few days after I had my detox. It is really hard to moderate it then. I was a bit deluded and thought I wasn't spending as much and was hard to figure out where my time is going. But rescuetime fixed all this confusion :(

 

it seems the time adds up by doing small bouts of internet throughout the day in my small breaks: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/317317136727015424/326343500574621696/image.png

 

Actually, just did the calculations, and I figured that if I cut out the browsing on the evenings, that's about 2 hours less per day. So really the small bouts of browsing during the day don't add up to too much and my biggest enemy is either the late evenings or early mornings. Though it is still hard to moderate, so I am thinking of going with blocking the sites once again.

 

I messed up my sleeping schedule again, so I will feel quite deprived for the next 2-3 days while I am fixing it back to wake up earlier.

Edited by Ridingsplosh

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